Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life

[Anonymous]

Because of my work, I collaborate with a lot of Gen Z guys who are/will become rich. As in, they start a business flat broke and make half a million dollars within six months. A lot of them do want to marry young, and I can tell you EXACTLY what they want:

- Absolutely no gold diggers. They expect a woman they marry to make good money and have her own goals.

- They approach it like a business partnership and look for who will advance their own goals the most.

- Zero interest in “hot” girls because they don’t want women who are gold diggers or materialistic because it’s a waste of money. They prefer a woman who is a 4-5, rather than a 10 who was fake eyelashes and designer clothes.

- But, they all date the 10 for a year or two before dumping her for a suitable wife.

- A lot of them go to church and marry women from their church.

- Zero time for anything like insecurity. If, say, a woman expresses she feels insecure about her looks, they bail because they don’t want to waste time on that.

It all sounds good in theory, but a lot have unrealistic expectations. Sort of like, they think their wife will be a full time housewife while also helping to run their business and owning a business of her own doing something like raising alpacas for wool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

I do, but these couples are not DCUM-types. A lot of people from working class backgrounds who are still working class or lower MC at most. Very modest lifestyles and what is valued most is relationships with family and friends. It may not be the mindset if your goal is to be upwardly mobile, but it seems to be the key to weathering tough times and avoiding backstabbing, duplicitous people in good times. Wish I had known that before my first marriage.

[Anonymous]

‘it’s never the fairy tale people want to believe it is’
‘$hit happens, man!’
and there you have it.
I don’t know any couple that got together in HS and are still together after college, some of them were together all throughout college, made the effort to see each other regularly, got married right after college and then got divorced after just one year, I couldn’t understand it, they seemed so in love. I also know some that got together in freshman year then split in senior year, saw other people, got back together, seemed to be good match in the end but then broke up for good as their life plans were not aligned.
I met my partner in graduate school, didn’t have any serious relationship before, very good life partners and through the roof attraction but we had rough patches and points where I didn’t think we’ll make it in the long run but I can’t imagine life apart and we both feel the same

[Anonymous]

This thread is so dated. Tell your daughters to snag a degree that will enable the life they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because of my work, I collaborate with a lot of Gen Z guys who are/will become rich. As in, they start a business flat broke and make half a million dollars within six months. A lot of them do want to marry young, and I can tell you EXACTLY what they want:

- Absolutely no gold diggers. They expect a woman they marry to make good money and have her own goals.

- They approach it like a business partnership and look for who will advance their own goals the most.

- Zero interest in “hot” girls because they don’t want women who are gold diggers or materialistic because it’s a waste of money. They prefer a woman who is a 4-5, rather than a 10 who was fake eyelashes and designer clothes.

- But, they all date the 10 for a year or two before dumping her for a suitable wife.

- A lot of them go to church and marry women from their church.

- Zero time for anything like insecurity. If, say, a woman expresses she feels insecure about her looks, they bail because they don’t want to waste time on that.

It all sounds good in theory, but a lot have unrealistic expectations. Sort of like, they think their wife will be a full time housewife while also helping to run their business and owning a business of her own doing something like raising alpacas for wool.

The kids are A-Ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so dated. Tell your daughters to snag a degree that will enable the life they want.

A degree isn’t even necessary. We know a xennial who became a welder and makes a great living.

[Anonymous]

One guy who proposed to me (in my 20's )is a renowned physician now. I knew he had huge potential but i didn't love him nor did i want to wait and struggle for a decade. I'm glad I didn't put ten years of my life on hold for his potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so dated. Tell your daughters to snag a degree that will enable the life they want.

This^. A solid degree and a stable career serve you better than any guy with perceived or real potential. One in hand is better than two in the air.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One guy who proposed to me (in my 20's )is a renowned physician now. I knew he had huge potential but i didn't love him nor did i want to wait and struggle for a decade. I'm glad I didn't put ten years of my life on hold for his potential.

Sounds like you didn’t love him. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because of my work, I collaborate with a lot of Gen Z guys who are/will become rich. As in, they start a business flat broke and make half a million dollars within six months. A lot of them do want to marry young, and I can tell you EXACTLY what they want:

- Absolutely no gold diggers. They expect a woman they marry to make good money and have her own goals.

- They approach it like a business partnership and look for who will advance their own goals the most.

- Zero interest in “hot” girls because they don’t want women who are gold diggers or materialistic because it’s a waste of money. They prefer a woman who is a 4-5, rather than a 10 who was fake eyelashes and designer clothes.

- But, they all date the 10 for a year or two before dumping her for a suitable wife.

- A lot of them go to church and marry women from their church.

- Zero time for anything like insecurity. If, say, a woman expresses she feels insecure about her looks, they bail because they don’t want to waste time on that.

It all sounds good in theory, but a lot have unrealistic expectations. Sort of like, they think their wife will be a full time housewife while also helping to run their business and owning a business of her own doing something like raising alpacas for wool.

I would say men like this are not one of “the good guys.” I know this type and they aren’t terrible human beings but you can see how they don’t really treat women all that well. They just want to take what they can and give as little as they can get away with. They aren’t very interested in who their SO is, just what they offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer here is easy. Most women marry a man just like their father. I had a fantastic father and knew just what to look for in a spouse and future father of my children. I always felt like I was worthy of love and deserved it.

I’m the one 1:25 poster. I have been married to a man I met in college for more than 30 years. And he was pretty much the opposite of my father. So there’s that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because of my work, I collaborate with a lot of Gen Z guys who are/will become rich. As in, they start a business flat broke and make half a million dollars within six months. A lot of them do want to marry young, and I can tell you EXACTLY what they want:

- Absolutely no gold diggers. They expect a woman they marry to make good money and have her own goals.

- They approach it like a business partnership and look for who will advance their own goals the most.

- Zero interest in “hot” girls because they don’t want women who are gold diggers or materialistic because it’s a waste of money. They prefer a woman who is a 4-5, rather than a 10 who was fake eyelashes and designer clothes.

- But, they all date the 10 for a year or two before dumping her for a suitable wife.

- A lot of them go to church and marry women from their church.

- Zero time for anything like insecurity. If, say, a woman expresses she feels insecure about her looks, they bail because they don’t want to waste time on that.

It all sounds good in theory, but a lot have unrealistic expectations. Sort of like, they think their wife will be a full time housewife while also helping to run their business and owning a business of her own doing something like raising alpacas for wool.

A lot of them go to church? Gen z generally isn’t churchgoers, especially entrepreneurs.

Do you work in venture capital in Utah?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so dated. Tell your daughters to snag a degree that will enable the life they want.

This^. A solid degree and a stable career serve you better than any guy with perceived or real potential. One in hand is better than two in the air.

It depends on what OP means when she says a “good guy.” If you do want to get married, it’s very hard to have the kind of life you want if your partner is a loser, regardless of what job you yourself have. A good guy is emotionally supportive, loves you in good times and bad, shares your goals, supports your individuality, etc. And I don’t think that how to find a genuinely good guy is general knowledge, especially for ambitious women who have been taught to put dating on the backburner. So OP actually asks a good question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it is I knew what I was worth. I didnt waste time messing around with guys who didn't treat me how I deserved.

It took me a while to figure this out, but the biggest difference between the frat-y bros I always liked in college and my DH who is met in my mid-20s (married at 28) is that my DH never made me feel like I was high maintenance for having standards. The bro guys act like you’re not cool and fun if you actually expect much from them. Whereas my DH was always planning the next date night, wanted to be exclusive, was interested in my thoughts and ambitions, etc. Like a lot of others have mentioned, we’ve been a team since back when we were paying off grad school loans and living in a small rental condo. We aren’t wildly rich, but DH makes 200k with good stock options. Combined with my government lawyer salary we feel comfortable and he treats me well.

Other reasons I knew my DH was a good guy — his apartment was neat enough (no dirty underwear on the floor, grime growing out of the bathroom sink, etc.), he reads nonfiction for fun, he was award saving 10% + of his salary for retirement from day 1. I could tell he is responsible and would make a good partner. To this day he carries his weight with housework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We teach women they don't need to even start getting serious about men until their early 30s. By then, a single 32-year-old man is looking for a woman in her 20s.

We can mock the women who settled down in their early 20s as not being modern, ambitious, independent, motivated, or smart. Women are told that making marriage a priority in her 20s makes her a loser.

Then she gets into her 30s and says "I'm ready to settle down" and she can't find anyone.

A woman who makes marriage a priority at age 23 is sort of a rebel today. Seriously. She is going against the grain of her peers, bucking the message society keeps sending her and doing the opposite.

Maybe it's the message society is sending you?

I'm a repeat poster on here, married to a "boring" but great guy.. I would never tell my DD to get serious at 23. Ever. I would discourage it. Neither of my nieces got serious at 23. They were still trying to figure out their careers, and grow up themselves. My sister got married at 23, and she regrets it to this day. She told her DDs (my nieces) to not get married so young.

You can find nice guys in your late 20s, early 30s, but they won't be that unicorn: good looking, makes a lot of money, good partner/father, and faithful. If you manage to find this unicorn, you are supremely lucky. But, most guys, and most people for that matter, don't have the entire package. And if a woman is waiting for that whole package, more than likely, she'll be waiting for a very very long time.

That doesn't mean you have to settle, but it does mean your expectations should be realistic.

I snagged my good guy when I was 30.

The vast majority of friends, acquaintances, and family members I know who married in their 20s divorced. The vast majority of us who waited until our 30s are still married. I was such a different person at 25/26 from who I was at 30. I'm glad I had the chance to experience a lot before settling down and I think I valued myself more because of it. For women being in a relationship often degrades their self confidence so I would never encourage young marriages. You can always tell the women who did this.

I felt like I had a lot of choices of nice guys to date seriously in my 30s but I worked in a very male dominated area. Where you work can have a huge impact on your potential partners.

Hmm. I think most people would tell you I am pretty confident. I’m a CEO. Married young. YMMV.