Worried about DD’s eating habits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette classes might be in order.

What a hilariously DCUM answer.

Why? Etiquette classes teach you things like basic table manners, waiting until everyone's been served to start eating, not to pig out if everyone else at the table is having a more normal portion size, etc. It also doesn't make OP the bad guy.

Ok,
And at many times at parties there is so much food. Enough that everyone can pretty much have whatever portion they desire. So, if there is a cake table with slices out and everyone has been served, there is no rule you can’t go back for seconds, thirds if it is out and available. Especially when the host is saying please help yourself

No one needs 3 slices of cake, I promise you that. Some people self-regulate, and others need to learn how to do that. Learning societal norms can help with the regulation.

I’m not disagreeing about needing 3 slices of cake. But if food is there and everyone has been served, and the host is saying help yourself, it isn’t impolite to take more. Her child overeating isn’t something to be solved with an etiquette class and that is a silly suggestion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette classes might be in order.

What a hilariously DCUM answer.

Why? Etiquette classes teach you things like basic table manners, waiting until everyone's been served to start eating, not to pig out if everyone else at the table is having a more normal portion size, etc. It also doesn't make OP the bad guy.

Ok,
And at many times at parties there is so much food. Enough that everyone can pretty much have whatever portion they desire. So, if there is a cake table with slices out and everyone has been served, there is no rule you can’t go back for seconds, thirds if it is out and available. Especially when the host is saying please help yourself

No one needs 3 slices of cake, I promise you that. Some people self-regulate, and others need to learn how to do that. Learning societal norms can help with the regulation.

I’m not disagreeing about needing 3 slices of cake. But if food is there and everyone has been served, and the host is saying help yourself, it isn’t impolite to take more. Her child overeating isn’t something to be solved with an etiquette class and that is a silly suggestion

Etiquette classes will absolutely help with overeating in social situations. You learn things like social niceties, of course a host is going to be gracious and tell you to help yourself. That doesn't give you carte blanche to take 10 treats like OP's kid did.

You could learn a lot from a refresher yourself!

[Anonymous]

I would probably not interfere at all in social situations and, as she goes through puberty, peer pressure/the desire not to stand out may help. However, at home, I don’t think anyone should be giving you the advice not to limit junk food/snacks and to allow self service seconds, thirds, etc.

My son is a bit like you describe, but I also have an older daughter that is, if anything, prone to under eating, so it’s a fine line to walk. We allow one non-healthy snack for all of our kids & after that it’s fruit/vegetable/maybe healthy protein if the hunger is real. We serve seconds to keep them reasonably sized. After that, it’s fruit/vegetables. We allow one portion of dessert and alternate between any choice dessert and something on the healthier side that we present to everyone/eat as a family (fruit salad; homemade juice pops; jello).

[Anonymous]

Kids are really disadvantaged by having parents allow them to do anything they want due to fear any instruction or direction will hurt their feelings or upset them. You owe it to your child to teach her how to eat a normal amount of food. It’s not mean to point out what an appropriate portion is or that you shouldn’t take 10 treats. Having her become grossly overweight and not doing anything about it is just cruel. Being overweight will be way worse for her emotional well being than having parents be direct as to what an appropriate amount of food is. Please help your child and start addressing this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are really disadvantaged by having parents allow them to do anything they want due to fear any instruction or direction will hurt their feelings or upset them. You owe it to your child to teach her how to eat a normal amount of food. It’s not mean to point out what an appropriate portion is or that you shouldn’t take 10 treats. Having her become grossly overweight and not doing anything about it is just cruel. Being overweight will be way worse for her emotional well being than having parents be direct as to what an appropriate amount of food is. Please help your child and start addressing this issue.

Thank you! Finally someone with a brains! If there are not medica issues, kids should not be overweight. As a parent, I would not just accept the fact that my kids likes cake too much and that’s fine because otherwise she will develop and eating disorder. Will she be happy when she is 18 and overweight? I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are really disadvantaged by having parents allow them to do anything they want due to fear any instruction or direction will hurt their feelings or upset them. You owe it to your child to teach her how to eat a normal amount of food. It’s not mean to point out what an appropriate portion is or that you shouldn’t take 10 treats. Having her become grossly overweight and not doing anything about it is just cruel. Being overweight will be way worse for her emotional well being than having parents be direct as to what an appropriate amount of food is. Please help your child and start addressing this issue.

Forget the emotional wellbeing. Kids who go through puberty fat are likely to stay fat their entire adult life. Fatty liver disease and fatty streaks in the arteries can start before puberty. Type 2 diabetes is being diagnosed in kids at increasing rates. PCOS, cancer, infertility, obstetric complications. Years shaved off life expectancy. Even Alzheimer's is related to insulin resistance

[Anonymous]

There’s so much terrible advice here. This is a bad place to come for food issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette classes might be in order.

What a hilariously DCUM answer.

Why? Etiquette classes teach you things like basic table manners, waiting until everyone's been served to start eating, not to pig out if everyone else at the table is having a more normal portion size, etc. It also doesn't make OP the bad guy.

Ok,
And at many times at parties there is so much food. Enough that everyone can pretty much have whatever portion they desire. So, if there is a cake table with slices out and everyone has been served, there is no rule you can’t go back for seconds, thirds if it is out and available. Especially when the host is saying please help yourself

No one needs 3 slices of cake, I promise you that. Some people self-regulate, and others need to learn how to do that. Learning societal norms can help with the regulation.

I’m not disagreeing about needing 3 slices of cake. But if food is there and everyone has been served, and the host is saying help yourself, it isn’t impolite to take more. Her child overeating isn’t something to be solved with an etiquette class and that is a silly suggestion

Etiquette classes will absolutely help with overeating in social situations. You learn things like social niceties, of course a host is going to be gracious and tell you to help yourself. That doesn't give you carte blanche to take 10 treats like OP's kid did.

You could learn a lot from a refresher yourself!

Going to an etiquette class to solve eating/food issues - I can’t think of anything less productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

Her daughter's internal cues aren't working. Many adults and some kids struggling with finding a balance between enough enough but not too much. If her daughter is overweight, what her body is telling her to eat and what her body actually needs are not corresponding. Its ok to follow portion guiandance in this instance. OP doesn't need to weigh out every gram of food, but it is totally appropriate to set limits on certain food: you can have 1 dessert, you can have 1 granola bar, you can have one bowl of pasta, 3 pieces of pizza, 2 pancakes, etc. Then leave plenty of foods that she can consumer as much as she wants such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, beans, cheese, yogurt, eggs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

Her daughter's internal cues aren't working. Many adults and some kids struggling with finding a balance between enough enough but not too much. If her daughter is overweight, what her body is telling her to eat and what her body actually needs are not corresponding. Its ok to follow portion guiandance in this instance. OP doesn't need to weigh out every gram of food, but it is totally appropriate to set limits on certain food: you can have 1 dessert, you can have 1 granola bar, you can have one bowl of pasta, 3 pieces of pizza, 2 pancakes, etc. Then leave plenty of foods that she can consumer as much as she wants such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, beans, cheese, yogurt, eggs

Her internal cues are there - she is not listening to them. She needs to learn to do so. This is why your advice will not work and is more damaging long term. It continues to focus on external cues. It is important to allow her to do this now rather than further distort her ability to tune into her body. OP - a weight neutral dietician may be able to help you with some tools to support your daughter. Be wary of the advice given here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

Her daughter's internal cues aren't working. Many adults and some kids struggling with finding a balance between enough enough but not too much. If her daughter is overweight, what her body is telling her to eat and what her body actually needs are not corresponding. Its ok to follow portion guiandance in this instance. OP doesn't need to weigh out every gram of food, but it is totally appropriate to set limits on certain food: you can have 1 dessert, you can have 1 granola bar, you can have one bowl of pasta, 3 pieces of pizza, 2 pancakes, etc. Then leave plenty of foods that she can consumer as much as she wants such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, beans, cheese, yogurt, eggs

This is exactly right and OP and her family will have a better time of this in a formal program with support and structure. And everyone in the house needs to participate. Mom and Dad need to lead through example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

Her daughter's internal cues aren't working. Many adults and some kids struggling with finding a balance between enough enough but not too much. If her daughter is overweight, what her body is telling her to eat and what her body actually needs are not corresponding. Its ok to follow portion guiandance in this instance. OP doesn't need to weigh out every gram of food, but it is totally appropriate to set limits on certain food: you can have 1 dessert, you can have 1 granola bar, you can have one bowl of pasta, 3 pieces of pizza, 2 pancakes, etc. Then leave plenty of foods that she can consumer as much as she wants such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, beans, cheese, yogurt, eggs

Her internal cues are there - she is not listening to them. She needs to learn to do so. This is why your advice will not work and is more damaging long term. It continues to focus on external cues. It is important to allow her to do this now rather than further distort her ability to tune into her body. OP - a weight neutral dietician may be able to help you with some tools to support your daughter. Be wary of the advice given here.

Her internal cue is to eat to excess. Once you have packed on a certain amount of weight the adipose cells multiply and send out excess hunger hormones. Once you are that overweight it is really not possible to experience meaningful weightloss without some hunger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

Her daughter's internal cues aren't working. Many adults and some kids struggling with finding a balance between enough enough but not too much. If her daughter is overweight, what her body is telling her to eat and what her body actually needs are not corresponding. Its ok to follow portion guiandance in this instance. OP doesn't need to weigh out every gram of food, but it is totally appropriate to set limits on certain food: you can have 1 dessert, you can have 1 granola bar, you can have one bowl of pasta, 3 pieces of pizza, 2 pancakes, etc. Then leave plenty of foods that she can consumer as much as she wants such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, beans, cheese, yogurt, eggs

Her internal cues are there - she is not listening to them. She needs to learn to do so. This is why your advice will not work and is more damaging long term. It continues to focus on external cues. It is important to allow her to do this now rather than further distort her ability to tune into her body. OP - a weight neutral dietician may be able to help you with some tools to support your daughter. Be wary of the advice given here.

Her internal cue is to eat to excess. Once you have packed on a certain amount of weight the adipose cells multiply and send out excess hunger hormones. Once you are that overweight it is really not possible to experience meaningful weightloss without some hunger.

This is not accurate and weight loss should not even be the immediate goal, anyway. Getting the daughter to be comfortable with food and learning to recognize her appetite, hunger and fullness is the goal. Please stop giving advice that is not based on proven effective methods for children.