BIL brought dog that growls at children to Christmas dinner

[Anonymous]

Is there not a single room with a door where someone just puts the dog in and closes the door for an hour?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Report the dog for what?

Stop hosting. Or if you host, tell the BIL that the dog is not welcome in the house. Give plenty of notice in writing: “We’re looking forward to you joining us. To be clear, there will be no dogs inside the house at any point. If that means you’re unable to come, we understand.”

The nuclear option you need to enact is with your spouse. If BIL shows up with the dog, tell your spouse that the dog goes back home or you’re heading out to the nearest Starbucks with a book.

+1 it seems like people have gotten crazier with their pets and since they pandemic started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I have several dogs (adopted from shelters) and have had dogs throughout most of my life. I am a dog lover. Your BIL is wrong. A growling dog is a dangerous dog & should not be allowed near children.

If BIL continues to bring dog & leaving with your children is not an option, then growling dog must wear a secure muzzle & should be tied up to a restricted area in the house or while wearing the muzzle, placed in a room with the door closed. Children must stay away from the dog.

I am an experienced, adult dog owner and I would be afraid of a growling dog.

Bad BIL, bad, bad BIL. Sit.

I would be angry & fearful in your situation. OP: Your primary purpose in life is to protect your children.

Animal control will not respond to a complaint about a growling dog.

Veterinarians can & will provide tranquilizing medication for the dog if requested by dog's owner in order to protect children in this situation. Regardless, a secure muzzle for the growling dog is necessary at all times while children are nearby.

If you need to muzzle your dog because it’s dangerous, maybe it’s time to get rid of the dog. There are a lot of pet owners who have lost connection with reality and think they’re living in The Golden Compass with their spirit animals. Dangerous dog that could maul a human being=bad

[Anonymous]

The idea that you can report a dog owner for…a dog’s growling…is insane.

[Anonymous]

No need to report, as the dog has not yet bitten anyone. There are no animal control laws about dogs showing signs of pre-aggression.

Yes, it’s fair to not want this dog around your children. It’s also fair not to want to be in the house when the dog is around others’ children. The way you do that is to communicate your boundary in advance “I’m not comfortable with the dog. Will you leave it at home so that my family and I can feel safe a comfortable attending?” If the host and dog owner tell you that the dog has to be there, then you opt out of attending. You can make requests of people, but you can’t control others, even when they are making unsafe/unwise decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I say this with kindness, but you come off very hostile and self righteous. I think you are totally right that the dog should not be around your kids, and I’d be aggravated that BIL brought the dog to Christmas, even if it was ostensibly tied up outside.

Instead of reacting in pure anger, have you tried being vulnerable with your relatives? Try explaining to them what you are afraid of in graphic detail and why, as a mom, you just can’t take that risk. Or are they just horrible people that can’t be appealed to?

I do not think they are good people and I am not going to bend over backwards to form relationships with them. This is not the first incident like this. Another time it was a cabin by the lake and them treating me like I was crazy for expecting my non-swimming kids to be in arm's reach of an adult at all times.

I resent them for going through 3 births, 2 C sections, and a 5 day hospitalization of DH and getting ZERO help. I resent the drive by grandma thing. I resent that I helped SIL ALOT when her kid was little and now she won't lift a finger to help me.

If I try to appeal to them they will gaslight me and treat me like I am crazy.

I agree with all the PP pointing out that THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE DOG - this is about your issues with your IL.

Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies

Talk with your DH, make sure you two agree, work on your boundaries with the in-laws. that is all you can do.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP why in the world did you let that dog in your house?

Your house your rules. You and DH are stupid. God forbid anyone got bit at your house you are responsible.

I love dogs however not in my house would i allow anyone to bring an aggressive one over.

Why in the world did you not read?

This was at at Air BnB.

Op, the dog was outside. I'm not sure how that poses a danger. Were the kids outside with the dog? It doesn't seem so.

The dog was only outside because I pitched a fit. He tried to walk it in the front door.

bc as much as OP wants to say it's about the dog, it isn't, it's about her feelings toward the in laws on a larger scale

OK, good job speaking up (not sure "pitching a fit" was required.) So now the dog is outside. Your kids were not in danger.

Yes, but only after I was the big bad meanie.

Why are you repeating yourself? I already said "OK."

I guess I'll do it too- We get it, you were a big bad meanie that pitched a fit. AND THE DOG WAS OUTSIDE AND YOUR KIDS WERE NOT IN DANGER.

I don't agree with that because even after I left he was sulking outside instead of just dropping the f--king dog back off wherever it belongs. Before he left he asked DH "So the dog isn't ok?" trying to guilt his way in.

I wonder if the dog barks or something when kennelled so he can't leave it alone. I cannot trust him to describe all of the dog's bad behavior.

So wait, you actually get honk your kids were in danger and left them there anyway….to go get your McDonalds?

This is the wildest thing to me. Leaving two kids in a situation she's convinced is highly dangerous to go get McDonald's? It doesn't add up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am honestly confused.

I am the poster who has the goddaughter mauled by a dog, so my initial reaction was that OP was not overreacting at all. But now I see these two things.

-- She left her children behind with the dog when she stormed off, including a toddler who is the most vulnerable to being attacked. I would, in that situation, either remove my toddler or stay and watch my toddler like a hawk.

-- She implies her MIL is an addict who lost custody of her own children, and yet is angry that said MIL doesn't babysit or watch her kids by the lake. As an overprotective parent, I'd be delighted not to have to convince someone I didn't trust that they can't watch my kids,. I'd hardly be trying to convince them to do so.

I am really confused, because it seems like OP's motivation isn't to protect her own children. That doesn't mean her BIL wasn't wrong to bring this animal, but it's very confusing.

You are 100% right on all of this. I am being gaslight by everyone, including my husband. I can't trust him to act rationally in regards to his relatives because he is trying to salvage a relationship with them. It was a mistake to let him deal with the BIL. I should have been the big bad meanie directly. I should have asked BIL directly if the dog was coming given his past behavior. In regards to Thanksgiving, BIL was 1:1 with the dog until he ate. It didn't seem dangerous until he stopped watching the dog. I need to dramatically cut back contact with the in-laws across the board, especially in environments that I do not control. I've made mistakes but at least I learned my lesson before anybody drowned or got bit in the face by a dog.

Incidentally, MIL is in town only for a few more days and I have heard nothing from her, so I assume she is mad at me. Works for me!

this is now the third time OP has used "gaslighting" incorrectly in this thread ... stating different opinions isn't gaslighting.
Using manipulation and lies to make a person question their sanity is gaslighting

it just sounds like you don't like your in laws, and have a lot of trouble enforcing boundaries with them without getting mean and nasty towards them.

Also, I am really confused by your thinking - that MIL is a derelict mother who you can't trust around your kids, while simultaneously being mad at her when you leave her with your kids and she doesn't watch them how you would like ... if safety is your biggest concern, and you already know you can't trust her to parent as you would like, it is YOUR responsibilities to watch your kids like a hawk (eq, at the lake)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am honestly confused.

I am the poster who has the goddaughter mauled by a dog, so my initial reaction was that OP was not overreacting at all. But now I see these two things.

-- She left her children behind with the dog when she stormed off, including a toddler who is the most vulnerable to being attacked. I would, in that situation, either remove my toddler or stay and watch my toddler like a hawk.

-- She implies her MIL is an addict who lost custody of her own children, and yet is angry that said MIL doesn't babysit or watch her kids by the lake. As an overprotective parent, I'd be delighted not to have to convince someone I didn't trust that they can't watch my kids,. I'd hardly be trying to convince them to do so.

I am really confused, because it seems like OP's motivation isn't to protect her own children. That doesn't mean her BIL wasn't wrong to bring this animal, but it's very confusing.

You are 100% right on all of this. I am being gaslight by everyone, including my husband. I can't trust him to act rationally in regards to his relatives because he is trying to salvage a relationship with them. It was a mistake to let him deal with the BIL. I should have been the big bad meanie directly. I should have asked BIL directly if the dog was coming given his past behavior. In regards to Thanksgiving, BIL was 1:1 with the dog until he ate. It didn't seem dangerous until he stopped watching the dog. I need to dramatically cut back contact with the in-laws across the board, especially in environments that I do not control. I've made mistakes but at least I learned my lesson before anybody drowned or got bit in the face by a dog.

Incidentally, MIL is in town only for a few more days and I have heard nothing from her, so I assume she is mad at me. Works for me!

this is now the third time OP has used "gaslighting" incorrectly in this thread ... stating different opinions isn't gaslighting.
Using manipulation and lies to make a person question their sanity is gaslighting

it just sounds like you don't like your in laws, and have a lot of trouble enforcing boundaries with them without getting mean and nasty towards them.

Also, I am really confused by your thinking - that MIL is a derelict mother who you can't trust around your kids, while simultaneously being mad at her when you leave her with your kids and she doesn't watch them how you would like ... if safety is your biggest concern, and you already know you can't trust her to parent as you would like, it is YOUR responsibilities to watch your kids like a hawk (eq, at the lake)

clarifying point about gaslighting - OP states "I am being gaslight by everyone, including my husband"

No poster her gaslit you, a lot have very different opinions than you, but we have not gaslit you, we are strangers, we don't know you.

Your SIL pointing out it isn't a pitbull, isn't gaslighting you.

But, as it sounds like you DH is telling you he agrees with you (about the dog) and supposedly spoke to his brother about it. Also you mention that you think BIL "got permission" I do allow the space that it sounds like your DH may be gaslighting you .... if he is telling you he agrees, but then telling his family something different, and then acting surprised when they think it's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am honestly confused.

I am the poster who has the goddaughter mauled by a dog, so my initial reaction was that OP was not overreacting at all. But now I see these two things.

-- She left her children behind with the dog when she stormed off, including a toddler who is the most vulnerable to being attacked. I would, in that situation, either remove my toddler or stay and watch my toddler like a hawk.

-- She implies her MIL is an addict who lost custody of her own children, and yet is angry that said MIL doesn't babysit or watch her kids by the lake. As an overprotective parent, I'd be delighted not to have to convince someone I didn't trust that they can't watch my kids,. I'd hardly be trying to convince them to do so.

I am really confused, because it seems like OP's motivation isn't to protect her own children. That doesn't mean her BIL wasn't wrong to bring this animal, but it's very confusing.

You are 100% right on all of this. I am being gaslight by everyone, including my husband. I can't trust him to act rationally in regards to his relatives because he is trying to salvage a relationship with them. It was a mistake to let him deal with the BIL. I should have been the big bad meanie directly. I should have asked BIL directly if the dog was coming given his past behavior. In regards to Thanksgiving, BIL was 1:1 with the dog until he ate. It didn't seem dangerous until he stopped watching the dog. I need to dramatically cut back contact with the in-laws across the board, especially in environments that I do not control. I've made mistakes but at least I learned my lesson before anybody drowned or got bit in the face by a dog.

Incidentally, MIL is in town only for a few more days and I have heard nothing from her, so I assume she is mad at me. Works for me!

didn’t you say the dog was outside? Why would your BIL have to watch him while he was eating if he was outside and your kids were inside? These posts are making you sound unstable.

[Anonymous]

"Please do not enter my house, BIL. Please leave with the dog. You are not welcome here today. Anyone else here in the room who wants to leave? Please do so the rest of us can enjoy our dinner."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Please do not enter my house, BIL. Please leave with the dog. You are not welcome here today. Anyone else here in the room who wants to leave? Please do so the rest of us can enjoy our dinner."

It wasn’t HER house. Read the thread. OP just doesn’t like her family.

[Anonymous]

You cannot report a dog for growling.

I don’t really like dogs either (that seems to be your underlying issue) so in your shoes I would have:
A. Asked that the dog remain in a closed room
B. Reiterate why I’m nervous about the dog around the kids and (if my DH was incompetent to watch our kids) pass off the cooking to others to monitor my children
C. If everyone else was incompetent to cook - leave.


Aside - your husband couldn’t hold the baby?

[Anonymous]

Lol this might be the most hilarious thing I heard in a while. OP wants to report a dog to the city for it growling? Are you absolutely serious right now, they're not going to do anything at all. It's a waste of their time and a waste of your time.

What you need to do is set boundaries with your brother-in-law and let them know that they are not allowed to bring the dog to the house and if they do it again they will be barred from ever attending events at your place.

It's time that you put your foot down and bring some kind of dominance to the situation rather than reporting a dog for simply growling.

[Anonymous]

BIL is told never to bring the dog again. If he does, the dog stays in the car or BIL can drive it home. His choice.

My in-laws also have mean dogs who hate children. They are little so any concerns are brushed off. I tell my kids loudly that the dogs are very mean so don’t touch them ever. When they were toddlers, I absolutely forbid any of these animals in my house. When we went to my in-laws, I would watch my kids every second. It was exhausting. But my DH did know that if any of our kids got bit, I would have gone nuclear and made my in-laws choose between the dog or my kids. They don’t get to see both at the same time.

Thankfully my kids are bigger now. We still talk about how the dogs are not friendly or trained at all.