My relationship advice: get an education, date only with an eye toward marriage, marry young (22-27)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

50 is too old! You must retire by 39 so that you can then raise your grandkids.

The good news is that everyone is so young, healthy, wealthy, and beautiful that somehow it all just works out. Just marry when you're 20, get two white collar jobs, and have babies early. Magic presto, all good.

Right? Every 20 something year old will bounce right back after popping out two babies. The 20 something yr old man will be the perfect father and do half of the childcare and housechores and support his wife's career, all while he give hers plenty of time to work on herself, like going to the gym and the salon so she can look pretty for him. Oh, and she will be ready and willing to have sex whenever he demands it.

Yea, it's a perfect life.

LOL

You're projecting, dear. Nobody said 20 years old. The literal title of this thread is 22 to 27, i.e. after both parties have earned their bachelor's degrees and have begun full-time careers and/or professional school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

50 is too old! You must retire by 39 so that you can then raise your grandkids.

The good news is that everyone is so young, healthy, wealthy, and beautiful that somehow it all just works out. Just marry when you're 20, get two white collar jobs, and have babies early. Magic presto, all good.

Right? Every 20 something year old will bounce right back after popping out two babies. The 20 something yr old man will be the perfect father and do half of the childcare and housechores and support his wife's career, all while he give hers plenty of time to work on herself, like going to the gym and the salon so she can look pretty for him. Oh, and she will be ready and willing to have sex whenever he demands it.

Yea, it's a perfect life.

LOL

Yeah I made $100k at 22. I theoretically had six-months of paid maternity leave available to me, but when was I going to use it? I was traveling weekly for work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well this is what I did. Great for wealth building, sure, not so great for realizing after many years that DH has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum. He masked well before we had kids. One of our kids has the same diagnoses. Life is not always easy.

Don't worry lady. According to DCUM every UMC DC DH has ADHD and is on the spectrum. My ex-wife accused me of that so I got myself tested. No ADHD and no Autism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well this is what I did. Great for wealth building, sure, not so great for realizing after many years that DH has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum. He masked well before we had kids. One of our kids has the same diagnoses. Life is not always easy.

Don't worry lady. According to DCUM every UMC DC DH has ADHD and is on the spectrum. My ex-wife accused me of that so I got myself tested. No ADHD and no Autism.

This term is thrown here a lot along with narcissism.

[Anonymous]

This crap again? Good Lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

50 is too old! You must retire by 39 so that you can then raise your grandkids.

The good news is that everyone is so young, healthy, wealthy, and beautiful that somehow it all just works out. Just marry when you're 20, get two white collar jobs, and have babies early. Magic presto, all good.

Right? Every 20 something year old will bounce right back after popping out two babies. The 20 something yr old man will be the perfect father and do half of the childcare and housechores and support his wife's career, all while he give hers plenty of time to work on herself, like going to the gym and the salon so she can look pretty for him. Oh, and she will be ready and willing to have sex whenever he demands it.

Yea, it's a perfect life.

LOL

You're projecting, dear. Nobody said 20 years old. The literal title of this thread is 22 to 27, i.e. after both parties have earned their bachelor's degrees and have begun full-time careers and/or professional school.

First of all, you have reading comprehension issues. Slow down, and read more carefully. I stated "20 something", as in 22 to 27.

Secondly, even at 27, a college grad will just be on the cusp of hitting the upward trajectory of their career. Mid to upper level management are not filled with 27 yr olds. They are filled with 30 something year olds and upwards.

OP's post is fine for people who don't have career aspirations and don't want to do anything else but have kids and a SFH. If that's the kind of life you want, then sure.

But, I have told my teens NOT to get married until they are at least 30 and are financially stable and have savings. Most 20 something yr olds are still rather immature and don't really know what they want until they get closer to 30.

I am 52, and my sisters married in their 20s. Even their kids aren't planning to get serious about marriage until they are closer to 30, and they think that's a good idea. They didn't want their kids getting married at 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

50 is too old! You must retire by 39 so that you can then raise your grandkids.

The good news is that everyone is so young, healthy, wealthy, and beautiful that somehow it all just works out. Just marry when you're 20, get two white collar jobs, and have babies early. Magic presto, all good.

Right? Every 20 something year old will bounce right back after popping out two babies. The 20 something yr old man will be the perfect father and do half of the childcare and housechores and support his wife's career, all while he give hers plenty of time to work on herself, like going to the gym and the salon so she can look pretty for him. Oh, and she will be ready and willing to have sex whenever he demands it.

Yea, it's a perfect life.

LOL

You're projecting, dear. Nobody said 20 years old. The literal title of this thread is 22 to 27, i.e. after both parties have earned their bachelor's degrees and have begun full-time careers and/or professional school.

First of all, you have reading comprehension issues. Slow down, and read more carefully. I stated "20 something", as in 22 to 27.

Secondly, even at 27, a college grad will just be on the cusp of hitting the upward trajectory of their career. Mid to upper level management are not filled with 27 yr olds. They are filled with 30 something year olds and upwards.

OP's post is fine for people who don't have career aspirations and don't want to do anything else but have kids and a SFH. If that's the kind of life you want, then sure.

But, I have told my teens NOT to get married until they are at least 30 and are financially stable and have savings. Most 20 something yr olds are still rather immature and don't really know what they want until they get closer to 30.

I am 52, and my sisters married in their 20s. Even their kids aren't planning to get serious about marriage until they are closer to 30, and they think that's a good idea. They didn't want their kids getting married at 25.

How does getting married contradict having an ambitious career? Not following.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Do you have children yet? A baby at 27 would have changed you and the father, presumably for the better. Most men don't grow up until they have a kid. Women too. In retrospect I was so selfish and immature before my first.

My male cousin was an unemployed loser throughout his 20s. When he got his now wife pregnant at 27, he immediately went back to college (drop out) and enrolled in a nursing school program. 20 years later he makes like $400,000 in hospital administration. The responsibility and pressure of a child forces men and women grow up. All these childless 20 and 30-something men and women suffer from arrested development. It's an epidemic. Traveling, eating out, boozing, and binging on netflix and reality TV makes you shallow, self-absorbed, immature and narrow-minded. We were literally designed to have children in our 20s.

I’m from rural Pa. This is not at all my experience with people having kids in their late teens & early 20s. My sister had a baby at 21 and the father is MIA. She’d tell you it’s one of the biggest regrets of her life.

This thread is on a DC message board, one of the wealthiest and most educated regions in the world. OP was pretty clearly referring to college-educated 22-27 year olds, not flunkies in some podunk town in hollowed out Appalachia. And you know that, so please stop trolling.

I’m aware, I live in Bethesda. The PP said her cousin was an “unemployed loser” and then started making $400,000. That’s completely unrealistic and rare in young pregnancy situations.

I think the point is that it's a bit dangerous to give the advice that having a baby will turn joker men into serious and responsible breadwinners. Recipe for disaster in probably most cases.

[Anonymous]

The best relationship advice is to look at the marital history of your significant other's parents. People who have had parents stay married for long lengths of time have more dedication towards making a marriage work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

50 is too old! You must retire by 39 so that you can then raise your grandkids.

The good news is that everyone is so young, healthy, wealthy, and beautiful that somehow it all just works out. Just marry when you're 20, get two white collar jobs, and have babies early. Magic presto, all good.

Right? Every 20 something year old will bounce right back after popping out two babies. The 20 something yr old man will be the perfect father and do half of the childcare and housechores and support his wife's career, all while he give hers plenty of time to work on herself, like going to the gym and the salon so she can look pretty for him. Oh, and she will be ready and willing to have sex whenever he demands it.

Yea, it's a perfect life.

LOL

You're projecting, dear. Nobody said 20 years old. The literal title of this thread is 22 to 27, i.e. after both parties have earned their bachelor's degrees and have begun full-time careers and/or professional school.

First of all, you have reading comprehension issues. Slow down, and read more carefully. I stated "20 something", as in 22 to 27.

Secondly, even at 27, a college grad will just be on the cusp of hitting the upward trajectory of their career. Mid to upper level management are not filled with 27 yr olds. They are filled with 30 something year olds and upwards.

OP's post is fine for people who don't have career aspirations and don't want to do anything else but have kids and a SFH. If that's the kind of life you want, then sure.

But, I have told my teens NOT to get married until they are at least 30 and are financially stable and have savings. Most 20 something yr olds are still rather immature and don't really know what they want until they get closer to 30.

I am 52, and my sisters married in their 20s. Even their kids aren't planning to get serious about marriage until they are closer to 30, and they think that's a good idea. They didn't want their kids getting married at 25.

How does getting married contradict having an ambitious career? Not following.

Because she's projecting. Girl boss liar who is unmarried and/or childless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best relationship advice is to look at the marital history of your significant other's parents. People who have had parents stay married for long lengths of time have more dedication towards making a marriage work.

My ex-husband's parents were married 40 years, so amazing, and genuinely so in love. My ex-husband was certainly not a chip off the ole block in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young weddings shortly after college are so romantic and gorgeous. Babies in your early or mid 20s, your body bounces back immediately. Young hot parents with two white collar incomes, working from home, quickly buying a nice big house. It ought to be the dream.

no, that's my nightmare. I wanted to travel and do things and build my career.

Why? To what purpose? In PP's dream both have jobs and are doing their career and most likely travel.

And grandparents live next door and even though by this match are probably only 40, luckily they're retired! They can take the kids at any time, anywhere.

The nice thing is you get to live in the city, but als have a horse in your backyard. Everyone has a pony in fact.

Also, you have rich parents so you don't need to worry about college costs or having a huge loan. And we can all retire at 50.

50 is too old! You must retire by 39 so that you can then raise your grandkids.

The good news is that everyone is so young, healthy, wealthy, and beautiful that somehow it all just works out. Just marry when you're 20, get two white collar jobs, and have babies early. Magic presto, all good.

Right? Every 20 something year old will bounce right back after popping out two babies. The 20 something yr old man will be the perfect father and do half of the childcare and housechores and support his wife's career, all while he give hers plenty of time to work on herself, like going to the gym and the salon so she can look pretty for him. Oh, and she will be ready and willing to have sex whenever he demands it.

Yea, it's a perfect life.

LOL

You're projecting, dear. Nobody said 20 years old. The literal title of this thread is 22 to 27, i.e. after both parties have earned their bachelor's degrees and have begun full-time careers and/or professional school.

First of all, you have reading comprehension issues. Slow down, and read more carefully. I stated "20 something", as in 22 to 27.

Secondly, even at 27, a college grad will just be on the cusp of hitting the upward trajectory of their career. Mid to upper level management are not filled with 27 yr olds. They are filled with 30 something year olds and upwards.

OP's post is fine for people who don't have career aspirations and don't want to do anything else but have kids and a SFH. If that's the kind of life you want, then sure.

But, I have told my teens NOT to get married until they are at least 30 and are financially stable and have savings. Most 20 something yr olds are still rather immature and don't really know what they want until they get closer to 30.

I am 52, and my sisters married in their 20s. Even their kids aren't planning to get serious about marriage until they are closer to 30, and they think that's a good idea. They didn't want their kids getting married at 25.

How does getting married contradict having an ambitious career? Not following.

Because she's projecting. Girl boss liar who is unmarried and/or childless.

Showing your true colors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This crap again? Good Lord.

Right? Is this the same poster that says don't get divorced, don't do 50:50 custody if you do? So much "advice" all the time! She must think she's so helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Do you have children yet? A baby at 27 would have changed you and the father, presumably for the better. Most men don't grow up until they have a kid. Women too. In retrospect I was so selfish and immature before my first.

My male cousin was an unemployed loser throughout his 20s. When he got his now wife pregnant at 27, he immediately went back to college (drop out) and enrolled in a nursing school program. 20 years later he makes like $400,000 in hospital administration. The responsibility and pressure of a child forces men and women grow up. All these childless 20 and 30-something men and women suffer from arrested development. It's an epidemic. Traveling, eating out, boozing, and binging on netflix and reality TV makes you shallow, self-absorbed, immature and narrow-minded. We were literally designed to have children in our 20s.

I’m from rural Pa. This is not at all my experience with people having kids in their late teens & early 20s. My sister had a baby at 21 and the father is MIA. She’d tell you it’s one of the biggest regrets of her life.

This thread is on a DC message board, one of the wealthiest and most educated regions in the world. OP was pretty clearly referring to college-educated 22-27 year olds, not flunkies in some podunk town in hollowed out Appalachia. And you know that, so please stop trolling.

I’m aware, I live in Bethesda. The PP said her cousin was an “unemployed loser” and then started making $400,000. That’s completely unrealistic and rare in young pregnancy situations.

No. I'm the PP. He tells everyone that when he heard his g/f (now wife) was pregnant, he went back to university and entered a nursing program. Over TWENTY YEARS LATER he's in hospital administration making $400k. His first job as an RN was more like $40k or 50k. Better income and benefits than the literally $0 he was making 18 months prior. If the g/f doesn't get pregnant he might've never gone back to college and certainly wouldn't have pursued nursing. He admits this. A child is an urgent wake-up call. It makes you look at life and the world differently. And when you don't have a kid in your 20s and early 30s, you're just coasting through life. Indulgent and self-adsorbed.

Brunch granny!

[Anonymous]

My advice is to live a happy youth full of exciting affairs, but also get an education and some career. Then get married around 30 and have one child.
Then life will show the way but either way you won’t be experience super major setbacks