My relationship advice: get an education, date only with an eye toward marriage, marry young (22-27)
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Anonymous
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Anonymous
Of course. I agree. You cannot really plan it out and hope it will all turn out like you planned. Just a point that it's good to be clear-eyed about your goals instead of anything-goes. I would also note that this plan hinges on the availability of marriageable men at these same age brackets. Unfortunately, not many good men are marriage minded at that point. |
Anonymous
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Most of the happily married women I know were not necessarily married by 22-27, but they met and got serious with their future spouses during that time frame, often in grad school. I met my husband in law school and married at 27.
22-27 are prime dating years for women so if you do want marriage and kids (and it's fine if you don't!), it is smart to date for marriage at these ages. Good men get snapped up early; the ones who don't are players or they date younger. |
Anonymous
For starters, all kids do not go nuts in college with hooking up and alcohol abuse. And even if they do, there’s a big difference between partying your freshman year and finding a serious boyfriend vs partying and hooking up all four years of college. And the latter often continues on that same path after college. P.S. you’re not slick trying to smear Christian/Conservative women as secretly out of control promiscuous boozers. 
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Anonymous
Dude, be less defensive. Are you trying to deny that people in frats and sororities don't get plastered - and also are part of conservative institutions? |
Anonymous
Disagree. Both our parents are miserably married forever. We had a miserable marriage and thank god we are divorced. From the outside at the beginning, it looked right. It was a toxic mess. But hey, our parents are married (eyeroll). Nothing worse than being in a miserable marriage for 40+ years. No thanks. |
Anonymous
I did not do any of those things and married at 32. I had a book published when it was difficult at 28. I divorced at 42. Stop acting like you can plan everything and people in their 20s must not be serious if they don't marry in their 20s. I was very serious in my 20s. About paying off debt, advancing my career and fulfillling my goals. As soon as I married, "me" disappeared. Not all spouses will allow each other to be individuals. Some people are controlling and will not compromise and then marriage is miserable. |
Anonymous
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I think meeting and marrying someone fairly young and starting to have kids fairly young (fairly young in my book = 20-25 for meeting, 23-30 for kids) if both of you want those things and are committed to growing together as much as possible. This worked beautifully for my sister and BIL, and a friend of mine from college. It worked less well for my father (but in fairness, I don't think either he or his first wife planned to have a kid or get married at 23) and another friend of a friend both of whom divorced by the time they were 30. I think spending 5 years "getting to know each other" isn't helpful prior to kids -- if kids are going to break your relationship, it's going to happen whenever the kids happen. I think it's more important for the spouses to be on the same page about when they want kids (or a house or whatever is important to them) and being committed to working toward that shared timeline together.
But there's no guarantee these plans will work out. I know plenty of couples that met, married, and had kids in their 30s and 40s, whether they spent their 20s searching for a life partner or partying hard. There's no guaranteed path to happiness. |
Anonymous
Dude, I think you shouldn’t speak on things you know nothing about. Sure, there are trashy blackout drunk chapters, but there are also goody two shoes chapters, there are nerdy chapters, and chapters in-between who drink but will kick you out for being messy and plastered. The selective chapters with good reputations are not full of perpetual debauchery. They’re full of ambitious men and women who take their coursework very seriously, value their reputation, and would like to leave college with a would-be spouse. |
Anonymous
| Met at 22, married at 25, first kid at 28. No regrets even now at age 44. I don’t think you need to be married five years before trying for a child if you are both ready. We had known each other for five years but hadn’t been married that long. For us, this schedule allowed us time for 3-4 kids before I turned 35 without wearing ourselves down (we stopped at 3). I enjoy being a fairly young mom of teens because they take up a lot of energy lol. |
Anonymous
More to the point, men and women talk. Of course you can move to a new city, fire up a dating app and meet a totally random man or woman nobody you know can vet, with zero ties to your hometown, prep school, and college network. But if you marry young, it’s typically someone within those networks, thus your reputation will precede you. Teach your teens to value their character and reputation when it comes to the company they keep, and to abstain from sloppy partying and sleazy hookup culture. And if we’re honest, even if you meet a random man or woman who’s oblivious to such messy history, that history creates mental baggage. |
Anonymous
I think the whole point OP was making was that you start to date with an intent to marry at 22. It may never happen. Stars may not line up. But do not be closed to the idea if you meet the right person. |
Anonymous
I think PP is projecting or a little naive. I knew many men and women in college who were quite blunt about their desire to meet a spouse in college, marry soon after, and begin a life together. And they did just that. |
Anonymous
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My advice would be totally different. I did it your way.
I would say get an education, save all your money, never marry and never have kids. |
Anonymous
That’s not a life. |