My relationship advice: get an education, date only with an eye toward marriage, marry young (22-27)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should anyone care what your advice is? What are your qualifications?

I have a bachelor’s degree in Family Relationships, a master’s in relationship advice (with a specialization in non-explicit) and am working on a PhD in Adult Children.

[Anonymous]

ITA OP. I did this without having any sort of prior plan to do so. However, finishing law school at 27 (after spending a few years in the workforce so my app was appealing to T15), I married a 29 year old in a different field of work (also important, if you ask me). We had our first a year later. I was a baby lawyer with a baby (which definitely had repercussions but with two incomes it was all good and finally my career came together quite nicely) but we eeked out daycare and a 3/2 house in a reasonable neighborhood.

I now compare myself with my friends who waited to marry and have kids to find that: 1) those who waited to marry ended up settling, 2) those who waited to have kids ended up spending a lot of money on fertility treatments and, for those for whom it worked, they were older parents, 3) those who waited to buy a house ended up getting shut out of even the crap houses in reasonable neighborhoods.

My dad always thought I was jumping the gun and, honestly, I was afraid he was right. But I was on the right side of history with my choices and I’m so happy I wasn’t afraid to jump.

[Anonymous]

I’m in my mid 30s from the mid Atlantic and most people I know who got married before their late 20s are either now divorced or not particularly wealthy as they never focused on their career

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Not everyone is immature and late bloomer. Your kids aren't you, they don't need to live to fix your regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should anyone care what your advice is? What are your qualifications?

I have a bachelor’s degree in Family Relationships, a master’s in relationship advice (with a specialization in non-explicit) and am working on a PhD in Adult Children.

So what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ITA OP. I did this without having any sort of prior plan to do so. However, finishing law school at 27 (after spending a few years in the workforce so my app was appealing to T15), I married a 29 year old in a different field of work (also important, if you ask me). We had our first a year later. I was a baby lawyer with a baby (which definitely had repercussions but with two incomes it was all good and finally my career came together quite nicely) but we eeked out daycare and a 3/2 house in a reasonable neighborhood.

I now compare myself with my friends who waited to marry and have kids to find that: 1) those who waited to marry ended up settling, 2) those who waited to have kids ended up spending a lot of money on fertility treatments and, for those for whom it worked, they were older parents, 3) those who waited to buy a house ended up getting shut out of even the crap houses in reasonable neighborhoods.

My dad always thought I was jumping the gun and, honestly, I was afraid he was right. But I was on the right side of history with my choices and I’m so happy I wasn’t afraid to jump.

I am always baffled by people who think their anecdote is data. It's an anecdote. I'm not going to even bother to type my life story anecdote which negates everything you just said because who cares. It's an anecdote.

[Anonymous]

Marrying young worked well for us but we were quite mature. Most people aren’t.

[Anonymous]

No kids until 30.

However, if kids married their college classmates in their major more often, they’d be well-off. Two CS majors marrying each other would have a $300k+ HHI at 23.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my mid 30s from the mid Atlantic and most people I know who got married before their late 20s are either now divorced or not particularly wealthy as they never focused on their career

I don't see why two med school students or two Harvard grad need to go for your anecdotes. Every circle is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No kids until 30.

However, if kids married their college classmates in their major more often, they’d be well-off. Two CS majors marrying each other would have a $300k+ HHI at 23.

This^. Different people have different timelines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

But that doesn’t give enough to time to get to know your spouse before having kids, unless you also mean no trying for kids until 35.

It's not that hard to get to know a person. I find that the older you are, the faster you get to know a person, partly because you know how to see past bs.

This. And because you know YOURSELF so much better by 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't take five years, and for some things, no amount of time is sufficient, because having kids is such a big life change that nothing before it is predictive.

I completely agree with this.

You really don't know what kind of parent and co-parent someone will be. The best thing that helps is being around people with kids and having conversations about what you observe so you can start to see how the person views the world and behaves in those kinds of situations. Not a whole lot of people doing this 22-27.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should anyone care what your advice is? What are your qualifications?

I have a bachelor’s degree in Family Relationships, a master’s in relationship advice (with a specialization in non-explicit) and am working on a PhD in Adult Children.

Not PP but my most messed up friend is a much accomplished psychiatrist with several failed marriages and kids who doesn't even like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should anyone care what your advice is? What are your qualifications?

I have a bachelor’s degree in Family Relationships, a master’s in relationship advice (with a specialization in non-explicit) and am working on a PhD in Adult Children.

PERFECT

[Anonymous]

Or, you can have your own career, make your own money and choose someone you love rather than someone you expect will be a good provider.