Are men happier than women in marriage at midlife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you get to sit at a desk all day earnings six figures to push pencils.

Well there's your problem right there. You think that mental work is just "pushing pencils." The reality is that such work is tougher to accomplish than some job that any meat head can do. Not too dissimilar from people who think that "being a mother" should be highly lucrative. Figure out how to do something that is lucrative. If you're not getting paid enough, go somewhere else or do something else.

Meanwhile, I bet you couldn't even run electric through your home in order to fix faulty wiring, or fix a drain pipe that those meatheads could fix. As the pandemic showed, the country can easily survive without a huge number of pencil pushers while chaos broke out if the stock boy at Costco didn't show up for work.

You sound like one of those jackasses who thinks work is more valuable if you shower after work instead of before. That working with your hands is "real work."

What matters is how easily you can be replaced. The stock boy can be replaced quickly. It'll take a little longer trying to get a new electrician. But the quant who gins up mathematical models that game the stock market slightly more effectively can hardly be replaced at all and commands more money. The lawyer who gets rid of your company's problems or keeps its ass out of a sling in the first place is easier to replace, but it might take awhile. Doctors, scientists, engineers, etc. These are the people who do more valuable work. How do we know? The free market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you get to sit at a desk all day earnings six figures to push pencils.

Well there's your problem right there. You think that mental work is just "pushing pencils." The reality is that such work is tougher to accomplish than some job that any meat head can do. Not too dissimilar from people who think that "being a mother" should be highly lucrative. Figure out how to do something that is lucrative. If you're not getting paid enough, go somewhere else or do something else.

Meanwhile, I bet you couldn't even run electric through your home in order to fix faulty wiring, or fix a drain pipe that those meatheads could fix. As the pandemic showed, the country can easily survive without a huge number of pencil pushers while chaos broke out if the stock boy at Costco didn't show up for work.

You sound like one of those jackasses who thinks work is more valuable if you shower after work instead of before. That working with your hands is "real work."

What matters is how easily you can be replaced. The stock boy can be replaced quickly. It'll take a little longer trying to get a new electrician. But the quant who gins up mathematical models that game the stock market slightly more effectively can hardly be replaced at all and commands more money. The lawyer who gets rid of your company's problems or keeps its ass out of a sling in the first place is easier to replace, but it might take awhile. Doctors, scientists, engineers, etc. These are the people who do more valuable work. How do we know? The free market.

Ha..you sound really stupid. AI and machine learning will replace white collar jobs long before a machine can run wire through an entire building according to modern code. Tons and tons of legal work will be automated. So will much of medicine. Hell, automation already dispenses billions of prescriptions per year far more accurate than a human does. The only reason pharmacists have jobs is because of lobbying they facilities have a pharmacist on staff, not because they have any special skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is actual research on this - marriage is generally very beneficial for men and not for women. In most marriages the woman is handling so much of what makes a life enjoyable - men benefit from that and women resent the imbalance.

It’s this. Women are over it because they feel like their DH is another child to care for and clean up after. Men are happy because they’ve successfully replaced their mother. They might be unhappy with the amount of sex, but also might recognize that being single at their age doesn’t guarantee much more sex than a reasonable healthy marriage, plus that sex would come with the burden of having to actually put effort into attracting a woman. You think these guys are prepared to romance a woman who doesn’t do all their laundry and make sure their kids have summer childcare and plan their vacations and remember their mom’s birthday and put up with even their shittiest friends? They are not prepared. They know the score and most of these guys are significantly better off staying married, even when it comes to sex.

Meanwhile, women fantasize about joint custody agreements that would force their DHs to actually do childcare, plus living in a home that is not shared with a grown adult who never cleans the bathroom or changes the sheets. There are tons of downsides to divorce but the upsides really target the pressure points for women— too little help with kids and the house, no alone time or true free time.

Men fantasize about dying earlier to get out of the jail known as marriage. Many are able to live that dream.

Marriage overwhelmingly benefits women. Women make less money than men. So many women have low paying, low quality jobs or don't work at all and rely entirely on their husbands for their financial survival. If there's a divorce, they still come out ahead by taking half. Marriage is a terrible proposal for men they leads to financial ruin. No wonder men want to put a lot less effort into it when it is a raw deal to begin with.

Not one sentence this is accurate, except for the part about women having lower-paying jobs. There is a reason for that: gender discrimination, both because of employer bias and the fact that women are usually the ones expected to make career sacrifices so they can better care for their children.

But I see that you are really enjoying your victim mentality here, so I understand it if you want to disregard facts.

Nah, once you actuslly account for the types of jobs actually worked and time worked per year, the gender pay gap is almost non-existent. Women make less because they choose lower paying fields.

Marriage overwhelmingly benefits women because they get the most financially out of it. Go look up the number of marriages where only one spouse works. How many spouses not working are men vs women. There are so many women who don't even work and rely entire on their husbands for financial support. The idea that marriage benefits men more is malarkey.

And I'm sure you think that women choose these jobs because they are lazy, yes? And just want to freeload on their husbands? I mentioned above that part of the reason for the gender pay gap is that women choose those lower-paying jobs because women typically are the ones who are expected to make career sacrifices to take care of their kids, but never let facts get in the way of a good sob story.

Oh please.

No go look up the number workplace related injuries and deaths. Men make over over 90+% of all workplace fatalities. Where is your complaining about gender death gaps and gender gap disparities for injuries at work? You don't talk about it because men do the vaaaaaast majority of highly dangerous and dirty jobs. Maybe pay gaps also exist because risks for death and dismemberment are much higher in fields as compared to say a kindergarten teacher or a daycare worker? If you want equality in work, let's start seeing women contribute equally to highly hazardous job and have them starting to up 50% of all workplace fatalities. But nah, you are probably only whining about cushy corporate jobs and easy going white collar professions where you get to sit at a desk all day earnings six figures to push pencils.

HAHAHAH yes, lets review: marriage is better for women because they make less money and some rely entirely on their husbands for financial survival, and they make less money because traditionally female fields don't pay as much, and their fields don't pay as much because some "male" jobs like oil rig worker are dangerous.

Honestly, maybe the reason marriage sucks for you is because you're kinda dumb?

I bet your husband prays everyday for a quick death to be put out of his misery. Much better than being nibbled to death over decades by a shrew like an inquisition style of torture.

Then get out of the marriage. You are a horrible person btw. I don’t want to work with you, be married to you, live near you, or even shop near you. You couldn’t make a relationship work with any woman on the planet with that attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is actual research on this - marriage is generally very beneficial for men and not for women. In most marriages the woman is handling so much of what makes a life enjoyable - men benefit from that and women resent the imbalance.

It’s this. Women are over it because they feel like their DH is another child to care for and clean up after. Men are happy because they’ve successfully replaced their mother. They might be unhappy with the amount of sex, but also might recognize that being single at their age doesn’t guarantee much more sex than a reasonable healthy marriage, plus that sex would come with the burden of having to actually put effort into attracting a woman. You think these guys are prepared to romance a woman who doesn’t do all their laundry and make sure their kids have summer childcare and plan their vacations and remember their mom’s birthday and put up with even their shittiest friends? They are not prepared. They know the score and most of these guys are significantly better off staying married, even when it comes to sex.

Meanwhile, women fantasize about joint custody agreements that would force their DHs to actually do childcare, plus living in a home that is not shared with a grown adult who never cleans the bathroom or changes the sheets. There are tons of downsides to divorce but the upsides really target the pressure points for women— too little help with kids and the house, no alone time or true free time.

Men fantasize about dying earlier to get out of the jail known as marriage. Many are able to live that dream.

Marriage overwhelmingly benefits women. Women make less money than men. So many women have low paying, low quality jobs or don't work at all and rely entirely on their husbands for their financial survival. If there's a divorce, they still come out ahead by taking half. Marriage is a terrible proposal for men they leads to financial ruin. No wonder men want to put a lot less effort into it when it is a raw deal to begin with.

Not one sentence this is accurate, except for the part about women having lower-paying jobs. There is a reason for that: gender discrimination, both because of employer bias and the fact that women are usually the ones expected to make career sacrifices so they can better care for their children.

But I see that you are really enjoying your victim mentality here, so I understand it if you want to disregard facts.

Nah, once you actuslly account for the types of jobs actually worked and time worked per year, the gender pay gap is almost non-existent. Women make less because they choose lower paying fields.

Marriage overwhelmingly benefits women because they get the most financially out of it. Go look up the number of marriages where only one spouse works. How many spouses not working are men vs women. There are so many women who don't even work and rely entire on their husbands for financial support. The idea that marriage benefits men more is malarkey.

And I'm sure you think that women choose these jobs because they are lazy, yes? And just want to freeload on their husbands? I mentioned above that part of the reason for the gender pay gap is that women choose those lower-paying jobs because women typically are the ones who are expected to make career sacrifices to take care of their kids, but never let facts get in the way of a good sob story.

Oh please.

No go look up the number workplace related injuries and deaths. Men make over over 90+% of all workplace fatalities. Where is your complaining about gender death gaps and gender gap disparities for injuries at work? You don't talk about it because men do the vaaaaaast majority of highly dangerous and dirty jobs. Maybe pay gaps also exist because risks for death and dismemberment are much higher in fields as compared to say a kindergarten teacher or a daycare worker? If you want equality in work, let's start seeing women contribute equally to highly hazardous job and have them starting to up 50% of all workplace fatalities. But nah, you are probably only whining about cushy corporate jobs and easy going white collar professions where you get to sit at a desk all day earnings six figures to push pencils.

HAHAHAH yes, lets review: marriage is better for women because they make less money and some rely entirely on their husbands for financial survival, and they make less money because traditionally female fields don't pay as much, and their fields don't pay as much because some "male" jobs like oil rig worker are dangerous.

Honestly, maybe the reason marriage sucks for you is because you're kinda dumb?

I bet your husband prays everyday for a quick death to be put out of his misery. Much better than being nibbled to death over decades by a shrew like an inquisition style of torture.

This is so hilarious. You are nuts if you think death is worse than divorce, and you're bat***t crazy if you think this is a common opinion.

I'd love to make that bet. After all I'm just a woman who makes less than a man because my job isn't physically dangerous, and I sure could use the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you get to sit at a desk all day earnings six figures to push pencils.

Well there's your problem right there. You think that mental work is just "pushing pencils." The reality is that such work is tougher to accomplish than some job that any meat head can do. Not too dissimilar from people who think that "being a mother" should be highly lucrative. Figure out how to do something that is lucrative. If you're not getting paid enough, go somewhere else or do something else.

Meanwhile, I bet you couldn't even run electric through your home in order to fix faulty wiring, or fix a drain pipe that those meatheads could fix. As the pandemic showed, the country can easily survive without a huge number of pencil pushers while chaos broke out if the stock boy at Costco didn't show up for work.

You sound like one of those jackasses who thinks work is more valuable if you shower after work instead of before. That working with your hands is "real work."

What matters is how easily you can be replaced. The stock boy can be replaced quickly. It'll take a little longer trying to get a new electrician. But the quant who gins up mathematical models that game the stock market slightly more effectively can hardly be replaced at all and commands more money. The lawyer who gets rid of your company's problems or keeps its ass out of a sling in the first place is easier to replace, but it might take awhile. Doctors, scientists, engineers, etc. These are the people who do more valuable work. How do we know? The free market.

BOTH of you sound like terrible people.

All work is valuable and all workers should be respected.

[Anonymous]

It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Only people who have no respect for others feel this way. Any generalization about half the planet's people shows lack of clarity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

All work is valuable and all workers should be respected.

Sounds nice, but you're wrong. There is work that has no redeeming qualities and should not be respected or valued. Marketing pyramid schemes for example. More to the point of the digression in this thread, even the work that's deserving of respect is varied in how much it should be valued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

Once the dude is on the hook for helping to support the kid and/or the kid has become an adult, marriage is no longer valuable to the woman.

[Anonymous]

You all have a really dismal view of marriage. I wanted marriage before I wanted kids. Wanting kids came after I got involved with my wonderful DH. I desired a lifelong and deep connection to a partner. I am grateful every day that I found it. And I couldn’t have imagined how wonderful having children together is. And DH feels the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

So they are misrepresenting their long term intentions or just don't know that it turns out to be terrible (despite the supposed common knowledge)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all have a really dismal view of marriage. I wanted marriage before I wanted kids. Wanting kids came after I got involved with my wonderful DH. I desired a lifelong and deep connection to a partner. I am grateful every day that I found it. And I couldn’t have imagined how wonderful having children together is. And DH feels the same way.

This is exactly how I feel. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted kids until I met my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Exactly. And it's just easier with a spouse. That doesn't mean that 20 years later they're still benefitting from being married. Women initiate most divorces and remarry less.

So they are misrepresenting their long term intentions or just don't know that it turns out to be terrible (despite the supposed common knowledge)?

Are all men you meet the same? Well, all women are not the same. Some women are not capable of marriage and enter into it misrepresenting themselves. Others enter into it misrepresenting the other person. Some get it right. Some get it right and then get it wrong. There is no same pattern for everyone in life. How old are the people commenting here? It's like I'm talking to 15 year olds.