I make my kids separate meals from us for pretty much every meal and I think it's better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the advice to always serve your kids what the adults are eating. They don't want to eat it! We always put some of whatever we made on their plates but there are only a handful of things that we eat that they actually like and will eat more than a couple bites of (mostly simple pasta dishes). They don't complain, they just kind of eat around what we serve, fill up on milk and whatever carb is on the table, and that's it.

So I pretty much always serve them kid-friendly foods (healthy stuff -- yogurt and granola, pasta with simple pesto/red/butter sauce, a variety of fruits, whole grains, etc.) and they mostly just eat that. We always encourage them to try everything on the table unless it's an item they have an established aversion to. They will eat a bite of our main dish and will pick at some veggies, and then they fill up on a variety of the other stuff. It's all things that are easy to serve and we meal prep on the weekend, so it doesn't require extra effort. Though about once a week I'll also prep something I know they love and serve that as well. Like this week I did a batch of banana and oat pancakes that are easy to heat up and they love them plus they are a really healthy main course option (that DH and I have zero interest in eating -- we are having tacos for dinner and our kids hate tacos).

When we do hit on an item we all like, we obviously make it more often, but like I said this is mostly super simple pasta dishes, like spaghetti and meatballs, and we can't make them every single night.

I"m just throwing this out there because I constantly hear the advice about how your kids should "eat what you eat." But they don't want to! It does't taste good to them -- they have brand new taste buds, so strong flavors are too much for them, plus kids naturally gravitate towards foods that are sweeter and simpler. I figure as they get older they will naturally become more interested in more adult flavors and start to eat more of our foods.

I think it's especially damaging for families who have picky eaters (which is not something you can control -- one of my kids is much picker than the other and it's just a personality thing) who feel a lot of pressure for their kids to eat "adult" foods and it's just not a reasonable epxtations for most kids. My two cents.

You’re underestimating your kids and just taking the route that is easier for you…hopefully, this is the only area you’re bagging.

Pleeez...
Come to the tweens and teens forum.
That's when you'll learn that most parents drop the rope on so many things. Even you. And then we finally learn to ignore the smug parents.

Well my kids are actually teens and yes, most parents do drop the rope by taking the easier route, doesn’t mean I have.

Your argumentative style seems familiar. If I have read some of your posts on the Tween Teen forum, I wouldn't agree with your assessment of yourself. You're hung up on rules and the way things "should be." Glad I'm not one of your kids.

[Anonymous]

Strongly disagree with you OP, and that's okay. However: I do think a lot of the advice to "give the kids what you eat" comes with the assumption that what the adults eat is actually appetizing and well-prepared. So many Americans can't cook for s*** (and I'm a proud American, fwiw). Look at all the terrible "throw cream cheese in a CrockPot" recipes on Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh, OP I am exactly the same! Our children (preschool and ES ages) literally eat a different meal from us every day. They eat at 6 pm, DH and I eat when they go to bed. It started early on when we discovered it really sucks to rush dinner that the kids don’t enjoy so they can be in bed at a reasonable hour. They like simple, plain food and we like very spicy, seasoned dishes. Now they eat their meal together and we chat with them about their day, and an hour later they go to bed and we eat alone together. Our marriage improved from solo dinners every night too.

[Anonymous]

Question for the "make separate meals" crowd: what kinds of dinners are you making for the adults?

M-Th I make one dinner that everyone eats. The thing is, I don't really have the time or energy to make the kind of meals that my kids/*most* kids wouldn't like. It's kid-friendly bc kid-friendly is quick and easy -- simple pasta dishes, simple protein + starch + veg, simple make your own tacos, etc. (Not "kid food", but kid friendly.)

Friday we get pizza or go out.

Then on the weekends DH and I cook more elaborate, adventurous, spicy, etc. dinners and kids usually get separate kid food.

Works for us.

What are you adults whose kids eat separate kid food eating during the week??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for the "make separate meals" crowd: what kinds of dinners are you making for the adults?

M-Th I make one dinner that everyone eats. The thing is, I don't really have the time or energy to make the kind of meals that my kids/*most* kids wouldn't like. It's kid-friendly bc kid-friendly is quick and easy -- simple pasta dishes, simple protein + starch + veg, simple make your own tacos, etc. (Not "kid food", but kid friendly.)

Friday we get pizza or go out.

Then on the weekends DH and I cook more elaborate, adventurous, spicy, etc. dinners and kids usually get separate kid food.

Works for us.

What are you adults whose kids eat separate kid food eating during the week??

I make separate meals for my youngest most days of the week - my oldest is a teen and will eat what we eat but the youngest is very picky and only eats a few things, prepared a certain way. If the rest of us had to eat like this, we'd die of boredom. FWIW, my oldest was like that too and grew out of it (and I made her separate meals until she indicated interest in adult food.) I used to be like that as a kid and grew out of it as well. Youngest may or may not but either way, I'd rather he ate well and happily than have fights over it and turn mealtime into a misery.

I grew up in a different culture which had no concept of catering to kids in terms of kid-friendly food AND with family that deeply believed you needed to eat what was served to you too bad so sad. I hated mealtimes for years and a large chunk of my childhood memories are of miserable meals lasting for hours and fights and meltdowns over food and me trying to find any way to get out of eating whatever. I had issues about food for years until I lived by myself for a sufficiently long time to be able to move past issues associated with that and to slowly figure out what I like and what I don't gradually and without pressure. Now I am actually not a picky eater at all, but it took me years. I don't want to inflict that on my kids. MMV.

My

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my gosh, OP I am exactly the same! Our children (preschool and ES ages) literally eat a different meal from us every day. They eat at 6 pm, DH and I eat when they go to bed. It started early on when we discovered it really sucks to rush dinner that the kids don’t enjoy so they can be in bed at a reasonable hour. They like simple, plain food and we like very spicy, seasoned dishes. Now they eat their meal together and we chat with them about their day, and an hour later they go to bed and we eat alone together. Our marriage improved from solo dinners every night too.

Same. The issue is a combination of our kids liking much more simple food than we do, and also the fact that they get hungry at like 5:30pm and go to bed by 8pm. If we do dinner at 6, the kids are ravenous and we're barely hungry at all (even if we don't snack during the day and eat lunch during a normal time -- we just do not get hungry that early), and then DH and I get hungry again after the kids go to ged and wind up snacking then, which doesn't work either.

So I feed the kids at 5:30 before DH gets home, simple but healthy meals with plenty of variety, lots of veggies and fruits, etc. And then we eat what we want. Sometimes we'll have something that is broadly appealing to the whole family and serve it to everyone, but a lot to times DH and I are eating spicy curries, baked dishes with lots of ingredients, big salads with lots of different ingredients (our kids will eat veggie sides but not just one big salad).

The kids usually get elements from our meal (so like the raw version of the veggies that will go in our stir fry, or some of the chicken that will wind up in our salad, etc.) so I'm not making a whole other meal. Plus they get stuff we don't eat for dinner but they love, and that require no prep, like berries, yogurt, applesauce, etc. It helps me round out their meals and ensures they are getting a good variety.

We eat together on weekends when we will prioritize eating food everyone likes (pizza, simple pasta) and when we have more leeway to make the timing work, but giving kids a late lunch. Plus we're more likely to go out on the weekends which means people will mostly just order what they want anyway. And our kids don't just order off the kids menu, either.

I honestly don't know how people do nightly family dinners if one of you works out of the house and has a regular commute. We tried it for a while but it meant that I was going crazy trying to get a universally pleasing meal ready by 6pm on the dot so we could eat the second DH got home, all while the kids were going crazy with hunger and asking me for a snack every 3 minutes, and then DH and I would barely eat because it was stressful and we weren't really that hungry. And the kids would complain about anything that was remotely unusual, whether it was olives in a pasta dish or asparagus instead of green beans or whatever random food aversion they had that week. It was not quality family time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for the "make separate meals" crowd: what kinds of dinners are you making for the adults?

M-Th I make one dinner that everyone eats. The thing is, I don't really have the time or energy to make the kind of meals that my kids/*most* kids wouldn't like. It's kid-friendly bc kid-friendly is quick and easy -- simple pasta dishes, simple protein + starch + veg, simple make your own tacos, etc. (Not "kid food", but kid friendly.)

Friday we get pizza or go out.

Then on the weekends DH and I cook more elaborate, adventurous, spicy, etc. dinners and kids usually get separate kid food.

Works for us.

What are you adults whose kids eat separate kid food eating during the week??

I am glad this works for you but the way you are cooking would bore me really fast. I like spicy food. I like trying new recipes and experimenting with ingredients. If I had kids who were really adventurous eaters, I'd be thrilled! We'd love to serve our kids spicy curries and sushi and steak with different sauces and whatever veggie I come home from the Asian grocer with. But we have pretty standard kids with standard tastes, and they don't like any of that stuff.

What you describe as your family dinners are what I serve my kids (simple pastas, simple proteins with veggie sides, we do make your own rice bowls instead of tacos but same idea, etc.). It's healthy and balanced. But it's generally just not how I like to eat. I eat with them maybe once a week.

[Anonymous]

If you do not start feeling your child the same foods you eat from the time they are eating baby food you have missed the boat. Blend everything into a purée or smaller pieces when they are up to that stage. That is their time to play experiment, and get used to the texture of different foods. The problem is introducing these processed, bland foods and getting them hooked on it, and then expecting them to wean off of that at some point. It’s like making them eat beige and then introducing them to red. Of course it will be too much for them bc you trained them to only tolerate beige

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do not start feeling your child the same foods you eat from the time they are eating baby food you have missed the boat. Blend everything into a purée or smaller pieces when they are up to that stage. That is their time to play experiment, and get used to the texture of different foods. The problem is introducing these processed, bland foods and getting them hooked on it, and then expecting them to wean off of that at some point. It’s like making them eat beige and then introducing them to red. Of course it will be too much for them bc you trained them to only tolerate beige

Controversial, but I do think this is true. We gave our kids curries, fish, whatever as babies and they developed their palates around this flavors. They turned into hideously picky toddlers, so we toned it down, but never switched to kid friendly beige food (aside from peanut butter). By elementary school they were all good eaters again. They won’t eat anything and have their things they refuse, but have diverse palates and very broad, healthy diets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do not start feeling your child the same foods you eat from the time they are eating baby food you have missed the boat. Blend everything into a purée or smaller pieces when they are up to that stage. That is their time to play experiment, and get used to the texture of different foods. The problem is introducing these processed, bland foods and getting them hooked on it, and then expecting them to wean off of that at some point. It’s like making them eat beige and then introducing them to red. Of course it will be too much for them bc you trained them to only tolerate beige

You can also feed your kids the same foods as you from infancy and they can still become picky. I didn't even puree foods, just mostly cut them up small or smashed them or whatever. Kid ate whatever we gave her from 6 months until 3 years. Then got picky, no refuses veggies and a lot of foods we enjoy. Dislikes combined foods. Dislikes anything very savory unless it's very butter heavy.

Still doesn't eat bland processed foods except cereal -- most of her foods are "whole" foods. But she's super picky about flavors and textures. Not enough to effect weight or health, but enough to be very inconvenient for our otherwise adventurous eating family.

But both DH and I were picky eaters as kids. I honestly think some of this is just genetic predisposition, and some people are pre-programmed to be more suspicious of food. Both DH and I eat a broad variety of foods now so we outgrew it. So she probably will too. But it just goes to show there is no magic bullet. You can do everything "right" and still wind up with picky eaters.