BIL brought dog that growls at children to Christmas dinner

[Anonymous]

DH claims he explicitly told BIL no dog. Dog ended up being tied up in the freezing cold but BIL still seemed eager to bring the dog in. There were eight kids under 12 in attendance, including two toddlers and two babies.

Previous experience with this dog was Thanksgiving dinner where he brought it without permission and no warning it growls at children. For about the first hour BIL would pin the dog to the floor whenever it growled at a child. As time passed and the dog seemed to relax, BIL helped himself to the dinner I cooked and stopped monitoring the dog, so I was left frantically trying to carry a 20 pound baby around while keeping between the f--king dog and my toddler. DH said "What do you want, I'm eating!". SIL gaslighted me saying "It's not a pitbull".

No apology forthcoming. Clearly he and the other in-laws don't think he did anything wrong.

I am considering the nuclear option and reporting the dog to the city. If I did that I would be the big bad meanie forever of the family. Amazingly, BIL is a licensed childcare provider and works in a public school as some kind of an aid for people with special needs.

Is it an over-reaction to report the dog?

[Anonymous]

Omg, this is a terrible situation. Your BIL doesn’t seem to know (or care!) much about dogs or children. Your house, your rules. You don’t have to allow an unleashed, potentially volatile dog in your house.

What could you report the dog for? The city isn’t going to do anything about growing.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is an over-reaction to report the dog. You know that.

Also, you don't know what gaslighting is.

[Anonymous]

So this dog was never even in your house the most recent time?

[Anonymous]

Reporting the dog probably won't do anything, OP. Depending on your jurisdiction, it may even be allowed multiple bites (like in VA). Know this from experience. While bites are mandatory reports, usually, it takes a really bad injury/death (not just multiple stitches) to get a dog even taken. Then it may just be muzzled. People think dogs get put down for attacks but often animal control doesn't follow the law and definitely won't follow up with reports like this in most places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg, this is a terrible situation. Your BIL doesn’t seem to know (or care!) much about dogs or children. Your house, your rules. You don’t have to allow an unleashed, potentially volatile dog in your house.

What could you report the dog for? The city isn’t going to do anything about growing.

+1. It's a bad situation for sure and BIL is behaving very badly, but the dangerous dog laws (that I'm aware of, but I'm sure they vary a lot by jurisdiction) don't cover simply growling. They're for dogs that bite or attack unprovoked. If the dog is a breed specific law and the dog is one of the covered breeds that's a possibility, but generally just growling isn't a legal issue.

[Anonymous]

Report the dog for what?

Stop hosting. Or if you host, tell the BIL that the dog is not welcome in the house. Give plenty of notice in writing: “We’re looking forward to you joining us. To be clear, there will be no dogs inside the house at any point. If that means you’re unable to come, we understand.”

The nuclear option you need to enact is with your spouse. If BIL shows up with the dog, tell your spouse that the dog goes back home or you’re heading out to the nearest Starbucks with a book.

[Anonymous]

Was this at your house?

I don't think you can report the dog, but my kids would not be in the same space with that dog for a minute. So, either we'd pack and walk out the second it appeared, or if it was my house the dog wouldn't be allowed in.

[Anonymous]

Stop hosting. Or if you host, tell the BIL that the dog is not welcome in the house. Give plenty of notice in writing: “We’re looking forward to you joining us. To be clear, there will be no dogs inside the house at any point. If that means you’re unable to come, we understand.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reporting the dog probably won't do anything, OP. Depending on your jurisdiction, it may even be allowed multiple bites (like in VA). Know this from experience. While bites are mandatory reports, usually, it takes a really bad injury/death (not just multiple stitches) to get a dog even taken. Then it may just be muzzled. People think dogs get put down for attacks but often animal control doesn't follow the law and definitely won't follow up with reports like this in most places.

I expect at most he would get a warning but he can't play the "Hurngh durrr, I had no idea my dog doesn't like kids" card if/when it does bite someone.

[Anonymous]

I expect at most he would get a warning but he can't play the "Hurngh durrr, I had no idea my dog doesn't like kids" card if/when it does bite someone.

Likely animal control won't document this "report" though. They don't even always properly document bites (in VA). Or if they do, it doesn't matter, because enforcement is what matters.

The point being that it won't solve OP's problem - she needs to not allow the dog in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg, this is a terrible situation. Your BIL doesn’t seem to know (or care!) much about dogs or children. Your house, your rules. You don’t have to allow an unleashed, potentially volatile dog in your house.

What could you report the dog for? The city isn’t going to do anything about growing.

My MIL was hosting at an Arbnb. It was a potluck style thing. I don't see how the location is relevant to bringing a dangerous dog around children, although it does give me insight as to why h felt entitled to bring the dog. I already suspected someone gave him "permission". So does this mean zero family gatherings outside my house?

[Anonymous]

Yes you are overreacting to report a dog that has not injured anyone. That is also a passive aggressive move. It is your house. You do not have to let a dog into your house and into an environment which clearly stresses it out. Next time they show up with a dog, do not let them in. Tell them to turn around and take the dog home. They can come back without the dog or not come back at all.

I do not understand the entitlement of people bringing dogs with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg, this is a terrible situation. Your BIL doesn’t seem to know (or care!) much about dogs or children. Your house, your rules. You don’t have to allow an unleashed, potentially volatile dog in your house.

What could you report the dog for? The city isn’t going to do anything about growing.

My MIL was hosting at an Arbnb. It was a potluck style thing. I don't see how the location is relevant to bringing a dangerous dog around children, although it does give me insight as to why h felt entitled to bring the dog. I already suspected someone gave him "permission". So does this mean zero family gatherings outside my house?

If it's not your house, that's easy. The second he comes in you pack up your kids and leave. "Oh, I didn't realize that dog would be here. My kids aren't allowed around him. Honey, I love you, we'll see you at home. MIL thanks so much for hosting. Come on kids! Chicken nuggets for Christmas! I know how much you love McDonald's. Daddy will bring your presents when he comes home."

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you can report a dog for growling, only for actual bites/attacks. Animal protection officers are overwhelmed with really bad cases of hoarding, abuse, etc. so I doubt they have time to look into an unfriendly dog. That doesn’t mean your BIL is in the right here, he sounds like a typical entitled and ineffective dog owner of a breed he can’t handle and has no business owning. I would stop hosting/inviting them, and if you go to their place in the future, be prepared to leave.

My relatives had bad dogs they didn’t know how to handle growing up (why you need a mean junkyard dog to “guard” your rusted out cars, I have no idea) and it was a huge strain on my family. They did at least have the good sense to leave them home when traveling to another person’s house, but if you went to their houses all bets were off.