New teacher over sharing (death of newborn)

[Anonymous]

There is less separation between private and public life for teachers, and this is, IMHO, not a good development.

But given the context, I don't think it's at all a good idea to say anything to admin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last night was my 7th grader’s BTS night. Each teacher on the team started with a brief personal introduction (education, family, favorite activity, etc.) with a photo collage on their presentation. Most had pictures of their spouse, kids, activities, college banner, etc. A new teacher to the school had a photo of a newborn in a hospital with oxygen, IV, etc. as the most prominent photo of the collage, and she said her daughter passed away a few years ago but is very important to her, and the students have been very supportive.
I can only imagine the pain of losing a newborn. However, I do not think it should be discussed with students. It is not a recent death, nor did the students know her when she was pregnant. That said, kids often ask teachers “do you have kids”, and it must be a painful topic to answer. It’s possible she brought this up with students as a way to get this topic over with. But the way she said that her daughter is very important to her and the students are supportive was awkward, as if she is still processing the grief and the pain is still raw. And who would turn to brand new class for “support”?
I know there is no normal “timeline” and losing a child isn’t something you just “get over”. However, it has been several years and it seemed very odd and somewhat disturbing.
Thoughts? Would you say anything to the administration about it? Or am I a jerk for thinking this was inappropriate?

Yes. You are being a jerk.

+1

And good lord don't say anything to the administration. You don't need everyone to know what a jerk you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last night was my 7th grader’s BTS night. Each teacher on the team started with a brief personal introduction (education, family, favorite activity, etc.) with a photo collage on their presentation. Most had pictures of their spouse, kids, activities, college banner, etc. A new teacher to the school had a photo of a newborn in a hospital with oxygen, IV, etc. as the most prominent photo of the collage, and she said her daughter passed away a few years ago but is very important to her, and the students have been very supportive.
I can only imagine the pain of losing a newborn. However, I do not think it should be discussed with students. It is not a recent death, nor did the students know her when she was pregnant. That said, kids often ask teachers “do you have kids”, and it must be a painful topic to answer. It’s possible she brought this up with students as a way to get this topic over with. But the way she said that her daughter is very important to her and the students are supportive was awkward, as if she is still processing the grief and the pain is still raw. And who would turn to brand new class for “support”?
I know there is no normal “timeline” and losing a child isn’t something you just “get over”. However, it has been several years and it seemed very odd and somewhat disturbing.
Thoughts? Would you say anything to the administration about it? Or am I a jerk for thinking this was inappropriate?

Yes. You are being a jerk.

+1

And good lord don't say anything to the administration. You don't need everyone to know what a jerk you are.

Actually, we'd rather know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate your teachers humanity. In time she will she it differently. If anything I’d be comfortable knowing my child’s instructor has the ability to be vulnerable, which to me would equate with compassion and empathy for their students.

+10,000

We need more compassion in middle school, not less of it.

+1. Agree. This reads different than truly inappropriate oversharing (my middle school teacher told me, one of her star/pet students, that she had been abused by her spouse, for example -- inappropriate).

[Anonymous]

OP, you wouldn’t believe the amount of over sharing teachers have to listen to on a daily basis from entitled parents who think they have the only (blank) snowflake in the entire school district…maybe even the state.

[Anonymous]

Totally fine for 7th grade

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Waaaay inappropriate. You keep that grief inside until the end of the school day, then you let it all out all night long if you need to. Rinse, repeat.

Agreed. And obviously it bothered OP's kid because kid told OP who posted here. It's TMI and professionally inappropriate.

I hope you’re both being sarcastic. If not, wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you are a jerk. And they are 7th graders, not preschoolers. They can know that info.

+1

I bet the kids could teach you a thing about empathy.

[Anonymous]

OP another person who lost a child at birth. I wouldn’t share this information however, it has been 17 years for me. I know there are still times that I still feel tremendous grief. Perhaps she is trying to ensure there is sensitivity when people approach her about her personal life. I can’t imagine 30 new students/parents each year asking me about my family. Give some grace here.

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP

Absolutely not with the photos that’s ridiculous.

She could have explained she had a recent loss if she’s like.

I have plenty of empathy no one should lose a child however back to school night with photos omg no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP

Absolutely not with the photos that’s ridiculous.

She could have explained she had a recent loss if she’s like.

I have plenty of empathy no one should lose a child however back to school night with photos omg no.

You don’t have empathy. You say you do, but this post makes it apparent that is untrue.

[Anonymous]

...tf is wrong with you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Waaaay inappropriate. You keep that grief inside until the end of the school day, then you let it all out all night long if you need to. Rinse, repeat.

She didn’t share her grief. She shared her family on a night when most teachers were sharing their families. She did what the others were doing. She doesn’t have to hide her family to make other people feel good.

[Anonymous]

I attended a very small elementary school, where there were only two classes per grade. When I was in second grade, the other second grade teacher, who I had everyday for reading, was visibly pregnant and excited about her first baby. Then she stopped coming to school for what felt like a long time. Everyone asked about her, but we were just told she was taking some time off. The day before she returned to work, our classroom teacher explained that the other teacher’s baby had died and so there was no baby and that it was very sad so we shouldn’t mention it or ask the teacher any questions.

Later that same year, every single baby from the class hamster’s litter died in a tragic way.

When I was in seventh grade, a classmate died from an accidental gun discharge. I still remember these events, but even though they were terribly sad, I was not permanently damaged by them and I learned that tragedy, pain and loss are part of life. You and your seventh grader will be fine.

It’s ridiculous to think that this teacher did anything wrong or that there’s any reason to speak with the administration.

[Anonymous]

stillbirth and infant death is an extremely tragic experience that we as a society tend to incorrectly want to bury under the rug. middle schoolers are old enough to be exposed to some sadness in the world (and/or to learn and understand that teachers are real people with lives outside of school).