New teacher over sharing (death of newborn)

[Anonymous]

My father passed away 10 years ago and I think about him everyday but I sure wouldn't put up a pic of him on his last days in a "all about me" poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate your teachers humanity. In time she will she it differently. If anything I’d be comfortable knowing my child’s instructor has the ability to be vulnerable, which to me would equate with compassion and empathy for their students.

+10,000

We need more compassion in middle school, not less of it.

+1

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm the first poster to actually have a dead baby of my own. Died when she was 10 days old. It's been 17 years, and is still the defining moment of my life. And it always will be. And F anyone who thinks that should be hidden. SMH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father passed away 10 years ago and I think about him everyday but I sure wouldn't put up a pic of him on his last days in a "all about me" poster.

Probably because you had lots of other pics of him. If the newborn passed away that might be all the teacher has. Isn't that obvious?

[Anonymous]

OP - you really should request that this thread be deleted. Now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is inappropriate however I also think it is one of those things that you just let go. If it starts to be an issue in class, that might be different - but in this case, just appreciate your child is alive to have a BTS night and move on.

This. All of this.

[Anonymous]

My father passed away 10 years ago and I think about him everyday but I sure wouldn't put up a pic of him on his last days in a "all about me" poster.

That is different and you know it. We all expect to lose our parents at some point; no one expects to bury a newborn.

OP, choose kindness. Unless this teacher is failing to educate your child, there is no action for you to take here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father passed away 10 years ago and I think about him everyday but I sure wouldn't put up a pic of him on his last days in a "all about me" poster.

Presumably people know you had a father, moron. Not everyone knows whether you have children, or had a child who sadly passed away, unless you share that information.

[Anonymous]

Teachers quit over parents like you. Are you going to insist on classroom cameras and count how often she talks about her child too?

[Anonymous]

I just feel bad for your kids. This is who they have to look up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP,


I had a premature newborn, tiny and ever so fragile, covered with tubes, in an incubator. His skin sagged and he looked old, like a lot of preemies do. I sent that photo to all my family and friends, so they could understand what I was going through.

It's an experience that you can never forget as a parent. Even more so if the baby does not make it, and this photo ends up being the only photo you have!!!

This life experience is part of this teacher's identity. She has a child. She went through pregnancy and birth, and desperately tried to care for it. She was able to see and touch her baby.
She is perfectly entitled to share that story, so the students understand her family composition.

Shame on you for not understanding. I am sure the students take it in stride.

*had a child

[Anonymous]

WTF is wrong with you?

It's been a year since I lost my unborn child and I may never forget it. It may be a defining thing for the rest of my life for several reasons.

My living child, who is in high school, saw our long term friend who recently became seriously disabled. Despite me trying to prepare him, he only lasted 10 minutes before he broke down in tears, thankfully out of the room. Children need to understand pain and grief. We do no service to them by shielding them from reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm the first poster to actually have a dead baby of my own. Died when she was 10 days old. It's been 17 years, and is still the defining moment of my life. And it always will be. And F anyone who thinks that should be hidden. SMH.

Thank you for sharing your truth - to you and the others who have noted lost children, I am sorry for your loss. While I haven't lost a child - I have seen friends and families pain up close who have and I have a sense for how hard some of these questions are to be able to talk about. Why it would be a question of "oversharing" or making people think they have keep the answer to "how many children do you have" hidden is beyond me personally. Compassion is at the top of the list of traits I hope my children, and myself personally to always continue to develop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm the first poster to actually have a dead baby of my own. Died when she was 10 days old. It's been 17 years, and is still the defining moment of my life. And it always will be. And F anyone who thinks that should be hidden. SMH.

Thank you for sharing your truth - to you and the others who have noted lost children, I am sorry for your loss. While I haven't lost a child - I have seen friends and families pain up close who have and I have a sense for how hard some of these questions are to be able to talk about. Why it would be a question of "oversharing" or making people think they have keep the answer to "how many children do you have" hidden is beyond me personally. Compassion is at the top of the list of traits I hope my children, and myself personally to always continue to develop.

Well said and I agree. The teacher shared, not "over" shared, what was important to her. OP's response is embarrassing to me as a fellow parent.

What differentiates me from OP is that I have two children who have died, one as an infant because of a congenital heart defect and one in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. When I am asked how many children I have, I always include my deceased daughters. They are part of my core and I will never cease to acknowledge their importance in my life.

IMO the teacher did the right thing. She was tasked with putting together a collage of what was important to her, and she included her baby. I fully support her choice in not hiding her baby away from critical eyes such as OP's.

Thank you, PP, for expressing your support and sympathy for parents who are in the teacher's position. It is impossible for me to convey the depth of my pain at the loss of my daughters but you did an excellent job at describing how I would hope that others can act when interacting with someone like me or this poor teacher.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if I would say “inappropriate” but yes I do agree it is over sharing. While yes, this is important and has impacted her greatly, new students and families don’t need to know sad details of her life on an open house meet and greet type event.