My relationship advice: get an education, date only with an eye toward marriage, marry young (22-27)

[Anonymous]

My best advice is to not follow broad generalizations about an intensesly personal decision based on someone's projection of what others should want.

If you marry early, you gain the advantage of growing together. If you stay single, you gain greater expierence and what is really important to you. Neither of those is always good or bad. Growing together can be limiting for a person both personally and professionally. Greater expierence can be misleading. If you are burned by a cheater, it can make it hard to trust and be vunerable. Even if you have positive expierences, comparision can become the thief of joy. Whoever you marry, they will have faults and drawbacks. If you hold out for A's personality, B's drive, C's bedroom skill, then you may become fairly jaded about the whole process. Or worse, you might really feel like you are settling, which seems like fertile ground to plant some resentment that should grow up nicely when you deal with the mundane struggles of a life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party with this thread but want to chime in and ask: What makes anyone think you can really plan these things??

Nice to have an ideal scenario in your head but you're just lucky if life happens to unfold that way.

I completely agree.
Ironically, I thought it was a bad idea to get married at that age but I did, because I really wanted to marry that man who came along earlier than I had thought he would.
In the end, I am glad for the reason you mention, OP. Your post helped me see that so thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

But that doesn’t give enough to time to get to know your spouse before having kids, unless you also mean no trying for kids until 35.

That’s what I did. Married 24 years with two kids, one at university, the other on his way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best relationship advice is to look at the marital history of your significant other's parents. People who have had parents stay married for long lengths of time have more dedication towards making a marriage work.

I disagree. My dh’s parents have been married 40 years but loathe each other and have for the 13 years we’ve been together. My parents are much better apart and coparented since I was 7. Dedication but misery, no thanks.

[Anonymous]

I married at 36, had three children between 37 and 44. The OP is absolutely right.

If I could rewrite my life (and no one can), I'd spend 20 to 25 living easy, date with intent to marry at 25, marry around 27 and start procreating at 30. It worked out for us due to sheer luck of fertility but I would have liked to be a younger parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married at 36, had three children between 37 and 44. The OP is absolutely right.

If I could rewrite my life (and no one can), I'd spend 20 to 25 living easy, date with intent to marry at 25, marry around 27 and start procreating at 30. It worked out for us due to sheer luck of fertility but I would have liked to be a younger parent.

See, this is honesty. The earlier PP saying she’s an old mom and wouldn’t change a thing is an obvious liar. Probably a single and childless troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married at 36, had three children between 37 and 44. The OP is absolutely right.

If I could rewrite my life (and no one can), I'd spend 20 to 25 living easy, date with intent to marry at 25, marry around 27 and start procreating at 30. It worked out for us due to sheer luck of fertility but I would have liked to be a younger parent.

I hope you don't kiss your husband with those lips!

Joking - but of course the thing is that you can only plan so much. You can date with intention as much as you like - and still either not get married, or marry someone you don't really like being with, or whatever. It's not like it's just *math*. And you see how well these "had to get married because we were the right ages" marriages go - some good, some bad, but it's not like a guarantee of a happy life. It's not even a guarantee of health and wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married at 36, had three children between 37 and 44. The OP is absolutely right.

If I could rewrite my life (and no one can), I'd spend 20 to 25 living easy, date with intent to marry at 25, marry around 27 and start procreating at 30. It worked out for us due to sheer luck of fertility but I would have liked to be a younger parent.

I hope you don't kiss your husband with those lips!

Joking - but of course the thing is that you can only plan so much. You can date with intention as much as you like - and still either not get married, or marry someone you don't really like being with, or whatever. It's not like it's just *math*. And you see how well these "had to get married because we were the right ages" marriages go - some good, some bad, but it's not like a guarantee of a happy life. It's not even a guarantee of health and wealth.

? different people have different opinions about what they want from life. Just because the person doesn't have the same opinion as you, doesn't make them a troll. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party with this thread but want to chime in and ask: What makes anyone think you can really plan these things??

Nice to have an ideal scenario in your head but you're just lucky if life happens to unfold that way.

Binge drinking through college, participating in hookup culture, serial “dating” via apps, birth control, Plan B and abortion are all choices. If you’re serious about finding a good husband and having children in your 20s, you frankly shouldn’t do any of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married at 36, had three children between 37 and 44. The OP is absolutely right.

If I could rewrite my life (and no one can), I'd spend 20 to 25 living easy, date with intent to marry at 25, marry around 27 and start procreating at 30. It worked out for us due to sheer luck of fertility but I would have liked to be a younger parent.

I hope you don't kiss your husband with those lips!

Joking - but of course the thing is that you can only plan so much. You can date with intention as much as you like - and still either not get married, or marry someone you don't really like being with, or whatever. It's not like it's just *math*. And you see how well these "had to get married because we were the right ages" marriages go - some good, some bad, but it's not like a guarantee of a happy life. It's not even a guarantee of health and wealth.

? different people have different opinions about what they want from life. Just because the person doesn't have the same opinion as you, doesn't make them a troll. Get over yourself.

It’s her tone and script. She serial posts here and rephrases the same thing. It’s not the way a mother talks. I believe she’s childless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party with this thread but want to chime in and ask: What makes anyone think you can really plan these things??

Nice to have an ideal scenario in your head but you're just lucky if life happens to unfold that way.

Binge drinking through college, participating in hookup culture, serial “dating” via apps, birth control, Plan B and abortion are all choices. If you’re serious about finding a good husband and having children in your 20s, you frankly shouldn’t do any of those things.

Idiot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AND no kids until you’ve been married for 5 years. Really get your spouses to see if they would make a good parent. Observe them.

The “marry young” part is for mutual wealth building.

Agreed.

My advice for females - get educated in a high paying, in demand, high barrier to entry - major. Start up your career first.

Marriage may not happen in college or with someone you met at college, but you should still date with an eye towards finding the best person to get married to or have a relationship with. How would that work? Women should date (exploratory casual dating) extensively and socialize extensively. In fact, they should not turn down a coffee date most of the time. They should not be pressured into having a sexual relationship with a date. They should not come across as promiscuous, easy, lacking career goals while dating etc. Be respectful and command respect too.

Grad school is where most people find their spouses. The commonalities are - more mature, some work experience, career goals well defined, know what they want.

Agree with not having kids until in your 30s. Make sure that you are 100% sure that you want the person to be the parent of your children.

x1 million

[Anonymous]

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married at 36, had three children between 37 and 44. The OP is absolutely right.

If I could rewrite my life (and no one can), I'd spend 20 to 25 living easy, date with intent to marry at 25, marry around 27 and start procreating at 30. It worked out for us due to sheer luck of fertility but I would have liked to be a younger parent.

I hope you don't kiss your husband with those lips!

Joking - but of course the thing is that you can only plan so much. You can date with intention as much as you like - and still either not get married, or marry someone you don't really like being with, or whatever. It's not like it's just *math*. And you see how well these "had to get married because we were the right ages" marriages go - some good, some bad, but it's not like a guarantee of a happy life. It's not even a guarantee of health and wealth.

? different people have different opinions about what they want from life. Just because the person doesn't have the same opinion as you, doesn't make them a troll. Get over yourself.

I didn't call them a troll? I just suggested that even if you tried to settle down younger, it doesn't guarantee the outcome you want. I don't think I insisted everyone must agree with me either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party with this thread but want to chime in and ask: What makes anyone think you can really plan these things??

Nice to have an ideal scenario in your head but you're just lucky if life happens to unfold that way.

Binge drinking through college, participating in hookup culture, serial “dating” via apps, birth control, Plan B and abortion are all choices. If you’re serious about finding a good husband and having children in your 20s, you frankly shouldn’t do any of those things.

I actually think there is a strong Christian/conservative streak running through a lot of the hard partying in college. It would not surprise me to find many of the people doing that, also settling down very young.