Problems with my four year old. I need a super nanny.
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Anonymous
| I have a child who did not respond to consequences. We were discussing an ODD diagnosis but didn’t get there but we eventually learned that this kid was 100 percent motivated by attention. Negative attention meant escalation in behavior. We did parent training (look into the Kazdin method) and the focus was on positive reinforcement. We only ever give consequences for hurting (to emphasize how wrong that was). I would be something we could 100 percent enforce like loss of screen time. If you are chasing him you are escalating turning into a game. Pick something and do it consistently. But ensure you are saying what he should do too |
Anonymous
| Read Good Inside. Really. |
Anonymous
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I have not read the entire thread.
Maybe he will dress himself if you buy a costume of a favorite character such as a superhero. Won't solve all issues, but could be a start. |
Anonymous
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OP, I have 2 boys and can confirm 4 is a tough age. When other moms talk about how tough the “terrible twos” are I just think to myself, yeah wait until they are 4.
Both my boys went through phases around this age where discipline was tough, there was biting, told me they hate me, etc. At 6 and 8, they are now very sweet and (mostly) rule followers. The main thing that worked was a sticker chart. Any little good thing they did got lots of praise. The chart would fill quickly and they could then pick a prize from a chest (cool stickers, piece of candy, small toy, etc.). I just really really heaped on praise. I didn’t focus as much on time outs, but instead on reminding them they weren’t engaging in positive sticker chart behavior. It’s amazing how much motivated they were to receive positive validation than to avoid negative consequences. It meant there was a while where I was heaping out goodies to keep them on track, but eventually the good behavior became the norm and they outgrew the chart, so it was mostly a matter of months to see a turn around. As they become older their language gets better and more able to manage emotions. |
Anonymous
PP. I didn't throw away a favorite toy but a new toy I had just bought. I was at the desperate point where parents in prior generations would have spanked or hit. |
Anonymous
FFS this is the worst advice on this entire thread. Kids need to behave and do what the family needs because it's the right thing to do, not because they've been bribed into it. What happens when he changes his mind about the favorite character one day? Or it's dirty? God our generation of parenting has lost its mind. |
Anonymous
| Give up now. This is what happens when children are spoiled with material things but starving for love. Maybe start with cutting down on your work and social engagements. Your child needs love. Sorry, you get what you put in. |
Anonymous
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OP how long was the time out? It sounds like it might have been too long.
Whatever approach you pick, it’s true that you need to set yourself up for success. That means enough sleep and exercise for kiddo. Time alone in the house is time that will always, always lead to mischief. I know it sucks because you have things you need to do, but you can’t right now. Up, breakfast, clothes, to the park for at least an hour. He’s like a video game character with bars for hunger, hydration, exercise/fresh air, and sleep. All the bars have to be green before he’s going to be able to behave at loose ends in the house. |
Anonymous
Good lord PP. Sounds like OP has a pretty typical rambunctious toddler who could benefit from learning some emotional regulating, but "work less" is your answer? SOmetimes kids just have challenging temperaments, sometimes challenging ages/phases and sometimes these coincide. OP, nannies succeed because they don't get dragged into it and emotionally invested. Try not to let your kid's mood infect yours. I KNOW it is really hard to do. But when people talk about not getting dragged into "power struggles" this is what they mean. |
Anonymous
Like you did? Way to pat yourself on the back. Not everyone wants to be nasty (and illogical) like you. |
Anonymous
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Don't do room time outs. Get a stool or step and be prepared to give up your whole afternoon or evening, making sure he sits there for the whole 4 min time out. You must outlast him. Can't do it? Tough! When you waver, just imagine being bitten or kicked by a nine year old
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Anonymous
Above pp again too. Nor did I throw the fav toy away. That was just an example for op All it took was throwing away the Happy Meal toy! Never had to throw away another, that is hoe effective it was, once and done and then following consistent warnings, telling kids what we are doing, giving them time to get ready. Plus, kids today have million toys, throwing away a toy is not even a punishment of some grand level. |
Anonymous
You are correct, he learned nothing bcs you did nothing. Get down to his level. Look him and be very firm "That is not acceptable behavior. You were naughty. Back in time out in a corner, then back in time out, on the step of the staircase. are you saying his bedroom is his naughty step?? How horrible. |
Anonymous
| You people scolding children and calling them “naughty” while they’re full of adrenaline (and you are too) are the reason this is such a sexual trope. What wires together fires together. For the sake of your kids please calm down, do some reading and stop the hyped-up shaming. |
Anonymous
| This behavior sounds extreme and some of the comments here are just insane. Can you talk to your pediatrician? |