BIL brought dog that growls at children to Christmas dinner

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:DH claims he explicitly told BIL no dog. Dog ended up being tied up in the freezing cold but BIL still seemed eager to bring the dog in. There were eight kids under 12 in attendance, including two toddlers and two babies.

Previous experience with this dog was Thanksgiving dinner where he brought it without permission and no warning it growls at children. For about the first hour BIL would pin the dog to the floor whenever it growled at a child. As time passed and the dog seemed to relax, BIL helped himself to the dinner I cooked and stopped monitoring the dog, so I was left frantically trying to carry a 20 pound baby around while keeping between the f--king dog and my toddler. DH said "What do you want, I'm eating!". SIL gaslighted me saying "It's not a pitbull".

No apology forthcoming. Clearly he and the other in-laws don't think he did anything wrong.

I am considering the nuclear option and reporting the dog to the city. If I did that I would be the big bad meanie forever of the family. Amazingly, BIL is a licensed childcare provider and works in a public school as some kind of an aid for people with special needs.

Is it an over-reaction to report the dog?

So let me get this straight. A month ago this dog growled at children. Every person there, including your DH was not concerned. Given that there were 8 kids there, I assume that the parents of these kids were not concerned. And nobody was hurt.
A few days ago you were at a separate event where the dog was kept outside. No growling and no incident.

What is the issue?

The first event I was hosting and it was only my children. He lied and said he asked permission. He did not.

Second event was the Airbnb potluck. He would have brought the dog into the house with 8 kids had I not thrown a tempter tantrum. Ironically I did leave with the baby and had McDonald's for Christmas dinner, after cooking for an hour and running errands getting last minute items for the group dinner. My husband stayed with the two olders but the whole event was ruined for us.

So he brings the dog, you tell him the dog can't be around the children, so the dog stays outside the whole time. Yet you leave and eat McDonalds anyway? It certainly didn't have to be ruined at all. You chose to let it be ruined.

1. I was extremely mad and not in the mood to enjoy dinner with irresponsible @holes
2. Had I not pitched a fit he may have tried to sneak the dog in. He had repeatedly shown sneaking behavior and disregard to parental preferences.

Look, I'm not saying the guy was in the right to bring his dog. He likely wasn't. But you made the choice to let it ruin your day.

I will absolutely not be gaslighted about safety issues around my children. If that constitutes letting it ruin my day, so be it.

No one is gaslighting you. In fact, it seems to very much be the other way around. There is not a safety issue here. There is the POTENTIAL for a safety issue, but your actual issue is that you're mad at your husband's family for not kowtowing to your "parental preferences."

Any reputable source on dog behavior will tell you a dog that growls at children is dangerous around children. Stop gaslighting. Gaslighting is narcissistic abuse. I'm not having it from anybody.

DP. I'm on your side that the dog should not be around children but accusing people of gaslighting for pointing out that a dog tied up outside isn't going to hurt your children inside makes you seem off your rocker. No one is gaslighting or abusing you on this website.

She didn't say that it was gaslighting when her SIL said the dog was tied up. She said it was gaslighting when SIL said that at Thanksgiving when the dog was growling at toddlers and being physically disciplined for doing so (which is how you train dogs to attack toddlers) the dog wasn't dangerous because it wasn't a pitbull.

I'm not sure I agree that it's gaslighting, but it's a ridiculous statement. I'm the PP whose goddaughter was attacked, and that dog was not a pitbull. Child ended up with 100s of stitches, and multiple surgeries even though the owner pulled him off in the first minute.

It was gaslighting because she (tried) to make me feel like I'm being a hysterical a-hole for acting like the dog is dangerous when it clearly is.

Maybe you were gaslighting her for trying to make her feel like the dog was a menace when clearly it was not?

See how that works?

A dog that growls at children is dangerous esp to kids esp in closed quarters with 8 of them

So let's say SIL didn't perceive it to be growling. She perceived it to be grunty playful dog noises, or a growl of discomfort with the children messing with it. That was her perception. Was OP gaslighting her for trying to convince her the dog was a menace?

Maybe the dog was extremely large. Like as big as a house. And red. And named Clifford. Oh wait, I'm sorry, I've lost my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH claims he explicitly told BIL no dog. Dog ended up being tied up in the freezing cold but BIL still seemed eager to bring the dog in. There were eight kids under 12 in attendance, including two toddlers and two babies.

Previous experience with this dog was Thanksgiving dinner where he brought it without permission and no warning it growls at children. For about the first hour BIL would pin the dog to the floor whenever it growled at a child. As time passed and the dog seemed to relax, BIL helped himself to the dinner I cooked and stopped monitoring the dog, so I was left frantically trying to carry a 20 pound baby around while keeping between the f--king dog and my toddler. DH said "What do you want, I'm eating!". SIL gaslighted me saying "It's not a pitbull".

No apology forthcoming. Clearly he and the other in-laws don't think he did anything wrong.

I am considering the nuclear option and reporting the dog to the city. If I did that I would be the big bad meanie forever of the family. Amazingly, BIL is a licensed childcare provider and works in a public school as some kind of an aid for people with special needs.

Is it an over-reaction to report the dog?

So let me get this straight. A month ago this dog growled at children. Every person there, including your DH was not concerned. Given that there were 8 kids there, I assume that the parents of these kids were not concerned. And nobody was hurt.
A few days ago you were at a separate event where the dog was kept outside. No growling and no incident.

What is the issue?

The first event I was hosting and it was only my children. He lied and said he asked permission. He did not.

Second event was the Airbnb potluck. He would have brought the dog into the house with 8 kids had I not thrown a tempter tantrum. Ironically I did leave with the baby and had McDonald's for Christmas dinner, after cooking for an hour and running errands getting last minute items for the group dinner. My husband stayed with the two olders but the whole event was ruined for us.

So he brings the dog, you tell him the dog can't be around the children, so the dog stays outside the whole time. Yet you leave and eat McDonalds anyway? It certainly didn't have to be ruined at all. You chose to let it be ruined.

1. I was extremely mad and not in the mood to enjoy dinner with irresponsible @holes
2. Had I not pitched a fit he may have tried to sneak the dog in. He had repeatedly shown sneaking behavior and disregard to parental preferences.

Look, I'm not saying the guy was in the right to bring his dog. He likely wasn't. But you made the choice to let it ruin your day.

I will absolutely not be gaslighted about safety issues around my children. If that constitutes letting it ruin my day, so be it.

No one is gaslighting you. In fact, it seems to very much be the other way around. There is not a safety issue here. There is the POTENTIAL for a safety issue, but your actual issue is that you're mad at your husband's family for not kowtowing to your "parental preferences."

Any reputable source on dog behavior will tell you a dog that growls at children is dangerous around children. Stop gaslighting. Gaslighting is narcissistic abuse. I'm not having it from anybody.

DP. I'm on your side that the dog should not be around children but accusing people of gaslighting for pointing out that a dog tied up outside isn't going to hurt your children inside makes you seem off your rocker. No one is gaslighting or abusing you on this website.

She didn't say that it was gaslighting when her SIL said the dog was tied up. She said it was gaslighting when SIL said that at Thanksgiving when the dog was growling at toddlers and being physically disciplined for doing so (which is how you train dogs to attack toddlers) the dog wasn't dangerous because it wasn't a pitbull.

I'm not sure I agree that it's gaslighting, but it's a ridiculous statement. I'm the PP whose goddaughter was attacked, and that dog was not a pitbull. Child ended up with 100s of stitches, and multiple surgeries even though the owner pulled him off in the first minute.

It was gaslighting because she (tried) to make me feel like I'm being a hysterical a-hole for acting like the dog is dangerous when it clearly is.

Maybe you were gaslighting her for trying to make her feel like the dog was a menace when clearly it was not?

See how that works?

A dog that growls at children is dangerous esp to kids esp in closed quarters with 8 of them

So let's say SIL didn't perceive it to be growling. She perceived it to be grunty playful dog noises, or a growl of discomfort with the children messing with it. That was her perception. Was OP gaslighting her for trying to convince her the dog was a menace?

Maybe the dog was extremely large. Like as big as a house. And red. And named Clifford. Oh wait, I'm sorry, I've lost my point.

Sorry if you think I added to many details to help make the point. It was this- SIL did not perceive the dog as dangerous. OP did. So either of them trying to convince the other of anything is gaslighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that the dog was growling because the kids were messing with it and the dog wanted them to stop?

What exactly is your point? I’ve read your post 10 times and can’t find it.

Because if the dog only growls when the children do certain behaviors (like pulling on his ears, getting too close, taking his toys or food), then getting the children to stop those behaviors will stop the growling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why in the world did you let that dog in your house?

Your house your rules. You and DH are stupid. God forbid anyone got bit at your house you are responsible.

I love dogs however not in my house would i allow anyone to bring an aggressive one over.

Why in the world did you not read?

This was at at Air BnB.

Op, the dog was outside. I'm not sure how that poses a danger. Were the kids outside with the dog? It doesn't seem so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that the dog was growling because the kids were messing with it and the dog wanted them to stop?

What exactly is your point? I’ve read your post 10 times and can’t find it.

Because if the dog only growls when the children do certain behaviors (like pulling on his ears, getting too close, taking his toys or food), then getting the children to stop those behaviors will stop the growling.

It growled when children moved in proximity not touching him. Even what you describe is dangerous to handsy toddlers. Even if someone was 1:1 on the dog at all times that is hardly a relaxing family dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why in the world did you let that dog in your house?

Your house your rules. You and DH are stupid. God forbid anyone got bit at your house you are responsible.

I love dogs however not in my house would i allow anyone to bring an aggressive one over.

Why in the world did you not read?

This was at at Air BnB.

Op, the dog was outside. I'm not sure how that poses a danger. Were the kids outside with the dog? It doesn't seem so.

The dog was only outside because I pitched a fit. He tried to walk it in the front door.

[Anonymous]

They have grumpy, poor behaved dog that most boarding places and doggie daycare type places will not accept into care. Not the type of dog you can ask a neighbor to stop by and check on. They need to bring the dog, or have at least one of them stay at home with it. Outdoors or in a crate would be best if bringing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why in the world did you let that dog in your house?

Your house your rules. You and DH are stupid. God forbid anyone got bit at your house you are responsible.

I love dogs however not in my house would i allow anyone to bring an aggressive one over.

Why in the world did you not read?

This was at at Air BnB.

Op, the dog was outside. I'm not sure how that poses a danger. Were the kids outside with the dog? It doesn't seem so.

The dog was only outside because I pitched a fit. He tried to walk it in the front door.

OK, good job speaking up (not sure "pitching a fit" was required.) So now the dog is outside. Your kids were not in danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have grumpy, poor behaved dog that most boarding places and doggie daycare type places will not accept into care. Not the type of dog you can ask a neighbor to stop by and check on. They need to bring the dog, or have at least one of them stay at home with it. Outdoors or in a crate would be best if bringing.

No, the poor dog has irresponsible owners who are not training the dog properly. They are insisting on bringing the dog into situations the dog is not equipped to handle and expecting the dog to figure it out or be confined. The dog should not be around small children AND the owner needs to take the time to train the dog it doesn’t have to be tied up outside in the cold. Why bring the dog if you are going to do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why in the world did you let that dog in your house?

Your house your rules. You and DH are stupid. God forbid anyone got bit at your house you are responsible.

I love dogs however not in my house would i allow anyone to bring an aggressive one over.

Why in the world did you not read?

This was at at Air BnB.

Op, the dog was outside. I'm not sure how that poses a danger. Were the kids outside with the dog? It doesn't seem so.

The dog was only outside because I pitched a fit. He tried to walk it in the front door.

OK, good job speaking up (not sure "pitching a fit" was required.) So now the dog is outside. Your kids were not in danger.

Yes, but only after I was the big bad meanie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why in the world did you let that dog in your house?

Your house your rules. You and DH are stupid. God forbid anyone got bit at your house you are responsible.

I love dogs however not in my house would i allow anyone to bring an aggressive one over.

Why in the world did you not read?

This was at at Air BnB.

Op, the dog was outside. I'm not sure how that poses a danger. Were the kids outside with the dog? It doesn't seem so.

The dog was only outside because I pitched a fit. He tried to walk it in the front door.

OK, good job speaking up (not sure "pitching a fit" was required.) So now the dog is outside. Your kids were not in danger.

Yes, but only after I was the big bad meanie.

Why are you repeating yourself? I already said "OK."

I guess I'll do it too- We get it, you were a big bad meanie that pitched a fit. AND THE DOG WAS OUTSIDE AND YOUR KIDS WERE NOT IN DANGER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why in the world did you let that dog in your house?

Your house your rules. You and DH are stupid. God forbid anyone got bit at your house you are responsible.

I love dogs however not in my house would i allow anyone to bring an aggressive one over.

Why in the world did you not read?

This was at at Air BnB.

Op, the dog was outside. I'm not sure how that poses a danger. Were the kids outside with the dog? It doesn't seem so.

The dog was only outside because I pitched a fit. He tried to walk it in the front door.

OK, but the dog was outside.

[Anonymous]

Op tell BIL that if he brings the dog again you will again be a big bad meanie and pitch another fit. The dog will be outside. Unless, I suppose, you are at someone else's house who allows the dog in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH claims he explicitly told BIL no dog. Dog ended up being tied up in the freezing cold but BIL still seemed eager to bring the dog in. There were eight kids under 12 in attendance, including two toddlers and two babies.

Previous experience with this dog was Thanksgiving dinner where he brought it without permission and no warning it growls at children. For about the first hour BIL would pin the dog to the floor whenever it growled at a child. As time passed and the dog seemed to relax, BIL helped himself to the dinner I cooked and stopped monitoring the dog, so I was left frantically trying to carry a 20 pound baby around while keeping between the f--king dog and my toddler. DH said "What do you want, I'm eating!". SIL gaslighted me saying "It's not a pitbull".

No apology forthcoming. Clearly he and the other in-laws don't think he did anything wrong.

I am considering the nuclear option and reporting the dog to the city. If I did that I would be the big bad meanie forever of the family. Amazingly, BIL is a licensed childcare provider and works in a public school as some kind of an aid for people with special needs.

Is it an over-reaction to report the dog?

So let me get this straight. A month ago this dog growled at children. Every person there, including your DH was not concerned. Given that there were 8 kids there, I assume that the parents of these kids were not concerned. And nobody was hurt.
A few days ago you were at a separate event where the dog was kept outside. No growling and no incident.

What is the issue?

The first event I was hosting and it was only my children. He lied and said he asked permission. He did not.

Second event was the Airbnb potluck. He would have brought the dog into the house with 8 kids had I not thrown a tempter tantrum. Ironically I did leave with the baby and had McDonald's for Christmas dinner, after cooking for an hour and running errands getting last minute items for the group dinner. My husband stayed with the two olders but the whole event was ruined for us.

So he brings the dog, you tell him the dog can't be around the children, so the dog stays outside the whole time. Yet you leave and eat McDonalds anyway? It certainly didn't have to be ruined at all. You chose to let it be ruined.

1. I was extremely mad and not in the mood to enjoy dinner with irresponsible @holes
2. Had I not pitched a fit he may have tried to sneak the dog in. He had repeatedly shown sneaking behavior and disregard to parental preferences.

Look, I'm not saying the guy was in the right to bring his dog. He likely wasn't. But you made the choice to let it ruin your day.

I will absolutely not be gaslighted about safety issues around my children. If that constitutes letting it ruin my day, so be it.

No one is gaslighting you. In fact, it seems to very much be the other way around. There is not a safety issue here. There is the POTENTIAL for a safety issue, but your actual issue is that you're mad at your husband's family for not kowtowing to your "parental preferences."

Any reputable source on dog behavior will tell you a dog that growls at children is dangerous around children. Stop gaslighting. Gaslighting is narcissistic abuse. I'm not having it from anybody.

DP. I'm on your side that the dog should not be around children but accusing people of gaslighting for pointing out that a dog tied up outside isn't going to hurt your children inside makes you seem off your rocker. No one is gaslighting or abusing you on this website.

She didn't say that it was gaslighting when her SIL said the dog was tied up. She said it was gaslighting when SIL said that at Thanksgiving when the dog was growling at toddlers and being physically disciplined for doing so (which is how you train dogs to attack toddlers) the dog wasn't dangerous because it wasn't a pitbull.

I'm not sure I agree that it's gaslighting, but it's a ridiculous statement. I'm the PP whose goddaughter was attacked, and that dog was not a pitbull. Child ended up with 100s of stitches, and multiple surgeries even though the owner pulled him off in the first minute.

It was gaslighting because she (tried) to make me feel like I'm being a hysterical a-hole for acting like the dog is dangerous when it clearly is.

Maybe you were gaslighting her for trying to make her feel like the dog was a menace when clearly it was not?

See how that works?

A dog that growls at children is dangerous esp to kids esp in closed quarters with 8 of them

So let's say SIL didn't perceive it to be growling. She perceived it to be grunty playful dog noises, or a growl of discomfort with the children messing with it. That was her perception. Was OP gaslighting her for trying to convince her the dog was a menace?

Maybe the dog was extremely large. Like as big as a house. And red. And named Clifford. Oh wait, I'm sorry, I've lost my point.

Sorry if you think I added to many details to help make the point. It was this- SIL did not perceive the dog as dangerous. OP did. So either of them trying to convince the other of anything is gaslighting?

If she was truly curious, a trip down google.com would disabuse her of that incorrect notion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op tell BIL that if he brings the dog again you will again be a big bad meanie and pitch another fit. The dog will be outside. Unless, I suppose, you are at someone else's house who allows the dog in.

He is so disrespectful and irresponsible I am not comfortable with the kids being around him period. Again, no apology so he doesn't think he did anything wrong. So I can expect the behavior to continue and SIL and MIL to back him up.