DH won't let DS (11) attend camps

[Anonymous]

I just hope this all gets cleared up in time for that 2028 “pre-admission” camp at the dream school.

[Anonymous]

No trauma on our side but I agree with him on the overnight thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course sleepaway camp isn’t a requirement, but it’s also not fair for a father’s irrational fears to hold his kid back.

My husband was molested by a scout leader. But when our son was interested in Cub Scouts, he took a deep breath and made it work for our kid’s sake, even if he didn’t love the idea.

It's one thing for a family not to like camp or be able to afford it, but it is sad that your DH's fear is holding your kid back. I get very anxious about many of things my kids want to do, but I try to take a deep breath and unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this will only get worse. He will prohibit your son from going on school trips, dating and so much more.

Doubt it. He'll probably just prohibit him from sleep overs with adult men. For example, he may not want him traveling with the coach and staying in his hotel room for an out of state soccer tournament. I don't see the correlation with school dances or dating, though.

I can think of no sport or activity where this is allowed!

https://nbcmontana.com/news/local/whitefish-youth-hockey-coach-in-custody-for-rape-charge

He was "Safe Sport Certified" and all that good stuff, and he ran residential sleepaway hockey camps for young boys.

USA gymnastics.

I'm sure there are more. These come to mind.

Swimming - Rick Curl

[Anonymous]

Sleepaway camps are a bigger risk for this. Look at the title of this article which starts: Abuse Happens at Sleep-Away Camps

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2022/06/09/summer-sleepaway-camps-abuse-prevention-guide-parents/7560850001/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went and she was exposed to a lot of suicidal talk and self harm. The counselors were all also having mental health issues so it was OK since they could relate. Eyeroll. My daughter was also starting to be groomed by older counselor in training/ “staff”, ages 13/14 and up.
I wish I had not sent her. It’s really a different world out there now. My son went to one and it was by all accounts fine, it’s really a crap shoot who will ultimately be around your kid.
When my son was 12 he watched R movies on the counselors laptop, the whole cabin did. I’m sorry but there’s just not enough supervision….

What age was your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this will only get worse. He will prohibit your son from going on school trips, dating and so much more.

Doubt it. He'll probably just prohibit him from sleep overs with adult men. For example, he may not want him traveling with the coach and staying in his hotel room for an out of state soccer tournament. I don't see the correlation with school dances or dating, though.

I can think of no sport or activity where this is allowed!

https://nbcmontana.com/news/local/whitefish-youth-hockey-coach-in-custody-for-rape-charge

He was "Safe Sport Certified" and all that good stuff, and he ran residential sleepaway hockey camps for young boys.

USA gymnastics.

I'm sure there are more. These come to mind.

Sorry, I must have missed where the coach was explicitly allowed to share a room with a minor.

Does it mater? He had access to a young boy alone in a hotel room over the course of 3 days during a hockey tournament. The child was definitely younger than 14 because this man didn't coach older teams - his target was 10U - 13U. The camps he ran had many young boys staying with him over several weeks in the summer. Hopefully it was an isolated incident. If you had sent your kid to this camp then learned this about the founder, main counselor and coach, I have a hard time believing you'd just get over it and continue sending your kid(s) to sleepaway camps. We're never doing them again. Happy to give our kids lots of great summer experiences and seek out day camps in interesting places, but until they are much older, like maybe late teens, no chance.

+100

My kids never did sleepaway camps or residential sports camps. Until they grow out of the Pedo age target range and are manly/big enough to defend themselves and not be intimidated to do so -those things just aren’t good ideas.

My kids have done tons of sports day camps over the years, but until high school I was cautious about sleepovers (what the parents were like/older siblings like, etc).

I also had a teammate molested by a host dad when I was a kid. I found out about it several years later. It used to be normal yo do the host families on away tournaments in late elementary/middle school. Glad that has changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleepaway camps are a bigger risk for this. Look at the title of this article which starts: Abuse Happens at Sleep-Away Camps

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2022/06/09/summer-sleepaway-camps-abuse-prevention-guide-parents/7560850001/

+100

Never sent my kids to one. Not a chance in h@ll.

[Anonymous]

OP, I also have a husband who is against overnight camp and sleepovers. I disagree, but I think the stance is fairly common. It’s important enough to him that I have come to terms with it.

I also work full time. Logistics in the summer are challenging, but there are opportunities if you seek them for this age group. My child is a little older than yours and is happy, independent, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

Actually I don’t think that is the real issue at all. Going back to the OP’s original post, she says the kid’s “peers” (not “friends”) go to overnight “camps” (generally). She did not present it like you seem to be perceiving it — like, a bunch of his buddies are going to one particular camp, and her kid is the only one in the group not going and thus will feel left out. She just wants him to go to overnight camp because she went and therefore she thinks her child should, notwithstanding that the child’s father is opposed to it for reasons related to family trauma that should be respected. (And also, she is befuddled by what to do with her child if not sending him off to overnight camp because … logistics.

I’m not sure why the OP is so sure her child would enjoy overnight camp anyway, when she already said he has not liked any day camps. How does this general attitude improve by putting him in a setting where he cannot at least come home at the end of the day if he’s unhappy?

What? Of course they're his friends. And it's not DS who doesn't like day camps, it's DH. It makes DS feel guilty about asking in general, much less for specific ones, every single spring.

And yes...some of us have strict working hours. We can't do 9 am dropoffs and 3 pm pickups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

Actually I don’t think that is the real issue at all. Going back to the OP’s original post, she says the kid’s “peers” (not “friends”) go to overnight “camps” (generally). She did not present it like you seem to be perceiving it — like, a bunch of his buddies are going to one particular camp, and her kid is the only one in the group not going and thus will feel left out. She just wants him to go to overnight camp because she went and therefore she thinks her child should, notwithstanding that the child’s father is opposed to it for reasons related to family trauma that should be respected. (And also, she is befuddled by what to do with her child if not sending him off to overnight camp because … logistics.

I’m not sure why the OP is so sure her child would enjoy overnight camp anyway, when she already said he has not liked any day camps. How does this general attitude improve by putting him in a setting where he cannot at least come home at the end of the day if he’s unhappy?

What? Of course they're his friends. And it's not DS who doesn't like day camps, it's DH. It makes DS feel guilty about asking in general, much less for specific ones, every single spring.

And yes...some of us have strict working hours. We can't do 9 am dropoffs and 3 pm pickups.

And, since he's started making comments about locker room safety, I'm pretty concerned that as DS advances in his sport and begins travel more (even on a bus in high school!), DH will stop that, too. Maybe that's a luxury to be concerned about what'll happen in 2-3 years, but I see it easily getting to that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My kids never did sleepaway camps or residential sports camps. Until they grow out of the Pedo age target range and are manly/big enough to defend themselves and not be intimidated to do so -those things just aren’t good ideas.

They never outgrow it...think Penn State. This could continue forever and really stunt his opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

Actually I don’t think that is the real issue at all. Going back to the OP’s original post, she says the kid’s “peers” (not “friends”) go to overnight “camps” (generally). She did not present it like you seem to be perceiving it — like, a bunch of his buddies are going to one particular camp, and her kid is the only one in the group not going and thus will feel left out. She just wants him to go to overnight camp because she went and therefore she thinks her child should, notwithstanding that the child’s father is opposed to it for reasons related to family trauma that should be respected. (And also, she is befuddled by what to do with her child if not sending him off to overnight camp because … logistics.

I’m not sure why the OP is so sure her child would enjoy overnight camp anyway, when she already said he has not liked any day camps. How does this general attitude improve by putting him in a setting where he cannot at least come home at the end of the day if he’s unhappy?

What? Of course they're his friends. And it's not DS who doesn't like day camps, it's DH. It makes DS feel guilty about asking in general, much less for specific ones, every single spring.

And yes...some of us have strict working hours. We can't do 9 am dropoffs and 3 pm pickups.

Which is why many camps actually have “extended day” options to allow for earlier drop-off and later pick-up. You really need to do some more legwork on this. Many of us have strict working hours and yet somehow figure out what to do with our children in the summer besides sleepaway camp. Maybe since your husband is so worried about the overnight camps, he needs to be part of the solution in terms of figuring out a plan for your son in the summer. No sleepaway camp….so, what now? Really OP, you two sound completely inept. This child is now 11. What have you done with him the last 10 summers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to admit, these responses make me sad. DS was bound and determined to attend a pre-admissions camp at his dream school before his junior year, and it looks like that won't happen, either. I know I don't have to tell him no now, but it seems like I'm just kicking that down the road.

Thanks.

These pre-admissions camps mean nothing. Don't worry.

Don't be silly. They might not affect admissions, but they allow the child to decide if an elite university is where they want to be and take away some of the shock if they matriculate.

Who’s being silly? What you are calling a “pre-admission” camp should really be called a “pre-application” camp. There would be no special “shock” for a high performer who gets into an elite university that could be anticipated and blunted by sending them to a camp there ahead of time. A week or two at, say, STEM camp at Stanford, bears no resemblance to being a student there. If going to the camp at the mysterious unnamed “dream school” would be fun and enriching, that’s great. But stop framing it as “pre-admission” camp or something that’s going to somehow help your kid decide whether “an elite university is where they want to be.” If your kid is 11 and already has a dream school - that came from you. And now you are already heartbroken that his dad won’t let him go to overnight camp at this dream school FIVE YEARS from now. It’s time to recalibrate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went and she was exposed to a lot of suicidal talk and self harm. The counselors were all also having mental health issues so it was OK since they could relate. Eyeroll. My daughter was also starting to be groomed by older counselor in training/ “staff”, ages 13/14 and up.
I wish I had not sent her. It’s really a different world out there now. My son went to one and it was by all accounts fine, it’s really a crap shoot who will ultimately be around your kid.
When my son was 12 he watched R movies on the counselors laptop, the whole cabin did. I’m sorry but there’s just not enough supervision….

I feel we can all agree, whether it’s a religious one or not, these sleep-over camps are another moderately-risky activity and the risk is very very real. The ultimate decision is up to the parents ( us ).