In tears about my daughter

[Anonymous]

I don’t think OP is a troll. The kid reminds me of my sister. She was in a premed program and my parents were so happy and she switched to be an English major. It wasn’t an Ivy. She stuck with English and yes, had many different low paying jobs for many years. She’s in her 40s now and her job she makes under 50k (not DC area).

But you know what? I sometimes wonder if she is the smart one. She didn’t always make the choice for career and stability. Her family lives in a low cost of living town and they are happy. She really likes her job. Her kids don’t have the brand names and expensive extras ours do but most don’t where they live.

I’ve stuck with my career for over 20 years and am counting the years until retirement. We are financially secure and our kids have too much but we are always stressed and often miserable with the grind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy! Maybe you are a troll but I know parents like this so maybe you are for real. This is a crazy attitude to have. Your love and acceptance comes with strings.

I told DD 20 that she should consider employability when picking a major but ultimately it was up to her. She doesn’t need my permission or approval about her major or anything else. She is an adult and I respect her autonomy. She has to live with her choices not me. So it’s not fair for me to make them for her. Few people know if they will like the career they major in until they get out there anyway. Many people work in a different field entirely.

I respect your daughter for standing up to you!

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If you’re not a troll, did you ask your kid what they plan to do with a degree in English? Maybe you can brainstorm together. Otherwise, your kid has called your bluff, and both of you must live with the consequences.

FWIW, my DH and I have BA degrees from an Ivy. We are doing fine.

OP here. She told me she wants to “go into publishing” and “get an MFA in creative writing” down the line. While we are full-pay, we CANNOT afford to bankroll her after graduation. I keep telling her that publishing and MFA programs are for rich kids, but she won’t listen!

So your kid who hasn’t finished the first semester of her first year in college shared this elaborate plan for her major and her life just 12 hours ago. Somehow she wasn’t smart enough to keep her mouth shut. And you “keep telling her” about the issues with going into publishing. Was this before or after you were moved to tears in the last 12 hours?

+1 not only a troll but a bad one at that.

The tell-tale sign of a troll is that OP is responding to many of the posts. Most people who are in despair are so distressed that they vent, but can’t possibly respond to people’s opinions. OP is in this to kick things up. Poke around at people. Get people fired up! A real parent in this predicament is worried and suffering (even if it’s irrational)

Yep. OP should get that MFA. She could still devote any given weekend to a fictional post, but it would be more engaging than this amateur drivel. Writing convincing fiction requires skill, it can be learned, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What will set her up for life is agency, not a certain degree or amount of money. Go read The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids by Madeline Levine.

OP here. That’s bullshit. Am employable major with a fantastic alumni network (yes, PP was correct she’s at Princeton, which has a phenomenal alumni network) is WAY more likely to set her up for success than “agency.”

I also speak from personal experience. DH went to WM and graduated as a History major with a lot of on-campus involvement. Because of his major, he wasn’t able to find a job after graduation. He bartender for a while and eventually went to law school — the only real option for humanities majors.

So I’m speaking from personal experience.

No, you are projecting your husband's experience 20-ish years ago onto your daughter. Once you are at a certain educational level, that level is more important than your major. Your daughter is already at that level. Maybe she would be well serviced to spend the next 3.5 years developing her talents as she is discovering them, rather than following your plans or trying to make up for your husband's disappointing career.

Either way, if you are full pay at Princeton, you ARE rich people and so your daughter's expectation that she can go get a MFA in creative writing is not off base.

[Anonymous]

You cann't control your child like that....

[Anonymous]

She'll probably end up inspiring a bunch of kids to become writers and then write a best seller about her rich, sad parents who were too clueless to support her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope the part that you're "in tears" about is the part where your daughter cuts you out of her life and you never get to see your grandchildren, because that's where this is heading.

Yup- my parents did this to me. I ended up majoring in what I wanted, even though they tried to nag me into playing by there rules. And then I cut them out of my life.

Oh, and I have a very successful and lucrative career.

Have fun!

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is crying because you are her parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please explain why you, not only need her to stay, but NEED her to stay? Why?

OP here. Having the double whammy of both an employable major AND the Ivy name-brand will set her up well for the rest of her life, especially in finance or tech.

Not what your DD wants. You are setting yourself up for never seeing your daughter again. You'd better get used to that idea if you continue down this path

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She'll probably end up inspiring a bunch of kids to become writers and then write a best seller about her rich, sad parents who were too clueless to support her.

Da troof and nothing but da troof

[Anonymous]

This is 100 percent troll

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Very bad trolling.

OP here. I wish I was a troll.

Not as badly as I wished you were a troll.

NP

Fervently agree. You and your husband sound like a complete nightmare. Even as trolls.

Why do you think we “sound like complete nightmares” for setting some very reasonable guidelines that many parents set for their kids? Most parents aren’t willing to pay for a BA in English.

No, most parents let their adult kids be adults and plan their own life. That means letting them pick their path in life. I don't attach strings to what I will pay for with my kids. You are crazy and will end up without being involved in your kid's life if you keep this up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so much better to be a straight A English major at an Ivy THEN after college there are programs to take pre-med requirements where you can get A’s. Trying to get an A in organic chemistry at an Ivy when you would rather study English at 18 or 19 is not a good idea. If she gets C’s on ochem you can forget about med school.

Missing the point---the daughter has no desire to attend Med school. So why would an English major torture themselves with O chem?!?!? Just to make mommy & daddy happy?

[Anonymous]

DH is a journalism major and has made a nice writing career in corporate world. If anyone is going to succeed as an English major and in publishing, it’s going to be a female grad from Princeton.

[Anonymous]

why do you NEED her to stay at an Ivy?