New teacher over sharing (death of newborn)

[Anonymous]

Last night was my 7th grader’s BTS night. Each teacher on the team started with a brief personal introduction (education, family, favorite activity, etc.) with a photo collage on their presentation. Most had pictures of their spouse, kids, activities, college banner, etc. A new teacher to the school had a photo of a newborn in a hospital with oxygen, IV, etc. as the most prominent photo of the collage, and she said her daughter passed away a few years ago but is very important to her, and the students have been very supportive.
I can only imagine the pain of losing a newborn. However, I do not think it should be discussed with students. It is not a recent death, nor did the students know her when she was pregnant. That said, kids often ask teachers “do you have kids”, and it must be a painful topic to answer. It’s possible she brought this up with students as a way to get this topic over with. But the way she said that her daughter is very important to her and the students are supportive was awkward, as if she is still processing the grief and the pain is still raw. And who would turn to brand new class for “support”?
I know there is no normal “timeline” and losing a child isn’t something you just “get over”. However, it has been several years and it seemed very odd and somewhat disturbing.
Thoughts? Would you say anything to the administration about it? Or am I a jerk for thinking this was inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last night was my 7th grader’s BTS night. Each teacher on the team started with a brief personal introduction (education, family, favorite activity, etc.) with a photo collage on their presentation. Most had pictures of their spouse, kids, activities, college banner, etc. A new teacher to the school had a photo of a newborn in a hospital with oxygen, IV, etc. as the most prominent photo of the collage, and she said her daughter passed away a few years ago but is very important to her, and the students have been very supportive.
I can only imagine the pain of losing a newborn. However, I do not think it should be discussed with students. It is not a recent death, nor did the students know her when she was pregnant. That said, kids often ask teachers “do you have kids”, and it must be a painful topic to answer. It’s possible she brought this up with students as a way to get this topic over with. But the way she said that her daughter is very important to her and the students are supportive was awkward, as if she is still processing the grief and the pain is still raw. And who would turn to brand new class for “support”?
I know there is no normal “timeline” and losing a child isn’t something you just “get over”. However, it has been several years and it seemed very odd and somewhat disturbing.
Thoughts? Would you say anything to the administration about it? Or am I a jerk for thinking this was inappropriate?

Yes. You are being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last night was my 7th grader’s BTS night. Each teacher on the team started with a brief personal introduction (education, family, favorite activity, etc.) with a photo collage on their presentation. Most had pictures of their spouse, kids, activities, college banner, etc. A new teacher to the school had a photo of a newborn in a hospital with oxygen, IV, etc. as the most prominent photo of the collage, and she said her daughter passed away a few years ago but is very important to her, and the students have been very supportive.
I can only imagine the pain of losing a newborn. However, I do not think it should be discussed with students. It is not a recent death, nor did the students know her when she was pregnant. That said, kids often ask teachers “do you have kids”, and it must be a painful topic to answer. It’s possible she brought this up with students as a way to get this topic over with. But the way she said that her daughter is very important to her and the students are supportive was awkward, as if she is still processing the grief and the pain is still raw. And who would turn to brand new class for “support”?
I know there is no normal “timeline” and losing a child isn’t something you just “get over”. However, it has been several years and it seemed very odd and somewhat disturbing.
Thoughts? Would you say anything to the administration about it? Or am I a jerk for thinking this was inappropriate?

What on earth would you "say to the administration" - tell Ms. Jackson nobody wants to hear about her dead baby! ??

Yes, you're a jerk. It's not inappropriate, it's just sad. It made you uncomfortable because you were sad and didn't expect to experience any negative emotions. But unless you think it was an art project designed to jerk at your emotions, you can't call someone inappropriate for having had a terrible thing happen to them.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're a jerk. I probably wouldn't do this, but she's sharing the photos at the same time that other people are showing photos of their kids and families.

[Anonymous]

Oh, please tell us what you would say to administration.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you are a jerk. And they are 7th graders, not preschoolers. They can know that info.

[Anonymous]

You're not a jerk.

[Anonymous]

pp here, and I also bet that there are some parents/students/families that absolutely relate to her story, and maybe... just maybe ....find a connection and community with her that just has ... wait for it.... nothing to do with you or your kid (the horror). Yes sarcasm intended.

[Anonymous]

I think it is inappropriate however I also think it is one of those things that you just let go. If it starts to be an issue in class, that might be different - but in this case, just appreciate your child is alive to have a BTS night and move on.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate your teachers humanity. In time she will she it differently. If anything I’d be comfortable knowing my child’s instructor has the ability to be vulnerable, which to me would equate with compassion and empathy for their students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please tell us what you would say to administration.

It’s not the photo or telling us about a loss that was necessarily wrong or inappropriate. Is that she’s leaning on students for support.
They are seventh graders, not grief counselors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last night was my 7th grader’s BTS night. Each teacher on the team started with a brief personal introduction (education, family, favorite activity, etc.) with a photo collage on their presentation. Most had pictures of their spouse, kids, activities, college banner, etc. A new teacher to the school had a photo of a newborn in a hospital with oxygen, IV, etc. as the most prominent photo of the collage, and she said her daughter passed away a few years ago but is very important to her, and the students have been very supportive.
I can only imagine the pain of losing a newborn. However, I do not think it should be discussed with students. It is not a recent death, nor did the students know her when she was pregnant. That said, kids often ask teachers “do you have kids”, and it must be a painful topic to answer. It’s possible she brought this up with students as a way to get this topic over with. But the way she said that her daughter is very important to her and the students are supportive was awkward, as if she is still processing the grief and the pain is still raw. And who would turn to brand new class for “support”?
I know there is no normal “timeline” and losing a child isn’t something you just “get over”. However, it has been several years and it seemed very odd and somewhat disturbing.
Thoughts? Would you say anything to the administration about it? Or am I a jerk for thinking this was inappropriate?

The collage is about who THE TEACHER is and what is important to her... oh my your happy traispe through back to school night was interrupted with someone's real life differences!

I really hope you find something incredibly better to do with your time. I promise you that you will come off as a cold-hearted capital B if you bring this up to anyone in person.

[Anonymous]

I’m okay with it b/c it’s in context. If she shared it during the instructional day, then that would be iffy. Regardless, I wouldn’t say anything about a middle school teacher sharing this info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate your teachers humanity. In time she will she it differently. If anything I’d be comfortable knowing my child’s instructor has the ability to be vulnerable, which to me would equate with compassion and empathy for their students.

+10,000

We need more compassion in middle school, not less of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last night was my 7th grader’s BTS night. Each teacher on the team started with a brief personal introduction (education, family, favorite activity, etc.) with a photo collage on their presentation. Most had pictures of their spouse, kids, activities, college banner, etc. A new teacher to the school had a photo of a newborn in a hospital with oxygen, IV, etc. as the most prominent photo of the collage, and she said her daughter passed away a few years ago but is very important to her, and the students have been very supportive.
I can only imagine the pain of losing a newborn. However, I do not think it should be discussed with students. It is not a recent death, nor did the students know her when she was pregnant. That said, kids often ask teachers “do you have kids”, and it must be a painful topic to answer. It’s possible she brought this up with students as a way to get this topic over with. But the way she said that her daughter is very important to her and the students are supportive was awkward, as if she is still processing the grief and the pain is still raw. And who would turn to brand new class for “support”?
I know there is no normal “timeline” and losing a child isn’t something you just “get over”. However, it has been several years and it seemed very odd and somewhat disturbing.
Thoughts? Would you say anything to the administration about it? Or am I a jerk for thinking this was inappropriate?

What on earth would you "say to the administration" - tell Ms. Jackson nobody wants to hear about her dead baby! ??

Yes, you're a jerk. It's not inappropriate, it's just sad. It made you uncomfortable because you were sad and didn't expect to experience any negative emotions. But unless you think it was an art project designed to jerk at your emotions, you can't call someone inappropriate for having had a terrible thing happen to them.

+1
And you're assuming that she is leaning on her students for support, as opposed to, "the kids are really nice about it and say nice, supportive things."

And a giant FU for thinking you have any idea of the appropriate timeline for grieving a lost child.