Holiday reminder to respect a family's no gift policy

[Anonymous]

You sound difficult to be around.

[Anonymous]

Do you have bad relationship with your father OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift giving is for the giver, not the receiver. Accept the gift graciously and donate it the following week if you must.

This would be my go-to response as well, PP. But OP insists that some of these gifts can't be donated. Like a different PP, I want to know what OP's being given that can't be donated anywhere at all. Or how much OP has actually tried to donate whatever these items are. Wondering if OP is offended by the idea of using up gas to drive to drop off donations anywhere but at the most convenient "drop box" in the nearest grocery store parking lot....

Not OP, but I would be annoyed at having to take extra time out of already busy day to donate something when I specifically asked for no gifts. Everyone keeps saying people who don’t want gifts are the selfish ones but seems the other way around - imposing their desires on unwilling others to give crap no one wants

Well, if the gift is already in your possession:

You can sit there and be annoyed staring peevishly at that unwanted gift.

Or you can actually live your espoused values and make an effort to donate it despite your busy day.

Which will you choose?

Never espoused any values about donating things, just that I do not want to receive gifts. In fact I have a closet full of stuff from my in-laws from various xmas past that I’ve never gotten around to dealing with.

So you're not in OP's "if it's not green enough/morally approved I don't accept it" camp? Fine. But it's still on you that you have lost a closet to all that stuff. Too lazy even to donate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you people who have exactly zero things in your life that you want but don’t need and consequently don’t purchase for yourself must be so rich. That’s what gift giving is for — for the things that you want, be they stuff, experience, or consumable that you can’t afford yourself or can’t justify spending your money on even if you could afford it. Consider instead of just instantly purchasing all the things you want and need (oh to be able to just purchase stuff like that) saving some for your Christmas list. Then you won’t need to dispose of everything people give you.

I am not rich. But the things I would like aren’t things people are going to gift me. I’d love cash to help offset the crushing expense of childcare for 2 young kids or to help pay for my dying dog’s expensive medication. As far as stuff, I’d love some nice new curtains for my family room and have my eye on an expensive dining room hutch. I don’t need some unitasker kitchen tool like a waffle iron that I have no room to store in my small kitchen, and I am particular about my clothes (I prefer eco-friendly brands over fast fashion) so I don’t really want some H&M sweater. The latter is the type of stuff people are more likely to gift.

And I’m not saying I actually expect anyone to pay my childcare or vet bills. In fact, I don’t feel entitled to anyone giving me anything! Just pointing out that I’m not so rich that I have everything I could possibly want. I would honestly prefer my friends and family not waste their own hard earned money on something I don’t really want just to check some box on giving me a gift. I’d rather they treat themselves to something than buy me something I’ll never wear.

Sell the junk you have to pay for child care then.. simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you people who have exactly zero things in your life that you want but don’t need and consequently don’t purchase for yourself must be so rich. That’s what gift giving is for — for the things that you want, be they stuff, experience, or consumable that you can’t afford yourself or can’t justify spending your money on even if you could afford it. Consider instead of just instantly purchasing all the things you want and need (oh to be able to just purchase stuff like that) saving some for your Christmas list. Then you won’t need to dispose of everything people give you.

I am not rich. But the things I would like aren’t things people are going to gift me. I’d love cash to help offset the crushing expense of childcare for 2 young kids or to help pay for my dying dog’s expensive medication. As far as stuff, I’d love some nice new curtains for my family room and have my eye on an expensive dining room hutch. I don’t need some unitasker kitchen tool like a waffle iron that I have no room to store in my small kitchen, and I am particular about my clothes (I prefer eco-friendly brands over fast fashion) so I don’t really want some H&M sweater. The latter is the type of stuff people are more likely to gift.

And I’m not saying I actually expect anyone to pay my childcare or vet bills. In fact, I don’t feel entitled to anyone giving me anything! Just pointing out that I’m not so rich that I have everything I could possibly want. I would honestly prefer my friends and family not waste their own hard earned money on something I don’t really want just to check some box on giving me a gift. I’d rather they treat themselves to something than buy me something I’ll never wear.

Ahhh, so you just want more expensive stuff and are upset because you aren't getting those items. Got it.

JFC, some people on here have absolutely no reading comprehension abilities.

PP: You people who don’t want gifts must be rich and able to buy whatever you want. Must be nice.

Me: Actually I’m not rich. Here are some examples of things that are stretching my budget including a basic need like childcare so that I can work. Because I am not rich like you assume. I do not expect people to buy these things for me and I’d rather they save their own hard earned money for themselves instead of fulfilling some unnecessary obligation to buy me something.

You: You’re upset people aren’t buying you expensive stuff.


I mean my goodness, do you even read? How are you able to function at life? You should be embarrassed to post on here.

[Anonymous]

Thanks OP, for your inclusive thread title.

The rest of you:

Do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks OP, for your inclusive thread title.

The rest of you:

Do better.

Agree. Please be upfront about your No gifts ever policy. We all appreciate honest rudeness. And will honor it in kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you people who have exactly zero things in your life that you want but don’t need and consequently don’t purchase for yourself must be so rich. That’s what gift giving is for — for the things that you want, be they stuff, experience, or consumable that you can’t afford yourself or can’t justify spending your money on even if you could afford it. Consider instead of just instantly purchasing all the things you want and need (oh to be able to just purchase stuff like that) saving some for your Christmas list. Then you won’t need to dispose of everything people give you.

I am not rich. But the things I would like aren’t things people are going to gift me. I’d love cash to help offset the crushing expense of childcare for 2 young kids or to help pay for my dying dog’s expensive medication. As far as stuff, I’d love some nice new curtains for my family room and have my eye on an expensive dining room hutch. I don’t need some unitasker kitchen tool like a waffle iron that I have no room to store in my small kitchen, and I am particular about my clothes (I prefer eco-friendly brands over fast fashion) so I don’t really want some H&M sweater. The latter is the type of stuff people are more likely to gift.

And I’m not saying I actually expect anyone to pay my childcare or vet bills. In fact, I don’t feel entitled to anyone giving me anything! Just pointing out that I’m not so rich that I have everything I could possibly want. I would honestly prefer my friends and family not waste their own hard earned money on something I don’t really want just to check some box on giving me a gift. I’d rather they treat themselves to something than buy me something I’ll never wear.

So why don't you ask for cash when people ask what you want for Christmas? Or ask for the curtains or specific brands of clothing you like or gift cards to store that provide the same? My family goes all in for presents (and my mother in particular is very insistent on "something to open") but the first year my niece was in college and my sister said all she really wanted was money to help defer college tuition/normal expenses while paying college tuition, she got a pile of gift cards to her preferred grocery stores and book stores and similar. (Admittedly, my mother's gift card came in a cunning wrapped box with oranges and confetti or something but still.)

Now if you have asked for the things you want and people keep giving you useless kitchen appliances and H&M sweaters, I respect your right to be pissed about it and prefer no gifts. Perhaps I am spoiled by gift givers who genuinely take into account the recipients tastes and desires when shopping.

[Anonymous]

I clicked on this thread thinking “yeah, I’d be kind of annoyed if I said no gifts and someone bought me a gift” but OP sounds BEYOND sanctimonious and annoying. Maybe they are buying gifts just to spite the OP’s virtue signaling L O L.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Please, for the sake of all of us who care about the environment and who care about exploited workers in other countries and who don't want endless clutter, if we say "no gifts" please just respect that.

The thing is, when you say it this way you make it sound like it is universally true that the people giving you gifts do not care about these things. And that's a rude thing to say about other people if you think it's true, and a thoughtless thing to say if you had not noticed that that is what you are saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you people who have exactly zero things in your life that you want but don’t need and consequently don’t purchase for yourself must be so rich. That’s what gift giving is for — for the things that you want, be they stuff, experience, or consumable that you can’t afford yourself or can’t justify spending your money on even if you could afford it. Consider instead of just instantly purchasing all the things you want and need (oh to be able to just purchase stuff like that) saving some for your Christmas list. Then you won’t need to dispose of everything people give you.

I am not rich. But the things I would like aren’t things people are going to gift me. I’d love cash to help offset the crushing expense of childcare for 2 young kids or to help pay for my dying dog’s expensive medication. As far as stuff, I’d love some nice new curtains for my family room and have my eye on an expensive dining room hutch. I don’t need some unitasker kitchen tool like a waffle iron that I have no room to store in my small kitchen, and I am particular about my clothes (I prefer eco-friendly brands over fast fashion) so I don’t really want some H&M sweater. The latter is the type of stuff people are more likely to gift.

And I’m not saying I actually expect anyone to pay my childcare or vet bills. In fact, I don’t feel entitled to anyone giving me anything! Just pointing out that I’m not so rich that I have everything I could possibly want. I would honestly prefer my friends and family not waste their own hard earned money on something I don’t really want just to check some box on giving me a gift. I’d rather they treat themselves to something than buy me something I’ll never wear.

Sell the junk you have to pay for child care then.. simple.

And buy a secondhand dining hutch on Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace. They are a dime a dozen; everyone's trying to get rid of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin off from the de-cluttering thread. I value people who treat me well and have been there for me and they are the gifts. They are also the people who truly respect a 'no gift" policy. The gift is spending time with hem laughing, enjoying a good meal and creating positive memories.

Then there are the relatives who aren't particularly nice people who insist, despite requests, on giving us stuff. It's usually stuff you cannot easily donate at those bins and it is work to find someone on freecycle who wants it or a donation place that wants it. Then there is the added horror of knowing it was likely made by exploited children or poor adults in China, some of whom may be beaten into submission. I refuse to add to the environment problem by throwing it out. They throw a fit and try to create drama when you decline the gift and say, "thanks, but we don't accept gifts." When it is sent by mail it adds a whole other layer with all the waste that comes with shipping it.

Please, for the sake of all of us who care about the environment and who care about exploited workers in other countries and who don't want endless clutter, if we say "no gifts" please just respect that. You can be a gift by being kind, understanding and loving. If you have family who love gift exchanges have at it. Just please from now on if somebody says "no gifts" respect it.

\

You are beyond rude to decline a gift like that. I get the environmental concerns and am a huge environmentalist myself. Your principles are correct and valid. But you do not get to dictate this. And being rude is not changing their views.
Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Guessing it’s not really going to be an issue for you if you treat people this way.

[Anonymous]

It is so simple. If someone doesn't want material things, save your money and let it go.

It's amazing how much materialism is ingrained in people. If someone asks you not to give gifts, just don't give them. It's so sad how boundaries have gone out the window and people are so obsessed with imposing stuff on others.

We enjoy holidays with people we love. The memories, good food and laughter are enough for us. If you want gifts great. If someone doesn't, then just leave them be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are the hostile PPs so insistent on giving people stuff they don’t want?

Thankfully I don't know anyone crazy and selfish enough to "not want gifts". So it's not a problem.

I don’t understand this hostility

+1 “Selfish enough to not want gifts?” How does that work? I’m with OP. I don’t want anything. Save your time and money. I want to spend time and visit and talk and eat/drink together. But, please, just stop with the stuff.

It's not that you and OP don't want gifts or things - you only want the things that you have selected, that meet your needs, wants, and requirements to be organic, ethically sourced, sustainable, etc. Other people's tastes won't be acceptable so you don't want them. We hear, loud and clear.

Not the poster you are responding to, but no gifts, simply means no gifts. Nobody here said to give organic and ethically sourced, etc. It's really that simple. If someone says they don't want gifts, just don't give them. There is no hidden message telling you to get a certain gift. Save your money. The person does not want anything that can be purchased. Just your visit and good cheer.

It makes me so sad to see how people cannot comprehend that the best gifts cost nothing and some people value that and not stuff.