Worried about DD’s eating habits

[Anonymous]

I am very concerned about my 9yo DD’s eating habits and am not sure what to do about them, if anything, as I don’t want her to end up feeling bad about herself, or worst case develop an eating disorder down the line. But I also feel like just doing nothing is not the best solution to set her up for success.

The issue is the volume of food she eats, and it’s so much more than her peers from what I have observed over the past few months. Last night at Thanksgiving dinner she had 3 servings of food - full plates with all the fixings. All of the other kids - around her age but some older - had one to two servings max but consumed much less overall. Tonight for dinner we ordered pizza and most kids had 2 pieces, she had 3 and asked for another but I offered more broccoli instead so she declined. Last weekend we were at a birthday party for a family member and there was a big table of sweets. All of the kids took huge platefuls of cookies, pastries and cake but my DD was the only one who ate every single thing she took (probably like 10 treats total) and all the other kids left more than half of what was on their plates. These are just a few recent examples, but this is a consistent pattern probably for at least a year if not more.

We never say anything because we just don’t know what to say that could do some good and not hard. The advice in every DCUM post is never to say anything, but is that really the right thing to do here?

At home we cook pretty healthy but she eats as much as DH and me every night unless we don’t cook a ton and only offer extra fruits/veggies in which case she sometimes says she is full. She goes to a private school that provides lunch and they can only have 2 servings max, but when I have volunteered I saw that most kids don’t even eat one full serving. We don’t restrict snacks or desserts because we don’t want to make an issue over them, and most of her friends eat a ton of junk and we don’t want to be the only ones saying no.

Since I am sure others will ask, my DD is chubby, but that is not the issue here, it’s the overeating. She is somewhat lazy, but does do a couple sports to get her active (soccer and basketball).

Is there anything we can do?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, there are people who are chubby because their bodies don’t respond to hunger and fullness the same way as others’ bodies. Your daughter may be one of those people. Look up gherlin and leptin.

You can’t easily fix this and you are right in not making a fuss. And at big events that involve self-service or seconds, you can’t do much without causing her to feel shamed or different. At home, you can be conscious about starting meals with vegetables and proteins, and save carbs for 20 minutes into the meal in the hopes that not-hungry-anymore signals will start hitting her brain by then. Beware of limiting things aggressively or vocally because she could skip into a binge mentality at holidays or parties (ask me how I know). She may be one of those kids who turns into an adult who really struggles with weight for genuinely legit reasons. Lazy is hard and a loaded word- you may want to just think of it as “has lower energy levels than others” and think of ways to build more natural exercise into your day. It won’t be to affect her weight but to build healthy habits that she’ll have as an adult that can help her feel mentally balanced and in control. Walking to school, parking away from school and walking a few blocks if you commute, walking a neighbor’s dog daily, going on hikes as a family- all are good ways to start.

[Anonymous]

What does the Pediatrician say? Around that age girls tend to have a growth spurt and appetite increases. Ask the school nurse and the pediatrician if a nutritionist would be wise to add to the team to ensure she is getting enough nutrients.

[Anonymous]

How are her table manners? It's easy to overeat if you take huge bites, never allow your mouth to be empty, and eat quickly. It takes time for your body to feel full and register you've had enough. If she's shoveling she may legitimately feel hungry until she stops eat.

[Anonymous]

Etiquette classes might be in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very concerned about my 9yo DD’s eating habits and am not sure what to do about them, if anything, as I don’t want her to end up feeling bad about herself, or worst case develop an eating disorder down the line. But I also feel like just doing nothing is not the best solution to set her up for success.

The issue is the volume of food she eats, and it’s so much more than her peers from what I have observed over the past few months. Last night at Thanksgiving dinner she had 3 servings of food - full plates with all the fixings. All of the other kids - around her age but some older - had one to two servings max but consumed much less overall. Tonight for dinner we ordered pizza and most kids had 2 pieces, she had 3 and asked for another but I offered more broccoli instead so she declined. Last weekend we were at a birthday party for a family member and there was a big table of sweets. All of the kids took huge platefuls of cookies, pastries and cake but my DD was the only one who ate every single thing she took (probably like 10 treats total) and all the other kids left more than half of what was on their plates. These are just a few recent examples, but this is a consistent pattern probably for at least a year if not more.

We never say anything because we just don’t know what to say that could do some good and not hard. The advice in every DCUM post is never to say anything, but is that really the right thing to do here?

At home we cook pretty healthy but she eats as much as DH and me every night unless we don’t cook a ton and only offer extra fruits/veggies in which case she sometimes says she is full. She goes to a private school that provides lunch and they can only have 2 servings max, but when I have volunteered I saw that most kids don’t even eat one full serving. We don’t restrict snacks or desserts because we don’t want to make an issue over them, and most of her friends eat a ton of junk and we don’t want to be the only ones saying no.

Since I am sure others will ask, my DD is chubby, but that is not the issue here, it’s the overeating. She is somewhat lazy, but does do a couple sports to get her active (soccer and basketball).

Is there anything we can do?

I don’t understand why others would say not to say anything. Of course you would not shame her in front of others, but I think as parents it’s our job to teach amd model healthy eating habits. When she asked for the extra piece of pizza and you offered broccoli, I think that was a good call. I teach my kids about making health food choices, healthy serving sizes, and limiting sweets and snacks. As they grow into adults learning good eating habits will help them maintain good overall health and decrease their chances of many conditions. We let our kids eat junk and or more sweets than usual on special occasions, but daily habits and eating should be different.

As the PP said, sometimes you need to stop at what is a reasonable amount of food and wait a little to see if you are still actually hungry. I have told my children this if they have had a few helpings and are asking for more (or offer a healthier choice, e.g if my child is asking for a a 3rd dinner roll I might say have some more of your veggies first, and then see if you are still hungry).

You may want to mention to your pediatrician her increased appetite to make sure there is not a health issue, and he/she may have some ideas about how to approach this issue with your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are her table manners? It's easy to overeat if you take huge bites, never allow your mouth to be empty, and eat quickly. It takes time for your body to feel full and register you've had enough. If she's shoveling she may legitimately feel hungry until she stops eat.

This is the OP, she definitely eats way too fast and always has. We are constantly telling her to slow down, take a bite and fully chew before taking another, putting her fork down between bites, etc. she just doesn’t do it though and gets annoyed when we tell her to slow down. But I do think she would realize she is full if she ate slower.

[Anonymous]

You can stop this at home by making a plate of food for everyone and then immediately putting away the leftovers. You could leave the veggies or salad out for “seconds.”

No kids should be loading plates of 10 treats at a party. That is rude to the other guests and just disgusting. You should absolutely say something. You don’t have to even frame it as overeating, you can just teach her manners and explain that it’s not polite to take more than a few treats.

[Anonymous]

Is she old enough for etiquette class yet? That could help with the table manners piece of it.

[Anonymous]

I would always try to begin our meals a green salad. Also, try to cook relatively healthy meals. I also left the pot on the stove rather than on the table so that it wasn't really visible. Another thing might be to offer vegetables as sides at dinner. If anyone requests seconds direct them to the salad or veggies.

[Anonymous]

I think three pieces of pizza is fine, and normal at that age. They are growing (and some grow earlier than others, so don’t focus on what her fiends do). But I agree with the PP that ten treats is obscene and you can and should say something about that. Frame it about sugar; too much sugar spikes your insulin and is bad for your body. Moderation in sugar is okay but that means 1-2 desserts. If she still is hungry then she can have more pizza or fruit or something else.

[Anonymous]

I could have writtten this post. My kid is super active but still eats a ton of food, eats too quickly and always asks for more. We try to make sure she gets a wide variety of foods and hope that pays off in the long run.

[Anonymous]

The good news is that it probably doesn’t matter very much what you do or don’t say. If she’s going to struggle with overeating, you’re largely irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

I have a 10yo DD with a healthy appetite. 3 slices of pizza would be normal for her too. I do tend to let her eat what she wants at situations like you describe to be honest, it’s a party or social gathering so the goal is to enjoy yourself. Maybe up the fruits and veggies if you can? And talk about healthy choices as a family…… i feel like soccer and basketball alone aren’t enough. They’re both seasonal and are probably 2 hours a week each approx? At different times of year? My kid swims an hour 2-3 times a week and does martial arts twice a week and walks our dog and goes for hikes on a weekly basis.

[Anonymous]

Aw, poor kid. I feel for her, I had the same issue when I was a kid and still do. I feel completely out of control around food.

Reprimanding her, lecturing her, reminding her, etc won’t help. I knew it was “wrong”, I couldn’t help myself, and it just brought a lot of shame and guilt (which made me eat MORE, and in secret).

I would focus on:

- making sure your meals are centered around vegetables and lean protein. It’s generally hard to overeat those.

- Keep snacks out of the house, things like chips and cookies. Fruit and nuts are better options.

- Frame it as you are providing nutritious foods because she is growing, not denying foods because they are “bad”.

- Don’t stress during holidays, parties, etc. Most adult go a little crazy during this time, too.

- I’d also really ask yourself if you would feel this way if she were a boy. If a boy were eating a lot, would people recommend etiquette school? Probably not, they’d probably just say he was growing. Let’s give girls that same courtesy.