Holiday reminder to respect a family's no gift policy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you people who have exactly zero things in your life that you want but don’t need and consequently don’t purchase for yourself must be so rich. That’s what gift giving is for — for the things that you want, be they stuff, experience, or consumable that you can’t afford yourself or can’t justify spending your money on even if you could afford it. Consider instead of just instantly purchasing all the things you want and need (oh to be able to just purchase stuff like that) saving some for your Christmas list. Then you won’t need to dispose of everything people give you.

I am not rich. But the things I would like aren’t things people are going to gift me. I’d love cash to help offset the crushing expense of childcare for 2 young kids or to help pay for my dying dog’s expensive medication. As far as stuff, I’d love some nice new curtains for my family room and have my eye on an expensive dining room hutch. I don’t need some unitasker kitchen tool like a waffle iron that I have no room to store in my small kitchen, and I am particular about my clothes (I prefer eco-friendly brands over fast fashion) so I don’t really want some H&M sweater. The latter is the type of stuff people are more likely to gift.

And I’m not saying I actually expect anyone to pay my childcare or vet bills. In fact, I don’t feel entitled to anyone giving me anything! Just pointing out that I’m not so rich that I have everything I could possibly want. I would honestly prefer my friends and family not waste their own hard earned money on something I don’t really want just to check some box on giving me a gift. I’d rather they treat themselves to something than buy me something I’ll never wear.

Sell the junk you have to pay for child care then.. simple.

And buy a secondhand dining hutch on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace. They are a dime a dozen; everyone's trying to get rid of them.

People pay pennies on the dollar on Marketplace. People go on there to haggle. And the dining room furniture on there is all the heavy outdated stuff that people can’t seem to give away for free. It’s rare to find anything that is currently in style on there, not to mention you have to figure out a way to transport it and get it into your house. Better to just save up to buy what you want and have it delivered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you people who have exactly zero things in your life that you want but don’t need and consequently don’t purchase for yourself must be so rich. That’s what gift giving is for — for the things that you want, be they stuff, experience, or consumable that you can’t afford yourself or can’t justify spending your money on even if you could afford it. Consider instead of just instantly purchasing all the things you want and need (oh to be able to just purchase stuff like that) saving some for your Christmas list. Then you won’t need to dispose of everything people give you.

I am not rich. But the things I would like aren’t things people are going to gift me. I’d love cash to help offset the crushing expense of childcare for 2 young kids or to help pay for my dying dog’s expensive medication. As far as stuff, I’d love some nice new curtains for my family room and have my eye on an expensive dining room hutch. I don’t need some unitasker kitchen tool like a waffle iron that I have no room to store in my small kitchen, and I am particular about my clothes (I prefer eco-friendly brands over fast fashion) so I don’t really want some H&M sweater. The latter is the type of stuff people are more likely to gift.

And I’m not saying I actually expect anyone to pay my childcare or vet bills. In fact, I don’t feel entitled to anyone giving me anything! Just pointing out that I’m not so rich that I have everything I could possibly want. I would honestly prefer my friends and family not waste their own hard earned money on something I don’t really want just to check some box on giving me a gift. I’d rather they treat themselves to something than buy me something I’ll never wear.

Ahhh, so you just want more expensive stuff and are upset because you aren't getting those items. Got it.

JFC, some people on here have absolutely no reading comprehension abilities.

PP: You people who don’t want gifts must be rich and able to buy whatever you want. Must be nice.

Me: Actually I’m not rich. Here are some examples of things that are stretching my budget including a basic need like childcare so that I can work. Because I am not rich like you assume. I do not expect people to buy these things for me and I’d rather they save their own hard earned money for themselves instead of fulfilling some unnecessary obligation to buy me something.

You: You’re upset people aren’t buying you expensive stuff.


I mean my goodness, do you even read? How are you able to function at life? You should be embarrassed to post on here.

Yes, I can read. I read this:

As far as stuff, I’d love some nice new curtains for my family room and have my eye on an expensive dining room hutch.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you OP. Too much useless junk and clutter.

But "gifts" are not my love language at all. It's probably the lowest. Show me you love me by NOT buying me stuff I now have to find a place and purpose for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the most virtue signally thing I have ever read. I say that was a Dem.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. Too much useless junk and clutter.

But "gifts" are not my love language at all. It's probably the lowest. Show me you love me by NOT buying me stuff I now have to find a place and purpose for.

+100 I have people I no longer want to exchange with because we exchange the exact same food related gift baskets which are the worst. It's all packaging. They refuse to stop sending gifts and I won't reciprocate so they complain to everyone that I am stingy. We used to send the exact same $ amount for our kids in gift cards. This is all so stupid. I send nothing but I don't contact them or try to resend the gifts. I assume eventually they will stop wasting their money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are the hostile PPs so insistent on giving people stuff they don’t want?

Thankfully I don't know anyone crazy and selfish enough to "not want gifts". So it's not a problem.

I don’t understand this hostility

+1 “Selfish enough to not want gifts?” How does that work? I’m with OP. I don’t want anything. Save your time and money. I want to spend time and visit and talk and eat/drink together. But, please, just stop with the stuff.

It's not that you and OP don't want gifts or things - you only want the things that you have selected, that meet your needs, wants, and requirements to be organic, ethically sourced, sustainable, etc. Other people's tastes won't be acceptable so you don't want them. We hear, loud and clear.

Not the poster you are responding to, but no gifts, simply means no gifts. Nobody here said to give organic and ethically sourced, etc. It's really that simple. If someone says they don't want gifts, just don't give them. There is no hidden message telling you to get a certain gift. Save your money. The person does not want anything that can be purchased. Just your visit and good cheer.

It makes me so sad to see how people cannot comprehend that the best gifts cost nothing and some people value that and not stuff.

Not the poster you are responding to, but did you read the OP's first post that started the thread? Extensive talk about how gifts exploit the people who made them etc. etc. That's the very definition of insisting everything be "ethically sourced."

You also aren't reading the whole thread very well. Many people have posted that of course "the best gifts cost nothing" and agree with you just a visit and "good cheer" are plenty. But the issue is the incredible rudeness of OP and others who reject gifts already in the givers' hands and being presented to them. Yes, it can be argued that it's rude to give a gift when someone hasn't asked for one. But on a scale of rudeness? The self-righteous rejection is worse. Especially when accompanied by a lecture, which I suspect OP is glad to deliver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so simple. If someone doesn't want material things, save your money and let it go.

It's amazing how much materialism is ingrained in people. If someone asks you not to give gifts, just don't give them. It's so sad how boundaries have gone out the window and people are so obsessed with imposing stuff on others.

We enjoy holidays with people we love. The memories, good food and laughter are enough for us. If you want gifts great. If someone doesn't, then just leave them be.

Christmas is about gift giving. We all know that. Sorry, but most people don't even mention Jesus on Christmas. So if you want to celebrate Christmas without presents, go find an Amish family to celebrate with.

You could always just tell your family what's important to you -- what causes you think are important and why you would prefer certain gifts, and explain why you don't want others. That is, if it's really about the environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are the hostile PPs so insistent on giving people stuff they don’t want?

Thankfully I don't know anyone crazy and selfish enough to "not want gifts". So it's not a problem.

I don’t understand this hostility

+1 “Selfish enough to not want gifts?” How does that work? I’m with OP. I don’t want anything. Save your time and money. I want to spend time and visit and talk and eat/drink together. But, please, just stop with the stuff.

It's not that you and OP don't want gifts or things - you only want the things that you have selected, that meet your needs, wants, and requirements to be organic, ethically sourced, sustainable, etc. Other people's tastes won't be acceptable so you don't want them. We hear, loud and clear.

Not the poster you are responding to, but no gifts, simply means no gifts. Nobody here said to give organic and ethically sourced, etc. It's really that simple. If someone says they don't want gifts, just don't give them. There is no hidden message telling you to get a certain gift. Save your money. The person does not want anything that can be purchased. Just your visit and good cheer.

It makes me so sad to see how people cannot comprehend that the best gifts cost nothing and some people value that and not stuff.

Not the poster you are responding to, but did you read the OP's first post that started the thread? Extensive talk about how gifts exploit the people who made them etc. etc. That's the very definition of insisting everything be "ethically sourced."

You also aren't reading the whole thread very well. Many people have posted that of course "the best gifts cost nothing" and agree with you just a visit and "good cheer" are plenty. But the issue is the incredible rudeness of OP and others who reject gifts already in the givers' hands and being presented to them. Yes, it can be argued that it's rude to give a gift when someone hasn't asked for one. But on a scale of rudeness? The self-righteous rejection is worse. Especially when accompanied by a lecture, which I suspect OP is glad to deliver.

LOL. No gift is not insisting something be ethically sourced. It is literally telling you, "please don't give a gift." Yes, many people have ethical reasons for this. Many people have practical reasons too. it doesn't matter. Nobody has told you, "please get me an ethically sourced gift" in this thread. If someone says "please don't kiss me hello" do you get so upset. Some people don't want your germs. Some find it offensive. Some have issues due to past history of sexual abuse by family members. There are a million reasons why. The thing is, if someone asks you not to kiss them, just don't do it.

If a request of you involved money and time then I can understand being annoyed. If someone asks you not to spend money, then really who cares why. Save your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift giving is for the giver, not the receiver. Accept the gift graciously and donate it the following week if you must.

+1

They say it is better to give than to receive. who doesn't like finding the perfect present to surprise a loved one?

Those quotes are usually about doing kind gestures for others and charity work. I doubt the writer meant you should impose stuff on people who have said they only want your company. There are many quotes out there about respecting boundaries and the true gift is love, not stuff. If someone has requested that you stop spending money on them then the perfect "gift" is not something you can shop for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin off from the de-cluttering thread. I value people who treat me well and have been there for me and they are the gifts. They are also the people who truly respect a 'no gift" policy. The gift is spending time with hem laughing, enjoying a good meal and creating positive memories.

Then there are the relatives who aren't particularly nice people who insist, despite requests, on giving us stuff. It's usually stuff you cannot easily donate at those bins and it is work to find someone on freecycle who wants it or a donation place that wants it. Then there is the added horror of knowing it was likely made by exploited children or poor adults in China, some of whom may be beaten into submission. I refuse to add to the environment problem by throwing it out. They throw a fit and try to create drama when you decline the gift and say, "thanks, but we don't accept gifts." When it is sent by mail it adds a whole other layer with all the waste that comes with shipping it.

Please, for the sake of all of us who care about the environment and who care about exploited workers in other countries and who don't want endless clutter, if we say "no gifts" please just respect that. You can be a gift by being kind, understanding and loving. If you have family who love gift exchanges have at it. Just please from now on if somebody says "no gifts" respect it.

You need to write a book on this. Your comment felt a bit short, for such a crucial topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so simple. If someone doesn't want material things, save your money and let it go.

It's amazing how much materialism is ingrained in people. If someone asks you not to give gifts, just don't give them. It's so sad how boundaries have gone out the window and people are so obsessed with imposing stuff on others.

We enjoy holidays with people we love. The memories, good food and laughter are enough for us. If you want gifts great. If someone doesn't, then just leave them be.

Christmas is about gift giving. We all know that. Sorry, but most people don't even mention Jesus on Christmas. So if you want to celebrate Christmas without presents, go find an Amish family to celebrate with.

You could always just tell your family what's important to you -- what causes you think are important and why you would prefer certain gifts, and explain why you don't want others. That is, if it's really about the environment.

Not OP, but I believe the tide is turning on the “Christmas is about gift giving” thought process.

While I’m not particularly religious, the holidays are more than gifts.

I agree in general with OP. Gifts should be small and limited to immediate family exchanges. Simple is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound difficult to be around.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks OP, for your inclusive thread title.

The rest of you:

Do better.

ROFL

[Anonymous]

I suspect the people who insist on giving gifts when someone has made a "no gifts" request are the same ones on threads who are horrified when someone has not used your gift or doesn't display it or doesn't thank you in the way you expect.

Hugs can be nice, but if someone asks you not to hug them, do you do it anyway? Do you force it on them because nobody is going to tell you what to do. It's a boundary. If people set them, respect them even if you think what you are doing is generous and loving. It's not their love language. It's OK for people to prefer kindness and good times to be their love language. If you are so obsessed with giving material things to people who don't want it, what is that about? Nobody is going to tell you to stop spending YOUR money? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so simple. If someone doesn't want material things, save your money and let it go.

It's amazing how much materialism is ingrained in people. If someone asks you not to give gifts, just don't give them. It's so sad how boundaries have gone out the window and people are so obsessed with imposing stuff on others.

We enjoy holidays with people we love. The memories, good food and laughter are enough for us. If you want gifts great. If someone doesn't, then just leave them be.

Christmas is about gift giving. We all know that. Sorry, but most people don't even mention Jesus on Christmas. So if you want to celebrate Christmas without presents, go find an Amish family to celebrate with.

You could always just tell your family what's important to you -- what causes you think are important and why you would prefer certain gifts, and explain why you don't want others. That is, if it's really about the environment.

Actually many families have embraced the true non-materialistic spirit of Christmas and not everyone feels Christmas is about giving eachother stuff. A lot of people on here don't want to be told to donate to a charity as a gift, which is why "no gifts' is so simple. Instead of getting in such a tizzy, why don't you take the money you would have spent on "no gift" people and buy yourself something you want or purchase some therapy sessions to constructively vent about those sanctimonious, horrible, selfish people who have asked you to keep your money and just bring your stories and company.