DH won't let DS (11) attend camps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent 6+ weeks at traditional summer camps growing up. This is a lifestyle shift for me, ok?

Oh, please. Get some real problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please name the dream school with the “pre-admission camp” that doesn’t allow any kind of visits.

I said taking a class and shadowing a student wasn't a thing, not that they don't allow visitors.

OK. What school?

Give it a rest.

No. Because that was a lie. DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just hope this all gets cleared up in time for that 2028 “pre-admission” camp at the dream school.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

Actually I don’t think that is the real issue at all. Going back to the OP’s original post, she says the kid’s “peers” (not “friends”) go to overnight “camps” (generally). She did not present it like you seem to be perceiving it — like, a bunch of his buddies are going to one particular camp, and her kid is the only one in the group not going and thus will feel left out. She just wants him to go to overnight camp because she went and therefore she thinks her child should, notwithstanding that the child’s father is opposed to it for reasons related to family trauma that should be respected. (And also, she is befuddled by what to do with her child if not sending him off to overnight camp because … logistics.

I’m not sure why the OP is so sure her child would enjoy overnight camp anyway, when she already said he has not liked any day camps. How does this general attitude improve by putting him in a setting where he cannot at least come home at the end of the day if he’s unhappy?

What? Of course they're his friends. And it's not DS who doesn't like day camps, it's DH. It makes DS feel guilty about asking in general, much less for specific ones, every single spring.

And yes...some of us have strict working hours. We can't do 9 am dropoffs and 3 pm pickups.

It’s summer. You can hire a responsible high school senior or college student home for the summer to do your dropoffs/pickups.

Next excuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

Actually I don’t think that is the real issue at all. Going back to the OP’s original post, she says the kid’s “peers” (not “friends”) go to overnight “camps” (generally). She did not present it like you seem to be perceiving it — like, a bunch of his buddies are going to one particular camp, and her kid is the only one in the group not going and thus will feel left out. She just wants him to go to overnight camp because she went and therefore she thinks her child should, notwithstanding that the child’s father is opposed to it for reasons related to family trauma that should be respected. (And also, she is befuddled by what to do with her child if not sending him off to overnight camp because … logistics.

I’m not sure why the OP is so sure her child would enjoy overnight camp anyway, when she already said he has not liked any day camps. How does this general attitude improve by putting him in a setting where he cannot at least come home at the end of the day if he’s unhappy?

What? Of course they're his friends. And it's not DS who doesn't like day camps, it's DH. It makes DS feel guilty about asking in general, much less for specific ones, every single spring.

And yes...some of us have strict working hours. We can't do 9 am dropoffs and 3 pm pickups.

Which is why many camps actually have “extended day” options to allow for earlier drop-off and later pick-up. You really need to do some more legwork on this. Many of us have strict working hours and yet somehow figure out what to do with our children in the summer besides sleepaway camp. Maybe since your husband is so worried about the overnight camps, he needs to be part of the solution in terms of figuring out a plan for your son in the summer. No sleepaway camp….so, what now? Really OP, you two sound completely inept. This child is now 11. What have you done with him the last 10 summers?

Yes. I am inept. I am a bad mother, the latest in a long time of them (you think my parents sent me off to Lake Bryn Mawr Camp every year for MY benefit?), and I'm well aware it's negatively affecting DS. I'm TRYING to fix it. But we don't live in the DMV anymore, and our day camps don't have extended days. Well - two do that I've found, but their "extended day" goes until 4. I have prior commitments that don't allow for coming in early and leaving late. DS has spent summers at home with me while I work. DH is not willing to research, because he "I didn't go to camps and turned out just fine."

So, fine. DS can spend all summer playing videos games and when he's 17 and unmotivated to go to school and have a career, I won't care. You all win. I'm only trying to do what's best for him, and all I get is crap for it. Time to write off his future. I guess I needed that realization.

Are you always this absurdly melodramatic and attention-seeking, or only on DCUM.

You didn’t like the answers you got. Noted. Dial down the flounce a tad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to admit, these responses make me sad. DS was bound and determined to attend a pre-admissions camp at his dream school before his junior year, and it looks like that won't happen, either. I know I don't have to tell him no now, but it seems like I'm just kicking that down the road.

Thanks.

These pre-admissions camps mean nothing. Don't worry.

Don't be silly. They might not affect admissions, but they allow the child to decide if an elite university is where they want to be and take away some of the shock if they matriculate.

Who’s being silly? What you are calling a “pre-admission” camp should really be called a “pre-application” camp. There would be no special “shock” for a high performer who gets into an elite university that could be anticipated and blunted by sending them to a camp there ahead of time. A week or two at, say, STEM camp at Stanford, bears no resemblance to being a student there. If going to the camp at the mysterious unnamed “dream school” would be fun and enriching, that’s great. But stop framing it as “pre-admission” camp or something that’s going to somehow help your kid decide whether “an elite university is where they want to be.” If your kid is 11 and already has a dream school - that came from you. And now you are already heartbroken that his dad won’t let him go to overnight camp at this dream school FIVE YEARS from now. It’s time to recalibrate.

I recalibrated. He'll end up a failure and that's ok, because most other kids will be as well. Thanks - that's not snark. I really did need that perspective.

You don’t sound mature enough to have an 11-year-old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

Actually I don’t think that is the real issue at all. Going back to the OP’s original post, she says the kid’s “peers” (not “friends”) go to overnight “camps” (generally). She did not present it like you seem to be perceiving it — like, a bunch of his buddies are going to one particular camp, and her kid is the only one in the group not going and thus will feel left out. She just wants him to go to overnight camp because she went and therefore she thinks her child should, notwithstanding that the child’s father is opposed to it for reasons related to family trauma that should be respected. (And also, she is befuddled by what to do with her child if not sending him off to overnight camp because … logistics.

I’m not sure why the OP is so sure her child would enjoy overnight camp anyway, when she already said he has not liked any day camps. How does this general attitude improve by putting him in a setting where he cannot at least come home at the end of the day if he’s unhappy?

What? Of course they're his friends. And it's not DS who doesn't like day camps, it's DH. It makes DS feel guilty about asking in general, much less for specific ones, every single spring.

And yes...some of us have strict working hours. We can't do 9 am dropoffs and 3 pm pickups.

Which is why many camps actually have “extended day” options to allow for earlier drop-off and later pick-up. You really need to do some more legwork on this. Many of us have strict working hours and yet somehow figure out what to do with our children in the summer besides sleepaway camp. Maybe since your husband is so worried about the overnight camps, he needs to be part of the solution in terms of figuring out a plan for your son in the summer. No sleepaway camp….so, what now? Really OP, you two sound completely inept. This child is now 11. What have you done with him the last 10 summers?

Yes. I am inept. I am a bad mother, the latest in a long time of them (you think my parents sent me off to Lake Bryn Mawr Camp every year for MY benefit?), and I'm well aware it's negatively affecting DS. I'm TRYING to fix it. But we don't live in the DMV anymore, and our day camps don't have extended days. Well - two do that I've found, but their "extended day" goes until 4. I have prior commitments that don't allow for coming in early and leaving late. DS has spent summers at home with me while I work. DH is not willing to research, because he "I didn't go to camps and turned out just fine."

So, fine. DS can spend all summer playing videos games and when he's 17 and unmotivated to go to school and have a career, I won't care. You all win. I'm only trying to do what's best for him, and all I get is crap for it. Time to write off his future. I guess I needed that realization.

The easy solution is high a high school or college girl to do camp pickups and hand out with DS until your own commitments are over. We've done this for many summers.

Young girls aren't reliable, please. And how would I keep him from playing video games in the meantime how exactly? I can't be in his room watching him like a hawk. If I take everything away, then I'm the bad guy - and I'm already that for saying no to Space Camp this summer.

OK, so you’re a troll. Hopefully this thread gets deleted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest at 11yr went to her first sleep away camp and walked in a 3 way of 2 female and one male counselors. She was threaded to not report and overall had a miserable time. The worst part is I dingy know any of this until she came home. The camp followed up and the counselors denied it and were allowed to stay the rest of the summer. So yeah, that was our first and last week of summer camp.

This is awful and why the no calling home policies are troubling.

[Anonymous]

Poor kid.

Sleep away camps are huge in developing independence.

People like your DH shouldn't have kids if they only want to dump all their hang-ups on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor kid.

Sleep away camps are huge in developing independence.

People like your DH shouldn't have kids if they only want to dump all their hang-ups on them.

Actually if you let your kid stay home without devices and sent them out and about for the summer to hang with friends, earn money, have fun - that is a lot more independence than glorified babysitting in the woods. I mean give me a break. The parents on DCUM that ship their kids away for camp don't do it for developing independence. They are all entitled kids whose parents want to vacation or their nannies need a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent 6+ weeks at traditional summer camps growing up. This is a lifestyle shift for me, ok?

Oh, please. Get some real problems.

You know people can have real and minor problems, right? Besides, I hardly think her DH's trauma is a petty issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

Actually I don’t think that is the real issue at all. Going back to the OP’s original post, she says the kid’s “peers” (not “friends”) go to overnight “camps” (generally). She did not present it like you seem to be perceiving it — like, a bunch of his buddies are going to one particular camp, and her kid is the only one in the group not going and thus will feel left out. She just wants him to go to overnight camp because she went and therefore she thinks her child should, notwithstanding that the child’s father is opposed to it for reasons related to family trauma that should be respected. (And also, she is befuddled by what to do with her child if not sending him off to overnight camp because … logistics.

I’m not sure why the OP is so sure her child would enjoy overnight camp anyway, when she already said he has not liked any day camps. How does this general attitude improve by putting him in a setting where he cannot at least come home at the end of the day if he’s unhappy?

What? Of course they're his friends. And it's not DS who doesn't like day camps, it's DH. It makes DS feel guilty about asking in general, much less for specific ones, every single spring.

And yes...some of us have strict working hours. We can't do 9 am dropoffs and 3 pm pickups.

Which is why many camps actually have “extended day” options to allow for earlier drop-off and later pick-up. You really need to do some more legwork on this. Many of us have strict working hours and yet somehow figure out what to do with our children in the summer besides sleepaway camp. Maybe since your husband is so worried about the overnight camps, he needs to be part of the solution in terms of figuring out a plan for your son in the summer. No sleepaway camp….so, what now? Really OP, you two sound completely inept. This child is now 11. What have you done with him the last 10 summers?

Yes. I am inept. I am a bad mother, the latest in a long time of them (you think my parents sent me off to Lake Bryn Mawr Camp every year for MY benefit?), and I'm well aware it's negatively affecting DS. I'm TRYING to fix it. But we don't live in the DMV anymore, and our day camps don't have extended days. Well - two do that I've found, but their "extended day" goes until 4. I have prior commitments that don't allow for coming in early and leaving late. DS has spent summers at home with me while I work. DH is not willing to research, because he "I didn't go to camps and turned out just fine."

So, fine. DS can spend all summer playing videos games and when he's 17 and unmotivated to go to school and have a career, I won't care. You all win. I'm only trying to do what's best for him, and all I get is crap for it. Time to write off his future. I guess I needed that realization.

Are you always this absurdly melodramatic and attention-seeking, or only on DCUM.

You didn’t like the answers you got. Noted. Dial down the flounce a tad.

Bunch of losers here. I bet you kept your kids out of school during covid, too. Don't try to drag everyone else down because of your miserable failures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy for your DH

He doesn't see an issue since he wasn't a target. He'll never go. Ever.

So he’s one of those stubborn men who’s usually wrong but never in doubt? Why did you marry such a loser, much less procreate with it?

[Anonymous]

Is he actually cheap and this is an excuse to not spend the money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor kid.

Sleep away camps are huge in developing independence.

People like your DH shouldn't have kids if they only want to dump all their hang-ups on them.

Actually if you let your kid stay home without devices and sent them out and about for the summer to hang with friends, earn money, have fun - that is a lot more independence than glorified babysitting in the woods. I mean give me a break. The parents on DCUM that ship their kids away for camp don't do it for developing independence. They are all entitled kids whose parents want to vacation or their nannies need a vacation.

You mean, they spend all day in their friends’ basements on their devices? This isn’t 1990. 11 yr olds aren’t out all day on their bikes with their friends. Their friends are either not close by or at some type camp. The ones that are close by (if any) are on their devices all day. Good lunch expecting your kid to be home all day while you’re at work and expected they won’t be glued to a screen; theirs or someone else’s. Your 11 yr old might get to walk a neighbor’s dog or water some plants for a few days while they are away, but that’s about it for making money.