I make my kids separate meals from us for pretty much every meal and I think it's better

[Anonymous]

I don’t make my kids a separate dinner. But sunrise often than not my youngest (6) won’t eat what I make and just eats fruit and cheese. Maybe I’m doing it wrong, I don’t know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the advice to always serve your kids what the adults are eating. They don't want to eat it! We always put some of whatever we made on their plates but there are only a handful of things that we eat that they actually like and will eat more than a couple bites of (mostly simple pasta dishes). They don't complain, they just kind of eat around what we serve, fill up on milk and whatever carb is on the table, and that's it.

So I pretty much always serve them kid-friendly foods (healthy stuff -- yogurt and granola, pasta with simple pesto/red/butter sauce, a variety of fruits, whole grains, etc.) and they mostly just eat that. We always encourage them to try everything on the table unless it's an item they have an established aversion to. They will eat a bite of our main dish and will pick at some veggies, and then they fill up on a variety of the other stuff. It's all things that are easy to serve and we meal prep on the weekend, so it doesn't require extra effort. Though about once a week I'll also prep something I know they love and serve that as well. Like this week I did a batch of banana and oat pancakes that are easy to heat up and they love them plus they are a really healthy main course option (that DH and I have zero interest in eating -- we are having tacos for dinner and our kids hate tacos).

When we do hit on an item we all like, we obviously make it more often, but like I said this is mostly super simple pasta dishes, like spaghetti and meatballs, and we can't make them every single night.

I"m just throwing this out there because I constantly hear the advice about how your kids should "eat what you eat." But they don't want to! It does't taste good to them -- they have brand new taste buds, so strong flavors are too much for them, plus kids naturally gravitate towards foods that are sweeter and simpler. I figure as they get older they will naturally become more interested in more adult flavors and start to eat more of our foods.

I think it's especially damaging for families who have picky eaters (which is not something you can control -- one of my kids is much picker than the other and it's just a personality thing) who feel a lot of pressure for their kids to eat "adult" foods and it's just not a reasonable epxtations for most kids. My two cents.

You’re underestimating your kids and just taking the route that is easier for you…hopefully, this is the only area you’re bagging.

Pleeez...
Come to the tweens and teens forum.
That's when you'll learn that most parents drop the rope on so many things. Even you. And then we finally learn to ignore the smug parents.

Well my kids are actually teens and yes, most parents do drop the rope by taking the easier route, doesn’t mean I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kids don’t eat any vegetables? Even if they eat healthy foods they still need vegetables. I’m a big believer in doing what works for your family and if this system works for you then that’s fine. My kid doesn’t like the same thing in tacos as I do not that doesn’t mean I want to make a separate meal. She can have the taco shell with some taco meat, Avacado and cheese….. I’m not forcing lettuce or salsa on her if she doesn’t like it.

Do they though? I definitely put vegetables on my kids' plates but they barely touch them. They actually ate more vegetables when they were younger -- as toddlers/preschoolers there were a bunch of veggies, including raw bell peppers, carrots, green beans, and squash, as well as more savory fruits (avocado, corn). I thought that would only grow, with them adding greens, tomatoes, etc. But the reverse has happened -- they began resisting veggies once they started elementary, likely partly because so many of their peers do but I also think partly because they simply do not like the taste and texture, and now my kids are classic anti-vegetable kids. Every once in a while they'll get a taste for something and eat a full serving of veggies at dinner. But this is rare. Most days they pick at them and will do more than the perfunctory taste to satisfy us. They eat lots of fruit and the rest of their diet is varied. They grow well and seem healthy. We give them vitamins because I do worry about them getting insufficient nutrients with so few veggies. But... it doesn't seem to matter that much?

Kids not eating vegetables is such a typical thing, I think maybe we over estimate how much they *need* them. Not saying we'll stop serving them, because I think exposure is valuable. But I also hated vegetables as a kid and now I love them. Kids bodies are really efficient at extracting nutrients from their foods. I think it's probably possible for children to get everything they need without ever touching a vegetable, and it seems like a lot of kids actually take this route, given the response of so many kids to even very well-prepared vegetable dishes.

you hated all vegetables? You literally tried every single vegetable? As a kid I was probably given carrots/peas/tomatoes/cucumbers oh and potatoes if you count those. As an adult my vegetable exposure is much more varied and so is my kids. She doesn’t like eggplant or zucchini but will eat most other vegetables. They’re important because they’re good for you and have less sugar in than fruit.

[Anonymous]

My kid tried and liked pineapple on (home made, whole wheat) pizza tonight and liked it so I’m feeling pretty happy about that. Tomorrow he’ll probably be back to disliking whatever I make so ya know, just taking it day by day over here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kids don’t eat any vegetables? Even if they eat healthy foods they still need vegetables. I’m a big believer in doing what works for your family and if this system works for you then that’s fine. My kid doesn’t like the same thing in tacos as I do not that doesn’t mean I want to make a separate meal. She can have the taco shell with some taco meat, Avacado and cheese….. I’m not forcing lettuce or salsa on her if she doesn’t like it.

Do they though? I definitely put vegetables on my kids' plates but they barely touch them. They actually ate more vegetables when they were younger -- as toddlers/preschoolers there were a bunch of veggies, including raw bell peppers, carrots, green beans, and squash, as well as more savory fruits (avocado, corn). I thought that would only grow, with them adding greens, tomatoes, etc. But the reverse has happened -- they began resisting veggies once they started elementary, likely partly because so many of their peers do but I also think partly because they simply do not like the taste and texture, and now my kids are classic anti-vegetable kids. Every once in a while they'll get a taste for something and eat a full serving of veggies at dinner. But this is rare. Most days they pick at them and will do more than the perfunctory taste to satisfy us. They eat lots of fruit and the rest of their diet is varied. They grow well and seem healthy. We give them vitamins because I do worry about them getting insufficient nutrients with so few veggies. But... it doesn't seem to matter that much?

Kids not eating vegetables is such a typical thing, I think maybe we over estimate how much they *need* them. Not saying we'll stop serving them, because I think exposure is valuable. But I also hated vegetables as a kid and now I love them. Kids bodies are really efficient at extracting nutrients from their foods. I think it's probably possible for children to get everything they need without ever touching a vegetable, and it seems like a lot of kids actually take this route, given the response of so many kids to even very well-prepared vegetable dishes.

you hated all vegetables? You literally tried every single vegetable? As a kid I was probably given carrots/peas/tomatoes/cucumbers oh and potatoes if you count those. As an adult my vegetable exposure is much more varied and so is my kids. She doesn’t like eggplant or zucchini but will eat most other vegetables. They’re important because they’re good for you and have less sugar in than fruit.

When my kids were young we had a rule that they had to eat one bite of everything served. They would fuss and whine about having to eat that one bite of vegetables, but we still went through it every night. At their yearly checkup, the pediatrician asked if they were eating their vegetables and I explained that we made sure they tried one bite, and then I gave them lots of fruits for nutrition. “One bite!”, he exclaimed in a shocked and disapproving voice (in front of them). “They should be eating one bite for every year of age.” That night I served them portions corresponding to their ages, reminding them it was doctor’s orders. They weren’t happy, but they resigned themselves to eating the full portion and there wasn’t any more fussing. After that, their diet was considerably more balanced and meals were much more pleasant.

He was a great doctor who took care of my kids and saw them through childhood. While I generally appreciate his care of them, I will always be especially grateful for that exchange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am definitely not saying that everyone has to do it my way. I'm just saying that you never hear people say "just make your kids separate foods, its fine" and I have found it is fine.

But I've been told a million times, by pediatricians, teachers, friends, family, "Just feed them what you eat!" As though all kids just eat what adults eat no issue. But my kids have never done this, and when we've tried to do family dinners without substitutions, or even minimizing substitutions, it just leads to conflict. So I just decided that what matters is that they eat regularly healthy meals that hit all their nutritional needs, and it's not actually that important that they eat the exact same foods.

Obviously if your kid happily eats whatever you eat, this isn't an issue. But serving different food is way better than either arguing over eating the family meal or watching them eat the least nutritious version of that meal when there are plenty of nutritious foods they WILL eat.

People act like serving your kids "kid food" at a meal is a failure and it's really not. I personally think it would be a failure if my my kid was eating nothing but tortillas/rolls/bread/rice and milk for dinner every night, which is what would happen if I didn't offer an alternative to our adult foods.

You’re conflict averse and will continue to let your kids dictate what you do as a parent. Honestly, this is what it sounds like. There is no conflict IME from kids when they are babies and whatever there is at 1 or 2 is much easier to deal with than when they are 4 or 5. It’s fine that you decided this isn’t your hill to die on. I just really doubt that it is possible to maintain any rules as a parent without holding your boundaries in a way that makes kids feel frustration, sadness, anger, etc. Even the most reasonable and gently explained boundary can do that.

[Anonymous]

JFC it’s not cultural. I have one picky kid and one who eats everything. Culture does not explain that.

I’m so sick of people thinking their culture makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know adults who grew up in with this food philosophy. They still eat chicken nuggets and order caterpillar rolls at sushi restaurants. Do what you like, OP, but many kids appreciate strong flavors and relish them. Tonight, my 8 and 11 year ate a chicken and tofu curry - sort of thai/Cambodian style, and papaya salad. We are Korean and I love spicy food, but my kids are next level when it comes to their love of spice. They’re normal kids who like trying new foods - most of the time they try something at a restaurant, love it, and then I make my own version at home. It’s fun for me too- I get to try my hand at Indian, middle eastern, Thai, Indonesian, Peruvian. Bland food is boring!

You were feeding your toddlers restaurant food and spicy food regularly? You sound terrible

My kids are 8 and 11, not toddlers. But yes, we have been taking our kids to restaurants since they were infants. If you don’t often take your kids to restaurants, I would highly recommend it. If you have a picky eater, you might be surprised how more willing they are to try a food in a restaurant setting. We took my 8 year old’s friend out to sushi, and he tried and enjoyed several types of nigiri. His mom could not believe that he tried it since he is a notorious picky eater who never eats fish.

Can you believe that kids in Korea start eating kimchi, the national dish, before the age of one? We didn’t introduce it until my kids were toddlers, but it’s common in Korea for parents to “wash” the kimchi in cold water to make it more mild. I’m sure you don’t mean to say that my culture is terrible!

We did the same. It’s really important to make trying new foods and enjoying eating part of a culture around food. Kids should not think food comes out of a box and is eaten while playing a video game. They should be involved in growing food, cooking, learning about foods as part of culture, and enjoying foods in a fun and positive atmosphere. That’s what makes them like eating and seek new food experiences with enthusiasm. If they only see mom scarfing down a shake for lunch and eat the same frozen nuggets day after day they are missing out on a huge part of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the advice to always serve your kids what the adults are eating. They don't want to eat it! We always put some of whatever we made on their plates but there are only a handful of things that we eat that they actually like and will eat more than a couple bites of (mostly simple pasta dishes). They don't complain, they just kind of eat around what we serve, fill up on milk and whatever carb is on the table, and that's it.

So I pretty much always serve them kid-friendly foods (healthy stuff -- yogurt and granola, pasta with simple pesto/red/butter sauce, a variety of fruits, whole grains, etc.) and they mostly just eat that. We always encourage them to try everything on the table unless it's an item they have an established aversion to. They will eat a bite of our main dish and will pick at some veggies, and then they fill up on a variety of the other stuff. It's all things that are easy to serve and we meal prep on the weekend, so it doesn't require extra effort. Though about once a week I'll also prep something I know they love and serve that as well. Like this week I did a batch of banana and oat pancakes that are easy to heat up and they love them plus they are a really healthy main course option (that DH and I have zero interest in eating -- we are having tacos for dinner and our kids hate tacos).

When we do hit on an item we all like, we obviously make it more often, but like I said this is mostly super simple pasta dishes, like spaghetti and meatballs, and we can't make them every single night.

I"m just throwing this out there because I constantly hear the advice about how your kids should "eat what you eat." But they don't want to! It does't taste good to them -- they have brand new taste buds, so strong flavors are too much for them, plus kids naturally gravitate towards foods that are sweeter and simpler. I figure as they get older they will naturally become more interested in more adult flavors and start to eat more of our foods.

I think it's especially damaging for families who have picky eaters (which is not something you can control -- one of my kids is much picker than the other and it's just a personality thing) who feel a lot of pressure for their kids to eat "adult" foods and it's just not a reasonable epxtations for most kids. My two cents.

Good for you?

Kids don't get over being picky by being catered to. You have to offer foods about 20 times to get a picky eater to accept it. BTW, your meal plan isn't that healthy. It's a lot of carbs and not much in the way fruits, vegetables and lean protein.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am definitely not saying that everyone has to do it my way. I'm just saying that you never hear people say "just make your kids separate foods, its fine" and I have found it is fine.

But I've been told a million times, by pediatricians, teachers, friends, family, "Just feed them what you eat!" As though all kids just eat what adults eat no issue. But my kids have never done this, and when we've tried to do family dinners without substitutions, or even minimizing substitutions, it just leads to conflict. So I just decided that what matters is that they eat regularly healthy meals that hit all their nutritional needs, and it's not actually that important that they eat the exact same foods.

Obviously if your kid happily eats whatever you eat, this isn't an issue. But serving different food is way better than either arguing over eating the family meal or watching them eat the least nutritious version of that meal when there are plenty of nutritious foods they WILL eat.

People act like serving your kids "kid food" at a meal is a failure and it's really not. I personally think it would be a failure if my my kid was eating nothing but tortillas/rolls/bread/rice and milk for dinner every night, which is what would happen if I didn't offer an alternative to our adult foods.

You’re conflict averse and will continue to let your kids dictate what you do as a parent. Honestly, this is what it sounds like. There is no conflict IME from kids when they are babies and whatever there is at 1 or 2 is much easier to deal with than when they are 4 or 5. It’s fine that you decided this isn’t your hill to die on. I just really doubt that it is possible to maintain any rules as a parent without holding your boundaries in a way that makes kids feel frustration, sadness, anger, etc. Even the most reasonable and gently explained boundary can do that.

You don’t know what she does with her kids in other situations so it’s odd to assume she is generally conflict averse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the advice to always serve your kids what the adults are eating. They don't want to eat it! We always put some of whatever we made on their plates but there are only a handful of things that we eat that they actually like and will eat more than a couple bites of (mostly simple pasta dishes). They don't complain, they just kind of eat around what we serve, fill up on milk and whatever carb is on the table, and that's it.

So I pretty much always serve them kid-friendly foods (healthy stuff -- yogurt and granola, pasta with simple pesto/red/butter sauce, a variety of fruits, whole grains, etc.) and they mostly just eat that. We always encourage them to try everything on the table unless it's an item they have an established aversion to. They will eat a bite of our main dish and will pick at some veggies, and then they fill up on a variety of the other stuff. It's all things that are easy to serve and we meal prep on the weekend, so it doesn't require extra effort. Though about once a week I'll also prep something I know they love and serve that as well. Like this week I did a batch of banana and oat pancakes that are easy to heat up and they love them plus they are a really healthy main course option (that DH and I have zero interest in eating -- we are having tacos for dinner and our kids hate tacos).

When we do hit on an item we all like, we obviously make it more often, but like I said this is mostly super simple pasta dishes, like spaghetti and meatballs, and we can't make them every single night.

I"m just throwing this out there because I constantly hear the advice about how your kids should "eat what you eat." But they don't want to! It does't taste good to them -- they have brand new taste buds, so strong flavors are too much for them, plus kids naturally gravitate towards foods that are sweeter and simpler. I figure as they get older they will naturally become more interested in more adult flavors and start to eat more of our foods.

I think it's especially damaging for families who have picky eaters (which is not something you can control -- one of my kids is much picker than the other and it's just a personality thing) who feel a lot of pressure for their kids to eat "adult" foods and it's just not a reasonable epxtations for most kids. My two cents.

Good for you?

Kids don't get over being picky by being catered to. You have to offer foods about 20 times to get a picky eater to accept it. BTW, your meal plan isn't that healthy. It's a lot of carbs and not much in the way fruits, vegetables and lean protein.

She does offer them foods, she said she puts some “adult” foods on their plate every time at dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kids don’t eat any vegetables? Even if they eat healthy foods they still need vegetables. I’m a big believer in doing what works for your family and if this system works for you then that’s fine. My kid doesn’t like the same thing in tacos as I do not that doesn’t mean I want to make a separate meal. She can have the taco shell with some taco meat, Avacado and cheese….. I’m not forcing lettuce or salsa on her if she doesn’t like it.

Do they though? I definitely put vegetables on my kids' plates but they barely touch them. They actually ate more vegetables when they were younger -- as toddlers/preschoolers there were a bunch of veggies, including raw bell peppers, carrots, green beans, and squash, as well as more savory fruits (avocado, corn). I thought that would only grow, with them adding greens, tomatoes, etc. But the reverse has happened -- they began resisting veggies once they started elementary, likely partly because so many of their peers do but I also think partly because they simply do not like the taste and texture, and now my kids are classic anti-vegetable kids. Every once in a while they'll get a taste for something and eat a full serving of veggies at dinner. But this is rare. Most days they pick at them and will do more than the perfunctory taste to satisfy us. They eat lots of fruit and the rest of their diet is varied. They grow well and seem healthy. We give them vitamins because I do worry about them getting insufficient nutrients with so few veggies. But... it doesn't seem to matter that much?

Kids not eating vegetables is such a typical thing, I think maybe we over estimate how much they *need* them. Not saying we'll stop serving them, because I think exposure is valuable. But I also hated vegetables as a kid and now I love them. Kids bodies are really efficient at extracting nutrients from their foods. I think it's probably possible for children to get everything they need without ever touching a vegetable, and it seems like a lot of kids actually take this route, given the response of so many kids to even very well-prepared vegetable dishes.

you hated all vegetables? You literally tried every single vegetable? As a kid I was probably given carrots/peas/tomatoes/cucumbers oh and potatoes if you count those. As an adult my vegetable exposure is much more varied and so is my kids. She doesn’t like eggplant or zucchini but will eat most other vegetables. They’re important because they’re good for you and have less sugar in than fruit.

When my kids were young we had a rule that they had to eat one bite of everything served. They would fuss and whine about having to eat that one bite of vegetables, but we still went through it every night. At their yearly checkup, the pediatrician asked if they were eating their vegetables and I explained that we made sure they tried one bite, and then I gave them lots of fruits for nutrition. “One bite!”, he exclaimed in a shocked and disapproving voice (in front of them). “They should be eating one bite for every year of age.” That night I served them portions corresponding to their ages, reminding them it was doctor’s orders. They weren’t happy, but they resigned themselves to eating the full portion and there wasn’t any more fussing. After that, their diet was considerably more balanced and meals were much more pleasant.

He was a great doctor who took care of my kids and saw them through childhood. While I generally appreciate his care of them, I will always be especially grateful for that exchange.

One of the best parenting decisions I made was to stop making my kids take a bite of everything. Now they feel in control of their eating and they make good choices. The “make your kids eat their vegetables” concept is actually disapproved of by the American Academy of Pediatrics, btw.

[Anonymous]

Your kids will grow up even more entitled and spoiled than the current generation.

Hope they do not reproduce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kids don’t eat any vegetables? Even if they eat healthy foods they still need vegetables. I’m a big believer in doing what works for your family and if this system works for you then that’s fine. My kid doesn’t like the same thing in tacos as I do not that doesn’t mean I want to make a separate meal. She can have the taco shell with some taco meat, Avacado and cheese….. I’m not forcing lettuce or salsa on her if she doesn’t like it.

Do they though? I definitely put vegetables on my kids' plates but they barely touch them. They actually ate more vegetables when they were younger -- as toddlers/preschoolers there were a bunch of veggies, including raw bell peppers, carrots, green beans, and squash, as well as more savory fruits (avocado, corn). I thought that would only grow, with them adding greens, tomatoes, etc. But the reverse has happened -- they began resisting veggies once they started elementary, likely partly because so many of their peers do but I also think partly because they simply do not like the taste and texture, and now my kids are classic anti-vegetable kids. Every once in a while they'll get a taste for something and eat a full serving of veggies at dinner. But this is rare. Most days they pick at them and will do more than the perfunctory taste to satisfy us. They eat lots of fruit and the rest of their diet is varied. They grow well and seem healthy. We give them vitamins because I do worry about them getting insufficient nutrients with so few veggies. But... it doesn't seem to matter that much?

Kids not eating vegetables is such a typical thing, I think maybe we over estimate how much they *need* them. Not saying we'll stop serving them, because I think exposure is valuable. But I also hated vegetables as a kid and now I love them. Kids bodies are really efficient at extracting nutrients from their foods. I think it's probably possible for children to get everything they need without ever touching a vegetable, and it seems like a lot of kids actually take this route, given the response of so many kids to even very well-prepared vegetable dishes.

you hated all vegetables? You literally tried every single vegetable? As a kid I was probably given carrots/peas/tomatoes/cucumbers oh and potatoes if you count those. As an adult my vegetable exposure is much more varied and so is my kids. She doesn’t like eggplant or zucchini but will eat most other vegetables. They’re important because they’re good for you and have less sugar in than fruit.

NP. I absolutely hated all vegetables as a kid. I always ate any fruit anyone offered me, but HATED every vegetable. I grew out of it eventually (first frozen peas and fresh veg and things like corn and potatoes and tomatoes, then things like green beans and carrots). I still intensely dislike leafy greens and squash, honestly. My parents served me vegetables regularly and encouraged me to eat them without forcing (sometimes they bribed me with dessert but it never felt bad). Some of us just don't like vegetables.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just live and let live. If you want to serve your kids different food than what you’re eating, go for it. I don’t get why you feel the need to say it’s “better” or make some broad pronouncements about kid food preferences and how they learn to eat (there’s a great book called First Bite: How We Learn to Eat about this, and it contradicts what you’re saying).

Every family is different, every kid is different, every parent is different. It’s important to me that my kids can be full participants in family meals and that they enjoy eating a wide variety of foods. I really don’t care if you feel otherwise until you tell me your way is better. It’s just smug and annoying.

PP with the $3000 dollars of feeding therapy behind me (and counting). Yea, all families are different. It was important to me that my child didn’t end up on a feeding tube. I would literally give up a kidney to have my child enjoy a wide at of food and be comfortable in any social setting. You seriously don’t know how lucky you are for that to be an option for you.

I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I do have some exposure to serious feeding challenges through family members, so yes, I do know how fortunate we are.. I don’t know how you read this as criticizing people who are experiencing serious issues like you are. My whole point is that everyone is doing the best they can and what works for them and that looks different for different families. OP came in here saying the way they feed their family is “better” than what other people do and that’s what rubbed me the wrong way.

Wow can you really not understand how blathering on about how the big difference between you and the parents of people who struggle with this is because it’s IMPORTANT to you is not super tone deaf? Do you also interrupt conversations between women who are having infertility struggles and miscarriages to inform them how important it was to you to naturally conceive 7 children? Good grief. I feel terrible for anyone you talk to in real life who has struggles with feeding challenges. Get a clue.

Sigh. I am not tone deaf. You are misinterpreting what I’m saying. Per usual, DCUM is not a good place for a nuanced conversation. I have a kid in various therapies myself for other types of challenges, so I have a ton of empathy for parents going through what you’re going through. I 100000% understand that there are lots of parents who would like their kids to eat a variety of foods but it’s not happening for reasons outside of their control. My entire point is that we shouldn’t judge what other parents are doing. OP doesn’t seem to be facing the types of severe issues that you are, and my post was directed at them.