How upset would you be? Close friend missing my DD's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is weird to me. It's not your wedding, it's your daughter's wedding. I'm assuming your friends are invited because you paid for it? Otherwise, it's not important that they be there. As a bride, my MILs friends were not invited. They aren't my friends.

I think you and OP may be from different backgrounds or regions in the country. Where I'm from this is a very big deal and I totally get why she's upset.

My parents are immigrants and their friends were definitely a big part of our weddings and they were a big part of their friends' kids' weddings, especially the early ones, and especially bc many of them lived far away from blood relatives. Still I cannot imagine responding and taking such personal offense, the way op did.

[Anonymous]

You were both in the wrong but your behavior was considerably worse than hers. Her mistake was not sending her RSVP in a timely manner. That's it.

She was clearly very torn about what to do and didn't want to disappoint you. I cannot believe you continually badgered and guilted her and even made comments about how her decision was proof of how meaningful the friendship is or isn't to her.

You owe her a big apology. The sooner the better. You put her in a terribly awkward position and all of her back-and-forth was a result of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little surprised that everyone is siding with the friend, who I think behaved very poorly and immaturely. OP only invited these four friends, to a huge event in OP’s life - yes, it’s the DD’s wedding, but it’s not like OP is just a guest at it. She and DH are likely hosting and it’s a milestone event for OP, too, so it’s totally understandable that she would hope her friend recognizes that. I think it’s fair that OP conveyed her disappointment to her friend at the point of the initial conversation - which never should have had taken place in that way because the friend should have broached the subject long before. I think the friend initiating the conversation as soon as she was aware of the conflict and explaining things well would have gone a very long way toward OP feeling much differently about both this situation and her friend.

+1 I am so confused by these people who are like this is no big deal; you're over-reacting.

[Anonymous]

The only thing that I can criticize your friend for is not letting you know personally she would not be able to attend and why. ..rather than just not RSVPing.

Otherwise, enjoy the day. Share the pictures with her afterwards. She made her decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little surprised that everyone is siding with the friend, who I think behaved very poorly and immaturely. OP only invited these four friends, to a huge event in OP’s life - yes, it’s the DD’s wedding, but it’s not like OP is just a guest at it. She and DH are likely hosting and it’s a milestone event for OP, too, so it’s totally understandable that she would hope her friend recognizes that. I think it’s fair that OP conveyed her disappointment to her friend at the point of the initial conversation - which never should have had taken place in that way because the friend should have broached the subject long before. I think the friend initiating the conversation as soon as she was aware of the conflict and explaining things well would have gone a very long way toward OP feeling much differently about both this situation and her friend.

+1 I am so confused by these people who are like this is no big deal; you're over-reacting.

It's understandable to be disappointed, but why is it so hard to understand that Sue has a conflict and cannot attend?

[Anonymous]

You have not said a word about how your DAUGHTER feels. That is who matters on this day.

You sound immature, to be honest. Yes, I get that this feels major to you and in an ideal world you would be surrounded by everyone you feel close to. Your friend (and I have sympathy for her) had the misfortunate of being invited to two events that conflicted. You have NO idea how important her presence is to the other couple. You and have NO idea how her husband reacted to being asked to go alone. (No one knows what goes on with couples behind closed doors.)

Just focus on what matters. Your daughter has fallen in love, hopefully with someone you approve of. That is a blessing.

Leave this friend be. She is allowed to make difficult choices without you getting all bent out of shape. Your priorities sound very confused.

[Anonymous]

How old are you, 12? This is ridiculous. Your friend does not have to go to your daughter’s wedding. I can’t believe I am reading this. You have no right to be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is weird to me. It's not your wedding, it's your daughter's wedding. I'm assuming your friends are invited because you paid for it? Otherwise, it's not important that they be there. As a bride, my MILs friends were not invited. They aren't my friends.

this +infinity.

OP is making this wedding all about her. Calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little surprised that everyone is siding with the friend, who I think behaved very poorly and immaturely. OP only invited these four friends, to a huge event in OP’s life - yes, it’s the DD’s wedding, but it’s not like OP is just a guest at it. She and DH are likely hosting and it’s a milestone event for OP, too, so it’s totally understandable that she would hope her friend recognizes that. I think it’s fair that OP conveyed her disappointment to her friend at the point of the initial conversation - which never should have had taken place in that way because the friend should have broached the subject long before. I think the friend initiating the conversation as soon as she was aware of the conflict and explaining things well would have gone a very long way toward OP feeling much differently about both this situation and her friend.

No. It is not your achievement when your child marries. You’ve done nothing. Stop trying to make this your day.

[Anonymous]

Please tell me you have not said anything unkind about Sue to your other subordinates.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think you need to get over it. Although your daughter is an adult, to your friend she is a child. Your friend is honoring her relationship to another adult - an adult whose wedding is the result of her matchmaking.

Your daughter’s wedding is HER wedding. Even if you swear your friend has been like an aunt and a mentor to her, it is your friend not the bride’s friend.

I love many of my mom’s friends dearly, but I did not care if they came to my wedding or not.

I feel sorry for your daughter, preparing for a huge important day, that you are making this all about you and your feelings. It’s not your wedding.

[Anonymous]

OP - I can understand being disappointed or even a bit hurt. I'm sorry this didn't work out as you envisioned. But it's absolutely not worth ruining a long friendship and disrupting a good group dynamic.

Keep in mind this is your DD wedding, not yours. When you weigh the relationship of your DD and your friend, do you think it's really stronger than that of your friend and her friend whose marriage she helped make happen?

This has very "I'm the main character" vibes. I strongly recommend trying to take an objective perspective on all the factors at play, not just yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats on your DD's wedding! I hope you have a wonderful time. I bet your friend feels terrible she will miss it and will feel sad once all the photos come out etc. It sounds like she really tried to find a solution but is under a great deal of pressure from people at her workplace (who influence her livelihood in a very direct way) and her DH.

It doesn't sounds to me like she's rejecting you but is simply stuck between a rock and a hard place. You're torturing yourself and your friend for no reason. Be a good friend and give her some grace. Ask if there's another way for her to "see your daughter off" to marriage; offer to host another pre or post wedding brunch or BBQ for those who couldn't make it, etc. Friendship is about making your friends lives richer and easier and better, not about putting on pressure and keeping score.

I hope you can relax and have a great time celebrating this new phase in your lives and all that is to come.

+1 that's exactly how I see this. I'm sure she feels terrible about not being able to thread this needle - and honestly, OP, it sounds like you probably made it much worse. I understand why - you were feeling heated, stressed, and upset - but you have to let this go. Your friend seems to have really done her best to be able to get to your daughter's wedding and the other wedding, and it sounds like there was no realistic way to do it. That's disappointing for sure, but definitely not worth trashing a two decades old friendship for.

I hope you have a wonderful time at the wedding - and that you and your friend can get past this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little surprised that everyone is siding with the friend, who I think behaved very poorly and immaturely. OP only invited these four friends, to a huge event in OP’s life - yes, it’s the DD’s wedding, but it’s not like OP is just a guest at it. She and DH are likely hosting and it’s a milestone event for OP, too, so it’s totally understandable that she would hope her friend recognizes that. I think it’s fair that OP conveyed her disappointment to her friend at the point of the initial conversation - which never should have had taken place in that way because the friend should have broached the subject long before. I think the friend initiating the conversation as soon as she was aware of the conflict and explaining things well would have gone a very long way toward OP feeling much differently about both this situation and her friend.

+1 I am so confused by these people who are like this is no big deal; you're over-reacting.

It's understandable to be disappointed, but why is it so hard to understand that Sue has a conflict and cannot attend?

The way the friend handled it was abysmal. She obviously knew it was a big deal for OP. Everyone needs to stop it with the "It's not your day..." comments. It's her daughter and it IS a big deal. Have you never been to a wedding? The parents of the bride are a huge part of the wedding - so much so that I didn't even want a wedding because my mother died and couldn't be there. The dad has a whole freakin dance with the bride! Anyway, the friend got the invite and didn't RSVP, which is so rude I can't even. In any case, if a close friend of the family did that to me, I would assume that she's coming! I'm impressed that OP even checked with her just to make sure! This whole thing is so infuriating. The stupid friend should have given her regrets in person before she RSVP'd no and smoothed this over. Then maybe OP wouldn't be so upset. Good grief, people. This lady's daughter is getting married and one of her closest friends is being rude and inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a little surprised that everyone is siding with the friend, who I think behaved very poorly and immaturely. OP only invited these four friends, to a huge event in OP’s life - yes, it’s the DD’s wedding, but it’s not like OP is just a guest at it. She and DH are likely hosting and it’s a milestone event for OP, too, so it’s totally understandable that she would hope her friend recognizes that. I think it’s fair that OP conveyed her disappointment to her friend at the point of the initial conversation - which never should have had taken place in that way because the friend should have broached the subject long before. I think the friend initiating the conversation as soon as she was aware of the conflict and explaining things well would have gone a very long way toward OP feeling much differently about both this situation and her friend.

+1 I am so confused by these people who are like this is no big deal; you're over-reacting.

It's understandable to be disappointed, but why is it so hard to understand that Sue has a conflict and cannot attend?

The way the friend handled it was abysmal. She obviously knew it was a big deal for OP. Everyone needs to stop it with the "It's not your day..." comments. It's her daughter and it IS a big deal. Have you never been to a wedding? The parents of the bride are a huge part of the wedding - so much so that I didn't even want a wedding because my mother died and couldn't be there. The dad has a whole freakin dance with the bride! Anyway, the friend got the invite and didn't RSVP, which is so rude I can't even. In any case, if a close friend of the family did that to me, I would assume that she's coming! I'm impressed that OP even checked with her just to make sure! This whole thing is so infuriating. The stupid friend should have given her regrets in person before she RSVP'd no and smoothed this over. Then maybe OP wouldn't be so upset. Good grief, people. This lady's daughter is getting married and one of her closest friends is being rude and inconsiderate.

I am dying over here. The father daughter dance illustrates that this day is of the utmost importance for the parents friends to attend? And the earlier evidence cited that the bride has babysat for the friends kids. I am rolling. Op is clearly sock puppeting. Dial down the crazy lady.