Worried about DD’s eating habits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette classes might be in order.

What a hilariously DCUM answer.

Why? Etiquette classes teach you things like basic table manners, waiting until everyone's been served to start eating, not to pig out if everyone else at the table is having a more normal portion size, etc. It also doesn't make OP the bad guy.

Ok,
And at many times at parties there is so much food. Enough that everyone can pretty much have whatever portion they desire. So, if there is a cake table with slices out and everyone has been served, there is no rule you can’t go back for seconds, thirds if it is out and available. Especially when the host is saying please help yourself

dude, have some self respect and don't be a pig. no one needs three slices of cake at a social function. you're a sugar addict then, get help.

Dude. I’m not the one eating..

I’ve witnessed this and nearly every party- the host doesn’t want to take any home and keeps telling people and kids to take more. Not saying you should but you also can’t tell a kid it was “bad manners” when they are literally told take more

Yes - you can absolutely teach a 9 year old that one slice of cake, 1-2 cookies, etc., is reasonable and not to take more. This kid put 10 treats on a plate, my lord.

Again, this is an impulsive eating issue, NOT an etiquette issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette classes might be in order.

What a hilariously DCUM answer.

Why? Etiquette classes teach you things like basic table manners, waiting until everyone's been served to start eating, not to pig out if everyone else at the table is having a more normal portion size, etc. It also doesn't make OP the bad guy.

Ok,
And at many times at parties there is so much food. Enough that everyone can pretty much have whatever portion they desire. So, if there is a cake table with slices out and everyone has been served, there is no rule you can’t go back for seconds, thirds if it is out and available. Especially when the host is saying please help yourself

dude, have some self respect and don't be a pig. no one needs three slices of cake at a social function. you're a sugar addict then, get help.

Dude. I’m not the one eating..

I’ve witnessed this and nearly every party- the host doesn’t want to take any home and keeps telling people and kids to take more. Not saying you should but you also can’t tell a kid it was “bad manners” when they are literally told take more

Yes - you can absolutely teach a 9 year old that one slice of cake, 1-2 cookies, etc., is reasonable and not to take more. This kid put 10 treats on a plate, my lord.

Again, this is an impulsive eating issue, NOT an etiquette issue

consistent etiquette rules, from EVERYONE with her, is what helps make good eating habits. team approach is needed. no dad's bring home pies or grandparents offering unlimited cookies or friends homes getting raided of processed snacks.

[Anonymous]

Something needs to be said to her. You not say anything if she refused to bathe for weeks on end. Would you say anything if she refused to buckle up in the car?. Did you say anything if she just decided to stop doing her homework?.

It is our job to guide and teach our children by not saying anything you are teaching her that what she is doing is absolutely fine and these are normal healthy portions which they most definitely are not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think three pieces of pizza is fine, and normal at that age. They are growing (and some grow earlier than others, so don’t focus on what her fiends do). But I agree with the PP that ten treats is obscene and you can and should say something about that. Frame it about sugar; too much sugar spikes your insulin and is bad for your body. Moderation in sugar is okay but that means 1-2 desserts. If she still is hungry then she can have more pizza or fruit or something else.

This! My 5 yo DS eats three pieces of pizza for dinner (if he hasn't just been snacking). As others have said, I would focus more on making sure that what she is eating is healthier.

Reduce the treats, increase veggies, and talk to her about eating healthy foods. All things I'm trying to do with my DCs.

[Anonymous]

For many people this needs to be taught:

Appropriate portion size;
Not to binge eat;
Not to overeat desserts or cakes;
Not to eat "just because" it's there yet you already just ate;
Not to eat right before bed;
Eat a well-balanced diet - low salt, sugar, fats - high on fiber, vitamins, protein, minerals.

And be active, move your body during the day and try to do cardio and lifting several times a week. or a sports practice. there are so many types of sports - for every energy level or body type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For many people this needs to be taught:

Appropriate portion size;
Not to binge eat;
Not to overeat desserts or cakes;
Not to eat "just because" it's there yet you already just ate;
Not to eat right before bed;
Eat a well-balanced diet - low salt, sugar, fats - high on fiber, vitamins, protein, minerals.

And be active, move your body during the day and try to do cardio and lifting several times a week. or a sports practice. there are so many types of sports - for every energy level or body type.

Mom, dad, nanny, school and grandparents all need to do the above and focus on “healthy.”

As long as you are doing healthy habits you will be your natural weight.

Eating 2-3 times what your body actual needs or grabbing 3-10 brownies that are put out at a picnic is NOT healthy. Nor needed.

[Anonymous]

She is probably hitting a pubertal growth spurt. 3 pieces of pizza is fine. I recently hosted some ten year olds for a playdate with pizza for lunch, and one child ate 4 slices, 2 children ate 3 slices, and my tiny 5th percentile for height child ate 2 slices. You should help her learn to enjoy fruits and veggies and to find forms of exercise that she enjoys. But restricting food always backfires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For many people this needs to be taught:

Appropriate portion size;
Not to binge eat;
Not to overeat desserts or cakes;
Not to eat "just because" it's there yet you already just ate;
Not to eat right before bed;
Eat a well-balanced diet - low salt, sugar, fats - high on fiber, vitamins, protein, minerals.

And be active, move your body during the day and try to do cardio and lifting several times a week. or a sports practice. there are so many types of sports - for every energy level or body type.

People this uptight make me cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very concerned about my 9yo DD’s eating habits and am not sure what to do about them, if anything, as I don’t want her to end up feeling bad about herself, or worst case develop an eating disorder down the line. But I also feel like just doing nothing is not the best solution to set her up for success.

The issue is the volume of food she eats, and it’s so much more than her peers from what I have observed over the past few months. Last night at Thanksgiving dinner she had 3 servings of food - full plates with all the fixings. All of the other kids - around her age but some older - had one to two servings max but consumed much less overall. Tonight for dinner we ordered pizza and most kids had 2 pieces, she had 3 and asked for another but I offered more broccoli instead so she declined. Last weekend we were at a birthday party for a family member and there was a big table of sweets. All of the kids took huge platefuls of cookies, pastries and cake but my DD was the only one who ate every single thing she took (probably like 10 treats total) and all the other kids left more than half of what was on their plates. These are just a few recent examples, but this is a consistent pattern probably for at least a year if not more.

We never say anything because we just don’t know what to say that could do some good and not hard. The advice in every DCUM post is never to say anything, but is that really the right thing to do here?

At home we cook pretty healthy but she eats as much as DH and me every night unless we don’t cook a ton and only offer extra fruits/veggies in which case she sometimes says she is full. She goes to a private school that provides lunch and they can only have 2 servings max, but when I have volunteered I saw that most kids don’t even eat one full serving. We don’t restrict snacks or desserts because we don’t want to make an issue over them, and most of her friends eat a ton of junk and we don’t want to be the only ones saying no.

Since I am sure others will ask, my DD is chubby, but that is not the issue here, it’s the overeating. She is somewhat lazy, but does do a couple sports to get her active (soccer and basketball).

Is there anything we can do?

I don’t understand why others would say not to say anything. Of course you would not shame her in front of others, but I think as parents it’s our job to teach amd model healthy eating habits. When she asked for the extra piece of pizza and you offered broccoli, I think that was a good call. I teach my kids about making health food choices, healthy serving sizes, and limiting sweets and snacks. As they grow into adults learning good eating habits will help them maintain good overall health and decrease their chances of many conditions. We let our kids eat junk and or more sweets than usual on special occasions, but daily habits and eating should be different.

As the PP said, sometimes you need to stop at what is a reasonable amount of food and wait a little to see if you are still actually hungry. I have told my children this if they have had a few helpings and are asking for more (or offer a healthier choice, e.g if my child is asking for a a 3rd dinner roll I might say have some more of your veggies first, and then see if you are still hungry).

You may want to mention to your pediatrician her increased appetite to make sure there is not a health issue, and he/she may have some ideas about how to approach this issue with your child.

We found the Stanford CHildren's BMI calculater to be most accurate and not biased like the other ones that lean on % of population. If 40% of the population is overweight or obese the others artificially say your BMI is OK range since there's increasingly more higher BMIs per age group - yet there is a health hazard past a fixed juncture and it should not be 'fixed' on % of people overweight but the fat and stress on the body of extra fat.

BMI percentile charts are based on kids from the 1980s or something. Otherwise it would be impossible for 30 percent of kids to be overweight, which is defined as over 85th percentile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many people this needs to be taught:

Appropriate portion size;
Not to binge eat;
Not to overeat desserts or cakes;
Not to eat "just because" it's there yet you already just ate;
Not to eat right before bed;
Eat a well-balanced diet - low salt, sugar, fats - high on fiber, vitamins, protein, minerals.

And be active, move your body during the day and try to do cardio and lifting several times a week. or a sports practice. there are so many types of sports - for every energy level or body type.

People this uptight make me cringe.

It’s not uptight. With the exception of lumberjacks and people who perform physical labor all day, it’s the way we all should eat.

You are doing your children a vast disservice if you don’t teach them these habits. My slim and healthy friends also teach their children things like never eating fast food or drinking soda, only eating dessert once a week or less, eating veggies and protein for every meal, being ok with being hungry, and exercising every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

The OP is not talking about sometimes, she's talking about often. I'm not anxious a bit, rather disgusted that no guidance is being provided to this child regarding self-control. She needs that more than another helping.

[Anonymous]

I could have written a similar post except I’m a year ahead of you - unfortunately, in fourth grade, some girls called her fat - honestly she isn’t even all that chubby but she also isn’t a waif. Being called fat rocked her to the core - I feel like I’m perpetually on a tight rope - bc she will now cry if she feels chubby but then also I’ll find wrappers of Halloween candy under her bed (so now she’s hiding and bingeing). For us, the eating is definitely adhd impulsivity and I think also craving sugar to keep revved up (when her meds wear off). I will say she now eats more proportionally. She also asked us to lock up the dessert in the house - which felt crazy to me - but she said it really helps her to ask for it rather than have it readily available 24/7. I guess I can relate since I love ice cream and my solution for myself is to not keep it in the house and instead enjoy it when we buy it out of the house.
Anyway - I was sort of forced into discussing weight bc of the girls in fourth grade - and I pray I’ve handled it correctly - I asked her therapist recently and she recommended working w a nutritionist - I lightly floated it by my DD and she wasn’t interested so I let it drop
I follow a lot of nutritionists on instagram and they advise leaving candy out, that kids will self regulate, etc - but I’ve had to come to grips with impulsivity night over ride self regulation right now …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many people this needs to be taught:

Appropriate portion size;
Not to binge eat;
Not to overeat desserts or cakes;
Not to eat "just because" it's there yet you already just ate;
Not to eat right before bed;
Eat a well-balanced diet - low salt, sugar, fats - high on fiber, vitamins, protein, minerals.

And be active, move your body during the day and try to do cardio and lifting several times a week. or a sports practice. there are so many types of sports - for every energy level or body type.

People this uptight make me cringe.

It’s not uptight. With the exception of lumberjacks and people who perform physical labor all day, it’s the way we all should eat.

You are doing your children a vast disservice if you don’t teach them these habits. My slim and healthy friends also teach their children things like never eating fast food or drinking soda, only eating dessert once a week or less, eating veggies and protein for every meal, being ok with being hungry, and exercising every day.

Yes I know these people. These are the kids that come to my house and eat all of the chips and junk in our home because their parents forbid it and they have absolutely no ability to practice moderation. My kids are fine eating one serving of chips. Your kid ate 4 bags and then topped it off by eating the rest of our Oreos…but you’re doing a great job parenting and I’m sure when your kids get to college they will never eat any junk food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many people this needs to be taught:

Appropriate portion size;
Not to binge eat;
Not to overeat desserts or cakes;
Not to eat "just because" it's there yet you already just ate;
Not to eat right before bed;
Eat a well-balanced diet - low salt, sugar, fats - high on fiber, vitamins, protein, minerals.

And be active, move your body during the day and try to do cardio and lifting several times a week. or a sports practice. there are so many types of sports - for every energy level or body type.

People this uptight make me cringe.

It’s not uptight. With the exception of lumberjacks and people who perform physical labor all day, it’s the way we all should eat.

You are doing your children a vast disservice if you don’t teach them these habits. My slim and healthy friends also teach their children things like never eating fast food or drinking soda, only eating dessert once a week or less, eating veggies and protein for every meal, being ok with being hungry, and exercising every day.

Is this supposed to be a good thing? I honestly can't tell from your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take her to the doctor. Get counselling from him/her and enter a family (i.e not just her) weightloss plan.

DCUM is a horrible place for dietary advice because half the posters here have eating disorders.

My daughter sounds a lot like the OPs. She is tall for her age and heavy. She favors fatty foods. She has never expressed a single moment of self-consciousness ever. And our pediatrician has never said anything about her weight to us. We try to encourage healthy food choices at home, but it's tough at restaurants and when she's with her friends. I just try not to worry and encourage her to be active....sigh.