BIL brought dog that growls at children to Christmas dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BIL is told never to bring the dog again. If he does, the dog stays in the car or BIL can drive it home. His choice.

My in-laws also have mean dogs who hate children. They are little so any concerns are brushed off. I tell my kids loudly that the dogs are very mean so don’t touch them ever. When they were toddlers, I absolutely forbid any of these animals in my house. When we went to my in-laws, I would watch my kids every second. It was exhausting. But my DH did know that if any of our kids got bit, I would have gone nuclear and made my in-laws choose between the dog or my kids. They don’t get to see both at the same time.

Thankfully my kids are bigger now. We still talk about how the dogs are not friendly or trained at all.

Why would the crazy OP get to make these rules about other people’s homes? She is free to leave. I’m sure they’d appreciate it if she did.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH claims he explicitly told BIL no dog. Dog ended up being tied up in the freezing cold but BIL still seemed eager to bring the dog in. There were eight kids under 12 in attendance, including two toddlers and two babies.

Previous experience with this dog was Thanksgiving dinner where he brought it without permission and no warning it growls at children. For about the first hour BIL would pin the dog to the floor whenever it growled at a child. As time passed and the dog seemed to relax, BIL helped himself to the dinner I cooked and stopped monitoring the dog, so I was left frantically trying to carry a 20 pound baby around while keeping between the f--king dog and my toddler. DH said "What do you want, I'm eating!". SIL gaslighted me saying "It's not a pitbull".

No apology forthcoming. Clearly he and the other in-laws don't think he did anything wrong.

I am considering the nuclear option and reporting the dog to the city. If I did that I would be the big bad meanie forever of the family. Amazingly, BIL is a licensed childcare provider and works in a public school as some kind of an aid for people with special needs.

Is it an over-reaction to report the dog?

So let me get this straight. A month ago this dog growled at children. Every person there, including your DH was not concerned. Given that there were 8 kids there, I assume that the parents of these kids were not concerned. And nobody was hurt.
A few days ago you were at a separate event where the dog was kept outside. No growling and no incident.

What is the issue?

The first event I was hosting and it was only my children. He lied and said he asked permission. He did not.

Second event was the Airbnb potluck. He would have brought the dog into the house with 8 kids had I not thrown a tempter tantrum. Ironically I did leave with the baby and had McDonald's for Christmas dinner, after cooking for an hour and running errands getting last minute items for the group dinner. My husband stayed with the two olders but the whole event was ruined for us.

So he brings the dog, you tell him the dog can't be around the children, so the dog stays outside the whole time. Yet you leave and eat McDonalds anyway? It certainly didn't have to be ruined at all. You chose to let it be ruined.

1. I was extremely mad and not in the mood to enjoy dinner with irresponsible @holes
2. Had I not pitched a fit he may have tried to sneak the dog in. He had repeatedly shown sneaking behavior and disregard to parental preferences.

Look, I'm not saying the guy was in the right to bring his dog. He likely wasn't. But you made the choice to let it ruin your day.

I will absolutely not be gaslighted about safety issues around my children. If that constitutes letting it ruin my day, so be it.

So you pitched a fit, the dog wasn’t allowed in, and you still left in a snit? I have a feeling that no one was sad to see you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I say this with kindness, but you come off very hostile and self righteous. I think you are totally right that the dog should not be around your kids, and I’d be aggravated that BIL brought the dog to Christmas, even if it was ostensibly tied up outside.

Instead of reacting in pure anger, have you tried being vulnerable with your relatives? Try explaining to them what you are afraid of in graphic detail and why, as a mom, you just can’t take that risk. Or are they just horrible people that can’t be appealed to?

I do not think they are good people and I am not going to bend over backwards to form relationships with them. This is not the first incident like this. Another time it was a cabin by the lake and them treating me like I was crazy for expecting my non-swimming kids to be in arm's reach of an adult at all times.

I resent them for going through 3 births, 2 C sections, and a 5 day hospitalization of DH and getting ZERO help. I resent the drive by grandma thing. I resent that I helped SIL ALOT when her kid was little and now she won't lift a finger to help me.

If I try to appeal to them they will gaslight me and treat me like I am crazy.

I agree with all the PP pointing out that THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE DOG - this is about your issues with your IL.

Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies

Talk with your DH, make sure you two agree, work on your boundaries with the in-laws. that is all you can do.

OP - with all due respect I don't think I trust your account of what actually happened, because you sound like you are anxious and angry beyond reason.

But no, animal control is not going to take away your brother in law's dog over growling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am honestly confused.

I am the poster who has the goddaughter mauled by a dog, so my initial reaction was that OP was not overreacting at all. But now I see these two things.

-- She left her children behind with the dog when she stormed off, including a toddler who is the most vulnerable to being attacked. I would, in that situation, either remove my toddler or stay and watch my toddler like a hawk.

-- She implies her MIL is an addict who lost custody of her own children, and yet is angry that said MIL doesn't babysit or watch her kids by the lake. As an overprotective parent, I'd be delighted not to have to convince someone I didn't trust that they can't watch my kids,. I'd hardly be trying to convince them to do so.

I am really confused, because it seems like OP's motivation isn't to protect her own children. That doesn't mean her BIL wasn't wrong to bring this animal, but it's very confusing.

You're not confused. You have captured the situation perfectly.

OP doesn't like her in-laws. She justifies it by saying it's about safety, and it definitely has safety-related aspects to it, but the real issue is that OP doesn't like or care about her husband's family. She doesn't seem to even really understand why it would be difficult for her husband to literally cut off his mother and sibling. In fact, she's barely mentioned his role in this situation at all.

OP wasn't actually concerned about her kids being safe around the dog. Whether the dog is dangerous is totally irrelevant to the way this little psychodrama played out then. It's playing the same way now. OP escalated the situation multiple times. She threw a tantrum (her own words) and when people - her husband's family or people on this thread - don't immediately fall to their knees saying "OP, thank you for pointing this deathly situation out to us, how could we have overlooked this terrible safety problem, we must rectify it right away!!!!!" she throws another tantrum and escalates.

OP, you seem pretty angry and unstable. You've got little kids and it sounds like you're pretty stressed and don't feel supported. Have you been evaluated for postpartum depression and/or anxiety? This reaction is outside the norm. If you were my sister or my friend, I'd be worried about you based on Christmas events.

Well said.

This also explains the follow up post about the lake. OP took her kids to the lake and she’s mad that other people aren’t watching them closely enough. She’s angry because her DH’s family isn’t more helpful and taking responsibility for her children.

That’s not how it works OP. Some people have helpful families around, but many of us (most?) do not. You are responsible for keeping your own kids safe.

[Anonymous]

How about we report you for allowing the dog to be tied up in the freezing cold. You all sound like a bunch of losers. That poor dog being stuck with such idiot humans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about we report you for allowing the dog to be tied up in the freezing cold. You all sound like a bunch of losers. That poor dog being stuck with such idiot humans.

Humans > dogs. Take your crazy batsh*t dog preference to the crazy farm where you and your dog belong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol this might be the most hilarious thing I heard in a while. OP wants to report a dog to the city for it growling? Are you absolutely serious right now, they're not going to do anything at all. It's a waste of their time and a waste of your time.

What you need to do is set boundaries with your brother-in-law and let them know that they are not allowed to bring the dog to the house and if they do it again they will be barred from ever attending events at your place.

It's time that you put your foot down and bring some kind of dominance to the situation rather than reporting a dog for simply growling.

Yeah, and it's "not a pitbull." You know what dogs don't growl? Pitbulls. They just go for the throat and maul to death. I'm not saying this is a safe dog I'd like around my kids either, but from an animal behavior standpoint it's not particularly alarming either. A growl is a warning to back off, not a sign of imminent attack. I've worded with many Vets, groomers, and trainers who have all said the ones who growl are basically bluffing. It's the silent ones with the the whale eyed stare, hackles raised, stiff neck and posture who go from 0 to 1-100 and become lethal.

Just a PSA .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol this might be the most hilarious thing I heard in a while. OP wants to report a dog to the city for it growling? Are you absolutely serious right now, they're not going to do anything at all. It's a waste of their time and a waste of your time.

What you need to do is set boundaries with your brother-in-law and let them know that they are not allowed to bring the dog to the house and if they do it again they will be barred from ever attending events at your place.

It's time that you put your foot down and bring some kind of dominance to the situation rather than reporting a dog for simply growling.

Yeah, and it's "not a pitbull." You know what dogs don't growl? Pitbulls. They just go for the throat and maul to death. I'm not saying this is a safe dog I'd like around my kids either, but from an animal behavior standpoint it's not particularly alarming either. A growl is a warning to back off, not a sign of imminent attack. I've worded with many Vets, groomers, and trainers who have all said the ones who growl are basically bluffing. It's the silent ones with the the whale eyed stare, hackles raised, stiff neck and posture who go from 0 to 1-100 and become lethal.

Just a PSA .

My Shitzhu growled, and then bit when the growling was ignored. (Full grown adult kept her hand in front of a growling dog's face, even after I said "just leave her alone, please.")

A growl means back off, as you said. Many people don't recognize the quiet cues.

Anyway, OP seems very over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol this might be the most hilarious thing I heard in a while. OP wants to report a dog to the city for it growling? Are you absolutely serious right now, they're not going to do anything at all. It's a waste of their time and a waste of your time.

What you need to do is set boundaries with your brother-in-law and let them know that they are not allowed to bring the dog to the house and if they do it again they will be barred from ever attending events at your place.

It's time that you put your foot down and bring some kind of dominance to the situation rather than reporting a dog for simply growling.

Yeah, and it's "not a pitbull." You know what dogs don't growl? Pitbulls. They just go for the throat and maul to death. I'm not saying this is a safe dog I'd like around my kids either, but from an animal behavior standpoint it's not particularly alarming either. A growl is a warning to back off, not a sign of imminent attack. I've worded with many Vets, groomers, and trainers who have all said the ones who growl are basically bluffing. It's the silent ones with the the whale eyed stare, hackles raised, stiff neck and posture who go from 0 to 1-100 and become lethal.

Just a PSA .

My Shitzhu growled, and then bit when the growling was ignored. (Full grown adult kept her hand in front of a growling dog's face, even after I said "just leave her alone, please.")

A growl means back off, as you said. Many people don't recognize the quiet cues.

Anyway, OP seems very over the top.

Yes, we agree on this. I have Goldens that live for being around kids (no growling, biting, etc. Biggest risk is being knocked over during fetch) but know a growl isn't indicative of an imminent attack.

OP is very over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH claims he explicitly told BIL no dog. Dog ended up being tied up in the freezing cold but BIL still seemed eager to bring the dog in. There were eight kids under 12 in attendance, including two toddlers and two babies.

Previous experience with this dog was Thanksgiving dinner where he brought it without permission and no warning it growls at children. ...

Is it an over-reaction to report the dog?

Tied up outside in bad weather can be reported. Problem dogs should be crate trained and crated in rooms that are off limits to guests. Crate and a door since if some one opens the door the dog could get out. Recently i saw one growl and warning snap to an elderly woman and it has done that before. Just unacceptable. People get too defensive about their dogs and dogs with known erratic behavior need to be contained especially at gatherings.

We have a relative with a hideous dog and my BIL-SIL continue the farce about what a great dog their adult kid has. All OP can do is ban the thing from her home and attempt an exhausting level of vigalence when it's free roaming at others houses. Better yet is don't even go to parents or inlaws if the thing will be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH claims he explicitly told BIL no dog. Dog ended up being tied up in the freezing cold but BIL still seemed eager to bring the dog in. There were eight kids under 12 in attendance, including two toddlers and two babies.

Previous experience with this dog was Thanksgiving dinner where he brought it without permission and no warning it growls at children. For about the first hour BIL would pin the dog to the floor whenever it growled at a child. As time passed and the dog seemed to relax, BIL helped himself to the dinner I cooked and stopped monitoring the dog, so I was left frantically trying to carry a 20 pound baby around while keeping between the f--king dog and my toddler. DH said "What do you want, I'm eating!". SIL gaslighted me saying "It's not a pitbull".

No apology forthcoming. Clearly he and the other in-laws don't think he did anything wrong.

I am considering the nuclear option and reporting the dog to the city. If I did that I would be the big bad meanie forever of the family. Amazingly, BIL is a licensed childcare provider and works in a public school as some kind of an aid for people with special needs.

Is it an over-reaction to report the dog?

I would have personally told BIL and SIL NO DOG! If they then brought it along then the dog would have stayed in car.

I have a dog and a cat. I love them but would NEVER, under any circumstances, take thom to somebody else's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol this might be the most hilarious thing I heard in a while. OP wants to report a dog to the city for it growling? Are you absolutely serious right now, they're not going to do anything at all. It's a waste of their time and a waste of your time.

What you need to do is set boundaries with your brother-in-law and let them know that they are not allowed to bring the dog to the house and if they do it again they will be barred from ever attending events at your place.

It's time that you put your foot down and bring some kind of dominance to the situation rather than reporting a dog for simply growling.

Yeah, and it's "not a pitbull." You know what dogs don't growl? Pitbulls. They just go for the throat and maul to death. I'm not saying this is a safe dog I'd like around my kids either, but from an animal behavior standpoint it's not particularly alarming either. A growl is a warning to back off, not a sign of imminent attack. I've worded with many Vets, groomers, and trainers who have all said the ones who growl are basically bluffing. It's the silent ones with the the whale eyed stare, hackles raised, stiff neck and posture who go from 0 to 1-100 and become lethal.

Just a PSA .

My Shitzhu growled, and then bit when the growling was ignored. (Full grown adult kept her hand in front of a growling dog's face, even after I said "just leave her alone, please.")

A growl means back off, as you said. Many people don't recognize the quiet cues.

Anyway, OP seems very over the top.

Yes, we agree on this. I have Goldens that live for being around kids (no growling, biting, etc. Biggest risk is being knocked over during fetch) but know a growl isn't indicative of an imminent attack.

OP is very over the top.

Dog owner here and OP is not over the top. As for Goldens, I had one that I wanted to train as a visiting dog for hospitals. Hospices, and senior citizens homes but he growled and showed his teeth. He was automatically rejected. Any dog can attack and a growling dog should not be around children.

You are ridiculous.