Where to move for lower pressure schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m 9:55 and also a psychologist.

With the additional information you provided, you might consider Frederick or upcounty MoCo. My kids are in a Silver Spring elementary (DCC for high school, in-bounds for Einstein) and it can still be more of a pressure cooker than W school parents believe it to be. Not in the same way, but there are TONS of parents here with PhDs who have very high academic expectations for their kids. I wish some of them would take it down a notch.

That said, there are plenty of reasonable parents and some of what you describe comes down to you as a parent. My oldest is in fifth and I’ve already had to be very explicit with her about these kinds of things, e.g., telling her clearly that her zoned middle school does not “suck,” no matter what her peers say. IME, there’s enough diversity, of all kinds, that she doesn’t feel much academic pressure from peers the way she likely would in a W feeder. You’re smart to ask for this feedback now.

I agree. Silver Spring resident here. Literally half the adults on my street have a PhD, with others having law and MD degrees. With “just”’a master’s degree, I am one of the least well-educated adults on my street, degree-wise. That being said, my kids and their friends have attended a wide variety of schools, from community college to Tulane to Stanford. I find people are supportive and make a conscious effort not to brag or make anyone feel less than for their kids’ choices. I hear the kids are like this as well.

You all need to read better. OP has said she is leaving the Silver Spring area because she can't afford it now that she is soon-to-be-divorced. Her budget is about $300-400K for a townhouse.

I would go with WJ area in MoCo with that budget. You may get rezoned to the new Woodward HS, but then that would be a brand spankin new HS with probably some good programs. But you will probably be limited to a 2 br condo with that budget.

And I say this as someone who lives in the RM cluster.

But that budget is a condo in the WJ cluster

Isn't WJ one of the pressure cooker schools?

It's the least W of the Ws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m 9:55 and also a psychologist.

With the additional information you provided, you might consider Frederick or upcounty MoCo. My kids are in a Silver Spring elementary (DCC for high school, in-bounds for Einstein) and it can still be more of a pressure cooker than W school parents believe it to be. Not in the same way, but there are TONS of parents here with PhDs who have very high academic expectations for their kids. I wish some of them would take it down a notch.

That said, there are plenty of reasonable parents and some of what you describe comes down to you as a parent. My oldest is in fifth and I’ve already had to be very explicit with her about these kinds of things, e.g., telling her clearly that her zoned middle school does not “suck,” no matter what her peers say. IME, there’s enough diversity, of all kinds, that she doesn’t feel much academic pressure from peers the way she likely would in a W feeder. You’re smart to ask for this feedback now.

I agree. Silver Spring resident here. Literally half the adults on my street have a PhD, with others having law and MD degrees. With “just”’a master’s degree, I am one of the least well-educated adults on my street, degree-wise. That being said, my kids and their friends have attended a wide variety of schools, from community college to Tulane to Stanford. I find people are supportive and make a conscious effort not to brag or make anyone feel less than for their kids’ choices. I hear the kids are like this as well.

You all need to read better. OP has said she is leaving the Silver Spring area because she can't afford it now that she is soon-to-be-divorced. Her budget is about $300-400K for a townhouse.

I would go with WJ area in MoCo with that budget. You may get rezoned to the new Woodward HS, but then that would be a brand spankin new HS with probably some good programs. But you will probably be limited to a 2 br condo with that budget.

And I say this as someone who lives in the RM cluster.

But that budget is a condo in the WJ cluster

Isn't WJ one of the pressure cooker schools?

It's the least W of the Ws

It still seems like more pressure than what OP has in mind, if even silver spring is too much…..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m 9:55 and also a psychologist.

With the additional information you provided, you might consider Frederick or upcounty MoCo. My kids are in a Silver Spring elementary (DCC for high school, in-bounds for Einstein) and it can still be more of a pressure cooker than W school parents believe it to be. Not in the same way, but there are TONS of parents here with PhDs who have very high academic expectations for their kids. I wish some of them would take it down a notch.

That said, there are plenty of reasonable parents and some of what you describe comes down to you as a parent. My oldest is in fifth and I’ve already had to be very explicit with her about these kinds of things, e.g., telling her clearly that her zoned middle school does not “suck,” no matter what her peers say. IME, there’s enough diversity, of all kinds, that she doesn’t feel much academic pressure from peers the way she likely would in a W feeder. You’re smart to ask for this feedback now.

I agree. Silver Spring resident here. Literally half the adults on my street have a PhD, with others having law and MD degrees. With “just”’a master’s degree, I am one of the least well-educated adults on my street, degree-wise. That being said, my kids and their friends have attended a wide variety of schools, from community college to Tulane to Stanford. I find people are supportive and make a conscious effort not to brag or make anyone feel less than for their kids’ choices. I hear the kids are like this as well.

You all need to read better. OP has said she is leaving the Silver Spring area because she can't afford it now that she is soon-to-be-divorced. Her budget is about $300-400K for a townhouse.

I would go with WJ area in MoCo with that budget. You may get rezoned to the new Woodward HS, but then that would be a brand spankin new HS with probably some good programs. But you will probably be limited to a 2 br condo with that budget.

And I say this as someone who lives in the RM cluster.

But that budget is a condo in the WJ cluster

Isn't WJ one of the pressure cooker schools?

It's the least W of the Ws

It still seems like more pressure than what OP has in mind, if even silver spring is too much…..

It seems to have fewer drug and hate crime issues than the other W's too.

[Anonymous]

OP - I am not sure if you are still checkin this, but look into Greenbelt Elementary in PG county. It is in a great pyramid, and there are affordable homes in the coop. It is a diverse community, closer to Arlington, and GES has strong services for both TAG and Special Education. They have an autism program with a highly trained staff. The principal is new this year - so far so good. The AP is excellent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies thus far - I should add that I do not work in Arlington, that's where my son's father works so I have to stay within a certain distance from him, legally. I am a psychologist in Silver Spring (I do telehealth so I can move anywhere). I'm less concerned about elementary school (though yes, I have heard many stores through my 7 years working with children and parents here) and more concerned about MS and HS, where I've been hearing about the pressure from my clients and even others I meet outside of my profession when they talk about their children's experiences in high school. I have treated SO many kids anxious about not getting into a magnet program because of the messaging they receive from guidance counselors about having to go to a "state school" (oh no!) if you don't get into a magnet program. I have treated so many teens whose peers are doing college visits their freshman year of high school and scoff at those who even consider applying to state schools or small liberal arts colleges. I hear about all the pressure to pad your application with AP's and all the talk with peers comparing grades and obsessed about being in the top percent so they can get into a "good" college. I'm a midwestern farm girl who went to the college that had a horse on the cover and solely because of that and only applied there so I could join the college rodeo. I didn't spend my high school years stressed about hours of homework and getting into competitive colleges. No one I know went outside of the state college system or even talked about college. We just picked an in-state college that fit with our interests. I just remember having fun with my friends in high school, not doing hours of homework every night. And I have a PhD and have been in prestigious positions. My high school is ranked 1/10 on goodschools.org. I had some excellent teachers and obviously am doing just fine. So this whole world here is just not my jam. I'm not saying I want to move to a rural area, because I don't, I just want a more laid back vibe. I agree that Silver Spring is more laid back than some areas in MCPS and the surrounding counties, but after hundreds of people saying the same thing about the academic pressure they experience in high school especially, but beginning in middle school for sure, I am weary about staying here. People say there are less competitive schools in MCPS and I am specifically asking if anyone knows which ones those are. Working with the teens in this area for the past 7 years has me definitely concerned about the general atmosphere in this area as a whole, and the cost of living is very high. But, I absolutely want input on which particular schools or cities might be more laid back. My budget is 300's or low 400's. So I need a combo of something affordable (rent $2k or below or a house to purchase that a mortgage won't cost me over $2k-ish per month). I don't know how single parents make it around here!

Have you thought about something in the Einstein cluster w/Sligo MS or Newport MS? Those don't seem to be over the top. Have friends in both schools who really liked them. Also maybe Sligo Creek ES/SSIMS/Northwood HS. Mine are in TP and went to magnets . The only places that I can think of in SS with crazy homework are Eastern MS magnet, Blair magnet and Blair CAP programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I am not sure if you are still checkin this, but look into Greenbelt Elementary in PG county. It is in a great pyramid, and there are affordable homes in the coop. It is a diverse community, closer to Arlington, and GES has strong services for both TAG and Special Education. They have an autism program with a highly trained staff. The principal is new this year - so far so good. The AP is excellent.

Great, thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Have you thought about something in the Einstein cluster w/Sligo MS or Newport MS? Those don't seem to be over the top. Have friends in both schools who really liked them. Also maybe Sligo Creek ES/SSIMS/Northwood HS. Mine are in TP and went to magnets . The only places that I can think of in SS with crazy homework are Eastern MS magnet, Blair magnet and Blair CAP programs.

Thanks! I unfortunately don’t think I can afford silver spring. Hoping to find a townhome or singe family and haven’t found any in the Einstein area. But I’ll keep my eyes out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Have you thought about something in the Einstein cluster w/Sligo MS or Newport MS? Those don't seem to be over the top. Have friends in both schools who really liked them. Also maybe Sligo Creek ES/SSIMS/Northwood HS. Mine are in TP and went to magnets . The only places that I can think of in SS with crazy homework are Eastern MS magnet, Blair magnet and Blair CAP programs.

Thanks! I unfortunately don’t think I can afford silver spring. Hoping to find a townhome or singe family and haven’t found any in the Einstein area. But I’ll keep my eyes out.

I must’ve deleted part of the code - this was in response to Einstein cluster suggestion.

[Anonymous]

"where I've been hearing about the pressure from my clients and even others I meet outside of my profession when they talk about their children's experiences in high school. I have treated SO many kids anxious about not getting into a magnet program because of the messaging they receive from guidance counselors about having to go to a "state school" (oh no!) if you don't get into a magnet program. I have treated so many teens whose peers are doing college visits their freshman year of high school and scoff at those who even consider applying to state schools or small liberal arts colleges. I hear about all the pressure to pad your application with AP's and all the talk with peers comparing grades and obsessed about being in the top percent so they can get into a "good" college. I'm a midwestern farm girl who went to the college that had a horse on the cover and solely because of that and only applied there so I could join the college rodeo. I didn't spend my high school years stressed about hours of homework and getting into competitive colleges. No one I know went outside of the state college system or even talked about college. We just picked an in-state college that fit with our interests. I just remember having fun with my friends in high school, not doing hours of homework every night. And I have a PhD and have been in prestigious positions."

This is literally just absurd. I don't even know what to say.

First off, I'm guessing if you're a psychologist, you're familiar with the concepts of negative filters and catastrophizing, no? Not everyone at the "W" schools or in RMIB or Blair's magnet is under immense stress and pressure. Most aren't. You're only seeing these schools through a selected filter of students who need to see a therapist. So these allegedly "uber stressed" kids only represent a small fraction of the kids at "W" schools or magnets.

My kid goes to a W school and has been fine. The stress and pressure isn't too onerous, and he has a good group of friends. Most of the kids we see at his school seem to be happy, healthy, well-adjusted, and thriving kids. And these are kids who are at the top of the class (as those are the students my son tends to be friends with). I really think you're catastrophizing what happens at these schools.

I'm also guessing that if you're a psychologist, you're familiar with anxiety and avoidance. Kids NEED to be put into stressful situations and learn how to handle pressure and high stakes at some point, as the most resilient people are okay with failure. To build grit and resilience, your kid NEEDS to be exposed to stressful experiences that are out of their wheelhouse -- otherwise, they won't know how to cope with failure and build the grit needed to bounce back from stressful experiences.

I'm the OP of this post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

and I think it would do you a world of favors to start pushing your kids. They need that exposure to failure, trying again, grit, struggling through hard times, and stress in order to build the skills necessary to succeed as an adult. And high school is a great time to learn how to handle high stakes, stress, and pressure -- being an adult is stressful, and kids need exposure to handling that.

The whole midwestern horse girl schtick is absurd. No, your kids (and my kids, and anyone's kids for that matter) are not entitled to a "stress-free" childhood where you ride horses and spend all your time in nature and don't worry about academics or being a high achiever. That's not the type of childhood that creates well-adjusted, resilient, persistent adults. A childhood with appropriate challenges and healthy doses of pressure is one that prepares kids for the rocky road ahead.

PS: And you couldn't have had that many "prestigious positions" (whatever those are as a therapist) if you can't afford a house worth more than $400k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"where I've been hearing about the pressure from my clients and even others I meet outside of my profession when they talk about their children's experiences in high school. I have treated SO many kids anxious about not getting into a magnet program because of the messaging they receive from guidance counselors about having to go to a "state school" (oh no!) if you don't get into a magnet program. I have treated so many teens whose peers are doing college visits their freshman year of high school and scoff at those who even consider applying to state schools or small liberal arts colleges. I hear about all the pressure to pad your application with AP's and all the talk with peers comparing grades and obsessed about being in the top percent so they can get into a "good" college. I'm a midwestern farm girl who went to the college that had a horse on the cover and solely because of that and only applied there so I could join the college rodeo. I didn't spend my high school years stressed about hours of homework and getting into competitive colleges. No one I know went outside of the state college system or even talked about college. We just picked an in-state college that fit with our interests. I just remember having fun with my friends in high school, not doing hours of homework every night. And I have a PhD and have been in prestigious positions."

This is literally just absurd. I don't even know what to say.

First off, I'm guessing if you're a psychologist, you're familiar with the concepts of negative filters and catastrophizing, no? Not everyone at the "W" schools or in RMIB or Blair's magnet is under immense stress and pressure. Most aren't. You're only seeing these schools through a selected filter of students who need to see a therapist. So these allegedly "uber stressed" kids only represent a small fraction of the kids at "W" schools or magnets.

My kid goes to a W school and has been fine. The stress and pressure isn't too onerous, and he has a good group of friends. Most of the kids we see at his school seem to be happy, healthy, well-adjusted, and thriving kids. And these are kids who are at the top of the class (as those are the students my son tends to be friends with). I really think you're catastrophizing what happens at these schools.

I'm also guessing that if you're a psychologist, you're familiar with anxiety and avoidance. Kids NEED to be put into stressful situations and learn how to handle pressure and high stakes at some point, as the most resilient people are okay with failure. To build grit and resilience, your kid NEEDS to be exposed to stressful experiences that are out of their wheelhouse -- otherwise, they won't know how to cope with failure and build the grit needed to bounce back from stressful experiences.

I'm the OP of this post:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1067220.page

and I think it would do you a world of favors to start pushing your kids. They need that exposure to failure, trying again, grit, struggling through hard times, and stress in order to build the skills necessary to succeed as an adult. And high school is a great time to learn how to handle high stakes, stress, and pressure -- being an adult is stressful, and kids need exposure to handling that.

The whole midwestern horse girl schtick is absurd. No, your kids (and my kids, and anyone's kids for that matter) are not entitled to a "stress-free" childhood where you ride horses and spend all your time in nature and don't worry about academics or being a high achiever. That's not the type of childhood that creates well-adjusted, resilient, persistent adults. A childhood with appropriate challenges and healthy doses of pressure is one that prepares kids for the rocky road ahead.

PS: And you couldn't have had that many "prestigious positions" (whatever those are as a therapist) if you can't afford a house worth more than $400k.

DP - go read some of Suniya Luthar’s publications. What you’re doing is actually increasing your kids’ risk of negative outcomes later in life. This one is a good starting point: https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Famp0000556