Worried about DD’s eating habits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are really disadvantaged by having parents allow them to do anything they want due to fear any instruction or direction will hurt their feelings or upset them. You owe it to your child to teach her how to eat a normal amount of food. It’s not mean to point out what an appropriate portion is or that you shouldn’t take 10 treats. Having her become grossly overweight and not doing anything about it is just cruel. Being overweight will be way worse for her emotional well being than having parents be direct as to what an appropriate amount of food is. Please help your child and start addressing this issue.

Thank you! Finally someone with a brains! If there are not medica issues, kids should not be overweight. As a parent, I would not just accept the fact that my kids likes cake too much and that’s fine because otherwise she will develop and eating disorder. Will she be happy when she is 18 and overweight? I doubt it.

I had to scroll through a few pages to get this. Maybe it is because I am from a different culture. We absolutely control what our children till they are 18, even longer. Firmly. Kindly. This is done at home so the kid knows in social situations. If they slip, we have no qualms saying no to the third slice of cake. Tough love. To my knowledge no eating or other mental issues yet. I admit, I could still be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

The OP is not talking about sometimes, she's talking about often. I'm not anxious a bit, rather disgusted that no guidance is being provided to this child regarding self-control. She needs that more than another helping.

Not really. I’m not entirely convinced there’s a problem. OP described occasional overeating at events, which is common. And that she has an adult sized dinner portion, which is totally fine.

OP describes her as overeating pretty regularly, at home and at events, and has for several years now. They have said nothing, thinking it would self correct and it hasn't. And is now she overweight. So....saying nothing is not working for them

I've seen so many kids get chubby right before starting puberty. So in reality there may be no problem here. I would just keep pushing majority healthy foods, good eating habits like eating slowly, and limitin--not eliminating--desserts and unhealthy snacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

The OP is not talking about sometimes, she's talking about often. I'm not anxious a bit, rather disgusted that no guidance is being provided to this child regarding self-control. She needs that more than another helping.

Not really. I’m not entirely convinced there’s a problem. OP described occasional overeating at events, which is common. And that she has an adult sized dinner portion, which is totally fine.

OP describes her as overeating pretty regularly, at home and at events, and has for several years now. They have said nothing, thinking it would self correct and it hasn't. And is now she overweight. So....saying nothing is not working for them

I've seen so many kids get chubby right before starting puberty. So in reality there may be no problem here. I would just keep pushing majority healthy foods, good eating habits like eating slowly, and limitin--not eliminating--desserts and unhealthy snacks.

There is a difference between kids getting chubbier than they have usually been before puberty and kids that are actually overweight (BMI >85th percentile). Kids that enter puberty already overweight are very likely to stay overweight unless there are some changed made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aw, poor kid. I feel for her, I had the same issue when I was a kid and still do. I feel completely out of control around food.

Reprimanding her, lecturing her, reminding her, etc won’t help. I knew it was “wrong”, I couldn’t help myself, and it just brought a lot of shame and guilt (which made me eat MORE, and in secret).

I would focus on:

- making sure your meals are centered around vegetables and lean protein. It’s generally hard to overeat those.

- Keep snacks out of the house, things like chips and cookies. Fruit and nuts are better options.

- Frame it as you are providing nutritious foods because she is growing, not denying foods because they are “bad”.

- Don’t stress during holidays, parties, etc. Most adult go a little crazy during this time, too.

- I’d also really ask yourself if you would feel this way if she were a boy. If a boy were eating a lot, would people recommend etiquette school? Probably not, they’d probably just say he was growing. Let’s give girls that same courtesy.

Same, same. Following the thread to use some of these tips for myself.

[Anonymous]

OP, it could just be a phase. Or not. Let them find their own truth. No shaming, no controlling. No matter what it is. If they want to color their hair red, go for it, if they want to be called a boy, go for it. I agree with all the posters here. Just love them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could just be a phase. Or not. Let them find their own truth. No shaming, no controlling. No matter what it is. If they want to color their hair red, go for it, if they want to be called a boy, go for it. I agree with all the posters here. Just love them.

You would really let your child eat themselves into obesity because that is “their own truth” ? Losing weight is REALLY REALLY hard and vast majority of people that become obese will stay that way. The only effective way to combat obesity is to never become obese in the first place. If that means telling your child only one dessert or no more snacks, then that is what you need to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could just be a phase. Or not. Let them find their own truth. No shaming, no controlling. No matter what it is. If they want to color their hair red, go for it, if they want to be called a boy, go for it. I agree with all the posters here. Just love them.

You would really let your child eat themselves into obesity because that is “their own truth” ? Losing weight is REALLY REALLY hard and vast majority of people that become obese will stay that way. The only effective way to combat obesity is to never become obese in the first place. If that means telling your child only one dessert or no more snacks, then that is what you need to do

Go away. That is not what people want to hear. Are you done deaf? See what the vast majority of posts here are about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could just be a phase. Or not. Let them find their own truth. No shaming, no controlling. No matter what it is. If they want to color their hair red, go for it, if they want to be called a boy, go for it. I agree with all the posters here. Just love them.

You would really let your child eat themselves into obesity because that is “their own truth” ? Losing weight is REALLY REALLY hard and vast majority of people that become obese will stay that way. The only effective way to combat obesity is to never become obese in the first place. If that means telling your child only one dessert or no more snacks, then that is what you need to do

Go away. That is not what people want to hear. Are you done deaf? See what the vast majority of posts here are about.

Tone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very concerned about my 9yo DD’s eating habits and am not sure what to do about them, if anything, as I don’t want her to end up feeling bad about herself, or worst case develop an eating disorder down the line. But I also feel like just doing nothing is not the best solution to set her up for success.

The issue is the volume of food she eats, and it’s so much more than her peers from what I have observed over the past few months. Last night at Thanksgiving dinner she had 3 servings of food - full plates with all the fixings. All of the other kids - around her age but some older - had one to two servings max but consumed much less overall. Tonight for dinner we ordered pizza and most kids had 2 pieces, she had 3 and asked for another but I offered more broccoli instead so she declined. Last weekend we were at a birthday party for a family member and there was a big table of sweets. All of the kids took huge platefuls of cookies, pastries and cake but my DD was the only one who ate every single thing she took (probably like 10 treats total) and all the other kids left more than half of what was on their plates. These are just a few recent examples, but this is a consistent pattern probably for at least a year if not more.

We never say anything because we just don’t know what to say that could do some good and not hard. The advice in every DCUM post is never to say anything, but is that really the right thing to do here?

At home we cook pretty healthy but she eats as much as DH and me every night unless we don’t cook a ton and only offer extra fruits/veggies in which case she sometimes says she is full. She goes to a private school that provides lunch and they can only have 2 servings max, but when I have volunteered I saw that most kids don’t even eat one full serving. We don’t restrict snacks or desserts because we don’t want to make an issue over them, and most of her friends eat a ton of junk and we don’t want to be the only ones saying no.

Since I am sure others will ask, my DD is chubby, but that is not the issue here, it’s the overeating. She is somewhat lazy, but does do a couple sports to get her active (soccer and basketball).

Is there anything we can do?

I don’t understand why others would say not to say anything. Of course you would not shame her in front of others, but I think as parents it’s our job to teach amd model healthy eating habits. When she asked for the extra piece of pizza and you offered broccoli, I think that was a good call. I teach my kids about making health food choices, healthy serving sizes, and limiting sweets and snacks. As they grow into adults learning good eating habits will help them maintain good overall health and decrease their chances of many conditions. We let our kids eat junk and or more sweets than usual on special occasions, but daily habits and eating should be different.

As the PP said, sometimes you need to stop at what is a reasonable amount of food and wait a little to see if you are still actually hungry. I have told my children this if they have had a few helpings and are asking for more (or offer a healthier choice, e.g if my child is asking for a a 3rd dinner roll I might say have some more of your veggies first, and then see if you are still hungry).

You may want to mention to your pediatrician her increased appetite to make sure there is not a health issue, and he/she may have some ideas about how to approach this issue with your child.

We found the Stanford CHildren's BMI calculater to be most accurate and not biased like the other ones that lean on % of population. If 40% of the population is overweight or obese the others artificially say your BMI is OK range since there's increasingly more higher BMIs per age group - yet there is a health hazard past a fixed juncture and it should not be 'fixed' on % of people overweight but the fat and stress on the body of extra fat.

BMI percentile charts are based on kids from the 1980s or something. Otherwise it would be impossible for 30 percent of kids to be overweight, which is defined as over 85th percentile.

Hahaha, who says only 15% of a population at any given time can be overweight? Some silly math equation that fixed “overweight” to >15 percentile and not actual height/weight or waist dimensions. Hilarious. Wishful thinking indeed.

Either you can’t read or you don’t understand math. The point is that it is 85 percentile on the charts, which are based on a reference population from decades ago.

https://www.cdc.gov/obesity/basics/childhood-defining.html

Np. Disagree with you and agree with former poster. Given todays children’s BMIs and large concentration over 20 BMI, they need to make overweight >70%tile and obese >90%tile or even less.

The distribution is sadly unhealthy. They need to update this soon. It’s worse than social security still thinking the average age of death is 63 yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read the whole thread by

A where the heck do you find etiquette classes?

B) we have a similar daughter and one thing that works is saying seconds are ok but no thirds. Also i just try to make fruits and veg available at every meal even pizza

We stick to three meals a day and only fruits and veg as snacks. We do desserts or cookies together, 2-4x a week —- usually when out w friends or at a bday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

The OP is not talking about sometimes, she's talking about often. I'm not anxious a bit, rather disgusted that no guidance is being provided to this child regarding self-control. She needs that more than another helping.

Not really. I’m not entirely convinced there’s a problem. OP described occasional overeating at events, which is common. And that she has an adult sized dinner portion, which is totally fine.

OP describes her as overeating pretty regularly, at home and at events, and has for several years now. They have said nothing, thinking it would self correct and it hasn't. And is now she overweight. So....saying nothing is not working for them

I've seen so many kids get chubby right before starting puberty. So in reality there may be no problem here. I would just keep pushing majority healthy foods, good eating habits like eating slowly, and limitin--not eliminating--desserts and unhealthy snacks.

What does “get chubby mean?” They start eating extra meals and tons of chips and cupcakes? In conjunction with puberty, ages 10-12?

It’s one thing if the body is storing fat to do a growth spurt or form boobs. It’s another thing to call a 3000+ calorie diet of an inactive kid who’s gaining fat weight “must be puberty!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could just be a phase. Or not. Let them find their own truth. No shaming, no controlling. No matter what it is. If they want to color their hair red, go for it, if they want to be called a boy, go for it. I agree with all the posters here. Just love them.

They said more video game time. Truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could just be a phase. Or not. Let them find their own truth. No shaming, no controlling. No matter what it is. If they want to color their hair red, go for it, if they want to be called a boy, go for it. I agree with all the posters here. Just love them.

You would really let your child eat themselves into obesity because that is “their own truth” ? Losing weight is REALLY REALLY hard and vast majority of people that become obese will stay that way. The only effective way to combat obesity is to never become obese in the first place. If that means telling your child only one dessert or no more snacks, then that is what you need to do

Go away. That is not what people want to hear. Are you done deaf? See what the vast majority of posts here are about.

#ToneDeafExampleRealTime

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could just be a phase. Or not. Let them find their own truth. No shaming, no controlling. No matter what it is. If they want to color their hair red, go for it, if they want to be called a boy, go for it. I agree with all the posters here. Just love them.

You would really let your child eat themselves into obesity because that is “their own truth” ? Losing weight is REALLY REALLY hard and vast majority of people that become obese will stay that way. The only effective way to combat obesity is to never become obese in the first place. If that means telling your child only one dessert or no more snacks, then that is what you need to do

Go away. That is not what people want to hear. Are you done deaf? See what the vast majority of posts here are about.

#ToneDeafExampleRealTime

Lol you are an idiot. The PP was being sarcastic I believe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it could just be a phase. Or not. Let them find their own truth. No shaming, no controlling. No matter what it is. If they want to color their hair red, go for it, if they want to be called a boy, go for it. I agree with all the posters here. Just love them.

You would really let your child eat themselves into obesity because that is “their own truth” ? Losing weight is REALLY REALLY hard and vast majority of people that become obese will stay that way. The only effective way to combat obesity is to never become obese in the first place. If that means telling your child only one dessert or no more snacks, then that is what you need to do

There is no data supporting the claim that control over the final size of one's body can be achieved in a healthy way (vs. other good goals that would arise from a healthy diet and exercise, letting weight be whatever it is when one does those things).