Holiday reminder to respect a family's no gift policy

[Anonymous]

We must run in different circles. I do not receive any gifts outside of my husband and kids. We stopped sibling gifts years ago. My parents send my teens $50 each. My in laws send nothing. I have never had a “too many gifts” problem.

At most we exchange cookies with our neighbor and have drinks with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you buying gifts? Your policy is rude. Let them buy gifts and you buy nothing.

NP. No. Enough is enough. No gifts means no gifts. I have no problem literally not taking it from people’s hands. If they leave it on my doorstep after I have directly told them no gifts, I put it back on theirs. NO GIFTS, GLADYS. Times have changed.

You’re rude. We know, you don’t care, but you’re rude. It’s never too late for you to learn some manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you buying gifts? Your policy is rude. Let them buy gifts and you buy nothing.

NP. No. Enough is enough. No gifts means no gifts. I have no problem literally not taking it from people’s hands. If they leave it on my doorstep after I have directly told them no gifts, I put it back on theirs. NO GIFTS, GLADYS. Times have changed.

You’re rude. We know, you don’t care, but you’re rude. It’s never too late for you to learn some manners.

I am sure their family and friends have learned not to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you value people who treat you well, start treating people well. A simple: “we are so happy that you want to send us gifts at the holidays. We have found that we appreciate charitable donations so much more. Please make a donation to a group you support and let us know a little more about them. This is very kind and thoughtful of you.”

No if someone told me that I would decline. I would rather give you nothing. I hate when people tell me how to spend my money.

I hope you get what you want..no gifts ever.

NP. That would be such a blessing! We aren’t hoarders like half the people on DCUM. We have enough, and all of good quality. We don’t keep junk. We care for the environment and for human rights. It amazes me that people won’t spend their money on a charitable donation or for some good purpose that would actually honor the holiday season instead of fruitcake and literal “white elephant” junk. JUNK.

You’re so dramatic about Christmas gifts. You’re absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you buying gifts? Your policy is rude. Let them buy gifts and you buy nothing.

NP. No. Enough is enough. No gifts means no gifts. I have no problem literally not taking it from people’s hands. If they leave it on my doorstep after I have directly told them no gifts, I put it back on theirs. NO GIFTS, GLADYS. Times have changed.

You’re rude. We know, you don’t care, but you’re rude. It’s never too late for you to learn some manners.

I am sure their family and friends have learned not to give.

forgot to add hope the pp doesn't give unwanted gifts either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift giving is for the giver, not the receiver. Accept the gift graciously and donate it the following week if you must.

+1

They say it is better to give than to receive. who doesn't like finding the perfect present to surprise a loved one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin off from the de-cluttering thread. I value people who treat me well and have been there for me and they are the gifts. They are also the people who truly respect a 'no gift" policy. The gift is spending time with hem laughing, enjoying a good meal and creating positive memories.

Then there are the relatives who aren't particularly nice people who insist, despite requests, on giving us stuff. It's usually stuff you cannot easily donate at those bins and it is work to find someone on freecycle who wants it or a donation place that wants it. Then there is the added horror of knowing it was likely made by exploited children or poor adults in China, some of whom may be beaten into submission. I refuse to add to the environment problem by throwing it out. They throw a fit and try to create drama when you decline the gift and say, "thanks, but we don't accept gifts." When it is sent by mail it adds a whole other layer with all the waste that comes with shipping it.

Please, for the sake of all of us who care about the environment and who care about exploited workers in other countries and who don't want endless clutter, if we say "no gifts" please just respect that. You can be a gift by being kind, understanding and loving. If you have family who love gift exchanges have at it. Just please from now on if somebody says "no gifts" respect it.

Says the hypocrite typing on her iPhone made in China.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you buying gifts? Your policy is rude. Let them buy gifts and you buy nothing.

NP. No. Enough is enough. No gifts means no gifts. I have no problem literally not taking it from people’s hands. If they leave it on my doorstep after I have directly told them no gifts, I put it back on theirs. NO GIFTS, GLADYS. Times have changed.

You’re rude. We know, you don’t care, but you’re rude. It’s never too late for you to learn some manners.

If you want to talk manners, we’ll start with respecting other people’s stated boundaries, even if you don’t agree with them. “Mom, Dad, Bill and I do not wish to receive or exchange adult gifts anymore, for birthdays or holidays.” If you shove gifts in people’s faces after that, you are the rude one. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All you people who have exactly zero things in your life that you want but don’t need and consequently don’t purchase for yourself must be so rich. That’s what gift giving is for — for the things that you want, be they stuff, experience, or consumable that you can’t afford yourself or can’t justify spending your money on even if you could afford it. Consider instead of just instantly purchasing all the things you want and need (oh to be able to just purchase stuff like that) saving some for your Christmas list. Then you won’t need to dispose of everything people give you.

I am not rich. But the things I would like aren’t things people are going to gift me. I’d love cash to help offset the crushing expense of childcare for 2 young kids or to help pay for my dying dog’s expensive medication. As far as stuff, I’d love some nice new curtains for my family room and have my eye on an expensive dining room hutch. I don’t need some unitasker kitchen tool like a waffle iron that I have no room to store in my small kitchen, and I am particular about my clothes (I prefer eco-friendly brands over fast fashion) so I don’t really want some H&M sweater. The latter is the type of stuff people are more likely to gift.

And I’m not saying I actually expect anyone to pay my childcare or vet bills. In fact, I don’t feel entitled to anyone giving me anything! Just pointing out that I’m not so rich that I have everything I could possibly want. I would honestly prefer my friends and family not waste their own hard earned money on something I don’t really want just to check some box on giving me a gift. I’d rather they treat themselves to something than buy me something I’ll never wear.

[Anonymous]

If your biggest gripe in this world is people giving you gifts, you’ve got a pretty sweet life. Be grateful for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh OP I empathize. The whole act of shopping and receiving gifts at Christmastime has become a real drain on the holiday spirit. We are all adults and can buy our own socks.

I’ve taken to giving food gifts, gift cards, and experiences when I have to give, and opting out of all other gift exchanges including Secret Santa and white elephant. I’m an adult in a small space, and I have to make tough decisions about what can stay and what can go every time I get something new. Even something so simple as a mug means I have to throw out a current favorite or trash yours. Having to do this with my kids’ stuff is even worse, especially now that they are old enough to notice when that piece of junk toy truck they haven’t touched in 3 months is gone. I hate that I have to blow my time off cleaning out spaces and doing goodwill drop offs instead of actually spending time relaxing and enjoying their company.

So really, when people say no gifts, please try to honor it. If the gift giving is for you, then you’re going into it with the wrong mindset anyway.

I relate to all this especially the part about wanting to spend your free time enjoying your home/family, not managing more STUFF to donate. The gift of “no gifts” is that you’re truly giving someone peace and lack of clutter. If you *must* gift something, give a gift card to a store you know the person shops at. Better yet, come by for a cup of tea out on the front porch. Time with others is truly the most valuable gift of all.

And when I think back to my Christmases as a child, I cannot recall one present my grandparents bought me. Not a single one. But I do remember curling up in my grandmother’s lap by the fire. Being snuck sweets. Playing board games with my grandpa. Those are the wonderful memories of the holidays, not the stuff.

I still have the earrings my great aunt gave me as a child.. what a nice thing to pass down.

I still have earrings from my Grandparents as well as a charm bracelet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift giving is for the giver, not the receiver. Accept the gift graciously and donate it the following week if you must.

This would be my go-to response as well, PP. But OP insists that some of these gifts can't be donated. Like a different PP, I want to know what OP's being given that can't be donated anywhere at all. Or how much OP has actually tried to donate whatever these items are. Wondering if OP is offended by the idea of using up gas to drive to drop off donations anywhere but at the most convenient "drop box" in the nearest grocery store parking lot....

Not OP, but I would be annoyed at having to take extra time out of already busy day to donate something when I specifically asked for no gifts. Everyone keeps saying people who don’t want gifts are the selfish ones but seems the other way around - imposing their desires on unwilling others to give crap no one wants

Well, if the gift is already in your possession:

You can sit there and be annoyed staring peevishly at that unwanted gift.

Or you can actually live your espoused values and make an effort to donate it despite your busy day.

Which will you choose?

[Anonymous]

I agree with no gifts and respecting "no gift" requests, but holy sanctimony, Batman. Couldn't you just have said "we prefer not to receive gifts" and left it at that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift giving is for the giver, not the receiver. Accept the gift graciously and donate it the following week if you must.

This would be my go-to response as well, PP. But OP insists that some of these gifts can't be donated. Like a different PP, I want to know what OP's being given that can't be donated anywhere at all. Or how much OP has actually tried to donate whatever these items are. Wondering if OP is offended by the idea of using up gas to drive to drop off donations anywhere but at the most convenient "drop box" in the nearest grocery store parking lot....

Not OP, but I would be annoyed at having to take extra time out of already busy day to donate something when I specifically asked for no gifts. Everyone keeps saying people who don’t want gifts are the selfish ones but seems the other way around - imposing their desires on unwilling others to give crap no one wants

Well, if the gift is already in your possession:

You can sit there and be annoyed staring peevishly at that unwanted gift.

Or you can actually live your espoused values and make an effort to donate it despite your busy day.

Which will you choose?

Never espoused any values about donating things, just that I do not want to receive gifts. In fact I have a closet full of stuff from my in-laws from various xmas past that I’ve never gotten around to dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you people who have exactly zero things in your life that you want but don’t need and consequently don’t purchase for yourself must be so rich. That’s what gift giving is for — for the things that you want, be they stuff, experience, or consumable that you can’t afford yourself or can’t justify spending your money on even if you could afford it. Consider instead of just instantly purchasing all the things you want and need (oh to be able to just purchase stuff like that) saving some for your Christmas list. Then you won’t need to dispose of everything people give you.

I am not rich. But the things I would like aren’t things people are going to gift me. I’d love cash to help offset the crushing expense of childcare for 2 young kids or to help pay for my dying dog’s expensive medication. As far as stuff, I’d love some nice new curtains for my family room and have my eye on an expensive dining room hutch. I don’t need some unitasker kitchen tool like a waffle iron that I have no room to store in my small kitchen, and I am particular about my clothes (I prefer eco-friendly brands over fast fashion) so I don’t really want some H&M sweater. The latter is the type of stuff people are more likely to gift.

And I’m not saying I actually expect anyone to pay my childcare or vet bills. In fact, I don’t feel entitled to anyone giving me anything! Just pointing out that I’m not so rich that I have everything I could possibly want. I would honestly prefer my friends and family not waste their own hard earned money on something I don’t really want just to check some box on giving me a gift. I’d rather they treat themselves to something than buy me something I’ll never wear.

Ahhh, so you just want more expensive stuff and are upset because you aren't getting those items. Got it.