Drama over who pays for the wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You? What do you have to do with it?
The bride and groom deal with this, not you.

You offer $X to them, whatever you are willing to give, and that's it. If they want more, they can ask his parents.

+1 Ridiculous, not to mention sexist, for the burden to be placed on one set of parents when the means are relatively equal.

This.

+2 Who are these people still living in the dark ages?

Can I offer two sheep, a cow, and a sheaf of wheat as dowry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s 2023- the bride and groom should be paying for their own wedding.

College grads heading directly to grad school? How?

How about getting married until they can afford it?

Or they can have a courthouse wedding with just parents and close friends invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s 2023- the bride and groom should be paying for their own wedding.

College grads heading directly to grad school? How?

How about getting married until they can afford it?

Or they can have a courthouse wedding with just parents and close friends invited.

But, but what about the big families on both sides?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s 2023- the bride and groom should be paying for their own wedding.

College grads heading directly to grad school? How?

How about getting married until they can afford it?

Or they can have a courthouse wedding with just parents and close friends invited.

But, but what about the big families on both sides?

Well, that's the thing. If the OP wants to invite the big families on both sides, she'll have to pony up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BG: our DD and her fiancée are both seniors in college and recently got engaged. DD is accepted into medical school and the fiancée into a top MBA school. Neither has debt from college. We will pay for DD medical school and his parents will pay for MBA school. Both families are well off with family all in the US.

The fiancée’s parents are going to traditional route and want us to pay for our DD’s wedding. While we can, we also have a second DD and their’s is an only child. We also feel we are keeping the young couple out of debt (but so are they). I want to suggest we split the costs but I don’t want to offend them.

DS says he and the fiancée will contribute but they don’t have much to contribute and we don’t want them to.

The fiancée doesn’t want a fancy wedding but we both have big families.

Should we ask the fiancée’s parents to contribute? How should we word it?

It is 100% the responsibility of the bride’s parents to pay for the wedding, irrespective of family size and wealth. Our son got married about ten years ago and his fiancée’s parents didn’t offer to pay a thing. Yes, we own a successful business, have a 15,000 sqft home, a NW of $150M, and own $1M+ in automobiles, but this shouldn’t have mattered. We had to step up and foot the bill and what a total embarrassment and irrevocable loss of face that was for the father of the bride. He was a proud military man that was dishonorably released, demanded respect, but did nothing to earn it. My son and DIL are now completely estranged from her side of the family. We rightfully own all holidays, birthdays, and priority time with the grandchildren.

So you would have been fine with cake and punch at the VFW hall, if that’s what they could have afforded?

oh please, net worth lady is obvious troll

[Anonymous]

have never, ever heard of "FLOP". How bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BG: our DD and her fiancée are both seniors in college and recently got engaged. DD is accepted into medical school and the fiancée into a top MBA school. Neither has debt from college. We will pay for DD medical school and his parents will pay for MBA school. Both families are well off with family all in the US.

The fiancée’s parents are going to traditional route and want us to pay for our DD’s wedding. While we can, we also have a second DD and their’s is an only child. We also feel we are keeping the young couple out of debt (but so are they). I want to suggest we split the costs but I don’t want to offend them.

DS says he and the fiancée will contribute but they don’t have much to contribute and we don’t want them to.

The fiancée doesn’t want a fancy wedding but we both have big families.

Should we ask the fiancée’s parents to contribute? How should we word it?

It is 100% the responsibility of the bride’s parents to pay for the wedding, irrespective of family size and wealth. Our son got married about ten years ago and his fiancée’s parents didn’t offer to pay a thing. Yes, we own a successful business, have a 15,000 sqft home, a NW of $150M, and own $1M+ in automobiles, but this shouldn’t have mattered. We had to step up and foot the bill and what a total embarrassment and irrevocable loss of face that was for the father of the bride. He was a proud military man that was dishonorably released, demanded respect, but did nothing to earn it. My son and DIL are now completely estranged from her side of the family. We rightfully own all holidays, birthdays, and priority time with the grandchildren.

I sure hope this is a troll post.

[Anonymous]

What century are we living in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BG: our DD and her fiancée are both seniors in college and recently got engaged. DD is accepted into medical school and the fiancée into a top MBA school. Neither has debt from college. We will pay for DD medical school and his parents will pay for MBA school. Both families are well off with family all in the US.

The fiancée’s parents are going to traditional route and want us to pay for our DD’s wedding. While we can, we also have a second DD and their’s is an only child. We also feel we are keeping the young couple out of debt (but so are they). I want to suggest we split the costs but I don’t want to offend them.

DS says he and the fiancée will contribute but they don’t have much to contribute and we don’t want them to.

The fiancée doesn’t want a fancy wedding but we both have big families.

Should we ask the fiancée’s parents to contribute? How should we word it?

It is 100% the responsibility of the bride’s parents to pay for the wedding, irrespective of family size and wealth. Our son got married about ten years ago and his fiancée’s parents didn’t offer to pay a thing. Yes, we own a successful business, have a 15,000 sqft home, a NW of $150M, and own $1M+ in automobiles, but this shouldn’t have mattered. We had to step up and foot the bill and what a total embarrassment and irrevocable loss of face that was for the father of the bride. He was a proud military man that was dishonorably released, demanded respect, but did nothing to earn it. My son and DIL are now completely estranged from her side of the family. We rightfully own all holidays, birthdays, and priority time with the grandchildren.

So you would have been fine with cake and punch at the VFW hall, if that’s what they could have afforded?

Absolutely not. It isn’t about what the bride’s family can comfortably afford, it is about what my son and his soon-to-be-wife deserve. If that military maggot wanted to have the pleasure of marrying into my family, with all my grandness, then he needs to pay his way! This is an investment as much as it is a test of character…and Captain Cheapskate failed the test.

[Anonymous]

If the parents want guests they need to pay up. Dh and I wanted our best friends, close relatives and immediate family. No way were we footing the bill for 2nd cousins, neighbors, parent friends or others. We just wanted a beautiful intimate wedding. Parents, especially in-laws, would have preferred a $20 goodwill dress, no flowers or photographer and a 400 person VFW wedding. We paid for it all and didn’t even get a parent gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the parents want guests they need to pay up. Dh and I wanted our best friends, close relatives and immediate family. No way were we footing the bill for 2nd cousins, neighbors, parent friends or others. We just wanted a beautiful intimate wedding. Parents, especially in-laws, would have preferred a $20 goodwill dress, no flowers or photographer and a 400 person VFW wedding. We paid for it all and didn’t even get a parent gift.

This is actually an excellent point.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you will pay up to X dollars for the wedding dress and up to C dollars for the wedding and that the bills will need to be in their name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Traditionally, the bride’s family pays for the wedding and the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner, but no one is actually obligated to do so.

You are free to pay for as much of the wedding as you want, but you are not free to pressure other parties to pay for anything. This includes the bride and the groom. If you have expectations of what the wedding requires (guest list, etc.), you either need to pay for it or surrender the expectation. Just as you are not obligated to pay for the wedding, the couple is not obligated to pay for your idea of what their wedding should be.

+1

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Brides parents paying all of the costs is not a thing anymore.

When I got married (my parents and dh’s are well off) our parents split the major vendors down the middle- venue/catering, liquor, flowers, orchestra/band, etc. then they each paid for their guests per head because my family had a larger guestlist.

If you are making a more extravagant wedding than they are comfortable with, they should chip in what they’re willing/able to.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you Indian-American?

If you are paying for the wedding for your DD, you get to have full say in how it will go down, who you will invite etc.

First of all - you have full say in who gets invited from your side. Make a list of your friends and relatives that you do not mind paying for. Then add 50 more people to that list. That is your full cost. Feel free to invite all your relatives and friends.

Second, only allow x number of close relatives of the groom. There is zero reason to give them a block of invites. Stick to 20 people from the groom's family.

Third, your DD gets to invite her friends. She can invite 0-30 people.

4th, groom gets to invite his friends if there are any space left.

And last, if there is any space left, the groom's family can invite their friends.

My recommendation is that you should have the wedding in a venue that can accommodate more people, and price out how much per person cost works out. Then if the groom's family wants more people, they can just pay for the extra people. Same goes for the groom. If you are paying for the wedding, then the only people you need to invite from the groom's side is the groom and his parents.

They can pay for additional people if they want to call their guests. And since you are planning and paying for the wedding, there is zero reason to take input from them. Their kid is going for an MBA program but your kid is also going for a medical degree. You will actually be paying more than they will for the education of your child.