New teacher over sharing (death of newborn)
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Anonymous
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At our BTS night, one of DD’s teachers had photos of his wife who’d passed away a few years ago. He talked a little about it, and then moved on. It was very humanizing and I was glad he shared it. He’d also told the kids about her on the first day of school.
Being uncomfortable with this type of sharing is normal for some of us. Going to the administration because it made you uncomfortable is not fine. |
Anonymous
| Teachers are people. We are expected to put on a show every day, all day, minus our lunch break. There are times that this is very difficult, like on the anniversary of a loved ones death or birth. We never have the option of just putting our head down and getting through the day. This teacher is giving her students the opportunity to see her as a human being, in a very vulnerable way. This is how they build empathy. I still remember a teacher of mine sharing that she’d been diagnosed with cancer, and feeling a shift in my perspective. It’s important to be real with kids. |
Anonymous
| If you haven’t experienced this type of loss or tragedy you have zero right to put your judgment on it - as if the way you would have handled it is the “right” one. Going to the administration would actually be cruel - for what? To make an already horrific situation worse? GTFO. |
Anonymous
Agreed. The fact that children are empathetic and kind in the face of this teacher’s grief is a credit to them, not a criticism of the teacher. The fact that they’ve been supportive doesn’t mean she has leaned on them for support; it just means she acknowledges their heart-felt responses to her loss. That is entirely appropriate and a part of life. I loved and appreciated the teachers who opened up about their lives a bit. Seeing their humanity helped me to see their motivations and caring, which helped me see them as something other than the enemy. |
Anonymous
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Omg yes op you are a jerk. Instead of talking to admin I would work on empathy and being more comfortable with difficult topics. The fact that your post says something along the lines of “it’s like she’s still in grief.” Yes, yes she is. Even if she had more children or does in the future she still will be. It is her child. The poster who mentioned their father’s death is so off base. Losing a child, your only child/baby is a different type of grief and if others are sharing their stories/families/children she deserves to share hers.
Putting your comfort over hers is really beyond in my opinion. Asking her to hide her child because it is difficult for you to swallow. |
Anonymous
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Op lives in a time (ok all of us do) where death is so infrequent that she finds it shocking.
Come on OP. She’s simply sharing that she lost a child. I 200%, no 1000%, support anybody who wants to tell me about their child who passed away. They are a parent to someone on the other side. That’s huge information and we’ll worth sharing. |
Anonymous
Omg now you're playing the victim. You asked people for their opinion and it's clear that most people think you are being a jerk. Move on. |
Anonymous
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If you “can’t even imagine the pain” of losing a newborn then you should 500% stfu. She shared a picture of HER child, it’s not her fault YOU feel uncomfortable by the fact that she didn’t look how yours did. You have no idea how hard it is for a teacher to go back into a classroom looking at everyone else’s kids, being responsible for their academic and social growth, knowing theirs will never get the chance to sit in those same seats, ask those same questions about their learning and make those same friends as YOUR child. To have a moron parent on top this- who is (fortunately) so privileged to not know a damn thing about child loss life and apparently has 0 idea what empathy is- is why so many of us leave the classroom after these circumstances.
You should be ashamed of yourself- & I hope you think of these reactions to your words when you look at your kids every day. Waking up with a dead child, worried everyone in this world will forget them and their brief life, is our every day reality. & despite that every day pain and silent suffering we go through I know I personally would choose waking up thinking of my daughter every day over being a privileged, sad, ignorant, idiot like you. If this is how you view grief, if you’re the type of parent who puts a timeline on things like this, good luck to you as your kids move through life experiences- I suggest you take some classes in elementary school where they teach empathy and acceptance. |
Anonymous
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As a parent of a baby who died, I was nervous to open this thread and see the reactions. I'm beyond pleasantly surprised to see the empathy and support from the majority of posters.
When someone asks me how many children I have or if this is my only (honestly, please stop asking folks this along with if they plan on having children), it's hard to know how to answer in that split second. Sometimes I say yes to protect their feelings/comfort in the conversation. Other times I say, "One living." Typically, the person will say, "I'm so sorry," and I say, "thanks." Then I push the conversation forward. Being a grieving parent means learning this dance and doing some light grief education for basically your whole life. |
Anonymous
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Life is complicated, often painful as well as joyful, and most people are walking around with some burden of grief.
Seventh grade seems as good a time as any to begin to understand that fact. |
Anonymous
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Waaaay inappropriate. You keep that grief inside until the end of the school day, then you let it all out all night long if you need to. Rinse, repeat.
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Anonymous
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As a mom whose baby died, she may even be doing this at a therapist’s recommendation.
We moved soon after my baby died and no one in the new place even knows that it happened. I can tell you that locking it away is NOT a healthy way to process things. Especially in these times when people are always talking about Dobbs and whatever. Simple everyday conversations have become triggers for me such that I almost had a breakdown last spring. I think if people knew, they’d be more sensitive (like asking how many kids you have, etc.). It’s fairly horrible to live a lie about that but also seems impossible to rewrite who I am to the community a decade later. I am glad the teacher is open about it for her own mental health. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Agreed. And obviously it bothered OP's kid because kid told OP who posted here. It's TMI and professionally inappropriate. |
Anonymous
It was at back to school night that OP saw this. |