Are men happier than women in marriage at midlife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 40s DW. I’m pretty over being married to my spouse. Nothing wrong with DH or our marriage, I just don’t feel a spark. A number of my female friends say they feel the Same. Yet, the men I know of the same age seem blissfully happy, including my DH.

What gives? Any DH out there want to shed light? DWs is it a perimenopause midlife crisis?

You want to blow up your life because you don’t feel a “spark”? Most marriage after a decade is about trust, companionship, and shared history/children.

If you want more spark, have more sex and it will help.

I’m sure your DH reflects and wishes he made different choices we just don’t dwell on it (instead we act out in dumb ways so watch for that)

+100 Women in their 40's lose their minds due to hormonal changes - they get really horny for a while and do crazy stuff. That combined with a lackluster marriage can end it a disaster. Spoiler alert - the horniness doesn't last, but the decisions do.

I think this happens for men too. Midlife Crisis.

I don't believe in mid-life crisis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me to contrast the comments in this thread--where everyone seems certain that women are screwed over by marriage--with the threads where women are pissed that they can't get a man to settle down and marry. Why is it that worldly, well educated women want something that is so bad for them?

Because they want children and unfortunately society still shames never-married single mothers.

Unless you’re Charlize Theron.

Society shames never-married POOR single mothers, we’re good with the rich ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys are probably much less likely to share this information with you than women since I assume you have closer relationships with more women than men.

I'm a guy and I, as well as many of my male friends, feel similar to you regarding the spark being gone and marriage being somewhat of a grind. At least for me it's not a reflection on DW and is most likely just how things are with younger children and the level of time and energy they require not leaving much room for anything else. I wouldn't leave over it or have an affair over it, it's just the way things are.

+100. This is spot on. This is about the grind and realizing that it’s a phase in life. Love that you realize it and are so mature about it.

Disagree. PP is talking about the young kid phase, yet the subject thread is about midlife. (Note to PP: if your DW is all about the kids and totally ignoring you, do both of you a favor and go have that affair).
It's one thing for the marriage to lose some degree of "spark" with newborns/infants in the house. And MAYBE (?) this is even slightly valid with "younger children". But at some point, it is NOT "just a phase in life" rather you are using "the kids" as a convenient excuse to avoid an actual RELATIONSHIP with your spouse. So No: I do not believe kids are a (valid) factor in midlife marital unhappiness.

Ok but what about when the kids are teens and your rooms are right next door to each other and you afraid of being heard? 😩