Worried about DD’s eating habits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many people this needs to be taught:

Appropriate portion size;
Not to binge eat;
Not to overeat desserts or cakes;
Not to eat "just because" it's there yet you already just ate;
Not to eat right before bed;
Eat a well-balanced diet - low salt, sugar, fats - high on fiber, vitamins, protein, minerals.

And be active, move your body during the day and try to do cardio and lifting several times a week. or a sports practice. there are so many types of sports - for every energy level or body type.

People this uptight make me cringe.

It’s not uptight. With the exception of lumberjacks and people who perform physical labor all day, it’s the way we all should eat.

You are doing your children a vast disservice if you don’t teach them these habits. My slim and healthy friends also teach their children things like never eating fast food or drinking soda, only eating dessert once a week or less, eating veggies and protein for every meal, being ok with being hungry, and exercising every day.

"Being ok with being hungry" will lead to some kids binging when they have more control over their food. It's a different kind of food insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

The OP is not talking about sometimes, she's talking about often. I'm not anxious a bit, rather disgusted that no guidance is being provided to this child regarding self-control. She needs that more than another helping.

Not really. I’m not entirely convinced there’s a problem. OP described occasional overeating at events, which is common. And that she has an adult sized dinner portion, which is totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very concerned about my 9yo DD’s eating habits and am not sure what to do about them, if anything, as I don’t want her to end up feeling bad about herself, or worst case develop an eating disorder down the line. But I also feel like just doing nothing is not the best solution to set her up for success.

The issue is the volume of food she eats, and it’s so much more than her peers from what I have observed over the past few months. Last night at Thanksgiving dinner she had 3 servings of food - full plates with all the fixings. All of the other kids - around her age but some older - had one to two servings max but consumed much less overall. Tonight for dinner we ordered pizza and most kids had 2 pieces, she had 3 and asked for another but I offered more broccoli instead so she declined. Last weekend we were at a birthday party for a family member and there was a big table of sweets. All of the kids took huge platefuls of cookies, pastries and cake but my DD was the only one who ate every single thing she took (probably like 10 treats total) and all the other kids left more than half of what was on their plates. These are just a few recent examples, but this is a consistent pattern probably for at least a year if not more.

We never say anything because we just don’t know what to say that could do some good and not hard. The advice in every DCUM post is never to say anything, but is that really the right thing to do here?

At home we cook pretty healthy but she eats as much as DH and me every night unless we don’t cook a ton and only offer extra fruits/veggies in which case she sometimes says she is full. She goes to a private school that provides lunch and they can only have 2 servings max, but when I have volunteered I saw that most kids don’t even eat one full serving. We don’t restrict snacks or desserts because we don’t want to make an issue over them, and most of her friends eat a ton of junk and we don’t want to be the only ones saying no.

Since I am sure others will ask, my DD is chubby, but that is not the issue here, it’s the overeating. She is somewhat lazy, but does do a couple sports to get her active (soccer and basketball).

Is there anything we can do?

I don’t understand why others would say not to say anything. Of course you would not shame her in front of others, but I think as parents it’s our job to teach amd model healthy eating habits. When she asked for the extra piece of pizza and you offered broccoli, I think that was a good call. I teach my kids about making health food choices, healthy serving sizes, and limiting sweets and snacks. As they grow into adults learning good eating habits will help them maintain good overall health and decrease their chances of many conditions. We let our kids eat junk and or more sweets than usual on special occasions, but daily habits and eating should be different.

As the PP said, sometimes you need to stop at what is a reasonable amount of food and wait a little to see if you are still actually hungry. I have told my children this if they have had a few helpings and are asking for more (or offer a healthier choice, e.g if my child is asking for a a 3rd dinner roll I might say have some more of your veggies first, and then see if you are still hungry).

You may want to mention to your pediatrician her increased appetite to make sure there is not a health issue, and he/she may have some ideas about how to approach this issue with your child.

We found the Stanford CHildren's BMI calculater to be most accurate and not biased like the other ones that lean on % of population. If 40% of the population is overweight or obese the others artificially say your BMI is OK range since there's increasingly more higher BMIs per age group - yet there is a health hazard past a fixed juncture and it should not be 'fixed' on % of people overweight but the fat and stress on the body of extra fat.

BMI percentile charts are based on kids from the 1980s or something. Otherwise it would be impossible for 30 percent of kids to be overweight, which is defined as over 85th percentile.

Hahaha, who says only 15% of a population at any given time can be overweight? Some silly math equation that fixed “overweight” to >15 percentile and not actual height/weight or waist dimensions. Hilarious. Wishful thinking indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

The OP is not talking about sometimes, she's talking about often. I'm not anxious a bit, rather disgusted that no guidance is being provided to this child regarding self-control. She needs that more than another helping.

Not really. I’m not entirely convinced there’s a problem. OP described occasional overeating at events, which is common. And that she has an adult sized dinner portion, which is totally fine.

OP describes her as overeating pretty regularly, at home and at events, and has for several years now. They have said nothing, thinking it would self correct and it hasn't. And is now she overweight. So....saying nothing is not working for them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

The OP is not talking about sometimes, she's talking about often. I'm not anxious a bit, rather disgusted that no guidance is being provided to this child regarding self-control. She needs that more than another helping.

Not really. I’m not entirely convinced there’s a problem. OP described occasional overeating at events, which is common. And that she has an adult sized dinner portion, which is totally fine.

OP describes her as overeating pretty regularly, at home and at events, and has for several years now. They have said nothing, thinking it would self correct and it hasn't. And is now she overweight. So....saying nothing is not working for them

Mind your business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

The OP is not talking about sometimes, she's talking about often. I'm not anxious a bit, rather disgusted that no guidance is being provided to this child regarding self-control. She needs that more than another helping.

Not really. I’m not entirely convinced there’s a problem. OP described occasional overeating at events, which is common. And that she has an adult sized dinner portion, which is totally fine.

OP describes her as overeating pretty regularly, at home and at events, and has for several years now. They have said nothing, thinking it would self correct and it hasn't. And is now she overweight. So....saying nothing is not working for them

Mind your business

OP has made it everyone's business. Get off the thread if it's triggering for you.

[Anonymous]

I have diagnosed binge eating disorder and I'm certain I exhibited those behaviors as early as 5. I have struggled with obesity my entire life up until getting diagnosed. BED is concurrent with, or similar to (not sure of the exact terminology) with ADHD, and looking back, I had that too. I have since shed weight since treating my BED with vyvanse.

It is not a moral failing, but you also cannot shame or etiquette class your way into treating BED if this is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

The OP is not talking about sometimes, she's talking about often. I'm not anxious a bit, rather disgusted that no guidance is being provided to this child regarding self-control. She needs that more than another helping.

Not really. I’m not entirely convinced there’s a problem. OP described occasional overeating at events, which is common. And that she has an adult sized dinner portion, which is totally fine.

The girl is fat and chubby, overeats, and eats the wrong calories- 4 services of desserts if not stopped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many people this needs to be taught:

Appropriate portion size;
Not to binge eat;
Not to overeat desserts or cakes;
Not to eat "just because" it's there yet you already just ate;
Not to eat right before bed;
Eat a well-balanced diet - low salt, sugar, fats - high on fiber, vitamins, protein, minerals.

And be active, move your body during the day and try to do cardio and lifting several times a week. or a sports practice. there are so many types of sports - for every energy level or body type.

People this uptight make me cringe.

It’s not uptight. With the exception of lumberjacks and people who perform physical labor all day, it’s the way we all should eat.

You are doing your children a vast disservice if you don’t teach them these habits. My slim and healthy friends also teach their children things like never eating fast food or drinking soda, only eating dessert once a week or less, eating veggies and protein for every meal, being ok with being hungry, and exercising every day.

Is this supposed to be a good thing? I honestly can't tell from your post.

I'm not the PP, but why wouldn't those be healthy teachings?? I'm slim -- healthy slim, NOT underweight slim -- and I ascribe to most of those (difference being that we do eat fast food on occasion and my kids have reasonably portioned dessert 3-4 times a week.) It's not disordered to moderate foods like sugar that are really not all that good for you. And it's ok to come to the table for a meal feeling hungry.

[Anonymous]

I think all the calls to counseling are premature. Everyone is assuming kid knows how to eat properly and has restraint which sounds like a big expectation. More simply I’d talk to your pedi and see if they can hook you up with a nutritionist to go over proper nutrition and eating. Then you’ll also feel better enforcing it from that standpoint (healthy eating) rather than making it about the result (chubby).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very concerned about my 9yo DD’s eating habits and am not sure what to do about them, if anything, as I don’t want her to end up feeling bad about herself, or worst case develop an eating disorder down the line. But I also feel like just doing nothing is not the best solution to set her up for success.

The issue is the volume of food she eats, and it’s so much more than her peers from what I have observed over the past few months. Last night at Thanksgiving dinner she had 3 servings of food - full plates with all the fixings. All of the other kids - around her age but some older - had one to two servings max but consumed much less overall. Tonight for dinner we ordered pizza and most kids had 2 pieces, she had 3 and asked for another but I offered more broccoli instead so she declined. Last weekend we were at a birthday party for a family member and there was a big table of sweets. All of the kids took huge platefuls of cookies, pastries and cake but my DD was the only one who ate every single thing she took (probably like 10 treats total) and all the other kids left more than half of what was on their plates. These are just a few recent examples, but this is a consistent pattern probably for at least a year if not more.

We never say anything because we just don’t know what to say that could do some good and not hard. The advice in every DCUM post is never to say anything, but is that really the right thing to do here?

At home we cook pretty healthy but she eats as much as DH and me every night unless we don’t cook a ton and only offer extra fruits/veggies in which case she sometimes says she is full. She goes to a private school that provides lunch and they can only have 2 servings max, but when I have volunteered I saw that most kids don’t even eat one full serving. We don’t restrict snacks or desserts because we don’t want to make an issue over them, and most of her friends eat a ton of junk and we don’t want to be the only ones saying no.

Since I am sure others will ask, my DD is chubby, but that is not the issue here, it’s the overeating. She is somewhat lazy, but does do a couple sports to get her active (soccer and basketball).

Is there anything we can do?

I don’t understand why others would say not to say anything. Of course you would not shame her in front of others, but I think as parents it’s our job to teach amd model healthy eating habits. When she asked for the extra piece of pizza and you offered broccoli, I think that was a good call. I teach my kids about making health food choices, healthy serving sizes, and limiting sweets and snacks. As they grow into adults learning good eating habits will help them maintain good overall health and decrease their chances of many conditions. We let our kids eat junk and or more sweets than usual on special occasions, but daily habits and eating should be different.

As the PP said, sometimes you need to stop at what is a reasonable amount of food and wait a little to see if you are still actually hungry. I have told my children this if they have had a few helpings and are asking for more (or offer a healthier choice, e.g if my child is asking for a a 3rd dinner roll I might say have some more of your veggies first, and then see if you are still hungry).

You may want to mention to your pediatrician her increased appetite to make sure there is not a health issue, and he/she may have some ideas about how to approach this issue with your child.

We found the Stanford CHildren's BMI calculater to be most accurate and not biased like the other ones that lean on % of population. If 40% of the population is overweight or obese the others artificially say your BMI is OK range since there's increasingly more higher BMIs per age group - yet there is a health hazard past a fixed juncture and it should not be 'fixed' on % of people overweight but the fat and stress on the body of extra fat.

BMI percentile charts are based on kids from the 1980s or something. Otherwise it would be impossible for 30 percent of kids to be overweight, which is defined as over 85th percentile.

Hahaha, who says only 15% of a population at any given time can be overweight? Some silly math equation that fixed “overweight” to >15 percentile and not actual height/weight or waist dimensions. Hilarious. Wishful thinking indeed.

Either you can’t read or you don’t understand math. The point is that it is 85 percentile on the charts, which are based on a reference population from decades ago.

https://www.cdc.gov/obesity/basics/childhood-defining.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many people this needs to be taught:

Appropriate portion size;
Not to binge eat;
Not to overeat desserts or cakes;
Not to eat "just because" it's there yet you already just ate;
Not to eat right before bed;
Eat a well-balanced diet - low salt, sugar, fats - high on fiber, vitamins, protein, minerals.

And be active, move your body during the day and try to do cardio and lifting several times a week. or a sports practice. there are so many types of sports - for every energy level or body type.

People this uptight make me cringe.

It’s not uptight. With the exception of lumberjacks and people who perform physical labor all day, it’s the way we all should eat.

You are doing your children a vast disservice if you don’t teach them these habits. My slim and healthy friends also teach their children things like never eating fast food or drinking soda, only eating dessert once a week or less, eating veggies and protein for every meal, being ok with being hungry, and exercising every day.

Is this supposed to be a good thing? I honestly can't tell from your post.

I'm not the PP, but why wouldn't those be healthy teachings?? I'm slim -- healthy slim, NOT underweight slim -- and I ascribe to most of those (difference being that we do eat fast food on occasion and my kids have reasonably portioned dessert 3-4 times a week.) It's not disordered to moderate foods like sugar that are really not all that good for you. And it's ok to come to the table for a meal feeling hungry.

NP. None of those things are necessarily bad per se, but teaching them to your kids can be exceedingly difficult without veering into control freak territory, especially once they get into the tween and teen years. I grew up with extremely disordered eating habits and didn’t really get a handle on it until I escaped the watchful eye of my mom. And now as a parent, I try to impart and model the “right” behavior, but my kids are not always receptive. They’re individuals who have to learn to moderate and you have to let go a little bit so they can learn to read their own cues. Not easy at all. (For some.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many people this needs to be taught:

Appropriate portion size;
Not to binge eat;
Not to overeat desserts or cakes;
Not to eat "just because" it's there yet you already just ate;
Not to eat right before bed;
Eat a well-balanced diet - low salt, sugar, fats - high on fiber, vitamins, protein, minerals.

And be active, move your body during the day and try to do cardio and lifting several times a week. or a sports practice. there are so many types of sports - for every energy level or body type.

People this uptight make me cringe.

It’s not uptight. With the exception of lumberjacks and people who perform physical labor all day, it’s the way we all should eat.

You are doing your children a vast disservice if you don’t teach them these habits. My slim and healthy friends also teach their children things like never eating fast food or drinking soda, only eating dessert once a week or less, eating veggies and protein for every meal, being ok with being hungry, and exercising every day.

Is this supposed to be a good thing? I honestly can't tell from your post.

I'm not the PP, but why wouldn't those be healthy teachings?? I'm slim -- healthy slim, NOT underweight slim -- and I ascribe to most of those (difference being that we do eat fast food on occasion and my kids have reasonably portioned dessert 3-4 times a week.) It's not disordered to moderate foods like sugar that are really not all that good for you. And it's ok to come to the table for a meal feeling hungry.

never eating fast food or drinking soda - never? really? I can see if you choose to do that as an adult but I think it is ok to allow it for kids occasionally
only eating dessert once a week or less - this is absurd. we eat dessert all the time. We are all healthy.
eating veggies and protein for every meal - this is fine but kids need carbs too
being ok with being hungry - I am not sure what this means. But generally I do not think it is healthy to teach your kids to not eat if they are hungry.
exercising every day - I agree that kids need some sort of movement daily, but intentional daily exercise is compulsive. Rest days are ok and healthy.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with one parent with an eating disorder and one parent who was morbidly obese my whole life. I always knew I really wanted to avoid those two extremes and for the most part I have though I wish I was slightly lighter since having kids. I am trying to take a middle ground approach with my own kids. The truth is some food are very low satiety and you can eat a lot without feeling it. Like sweets and chips. So we don’t allow unlimited access to those, though they can have a bit every day. We talk about eating slowly and chewing and eating a variety of food. And trying to be active. I think there’s a middle ground to be had. But it’s hard.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read the whole thread by

A where the heck do you find etiquette classes?

B) we have a similar daughter and one thing that works is saying seconds are ok but no thirds. Also i just try to make fruits and veg available at every meal even pizza