Worried about DD’s eating habits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

Her daughter's internal cues aren't working. Many adults and some kids struggling with finding a balance between enough enough but not too much. If her daughter is overweight, what her body is telling her to eat and what her body actually needs are not corresponding. Its ok to follow portion guiandance in this instance. OP doesn't need to weigh out every gram of food, but it is totally appropriate to set limits on certain food: you can have 1 dessert, you can have 1 granola bar, you can have one bowl of pasta, 3 pieces of pizza, 2 pancakes, etc. Then leave plenty of foods that she can consumer as much as she wants such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, beans, cheese, yogurt, eggs

Her internal cues are there - she is not listening to them. She needs to learn to do so. This is why your advice will not work and is more damaging long term. It continues to focus on external cues. It is important to allow her to do this now rather than further distort her ability to tune into her body. OP - a weight neutral dietician may be able to help you with some tools to support your daughter. Be wary of the advice given here.

Her internal cue is to eat to excess. Once you have packed on a certain amount of weight the adipose cells multiply and send out excess hunger hormones. Once you are that overweight it is really not possible to experience meaningful weightloss without some hunger.

This is not accurate and weight loss should not even be the immediate goal, anyway. Getting the daughter to be comfortable with food and learning to recognize her appetite, hunger and fullness is the goal. Please stop giving advice that is not based on proven effective methods for children.

This isn’t taught. It should come naturally. If it doesn’t, then that means it doesn’t work for you. To teach it, means to recognize what a reasonable portion is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

Her daughter's internal cues aren't working. Many adults and some kids struggling with finding a balance between enough enough but not too much. If her daughter is overweight, what her body is telling her to eat and what her body actually needs are not corresponding. Its ok to follow portion guiandance in this instance. OP doesn't need to weigh out every gram of food, but it is totally appropriate to set limits on certain food: you can have 1 dessert, you can have 1 granola bar, you can have one bowl of pasta, 3 pieces of pizza, 2 pancakes, etc. Then leave plenty of foods that she can consumer as much as she wants such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, beans, cheese, yogurt, eggs

Her internal cues are there - she is not listening to them. She needs to learn to do so. This is why your advice will not work and is more damaging long term. It continues to focus on external cues. It is important to allow her to do this now rather than further distort her ability to tune into her body. OP - a weight neutral dietician may be able to help you with some tools to support your daughter. Be wary of the advice given here.

Her internal cue is to eat to excess. Once you have packed on a certain amount of weight the adipose cells multiply and send out excess hunger hormones. Once you are that overweight it is really not possible to experience meaningful weightloss without some hunger.

This is not accurate and weight loss should not even be the immediate goal, anyway. Getting the daughter to be comfortable with food and learning to recognize her appetite, hunger and fullness is the goal. Please stop giving advice that is not based on proven effective methods for children.

This isn’t taught. It should come naturally. If it doesn’t, then that means it doesn’t work for you. To teach it, means to recognize what a reasonable portion is.

It does come naturally, and is then sometimes ruined by things like when well meaning family force their food ideology and portion guidance on you. In these cases there are tools that can help regain it but they do need to be taught. It never involves prescribing portions. And it takes time. At 9, OPs daughter is quite young and has plenty of time to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written most of your post OP. My DD would even get sick and throw up after parties bc of eating too much. After that happened more than once we knew she needed some guidance. My DD is a teen now and it is a lot better, pretty much a non issue now.

I know DCUM disagrees largely, but for us, we set limits. At home, she would serve herself her dinner portion and what she wanted, but if she wanted seconds it would be a much smaller portion, no thirds. Hungry later? Then fruits, vegetables, or milk/cheese.

At parties, before we went, I would remind her 1 dessert, no more than 3 pieces of pizza. She can have something else later at home if she is still hungry.

For snacks I helped guide her with what a portion size looks like and how we need to vary the food groups we are eating.

We also upped her physical activity.

She was on borderline of overweight (according to children's BMI percentile) but now she isn't and for the most is good at self regulation, but it does take her effort and thought on her part. But that is true for most people as they get into adulthood. It is a good skill to learn that just because you want a third piece of pie doesn't mean you should eat it

This. A normal sized first portion, a smaller second portion. Then dinner is over. If she is actually still hungry later, a healthful snack. (She likely won’t be). Allowing your child to simply eat as much as she wants is insane, when your child wants three helpings.

This is the problem though - portion sizes are arbitrary and by telling someone externally what amount they “should” want, you are getting them no closer to being able to follow their own internal cues.

It’s also fine to have a lot of food sometimes. If the idea of having three servings is anxiety-provoking for you, then you need to think about why that is.

Her daughter's internal cues aren't working. Many adults and some kids struggling with finding a balance between enough enough but not too much. If her daughter is overweight, what her body is telling her to eat and what her body actually needs are not corresponding. Its ok to follow portion guiandance in this instance. OP doesn't need to weigh out every gram of food, but it is totally appropriate to set limits on certain food: you can have 1 dessert, you can have 1 granola bar, you can have one bowl of pasta, 3 pieces of pizza, 2 pancakes, etc. Then leave plenty of foods that she can consumer as much as she wants such as lean meats, fruits, vegetables, beans, cheese, yogurt, eggs

Her internal cues are there - she is not listening to them. She needs to learn to do so. This is why your advice will not work and is more damaging long term. It continues to focus on external cues. It is important to allow her to do this now rather than further distort her ability to tune into her body. OP - a weight neutral dietician may be able to help you with some tools to support your daughter. Be wary of the advice given here.

Her internal cue is to eat to excess. Once you have packed on a certain amount of weight the adipose cells multiply and send out excess hunger hormones. Once you are that overweight it is really not possible to experience meaningful weightloss without some hunger.

This is not accurate and weight loss should not even be the immediate goal, anyway. Getting the daughter to be comfortable with food and learning to recognize her appetite, hunger and fullness is the goal. Please stop giving advice that is not based on proven effective methods for children.

This isn’t taught. It should come naturally. If it doesn’t, then that means it doesn’t work for you. To teach it, means to recognize what a reasonable portion is.

It does come naturally, and is then sometimes ruined by things like when well meaning family force their food ideology and portion guidance on you. In these cases there are tools that can help regain it but they do need to be taught. It never involves prescribing portions. And it takes time. At 9, OPs daughter is quite young and has plenty of time to learn.

Op literally says she never says anything bc she is afraid to. This IS her daughter’s natural eating patten and has been for years, safe to say I agree OP should be concerned and need to put some limits to portions.

[Anonymous]

My niece was like this...I couldn't believe how much she ate compared to my kids who were close in age. But it turns out she just was an early grower. Once she went through her growth spurt, she started eating much less and doesn't have a weight problem at all now as a young adult. Your daughter might just be very hungry and going through a spurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very concerned about my 9yo DD’s eating habits and am not sure what to do about them, if anything, as I don’t want her to end up feeling bad about herself, or worst case develop an eating disorder down the line. But I also feel like just doing nothing is not the best solution to set her up for success.

The issue is the volume of food she eats, and it’s so much more than her peers from what I have observed over the past few months. Last night at Thanksgiving dinner she had 3 servings of food - full plates with all the fixings. All of the other kids - around her age but some older - had one to two servings max but consumed much less overall. Tonight for dinner we ordered pizza and most kids had 2 pieces, she had 3 and asked for another but I offered more broccoli instead so she declined. Last weekend we were at a birthday party for a family member and there was a big table of sweets. All of the kids took huge platefuls of cookies, pastries and cake but my DD was the only one who ate every single thing she took (probably like 10 treats total) and all the other kids left more than half of what was on their plates. These are just a few recent examples, but this is a consistent pattern probably for at least a year if not more.

We never say anything because we just don’t know what to say that could do some good and not hard. The advice in every DCUM post is never to say anything, but is that really the right thing to do here?

At home we cook pretty healthy but she eats as much as DH and me every night unless we don’t cook a ton and only offer extra fruits/veggies in which case she sometimes says she is full. She goes to a private school that provides lunch and they can only have 2 servings max, but when I have volunteered I saw that most kids don’t even eat one full serving. We don’t restrict snacks or desserts because we don’t want to make an issue over them, and most of her friends eat a ton of junk and we don’t want to be the only ones saying no.

Since I am sure others will ask, my DD is chubby, but that is not the issue here, it’s the overeating. She is somewhat lazy, but does do a couple sports to get her active (soccer and basketball).

Is there anything we can do?

we have a similar daughter who is an impulse eater, over-eater (of carbs, sweets and meats only) and recently stopped her cardio sport and gained 8 pounds in a couple months - same age 9 yo.

She asks all the time for snacks or desserts when out or in; any time there is a sign to read or some memory comes up. She can be at an outing, have an ice cream cone earlier in the day and continue to ask for a cupcake or chocolate. If we say No, no more today, she'll still ask hour after hour.
She knows she chubby, someone at the pool sadly called her fat and she said OK.

Until we totally cut out the overeating and sweets we don't know what her natural size is.

We plan on hiring a children's nutritionist to work with her. There could also be ADHD or HFA at play as well, it runs in the family on one side (the side where MIL said she kept NO cookies or sweets around because a weeks supply would be gone in 1-2 days).

Books haven't helped. There is some addiction, impulse and lack of self control going on. THe siblings have no such issue, my spouse does.

I have wondered if going gluten free would help? no more sugar carbs (pasta, mashed potatoes, rice - she can eat a adult man's portion and still ask for more).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very concerned about my 9yo DD’s eating habits and am not sure what to do about them, if anything, as I don’t want her to end up feeling bad about herself, or worst case develop an eating disorder down the line. But I also feel like just doing nothing is not the best solution to set her up for success.

The issue is the volume of food she eats, and it’s so much more than her peers from what I have observed over the past few months. Last night at Thanksgiving dinner she had 3 servings of food - full plates with all the fixings. All of the other kids - around her age but some older - had one to two servings max but consumed much less overall. Tonight for dinner we ordered pizza and most kids had 2 pieces, she had 3 and asked for another but I offered more broccoli instead so she declined. Last weekend we were at a birthday party for a family member and there was a big table of sweets. All of the kids took huge platefuls of cookies, pastries and cake but my DD was the only one who ate every single thing she took (probably like 10 treats total) and all the other kids left more than half of what was on their plates. These are just a few recent examples, but this is a consistent pattern probably for at least a year if not more.

We never say anything because we just don’t know what to say that could do some good and not hard. The advice in every DCUM post is never to say anything, but is that really the right thing to do here?

At home we cook pretty healthy but she eats as much as DH and me every night unless we don’t cook a ton and only offer extra fruits/veggies in which case she sometimes says she is full. She goes to a private school that provides lunch and they can only have 2 servings max, but when I have volunteered I saw that most kids don’t even eat one full serving. We don’t restrict snacks or desserts because we don’t want to make an issue over them, and most of her friends eat a ton of junk and we don’t want to be the only ones saying no.

Since I am sure others will ask, my DD is chubby, but that is not the issue here, it’s the overeating. She is somewhat lazy, but does do a couple sports to get her active (soccer and basketball).

Is there anything we can do?

I don’t understand why others would say not to say anything. Of course you would not shame her in front of others, but I think as parents it’s our job to teach amd model healthy eating habits. When she asked for the extra piece of pizza and you offered broccoli, I think that was a good call. I teach my kids about making health food choices, healthy serving sizes, and limiting sweets and snacks. As they grow into adults learning good eating habits will help them maintain good overall health and decrease their chances of many conditions. We let our kids eat junk and or more sweets than usual on special occasions, but daily habits and eating should be different.

As the PP said, sometimes you need to stop at what is a reasonable amount of food and wait a little to see if you are still actually hungry. I have told my children this if they have had a few helpings and are asking for more (or offer a healthier choice, e.g if my child is asking for a a 3rd dinner roll I might say have some more of your veggies first, and then see if you are still hungry).

You may want to mention to your pediatrician her increased appetite to make sure there is not a health issue, and he/she may have some ideas about how to approach this issue with your child.

We found the Stanford CHildren's BMI calculater to be most accurate and not biased like the other ones that lean on % of population. If 40% of the population is overweight or obese the others artificially say your BMI is OK range since there's increasingly more higher BMIs per age group - yet there is a health hazard past a fixed juncture and it should not be 'fixed' on % of people overweight but the fat and stress on the body of extra fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are her table manners? It's easy to overeat if you take huge bites, never allow your mouth to be empty, and eat quickly. It takes time for your body to feel full and register you've had enough. If she's shoveling she may legitimately feel hungry until she stops eat.

This is the OP, she definitely eats way too fast and always has. We are constantly telling her to slow down, take a bite and fully chew before taking another, putting her fork down between bites, etc. she just doesn’t do it though and gets annoyed when we tell her to slow down. But I do think she would realize she is full if she ate slower.

and drink a glass of water before sitting down to a meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is anything wrong with only allowing one treat after a meal.

the problem with expected treats daily is that a kid ilke that won't eat their meal, wait for the treat, gobble it down, then in an hour whine for more snacks. And she knows who to whine to, the weakest link parent or caretaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette classes might be in order.

What a hilariously DCUM answer.

Why? Etiquette classes teach you things like basic table manners, waiting until everyone's been served to start eating, not to pig out if everyone else at the table is having a more normal portion size, etc. It also doesn't make OP the bad guy.

Ok,
And at many times at parties there is so much food. Enough that everyone can pretty much have whatever portion they desire. So, if there is a cake table with slices out and everyone has been served, there is no rule you can’t go back for seconds, thirds if it is out and available. Especially when the host is saying please help yourself

dude, have some self respect and don't be a pig. no one needs three slices of cake at a social function. you're a sugar addict then, get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are really disadvantaged by having parents allow them to do anything they want due to fear any instruction or direction will hurt their feelings or upset them.

You owe it to your child to teach her how to eat a normal amount of food. It’s not mean to point out what an appropriate portion is or that you shouldn’t take 10 treats. Having her become grossly overweight and not doing anything about it is just cruel. Being overweight will be way worse for her emotional well being than having parents be direct as to what an appropriate amount of food is.

Please help your child and start addressing this issue.

Agree.

fat kids are fat due to lack of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece was like this...I couldn't believe how much she ate compared to my kids who were close in age. But it turns out she just was an early grower. Once she went through her growth spurt, she started eating much less and doesn't have a weight problem at all now as a young adult. Your daughter might just be very hungry and going through a spurt.

but was she active or had a BMI of over 19 (overweigth) or over 24 (obese) and looked chubby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was like this...I couldn't believe how much she ate compared to my kids who were close in age. But it turns out she just was an early grower. Once she went through her growth spurt, she started eating much less and doesn't have a weight problem at all now as a young adult. Your daughter might just be very hungry and going through a spurt.

but was she active or had a BMI of over 19 (overweigth) or over 24 (obese) and looked chubby?

Yes, she looked chubby. I have no idea what her BMI was. She was moderately active at the time...average for a kid her age. She still ate 3x as much as my son who was a year younger than her and super active. Now, he probably eats 5x what she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette classes might be in order.

What a hilariously DCUM answer.

Why? Etiquette classes teach you things like basic table manners, waiting until everyone's been served to start eating, not to pig out if everyone else at the table is having a more normal portion size, etc. It also doesn't make OP the bad guy.

Ok,
And at many times at parties there is so much food. Enough that everyone can pretty much have whatever portion they desire. So, if there is a cake table with slices out and everyone has been served, there is no rule you can’t go back for seconds, thirds if it is out and available. Especially when the host is saying please help yourself

dude, have some self respect and don't be a pig. no one needs three slices of cake at a social function. you're a sugar addict then, get help.

Dude. I’m not the one eating..

I’ve witnessed this and nearly every party- the host doesn’t want to take any home and keeps telling people and kids to take more. Not saying you should but you also can’t tell a kid it was “bad manners” when they are literally told take more

[Anonymous]

Kids rarely have a growth spurt for an entire year. The original poster is concerned about her daughter because it's obvious she is gaining weight and has developed unhealthy eating habits that are going to impact her health.
I would focus on veggies to start the meal and serve a carb later on like most people recommended. Jello or a sugar-free pudding for dessert is fine during the week. There's no reason someone should be having 10 cookies at a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette classes might be in order.

What a hilariously DCUM answer.

Why? Etiquette classes teach you things like basic table manners, waiting until everyone's been served to start eating, not to pig out if everyone else at the table is having a more normal portion size, etc. It also doesn't make OP the bad guy.

Ok,
And at many times at parties there is so much food. Enough that everyone can pretty much have whatever portion they desire. So, if there is a cake table with slices out and everyone has been served, there is no rule you can’t go back for seconds, thirds if it is out and available. Especially when the host is saying please help yourself

dude, have some self respect and don't be a pig. no one needs three slices of cake at a social function. you're a sugar addict then, get help.

Dude. I’m not the one eating..

I’ve witnessed this and nearly every party- the host doesn’t want to take any home and keeps telling people and kids to take more. Not saying you should but you also can’t tell a kid it was “bad manners” when they are literally told take more

Yes - you can absolutely teach a 9 year old that one slice of cake, 1-2 cookies, etc., is reasonable and not to take more. This kid put 10 treats on a plate, my lord.