Problems with my four year old. I need a super nanny.

[Anonymous]

Seems like a short nap is indicated. They still nap even at 5.

[Anonymous]

to someone who says something is "child abuse". You mean not letting a 4 yr old watch TV for a month is child abuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people scolding children and calling them “naughty” while they’re full of adrenaline (and you are too) are the reason this is such a sexual trope. What wires together fires together. For the sake of your kids please calm down, do some reading and stop the hyped-up shaming.

Lol I’m not the OP but do we not already have enough parenting shame and stress, you want me to feel bad about giving my child weird sexual triggers during time out? Can we not catch a break???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people scolding children and calling them “naughty” while they’re full of adrenaline (and you are too) are the reason this is such a sexual trope. What wires together fires together. For the sake of your kids please calm down, do some reading and stop the hyped-up shaming.

Wow, we found a snowflake here who imagines that her mom telling her no, caused her to be "hyper shamed!" What we have here is an example of a white person that never experienced any kind of adversity in her life, so she had to invent some!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people scolding children and calling them “naughty” while they’re full of adrenaline (and you are too) are the reason this is such a sexual trope. What wires together fires together. For the sake of your kids please calm down, do some reading and stop the hyped-up shaming.

Lol I’m not the OP but do we not already have enough parenting shame and stress, you want me to feel bad about giving my child weird sexual triggers during time out? Can we not catch a break???

Seriously!!

[Anonymous]

If he fell asleep in time out, he's probably overtired. That could be a huge contributor to his attitude. Make sure he's on a consistent sleep schedule, with a good bedtime routine, no pre-bed screentime, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP is he your only child? Regardless can you try 15-20 min per day of real focused attention with him after school doing whatever he wants to play. Get down on the floor, play hide and seek, give him tickles and help him work out that adrenaline while giving him the attention he craves. The physical type play is important. My pediatrician recommended this for our 4 yo, who is a middle child, but it holds for any kid. I also recommend working really hard to stop seeing your kid as a BAD KID because he will truly internalize it and just resort to it because he thinks you expect it of him. I haven't gone so far as making an accomplishment journal, but I've seen it recommended that writing down a couple bullets every day of nice and good things your kid did every day and then reading them to them at night is a big help for both the kid and the parent. Your brain is starting to only see/remember the bad things and you are filtering out the good things. Also agree that nannies succeed because they can disassociate and take emotions out of it, which is so freaking hard for parents but so necessary in you staying calm and in charge, which your kid needs to see. Yelling never ever works, it just is what we resort to. When you start to feel crazy, close your eyes, drop your shoulers back down, take some big deep breaths. Walk away if you can safely. Think of something nice, look out the window and think of something happy. Also, think of your 4 year old as a baby and how sweet he was and how much you love him. This helps calm your body and brain down so you can function again and parent effectively.

Agree with PP to talk to your ped who may have more tailored suggestions. Google some of your specific issues and find a few podcasts talking on them. Look at PEP classes either in person (NW DC) or virtually. He's not bad and you're not bad, but sometimes we all need a little help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is he your only child? Regardless can you try 15-20 min per day of real focused attention with him after school doing whatever he wants to play. Get down on the floor, play hide and seek, give him tickles and help him work out that adrenaline while giving him the attention he craves. The physical type play is important. My pediatrician recommended this for our 4 yo, who is a middle child, but it holds for any kid. I also recommend working really hard to stop seeing your kid as a BAD KID because he will truly internalize it and just resort to it because he thinks you expect it of him. I haven't gone so far as making an accomplishment journal, but I've seen it recommended that writing down a couple bullets every day of nice and good things your kid did every day and then reading them to them at night is a big help for both the kid and the parent. Your brain is starting to only see/remember the bad things and you are filtering out the good things. Also agree that nannies succeed because they can disassociate and take emotions out of it, which is so freaking hard for parents but so necessary in you staying calm and in charge, which your kid needs to see. Yelling never ever works, it just is what we resort to. When you start to feel crazy, close your eyes, drop your shoulers back down, take some big deep breaths. Walk away if you can safely. Think of something nice, look out the window and think of something happy. Also, think of your 4 year old as a baby and how sweet he was and how much you love him. This helps calm your body and brain down so you can function again and parent effectively.

Agree with PP to talk to your ped who may have more tailored suggestions. Google some of your specific issues and find a few podcasts talking on them. Look at PEP classes either in person (NW DC) or virtually. He's not bad and you're not bad, but sometimes we all need a little help.

What if it's a bad kid? Would you hug a bully?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is he your only child? Regardless can you try 15-20 min per day of real focused attention with him after school doing whatever he wants to play. Get down on the floor, play hide and seek, give him tickles and help him work out that adrenaline while giving him the attention he craves. The physical type play is important. My pediatrician recommended this for our 4 yo, who is a middle child, but it holds for any kid. I also recommend working really hard to stop seeing your kid as a BAD KID because he will truly internalize it and just resort to it because he thinks you expect it of him. I haven't gone so far as making an accomplishment journal, but I've seen it recommended that writing down a couple bullets every day of nice and good things your kid did every day and then reading them to them at night is a big help for both the kid and the parent. Your brain is starting to only see/remember the bad things and you are filtering out the good things. Also agree that nannies succeed because they can disassociate and take emotions out of it, which is so freaking hard for parents but so necessary in you staying calm and in charge, which your kid needs to see. Yelling never ever works, it just is what we resort to. When you start to feel crazy, close your eyes, drop your shoulers back down, take some big deep breaths. Walk away if you can safely. Think of something nice, look out the window and think of something happy. Also, think of your 4 year old as a baby and how sweet he was and how much you love him. This helps calm your body and brain down so you can function again and parent effectively.

Agree with PP to talk to your ped who may have more tailored suggestions. Google some of your specific issues and find a few podcasts talking on them. Look at PEP classes either in person (NW DC) or virtually. He's not bad and you're not bad, but sometimes we all need a little help.

What if it's a bad kid? Would you hug a bully?

You cannot possibly be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Do you not have a pediatrician? You say he's in preschool - are there not teachers there? Instead of asking strangers on the internet for advice on how to parent your child through what sounds like a difficult series of emotional patterns and behaviors, consult a professional who knows him personally. You can't outsource stuff like this and there is no one-size fits all approach. Any worthwhile pediatrician will work with you on behavioral issues - it is part of development and health - or refer you to someone, if necessary. Also words like "good" or "bad kid" are definitely not going to help anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is he your only child? Regardless can you try 15-20 min per day of real focused attention with him after school doing whatever he wants to play. Get down on the floor, play hide and seek, give him tickles and help him work out that adrenaline while giving him the attention he craves. The physical type play is important. My pediatrician recommended this for our 4 yo, who is a middle child, but it holds for any kid. I also recommend working really hard to stop seeing your kid as a BAD KID because he will truly internalize it and just resort to it because he thinks you expect it of him. I haven't gone so far as making an accomplishment journal, but I've seen it recommended that writing down a couple bullets every day of nice and good things your kid did every day and then reading them to them at night is a big help for both the kid and the parent. Your brain is starting to only see/remember the bad things and you are filtering out the good things. Also agree that nannies succeed because they can disassociate and take emotions out of it, which is so freaking hard for parents but so necessary in you staying calm and in charge, which your kid needs to see. Yelling never ever works, it just is what we resort to. When you start to feel crazy, close your eyes, drop your shoulers back down, take some big deep breaths. Walk away if you can safely. Think of something nice, look out the window and think of something happy. Also, think of your 4 year old as a baby and how sweet he was and how much you love him. This helps calm your body and brain down so you can function again and parent effectively.

Agree with PP to talk to your ped who may have more tailored suggestions. Google some of your specific issues and find a few podcasts talking on them. Look at PEP classes either in person (NW DC) or virtually. He's not bad and you're not bad, but sometimes we all need a little help.

What if it's a bad kid? Would you hug a bully?

If it's your child, would you not hug them?

[Anonymous]

Some good advice here. If time outs and other main stream strategies don’t work out, I recommend the book The Explosive Child. It helped a lot for our son that sounds a lot like yours. Things are better now at 6.

[Anonymous]

I doubt OP is still reading this! Some kids are not pleasers, and they are hard to parent.

I would have a lot of structure to the afternoon. Play, rest, snack, whatever. Stealing cheese while you are trying to cook dinner seems like he is trying to get your attention. Get a stool and let him help cook. That could be washing vegetables and putting them on a plate. Helping to set the table. Fold napkins. "Organize" the tupperware drawer. Anything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some good advice here. If time outs and other main stream strategies don’t work out, I recommend the book The Explosive Child. It helped a lot for our son that sounds a lot like yours. Things are better now at 6.

I also have a child for whom time outs didn’t work - they made him totally unhinged and escalated everything. The day I found myself holding my son’s door shut with all my weight while he threw himself at it from the other side, after I had carried him upstairs thrashing and dripping tears and snot was the day I decided it wasn’t working anymore. 4 was awful. We changed things up after reading Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Khon. I hear good things about The Explosive Child, too.

My son is now 16. He is gentle, kind, funny, and self disciplined. He does have a mild anxiety disorder, which probably was always present and is what made his behavior so atrocious at that age. He couldn’t handle sticker charts or punishments because both made him incredibly anxious, though he couldn’t tell us so at that age.

Interestingly, he is still unmotivatable by external punishments or rewards. But when he decides to do something, he does it, no matter how hard.

[Anonymous]

You could find help at a parenting class where you can talk through these things.