DH won't let DS (11) attend camps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I've seen someone's life ruined because his mother was a nervous wreck beyond the usual overprotective parent. All the kids on his block were out playing ball, and he wasn't allowed out because a car could hit him, so he stayed in and watched tv. Things like that. This kid was never allowed appropriate independence. He never grew up or out of that. His mom was well-meaning (she was my aunt), but it stunted his growth big time.

Good luck!

I think these fears are materially different than fear of sending your 11 yo to sleepaway camp.

Today it's sleepaway camp. Next year it will be his friend Tim's birthday party. The next year it will be no travel soccer. Then no band trips. The father needs help.

[Anonymous]

What does camp have to do with priests? Your husband DOES know there are tons of NON-religious camps, right?

[Anonymous]

I have three kids, one college two in high school. They have never been to sleep away camp. Growing up, I attended sleep away camps, and it was a wonderful experience. My husband feels strongly, like your husband, that they should never go to sleep away camp. It was one of those things where I found that it wasn’t worth the fight. Our kids have plenty of wonderful experiences in their lives. practice multiple sports, have attended multiple day camps, have been enriched by extracurricular all their lives. I think they will be just fine without sleep away camp. If I force the issue, my gentle husband would probably end up saying OK, and he would just be extremely stressed out the whole week. Just not worth it. BTW, he works with law-enforcement, and he has seen some horrible things which has shaped his views.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does camp have to do with priests? Your husband DOES know there are tons of NON-religious camps, right?

Not the OP. But maybe he sees camp as place where grooming can take place? Maybe growing up they spent a lot of their time at the church? Versus a day camp, which is a very short period of time. In a week a child can be groomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I've seen someone's life ruined because his mother was a nervous wreck beyond the usual overprotective parent. All the kids on his block were out playing ball, and he wasn't allowed out because a car could hit him, so he stayed in and watched tv. Things like that. This kid was never allowed appropriate independence. He never grew up or out of that. His mom was well-meaning (she was my aunt), but it stunted his growth big time.

Good luck!

I think these fears are materially different than fear of sending your 11 yo to sleepaway camp.

Today it's sleepaway camp. Next year it will be his friend Tim's birthday party. The next year it will be no travel soccer. Then no band trips. The father needs help.

It may be sleepover camp plus sleepovers. I don't see any correlation with birthday parties or travel soccer (because you are traveling with him) or even band trips (because you can chaperone).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I understand your DH.

Think about it strangers all of a sudden taking care of your kids 24 seven.

Not every kid goes to camp.

Your kid will be fine with or without those experiences.

Same.

My kids never did a sleepaway camp. We did do day camps though. My kids are older now, and it's fine.

[Anonymous]

My daughter went and she was exposed to a lot of suicidal talk and self harm. The counselors were all also having mental health issues so it was OK since they could relate. Eyeroll. My daughter was also starting to be groomed by older counselor in training/ “staff”, ages 13/14 and up.
I wish I had not sent her. It’s really a different world out there now. My son went to one and it was by all accounts fine, it’s really a crap shoot who will ultimately be around your kid.
When my son was 12 he watched R movies on the counselors laptop, the whole cabin did. I’m sorry but there’s just not enough supervision….

[Anonymous]

Are you from NYC or something? Kids dont NEED camps. And your husband isn't entirely wrong. there can be sketchy or incompetent people working at camps. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I've seen someone's life ruined because his mother was a nervous wreck beyond the usual overprotective parent. All the kids on his block were out playing ball, and he wasn't allowed out because a car could hit him, so he stayed in and watched tv. Things like that. This kid was never allowed appropriate independence. He never grew up or out of that. His mom was well-meaning (she was my aunt), but it stunted his growth big time.

Good luck!

I think these fears are materially different than fear of sending your 11 yo to sleepaway camp.

Today it's sleepaway camp. Next year it will be his friend Tim's birthday party. The next year it will be no travel soccer. Then no band trips. The father needs help.

It may be sleepover camp plus sleepovers. I don't see any correlation with birthday parties or travel soccer (because you are traveling with him) or even band trips (because you can chaperone).

I meant a sleepover birthday party. Is the dad going to be able to go to every travel soccer game? Will he never trust a family friend to take him? Can he chaperone every band trip? Every competition? Every high school trip? Maybe so. Perhaps he has a very flexible job.

[Anonymous]

If you are talking about Catholic camp, I am team DH. Normal camp would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of kids survive without ever going to sleepaway camp. I'd just do more day camps.

This. Your kids will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does camp have to do with priests? Your husband DOES know there are tons of NON-religious camps, right?

Not the OP. But maybe he sees camp as place where grooming can take place? Maybe growing up they spent a lot of their time at the church? Versus a day camp, which is a very short period of time. In a week a child can be groomed.

Well, ideally kids are getting taught what grooming means and what to look out for. And ESPECIALLY a kid whose two sisters were abused should have been given several big talks about how this was done to his sisters and what he should look out for. Our DD is only 7 and we've had two times where DH or I (or both) have snapped to attention at slightly weird things adults have said to/done with her, which inspired serious talks.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs a lot of therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

Actually I don’t think that is the real issue at all. Going back to the OP’s original post, she says the kid’s “peers” (not “friends”) go to overnight “camps” (generally). She did not present it like you seem to be perceiving it — like, a bunch of his buddies are going to one particular camp, and her kid is the only one in the group not going and thus will feel left out. She just wants him to go to overnight camp because she went and therefore she thinks her child should, notwithstanding that the child’s father is opposed to it for reasons related to family trauma that should be respected. (And also, she is befuddled by what to do with her child if not sending him off to overnight camp because … logistics.

I’m not sure why the OP is so sure her child would enjoy overnight camp anyway, when she already said he has not liked any day camps. How does this general attitude improve by putting him in a setting where he cannot at least come home at the end of the day if he’s unhappy?