Parents and ILs Don't Get Along

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone have to go to every one of your daughter's events? Just keep it to yourselves and stop inviting everyone.

This was the same advice she got when she posted before.

Op here…. Seriously, they ask. I’m rarely, if ever, reaching out to say “hey come to this”. It’s more that they know it’s whatever sports season and they ask for the schedule. How would you recommend I handle that? Just tell them they aren’t allowed to come? I guess maybe it’s gotten to that point with my parents where I tell them they can’t come when they ask.

For the events that I know they won’t know about (like a school program) I don’t invite any of them.

Jesus, just tell them no. It's not that hard. Tell them not to come because they are all a pain in the ass. Why is that so hard to say when it's true? What are you so afraid of?

Op here… I’m guessing you don’t have narcissistic parents who will tell you what a terrible person you are and how you mishandled things and how you’re a bad parent… etc etc etc. The fallout is ridiculous… I’m TRYING to learn how to set boundaries and as I’ve admitted previously, am not great at it. Maybe not everyone has reasonable parents? I’m in therapy to figure out how to deal with them but resetting 35+ years of this is hard and not easy. THAT’S why it’s hard

Ha! What assumptions you make. My parents are often a-holes. And I have gone through periods of cutting off contact when it gets too much. Stop being such a doormat. Tell them to stop coming to the soccer games and cut them off if they tell you you're "terrible". What do you get out of this? You must enjoy the drama on some level to keep going round and round doing the same things expecting different results.

Screw you

Is that you OP? Now take your anger and direct at the people who are actually making your life hell instead of blaming strangers for your shortcomings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone have to go to every one of your daughter's events? Just keep it to yourselves and stop inviting everyone.

This was the same advice she got when she posted before.

Op here…. Seriously, they ask. I’m rarely, if ever, reaching out to say “hey come to this”. It’s more that they know it’s whatever sports season and they ask for the schedule. How would you recommend I handle that? Just tell them they aren’t allowed to come? I guess maybe it’s gotten to that point with my parents where I tell them they can’t come when they ask.

For the events that I know they won’t know about (like a school program) I don’t invite any of them.

Jesus, just tell them no. It's not that hard. Tell them not to come because they are all a pain in the ass. Why is that so hard to say when it's true? What are you so afraid of?

Op here… I’m guessing you don’t have narcissistic parents who will tell you what a terrible person you are and how you mishandled things and how you’re a bad parent… etc etc etc. The fallout is ridiculous… I’m TRYING to learn how to set boundaries and as I’ve admitted previously, am not great at it. Maybe not everyone has reasonable parents? I’m in therapy to figure out how to deal with them but resetting 35+ years of this is hard and not easy. THAT’S why it’s hard

Ha! What assumptions you make. My parents are often a-holes. And I have gone through periods of cutting off contact when it gets too much. Stop being such a doormat. Tell them to stop coming to the soccer games and cut them off if they tell you you're "terrible". What do you get out of this? You must enjoy the drama on some level to keep going round and round doing the same things expecting different results.

Screw you

Is that you OP? Now take your anger and direct at the people who are actually making your life hell instead of blaming strangers for your shortcomings.

Not OP.

[Anonymous]

OP can you see how your anger at inlaws was misdirected? You are angry at them for not sucking it up the way you suck it up when your parents misbehave. I have a highly challenging mom and have been insulted the same way you are when I set boundaries. I finally told her that insults, manipulations and tantrums were no longer tolerated. If she cannot be kind and civil to us and any guests we invite then she should not be involved with us. So she stopped talking to us for about 6 months and then she bit her tongue from then on. She acts up now and then and the invitation is calmly rescinded and phone calls go to VM. She accused me of making her walk on eggshells and I said if that is what it takes to treat us and everyone we care about with respect then walk on the eggshells.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone have to go to every one of your daughter's events? Just keep it to yourselves and stop inviting everyone.

This was the same advice she got when she posted before.

Op here…. Seriously, they ask. I’m rarely, if ever, reaching out to say “hey come to this”. It’s more that they know it’s whatever sports season and they ask for the schedule. How would you recommend I handle that? Just tell them they aren’t allowed to come? I guess maybe it’s gotten to that point with my parents where I tell them they can’t come when they ask.

For the events that I know they won’t know about (like a school program) I don’t invite any of them.

Jesus, just tell them no. It's not that hard. Tell them not to come because they are all a pain in the ass. Why is that so hard to say when it's true? What are you so afraid of?

Op here… I’m guessing you don’t have narcissistic parents who will tell you what a terrible person you are and how you mishandled things and how you’re a bad parent… etc etc etc. The fallout is ridiculous… I’m TRYING to learn how to set boundaries and as I’ve admitted previously, am not great at it. Maybe not everyone has reasonable parents? I’m in therapy to figure out how to deal with them but resetting 35+ years of this is hard and not easy. THAT’S why it’s hard

Ha! What assumptions you make. My parents are often a-holes. And I have gone through periods of cutting off contact when it gets too much. Stop being such a doormat. Tell them to stop coming to the soccer games and cut them off if they tell you you're "terrible". What do you get out of this? You must enjoy the drama on some level to keep going round and round doing the same things expecting different results.

Screw you

Is that you OP? Now take your anger and direct at the people who are actually making your life hell instead of blaming strangers for your shortcomings.

Not OP.

Just insanely over invested? Sorry you don’t like straight talk. Feel free to move along if you don’t agree. It wasn’t for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone have to go to every one of your daughter's events? Just keep it to yourselves and stop inviting everyone.

This was the same advice she got when she posted before.

Op here…. Seriously, they ask. I’m rarely, if ever, reaching out to say “hey come to this”. It’s more that they know it’s whatever sports season and they ask for the schedule. How would you recommend I handle that? Just tell them they aren’t allowed to come? I guess maybe it’s gotten to that point with my parents where I tell them they can’t come when they ask.

For the events that I know they won’t know about (like a school program) I don’t invite any of them.

OP, you say you want to learn how to set boundaries, and this is providing you with the perfect opportunity. Your parents don’t have the sports schedule and the only way they would know about the sports events is if you provide them the schedule, so DON’T PROVIDE THE SCHEDULE!! It’s hard to muster up sympathy for you when you have opportunities to set boundaries but just refuse to do the basics.

[Anonymous]

Op are your parents the type to use money to control? Is that why you are so afraid? If so, be prepared to give that up because it’s not worth it, Your peace is priceless and some people try to purchase the right to behave poorly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone have to go to every one of your daughter's events? Just keep it to yourselves and stop inviting everyone.

This was the same advice she got when she posted before.

Op here…. Seriously, they ask. I’m rarely, if ever, reaching out to say “hey come to this”. It’s more that they know it’s whatever sports season and they ask for the schedule. How would you recommend I handle that? Just tell them they aren’t allowed to come? I guess maybe it’s gotten to that point with my parents where I tell them they can’t come when they ask.

For the events that I know they won’t know about (like a school program) I don’t invite any of them.

Jesus, just tell them no. It's not that hard. Tell them not to come because they are all a pain in the ass. Why is that so hard to say when it's true? What are you so afraid of?

Op here… I’m guessing you don’t have narcissistic parents who will tell you what a terrible person you are and how you mishandled things and how you’re a bad parent… etc etc etc. The fallout is ridiculous… I’m TRYING to learn how to set boundaries and as I’ve admitted previously, am not great at it. Maybe not everyone has reasonable parents? I’m in therapy to figure out how to deal with them but resetting 35+ years of this is hard and not easy. THAT’S why it’s hard

Ha! What assumptions you make. My parents are often a-holes. And I have gone through periods of cutting off contact when it gets too much. Stop being such a doormat. Tell them to stop coming to the soccer games and cut them off if they tell you you're "terrible". What do you get out of this? You must enjoy the drama on some level to keep going round and round doing the same things expecting different results.

Screw you

Is that you OP? Now take your anger and direct at the people who are actually making your life hell instead of blaming strangers for your shortcomings.

Not OP.

Just insanely over invested? Sorry you don’t like straight talk. Feel free to move along if you don’t agree. It wasn’t for you.

Take your own advice or just stop being a jackass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone have to go to every one of your daughter's events? Just keep it to yourselves and stop inviting everyone.

This was the same advice she got when she posted before.

Op here…. Seriously, they ask. I’m rarely, if ever, reaching out to say “hey come to this”. It’s more that they know it’s whatever sports season and they ask for the schedule. How would you recommend I handle that? Just tell them they aren’t allowed to come? I guess maybe it’s gotten to that point with my parents where I tell them they can’t come when they ask.

For the events that I know they won’t know about (like a school program) I don’t invite any of them.

Jesus, just tell them no. It's not that hard. Tell them not to come because they are all a pain in the ass. Why is that so hard to say when it's true? What are you so afraid of?

Op here… I’m guessing you don’t have narcissistic parents who will tell you what a terrible person you are and how you mishandled things and how you’re a bad parent… etc etc etc. The fallout is ridiculous… I’m TRYING to learn how to set boundaries and as I’ve admitted previously, am not great at it. Maybe not everyone has reasonable parents? I’m in therapy to figure out how to deal with them but resetting 35+ years of this is hard and not easy. THAT’S why it’s hard

Ha! What assumptions you make. My parents are often a-holes. And I have gone through periods of cutting off contact when it gets too much. Stop being such a doormat. Tell them to stop coming to the soccer games and cut them off if they tell you you're "terrible". What do you get out of this? You must enjoy the drama on some level to keep going round and round doing the same things expecting different results.

Screw you

Is that you OP? Now take your anger and direct at the people who are actually making your life hell instead of blaming strangers for your shortcomings.

Not OP.

Just insanely over invested? Sorry you don’t like straight talk. Feel free to move along if you don’t agree. It wasn’t for you.

Take your own advice or just stop being a jackass.

Like I would take orders from you! Good one.