Drama over who pays for the wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BG: our DD and her fiancée are both seniors in college and recently got engaged. DD is accepted into medical school and the fiancée into a top MBA school. Neither has debt from college. We will pay for DD medical school and his parents will pay for MBA school. Both families are well off with family all in the US.

The fiancée’s parents are going to traditional route and want us to pay for our DD’s wedding. While we can, we also have a second DD and their’s is an only child. We also feel we are keeping the young couple out of debt (but so are they). I want to suggest we split the costs but I don’t want to offend them.

DS says he and the fiancée will contribute but they don’t have much to contribute and we don’t want them to.

The fiancée doesn’t want a fancy wedding but we both have big families.

Should we ask the fiancée’s parents to contribute? How should we word it?

It is 100% the responsibility of the bride’s parents to pay for the wedding, irrespective of family size and wealth. Our son got married about ten years ago and his fiancée’s parents didn’t offer to pay a thing. Yes, we own a successful business, have a 15,000 sqft home, a NW of $150M, and own $1M+ in automobiles, but this shouldn’t have mattered. We had to step up and foot the bill and what a total embarrassment and irrevocable loss of face that was for the father of the bride. He was a proud military man that was dishonorably released, demanded respect, but did nothing to earn it. My son and DIL are now completely estranged from her side of the family. We rightfully own all holidays, birthdays, and priority time with the grandchildren.

So you would have been fine with cake and punch at the VFW hall, if that’s what they could have afforded?

Seriously. The 150M net worth PP is a complete douchebag.

You all are so gullible. It’s sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brides parents paying all of the costs is not a thing anymore.

When I got married (my parents and dh’s are well off) our parents split the major vendors down the middle- venue/catering, liquor, flowers, orchestra/band, etc. then they each paid for their guests per head because my family had a larger guestlist.

If you are making a more extravagant wedding than they are comfortable with, they should chip in what they’re willing/able to.

Yes, Boomers changed all the rules. They were quick to expect their own parents to pay for college, weddings, glory hole boxes, and house down payments. Now – unsurprisingly – these traditions have conveniently fallen out of favor. Even newlyweds that were expecting to get the shaft are left with nothing but an empty sack!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that each side should offer a check, and let the couple figure it out from there.
I got married 9 years ago, and my mother in law announced after our engagement that "she would be paying for the weddings of her daughters, and not for her son."
FIL, divorced from MIL, asked if he could pay for the welcome dinner, and invite a larger number of his extended family. I thought that was fair and thoughtful of him.
MIL refused to give a penny, and continued to add to the guest list even after we set a cut off date.
My parents happily gave us an amount that they felt comfortable giving, and DH and I contributed the rest.

I lost a ton of respect for MIL from that process, which was informative. It showed that she was interested in taking and never contributing. It proved true for the duration of our marriage.

Why did she refer to herself in the third person?

[Anonymous]

The real question is- who is going to pay for the divorce? OP, how much will you contribute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BG: our DD and her fiancée are both seniors in college and recently got engaged. DD is accepted into medical school and the fiancée into a top MBA school. Neither has debt from college. We will pay for DD medical school and his parents will pay for MBA school. Both families are well off with family all in the US.

The fiancée’s parents are going to traditional route and want us to pay for our DD’s wedding. While we can, we also have a second DD and their’s is an only child. We also feel we are keeping the young couple out of debt (but so are they). I want to suggest we split the costs but I don’t want to offend them.

DS says he and the fiancée will contribute but they don’t have much to contribute and we don’t want them to.

The fiancée doesn’t want a fancy wedding but we both have big families.

Should we ask the fiancée’s parents to contribute? How should we word it?

It is 100% the responsibility of the bride’s parents to pay for the wedding, irrespective of family size and wealth. Our son got married about ten years ago and his fiancée’s parents didn’t offer to pay a thing. Yes, we own a successful business, have a 15,000 sqft home, a NW of $150M, and own $1M+ in automobiles, but this shouldn’t have mattered. We had to step up and foot the bill and what a total embarrassment and irrevocable loss of face that was for the father of the bride. He was a proud military man that was dishonorably released, demanded respect, but did nothing to earn it. My son and DIL are now completely estranged from her side of the family. We rightfully own all holidays, birthdays, and priority time with the grandchildren.

So you would have been fine with cake and punch at the VFW hall, if that’s what they could have afforded?

Seriously. The 150M net worth PP is a complete douchebag.

Seriously, there is no 150M net worth pp. He is just pulling that number out of his a$$! You do realize that someone with that net worth will not be trolling here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brides parents paying all of the costs is not a thing anymore.

When I got married (my parents and dh’s are well off) our parents split the major vendors down the middle- venue/catering, liquor, flowers, orchestra/band, etc. then they each paid for their guests per head because my family had a larger guestlist.

If you are making a more extravagant wedding than they are comfortable with, they should chip in what they’re willing/able to.

Yes, Boomers changed all the rules. They were quick to expect their own parents to pay for college, weddings, glory hole boxes, and house down payments. Now – unsurprisingly – these traditions have conveniently fallen out of favor. Even newlyweds that were expecting to get the shaft are left with nothing but an empty sack!

Speak for yourself. My boomer parents were broke as a joke when they got married. My mom never went to college. They had a very simple wedding. Their parents didn't give them squat. I know a lot of people like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brides parents paying all of the costs is not a thing anymore.

When I got married (my parents and dh’s are well off) our parents split the major vendors down the middle- venue/catering, liquor, flowers, orchestra/band, etc. then they each paid for their guests per head because my family had a larger guestlist.

If you are making a more extravagant wedding than they are comfortable with, they should chip in what they’re willing/able to.

Yes, Boomers changed all the rules. They were quick to expect their own parents to pay for college, weddings, glory hole boxes, and house down payments. Now – unsurprisingly – these traditions have conveniently fallen out of favor. Even newlyweds that were expecting to get the shaft are left with nothing but an empty sack!

Speak for yourself. My boomer parents were broke as a joke when they got married. My mom never went to college. They had a very simple wedding. Their parents didn't give them squat. I know a lot of people like that.

Same. But people with rich parents forget we exist at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brides parents paying all of the costs is not a thing anymore.

When I got married (my parents and dh’s are well off) our parents split the major vendors down the middle- venue/catering, liquor, flowers, orchestra/band, etc. then they each paid for their guests per head because my family had a larger guestlist.

If you are making a more extravagant wedding than they are comfortable with, they should chip in what they’re willing/able to.

Yes, Boomers changed all the rules. They were quick to expect their own parents to pay for college, weddings, glory hole boxes, and house down payments. Now – unsurprisingly – these traditions have conveniently fallen out of favor. Even newlyweds that were expecting to get the shaft are left with nothing but an empty sack!

Speak for yourself. My boomer parents were broke as a joke when they got married. My mom never went to college. They had a very simple wedding. Their parents didn't give them squat. I know a lot of people like that.

Same. But people with rich parents forget we exist at all.

They live in a very tiny insulated bubble and then make these vast sweeping ridiculous generalizations. My boomer parents are comfortable now considering they were descended from a bus driver and teamster who had nothing themselves and therefore nothing to pass on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree that each side should offer a check, and let the couple figure it out from there.
I got married 9 years ago, and my mother in law announced after our engagement that "she would be paying for the weddings of her daughters, and not for her son."
FIL, divorced from MIL, asked if he could pay for the welcome dinner, and invite a larger number of his extended family. I thought that was fair and thoughtful of him.
MIL refused to give a penny, and continued to add to the guest list even after we set a cut off date.
My parents happily gave us an amount that they felt comfortable giving, and DH and I contributed the rest.

I lost a ton of respect for MIL from that process, which was informative. It showed that she was interested in taking and never contributing. It proved true for the duration of our marriage.

Why did she refer to herself in the third person?

ok. she said "i will be paying for my daughters' weddings, and not my son's. therefore you all need to work with the budget given to you by the bride's parents.
and then she proceeded to add random people we had never met to the guest list, and insisting she would not contribute a penny. she was trash and i'm glad she is gone.

[Anonymous]

I have boys and I will give them a gift to do what they want with it. They can throw a wedding party, they can elope, they can buy a house or they can buy bitcoin. I don’t care what they do with it. If their fiancée or whatever wants a big wedding then they can work it out. I just hope I’ve raised adults.

[Anonymous]

My DD and her BF are in the same situation. Both are broke grad students, want to get married soon and groom's parents are not going to contribute at all. They also do not have any demands of what the wedding should look like. Groom is ok to get married in VFW or backyard. DD has basically told us to plan the entire wedding the way we want to. She has very few wants - choice of her dress and color scheme, some foods that she cares about, some friends and relatives that must attend. In some ways, knowing that no one can contribute to the wedding is a burden on us, but in other way, we do not have too many cooks in the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brides parents paying all of the costs is not a thing anymore.

When I got married (my parents and dh’s are well off) our parents split the major vendors down the middle- venue/catering, liquor, flowers, orchestra/band, etc. then they each paid for their guests per head because my family had a larger guestlist.

If you are making a more extravagant wedding than they are comfortable with, they should chip in what they’re willing/able to.

Yes, Boomers changed all the rules. They were quick to expect their own parents to pay for college, weddings, glory hole boxes, and house down payments. Now – unsurprisingly – these traditions have conveniently fallen out of favor. Even newlyweds that were expecting to get the shaft are left with nothing but an empty sack!

You sound like you were raised in a bubble. My mom and dad got married at the courthouse and she wore her best yellow sundress (it was July). They both went to college and paid for it themselves. My mom went to community college first. I think you are confusing boomers with my generation, genx.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Brides parents paying all of the costs is not a thing anymore.

When I got married (my parents and dh’s are well off) our parents split the major vendors down the middle- venue/catering, liquor, flowers, orchestra/band, etc. then they each paid for their guests per head because my family had a larger guestlist.

If you are making a more extravagant wedding than they are comfortable with, they should chip in what they’re willing/able to.

Yes, Boomers changed all the rules. They were quick to expect their own parents to pay for college, weddings, glory hole boxes, and house down payments. Now – unsurprisingly – these traditions have conveniently fallen out of favor. Even newlyweds that were expecting to get the shaft are left with nothing but an empty sack!

Speak for yourself. My boomer parents were broke as a joke when they got married. My mom never went to college. They had a very simple wedding. Their parents didn't give them squat. I know a lot of people like that.

Same. But people with rich parents forget we exist at all.

They live in a very tiny insulated bubble and then make these vast sweeping ridiculous generalizations. My boomer parents are comfortable now considering they were descended from a bus driver and teamster who had nothing themselves and therefore nothing to pass on.

Your grandparents were much better off than mine then, a waitress and truck driver on my dad’s side, a fisherman and waitress on my mom’s. My dad was a factory worker and my mom was a secretary and they will have nothing to leave me.

[Anonymous]

My cousin just had a courthouse wedding with immediate family. They still dressed up and got married at a really lovely historic courthouse.

[Anonymous]

Where is the OP - I’m on the edge of my seat waiting to hear of the elite MBA program accepting students right out of college