Where to move for lower pressure schools?

[Anonymous]

I'm in Frederick. The city schools sound relatively low key from what I hear while not being terrible, but my oldest is only in 2nd. They have middling GS ratings and are more diverse than the more highly rated schools in the county.

HOWEVER, Google Frederick and special ed...the school system was under investigation for overuse of seclusion and restraint for students with disabilities. This would give me huge reservations about the ability of teachers and administrators to help these kids, and id want to ask serious questions of any school for an autistic student. OTOH, they should be under a serious microscope now, which could be a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in Frederick. The city schools sound relatively low key from what I hear while not being terrible, but my oldest is only in 2nd. They have middling GS ratings and are more diverse than the more highly rated schools in the county.

HOWEVER, Google Frederick and special ed...the school system was under investigation for overuse of seclusion and restraint for students with disabilities. This would give me huge reservations about the ability of teachers and administrators to help these kids, and id want to ask serious questions of any school for an autistic student. OTOH, they should be under a serious microscope now, which could be a good thing.

PS a small house in the city is in your budget - rowhouse, townhouse, or small ranch. Also, my spouse and I have PhDs but low earning careers, and we're on a street full of delightful nerds mostly working in nonprofit and health care type jobs, who are fairly chill parents. So that's a nice thing about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay away from w schools. I have heard good things about the richard Montgomery pyramid. Not super competitive in elementary or middle schools. Definitely stay away from Whitman. Whitman kids and parents scoff at UMD, and it starts early. Even elementary school kids in the Whitman cluster brag about going to Ivy leagues. Lots of anxious and depressed kids at Whitman. Not sure if its an outlier, but I have friends at RM snd they are proud to have their kids attend UMD.

Yes! Stay away from W schools. Too crowded, entitled, what have you.

(Of course, my kids love it there.)

Cool, sounds like your kids have different needs and you have different preferences than OP's

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’d do better getting recs from a SN forum. MCPS has many less intense areas but I’m not a fan of how most people seem a bit manic here. DMV is obsessed with supposed status and name brand schools. I do miss the west coast where people are more balanced.

PG and HoCo seem more laid back in a good way. If not for the need to be closer to dc, I’d switch to HoCo or most preferably out of the DMV area

You obviously didn't spend much time in the Bay Area...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’d do better getting recs from a SN forum. MCPS has many less intense areas but I’m not a fan of how most people seem a bit manic here. DMV is obsessed with supposed status and name brand schools. I do miss the west coast where people are more balanced.

PG and HoCo seem more laid back in a good way. If not for the need to be closer to dc, I’d switch to HoCo or most preferably out of the DMV area

You obviously didn't spend much time in the Bay Area...

That was my first thought! The Berkeley Moms form is even more insane than DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m 9:55 and also a psychologist.

With the additional information you provided, you might consider Frederick or upcounty MoCo. My kids are in a Silver Spring elementary (DCC for high school, in-bounds for Einstein) and it can still be more of a pressure cooker than W school parents believe it to be. Not in the same way, but there are TONS of parents here with PhDs who have very high academic expectations for their kids. I wish some of them would take it down a notch.

That said, there are plenty of reasonable parents and some of what you describe comes down to you as a parent. My oldest is in fifth and I’ve already had to be very explicit with her about these kinds of things, e.g., telling her clearly that her zoned middle school does not “suck,” no matter what her peers say. IME, there’s enough diversity, of all kinds, that she doesn’t feel much academic pressure from peers the way she likely would in a W feeder. You’re smart to ask for this feedback now.

I agree. Silver Spring resident here. Literally half the adults on my street have a PhD, with others having law and MD degrees. With “just”’a master’s degree, I am one of the least well-educated adults on my street, degree-wise. That being said, my kids and their friends have attended a wide variety of schools, from community college to Tulane to Stanford. I find people are supportive and make a conscious effort not to brag or make anyone feel less than for their kids’ choices. I hear the kids are like this as well.

You all need to read better. OP has said she is leaving the Silver Spring area because she can't afford it now that she is soon-to-be-divorced. Her budget is about $300-400K for a townhouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m 9:55 and also a psychologist.

With the additional information you provided, you might consider Frederick or upcounty MoCo. My kids are in a Silver Spring elementary (DCC for high school, in-bounds for Einstein) and it can still be more of a pressure cooker than W school parents believe it to be. Not in the same way, but there are TONS of parents here with PhDs who have very high academic expectations for their kids. I wish some of them would take it down a notch.

That said, there are plenty of reasonable parents and some of what you describe comes down to you as a parent. My oldest is in fifth and I’ve already had to be very explicit with her about these kinds of things, e.g., telling her clearly that her zoned middle school does not “suck,” no matter what her peers say. IME, there’s enough diversity, of all kinds, that she doesn’t feel much academic pressure from peers the way she likely would in a W feeder. You’re smart to ask for this feedback now.

I agree. Silver Spring resident here. Literally half the adults on my street have a PhD, with others having law and MD degrees. With “just”’a master’s degree, I am one of the least well-educated adults on my street, degree-wise. That being said, my kids and their friends have attended a wide variety of schools, from community college to Tulane to Stanford. I find people are supportive and make a conscious effort not to brag or make anyone feel less than for their kids’ choices. I hear the kids are like this as well.

You all need to read better. OP has said she is leaving the Silver Spring area because she can't afford it now that she is soon-to-be-divorced. Her budget is about $300-400K for a townhouse.

I would go with WJ area in MoCo with that budget. You may get rezoned to the new Woodward HS, but then that would be a brand spankin new HS with probably some good programs. But you will probably be limited to a 2 br condo with that budget.

And I say this as someone who lives in the RM cluster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're open to staying in Silver Spring, Flora Singer Elementary has a learning center that serves kids with special needs. I have friends and neighbors who have had kids with autism spectrum diagnoses go there and have reported very good experiences. And it's a nice, friendly, down-to-earth diverse neighborhood school.

Thank you, that's right by my current house. Great to know, though I don't think I can afford anything in this area on my own.

DP with kids at Oakland Terrace, which is very similar to Singer in many ways - OP, I honestly think that much of MoCo will be more of a pressure cooker than you want. For example, Singer and OTES are friendly, diverse, etc., WAY more chill than W-feeders, and still have more academic intensity than many other places. My DD, now in fifth, has told me multiple times that she was the only kid in her class in first and second grades who didn't do the assigned homework. (She may be exaggerating, but not by much, knowing her.) Now, her teachers never asked after it, to her or to us as parents, but it was there and the expectation was that it would be done. Many parents in-bounds for DCC high schools are highly educated if not wealthy, and still have high academic standards of the kind you describe wanting to avoid.

If you haven't already, you might try posting in the "Maryland Schools not MCPS," or whatever forum it's called, to see what the experiences are like in Frederick County, for example. Otherwise, yes, high schools like Sherwood, Magruder, Seneca Valley, are overall going to be less academically intense than even downcounty ones.

How do you know this, PP? I live in upcounty, and I can tell you that there is intense competition here. Do you know how many Asian families are up here? LOL but no kidding. Kid goes to Seneca Valley.

NP. Yep...there are tons of Asians up here. Asians prefer newly built homes such as the ones in Cabin Branch, and CB was recently rezoned to SVHS.

I have no idea if this is true or not, but we have boring old housing stock for the most part in the Magruder and Rockville zones (lots built in the 1960s and 1970s) and it’s been a generally chill experience. DC is now starting senior year and teammates’ parents are a bunch of UMD grads who are obsessed with their kids getting into … UMD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

I am currently living in Silver Spring and about to be a single mom so I am looking to move next summer before my son starts kindergarten. I’m looking for something more affordable (likely I’ll need a townhome), within an hour or so from Arlington without traffic, with schools that don’t have so much academic pressure and crazy homework loads even for young kids. Would appreciate any and all respectful input and places to consider. I will be posting the same thing in the Fairfax county thread and seriously considering Frederick as well. Really any neighboring counties. My head is just spinning with options are and I’m not really interested in school rankings because I think they mostly reflect SES rather than teaching quality, supportive administration, etc. My son will likely get an autism spectrum diagnosis but it’s very mild. That said, it’s possible he will need some services so that is something else I want to consider. He’s also incredibly bright so having options for some gifted programming would be nice, if he ends up needing more of a challenge. But I want to school to be something that is not crazy stressful because the rest of his life might be, plus I just want him to enjoy being a kid! Obviously I want him to have a solid education in a safe school.

Thank you!
-Stressed out mama

I responded in the other Maryland schools thread and in MoCo, I absolutely encourage you to check out Strawberry Knoll ES in Gaithersburg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think there's a bit of selection bias at work here, and I don't blame you. You are seeing a small cross-section of kids -- those stressed out enough to seek psychological support.

As a counterpoint, I come into contact with TPMS and Blair kids all the time and they are uniformly happy, well-adjusted, and confident young people. But that's also selection bias.

The point is that you will find stressed out and anxious kids everywhere, particularly in the DMV. Just make sure your own kid doesn't stress themselves out and has healthy outlets, which I'm sure you will do!

Yes, you're right and I'm definitely aware of the bias; however, there are situations that aren't based on bias. For example, one high school teacher at a public high school told their AP class that if the students did not get a specific grade on that specific AP exam that they would not write them a letter of recommendation for college. These are the kinds of stories I hear, not just individuals who are stressed about getting into college. Also, lots of students visiting campuses from freshman year on is not normal. Families taking trips just to visit colleges starting at 14. These are the kinds of things you just don't hear other places, and I've treated kids in numerous states at this point in my career. There will be happy and unhappy kids everywhere, absolutely. But there is a culture here that is very different than other places in terms of the focus on elite colleges. There's also a difference between offering AP classes and saying well it's the kids' choice to take or not take, but then teachers are continuing to push the kids to take them because of how good it will look. So then you as a parent have to decide whether you are going to tell your kid, who really wants to be like all their friends and please their teacher and believes they must take 4 AP's or they won't get into an elite school, which is super important apparently. That's different than just having the option to take or not take. I've also spoken with my massage therapist about his daughter's experience and many others, not just clients. It's just a different world out here so I'm trying to shield my son as much as possible while living in this general area. I have to make a choice about where to move next year when we sell the house and want to be informed about my options.

I have lived in Silver Spring for years and have never heard of families visiting college freshman year. Most families are not super-focused on elite colleges and many can't afford them anyways. You are definitely getting a skewed sample.

[Anonymous]

If your child is going to go back and forth between parents’ homes and you’re open on where to live, why not just live in Arlington if that’s where the other parent is? They have good schools too. I think kids are going to have different experiences at a school as far as feeling stress/pressure based more on how their parents are about those things and the temperament of the kid, rather than based on the school itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child is going to go back and forth between parents’ homes and you’re open on where to live, why not just live in Arlington if that’s where the other parent is? They have good schools too. I think kids are going to have different experiences at a school as far as feeling stress/pressure based more on how their parents are about those things and the temperament of the kid, rather than based on the school itself.

OP said she works in the Silver Spring area. She probably prefers to live near her work as she will be traveling to work daily, but the child is only commuting to his father's house once or twice a month.

The other issue is that Arlington is expensive and is unlikely to be within her purchasing or rental budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

I am currently living in Silver Spring and about to be a single mom so I am looking to move next summer before my son starts kindergarten. I’m looking for something more affordable (likely I’ll need a townhome), within an hour or so from Arlington without traffic, with schools that don’t have so much academic pressure and crazy homework loads even for young kids. Would appreciate any and all respectful input and places to consider. I will be posting the same thing in the Fairfax county thread and seriously considering Frederick as well. Really any neighboring counties. My head is just spinning with options are and I’m not really interested in school rankings because I think they mostly reflect SES rather than teaching quality, supportive administration, etc. My son will likely get an autism spectrum diagnosis but it’s very mild. That said, it’s possible he will need some services so that is something else I want to consider. He’s also incredibly bright so having options for some gifted programming would be nice, if he ends up needing more of a challenge. But I want to school to be something that is not crazy stressful because the rest of his life might be, plus I just want him to enjoy being a kid! Obviously I want him to have a solid education in a safe school.

Thank you!
-Stressed out mama

I responded in the other Maryland schools thread and in MoCo, I absolutely encourage you to check out Strawberry Knoll ES in Gaithersburg.

Thank so much, I will!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think there's a bit of selection bias at work here, and I don't blame you. You are seeing a small cross-section of kids -- those stressed out enough to seek psychological support.

As a counterpoint, I come into contact with TPMS and Blair kids all the time and they are uniformly happy, well-adjusted, and confident young people. But that's also selection bias.

The point is that you will find stressed out and anxious kids everywhere, particularly in the DMV. Just make sure your own kid doesn't stress themselves out and has healthy outlets, which I'm sure you will do!

Yes, you're right and I'm definitely aware of the bias; however, there are situations that aren't based on bias. For example, one high school teacher at a public high school told their AP class that if the students did not get a specific grade on that specific AP exam that they would not write them a letter of recommendation for college. These are the kinds of stories I hear, not just individuals who are stressed about getting into college. Also, lots of students visiting campuses from freshman year on is not normal. Families taking trips just to visit colleges starting at 14. These are the kinds of things you just don't hear other places, and I've treated kids in numerous states at this point in my career. There will be happy and unhappy kids everywhere, absolutely. But there is a culture here that is very different than other places in terms of the focus on elite colleges. There's also a difference between offering AP classes and saying well it's the kids' choice to take or not take, but then teachers are continuing to push the kids to take them because of how good it will look. So then you as a parent have to decide whether you are going to tell your kid, who really wants to be like all their friends and please their teacher and believes they must take 4 AP's or they won't get into an elite school, which is super important apparently. That's different than just having the option to take or not take. I've also spoken with my massage therapist about his daughter's experience and many others, not just clients. It's just a different world out here so I'm trying to shield my son as much as possible while living in this general area. I have to make a choice about where to move next year when we sell the house and want to be informed about my options.

I have lived in Silver Spring for years and have never heard of families visiting college freshman year. Most families are not super-focused on elite colleges and many can't afford them anyways. You are definitely getting a skewed sample.

OP must be in my cluster (Einstein). Parents do pay a lot of $$$ for private counselors/advisors to help strategize and they pay for prep classes. Kids in our circle are doing AP or IB.

I wouldn't say it's a pressure cooker. But there are cohorts are focused on getting into a good school and it starts early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think there's a bit of selection bias at work here, and I don't blame you. You are seeing a small cross-section of kids -- those stressed out enough to seek psychological support.

As a counterpoint, I come into contact with TPMS and Blair kids all the time and they are uniformly happy, well-adjusted, and confident young people. But that's also selection bias.

The point is that you will find stressed out and anxious kids everywhere, particularly in the DMV. Just make sure your own kid doesn't stress themselves out and has healthy outlets, which I'm sure you will do!

Yes, you're right and I'm definitely aware of the bias; however, there are situations that aren't based on bias. For example, one high school teacher at a public high school told their AP class that if the students did not get a specific grade on that specific AP exam that they would not write them a letter of recommendation for college. These are the kinds of stories I hear, not just individuals who are stressed about getting into college. Also, lots of students visiting campuses from freshman year on is not normal. Families taking trips just to visit colleges starting at 14. These are the kinds of things you just don't hear other places, and I've treated kids in numerous states at this point in my career. There will be happy and unhappy kids everywhere, absolutely. But there is a culture here that is very different than other places in terms of the focus on elite colleges. There's also a difference between offering AP classes and saying well it's the kids' choice to take or not take, but then teachers are continuing to push the kids to take them because of how good it will look. So then you as a parent have to decide whether you are going to tell your kid, who really wants to be like all their friends and please their teacher and believes they must take 4 AP's or they won't get into an elite school, which is super important apparently. That's different than just having the option to take or not take. I've also spoken with my massage therapist about his daughter's experience and many others, not just clients. It's just a different world out here so I'm trying to shield my son as much as possible while living in this general area. I have to make a choice about where to move next year when we sell the house and want to be informed about my options.

I have lived in Silver Spring for years and have never heard of families visiting college freshman year. Most families are not super-focused on elite colleges and many can't afford them anyways. You are definitely getting a skewed sample.

That's odd. I also live near Silver Spring and many of my children's friends did exactly this sort of thing and are already planning for elite colleges.