Where to move for lower pressure schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're open to staying in Silver Spring, Flora Singer Elementary has a learning center that serves kids with special needs. I have friends and neighbors who have had kids with autism spectrum diagnoses go there and have reported very good experiences. And it's a nice, friendly, down-to-earth diverse neighborhood school.

Thank you, that's right by my current house. Great to know, though I don't think I can afford anything in this area on my own.

DP with kids at Oakland Terrace, which is very similar to Singer in many ways - OP, I honestly think that much of MoCo will be more of a pressure cooker than you want. For example, Singer and OTES are friendly, diverse, etc., WAY more chill than W-feeders, and still have more academic intensity than many other places. My DD, now in fifth, has told me multiple times that she was the only kid in her class in first and second grades who didn't do the assigned homework. (She may be exaggerating, but not by much, knowing her.) Now, her teachers never asked after it, to her or to us as parents, but it was there and the expectation was that it would be done. Many parents in-bounds for DCC high schools are highly educated if not wealthy, and still have high academic standards of the kind you describe wanting to avoid.

If you haven't already, you might try posting in the "Maryland Schools not MCPS," or whatever forum it's called, to see what the experiences are like in Frederick County, for example. Otherwise, yes, high schools like Sherwood, Magruder, Seneca Valley, are overall going to be less academically intense than even downcounty ones.

[Anonymous]

I think you’d do better getting recs from a SN forum. MCPS has many less intense areas but I’m not a fan of how most people seem a bit manic here. DMV is obsessed with supposed status and name brand schools. I do miss the west coast where people are more balanced.

PG and HoCo seem more laid back in a good way. If not for the need to be closer to dc, I’d switch to HoCo or most preferably out of the DMV area

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi all,

I am currently living in Silver Spring and about to be a single mom so I am looking to move next summer before my son starts kindergarten. I’m looking for something more affordable (likely I’ll need a townhome), within an hour or so from Arlington without traffic, with schools that don’t have so much academic pressure and crazy homework loads even for young kids. Would appreciate any and all respectful input and places to consider. I will be posting the same thing in the Fairfax county thread and seriously considering Frederick as well. Really any neighboring counties. My head is just spinning with options are and I’m not really interested in school rankings because I think they mostly reflect SES rather than teaching quality, supportive administration, etc. My son will likely get an autism spectrum diagnosis but it’s very mild. That said, it’s possible he will need some services so that is something else I want to consider. He’s also incredibly bright so having options for some gifted programming would be nice, if he ends up needing more of a challenge. But I want to school to be something that is not crazy stressful because the rest of his life might be, plus I just want him to enjoy being a kid! Obviously I want him to have a solid education in a safe school.

Thank you!
-Stressed out mama

Gaithersburg MD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're open to staying in Silver Spring, Flora Singer Elementary has a learning center that serves kids with special needs. I have friends and neighbors who have had kids with autism spectrum diagnoses go there and have reported very good experiences. And it's a nice, friendly, down-to-earth diverse neighborhood school.

Thank you, that's right by my current house. Great to know, though I don't think I can afford anything in this area on my own.

DP with kids at Oakland Terrace, which is very similar to Singer in many ways - OP, I honestly think that much of MoCo will be more of a pressure cooker than you want. For example, Singer and OTES are friendly, diverse, etc., WAY more chill than W-feeders, and still have more academic intensity than many other places. My DD, now in fifth, has told me multiple times that she was the only kid in her class in first and second grades who didn't do the assigned homework. (She may be exaggerating, but not by much, knowing her.) Now, her teachers never asked after it, to her or to us as parents, but it was there and the expectation was that it would be done. Many parents in-bounds for DCC high schools are highly educated if not wealthy, and still have high academic standards of the kind you describe wanting to avoid.

If you haven't already, you might try posting in the "Maryland Schools not MCPS," or whatever forum it's called, to see what the experiences are like in Frederick County, for example. Otherwise, yes, high schools like Sherwood, Magruder, Seneca Valley, are overall going to be less academically intense than even downcounty ones.

How do you know this, PP? I live in upcounty, and I can tell you that there is intense competition here. Do you know how many Asian families are up here? LOL but no kidding. Kid goes to Seneca Valley.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think there's a bit of selection bias at work here, and I don't blame you. You are seeing a small cross-section of kids -- those stressed out enough to seek psychological support.

As a counterpoint, I come into contact with TPMS and Blair kids all the time and they are uniformly happy, well-adjusted, and confident young people. But that's also selection bias.

The point is that you will find stressed out and anxious kids everywhere, particularly in the DMV. Just make sure your own kid doesn't stress themselves out and has healthy outlets, which I'm sure you will do!

Yes, you're right and I'm definitely aware of the bias; however, there are situations that aren't based on bias. For example, one high school teacher at a public high school told their AP class that if the students did not get a specific grade on that specific AP exam that they would not write them a letter of recommendation for college. These are the kinds of stories I hear, not just individuals who are stressed about getting into college. Also, lots of students visiting campuses from freshman year on is not normal. Families taking trips just to visit colleges starting at 14. These are the kinds of things you just don't hear other places, and I've treated kids in numerous states at this point in my career. There will be happy and unhappy kids everywhere, absolutely. But there is a culture here that is very different than other places in terms of the focus on elite colleges. There's also a difference between offering AP classes and saying well it's the kids' choice to take or not take, but then teachers are continuing to push the kids to take them because of how good it will look. So then you as a parent have to decide whether you are going to tell your kid, who really wants to be like all their friends and please their teacher and believes they must take 4 AP's or they won't get into an elite school, which is super important apparently. That's different than just having the option to take or not take. I've also spoken with my massage therapist about his daughter's experience and many others, not just clients. It's just a different world out here so I'm trying to shield my son as much as possible while living in this general area. I have to make a choice about where to move next year when we sell the house and want to be informed about my options.

As a psychologist I assume you’re familiar with the concepts of anxious catastrophizing and negative filters? There are many happy kids in every school zone. Any school pyramid you choose that meets basic criteria of safety and quality is going to be fine. Pick a school that meets your overall needs for where you can afford to live and where your coparent lives. Since he is in Arlington makes sense to check out the neighborhoods and schools there, where they seem to have affordable townhouses.

[Anonymous]

Stay away from w schools. I have heard good things about the richard Montgomery pyramid. Not super competitive in elementary or middle schools. Definitely stay away from Whitman. Whitman kids and parents scoff at UMD, and it starts early. Even elementary school kids in the Whitman cluster brag about going to Ivy leagues. Lots of anxious and depressed kids at Whitman. Not sure if its an outlier, but I have friends at RM snd they are proud to have their kids attend UMD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay away from w schools. I have heard good things about the richard Montgomery pyramid. Not super competitive in elementary or middle schools. Definitely stay away from Whitman. Whitman kids and parents scoff at UMD, and it starts early. Even elementary school kids in the Whitman cluster brag about going to Ivy leagues. Lots of anxious and depressed kids at Whitman. Not sure if its an outlier, but I have friends at RM snd they are proud to have their kids attend UMD.

Yes! Stay away from W schools. Too crowded, entitled, what have you.

(Of course, my kids love it there.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies thus far - I should add that I do not work in Arlington, that's where my son's father works so I have to stay within a certain distance from him, legally. I am a psychologist in Silver Spring (I do telehealth so I can move anywhere). I'm less concerned about elementary school (though yes, I have heard many stores through my 7 years working with children and parents here) and more concerned about MS and HS, where I've been hearing about the pressure from my clients and even others I meet outside of my profession when they talk about their children's experiences in high school. I have treated SO many kids anxious about not getting into a magnet program because of the messaging they receive from guidance counselors about having to go to a "state school" (oh no!) if you don't get into a magnet program. I have treated so many teens whose peers are doing college visits their freshman year of high school and scoff at those who even consider applying to state schools or small liberal arts colleges. I hear about all the pressure to pad your application with AP's and all the talk with peers comparing grades and obsessed about being in the top percent so they can get into a "good" college. I'm a midwestern farm girl who went to the college that had a horse on the cover and solely because of that and only applied there so I could join the college rodeo. I didn't spend my high school years stressed about hours of homework and getting into competitive colleges. No one I know went outside of the state college system or even talked about college. We just picked an in-state college that fit with our interests. I just remember having fun with my friends in high school, not doing hours of homework every night. And I have a PhD and have been in prestigious positions. My high school is ranked 1/10 on goodschools.org. I had some excellent teachers and obviously am doing just fine. So this whole world here is just not my jam. I'm not saying I want to move to a rural area, because I don't, I just want a more laid back vibe. I agree that Silver Spring is more laid back than some areas in MCPS and the surrounding counties, but after hundreds of people saying the same thing about the academic pressure they experience in high school especially, but beginning in middle school for sure, I am weary about staying here. People say there are less competitive schools in MCPS and I am specifically asking if anyone knows which ones those are. Working with the teens in this area for the past 7 years has me definitely concerned about the general atmosphere in this area as a whole, and the cost of living is very high. But, I absolutely want input on which particular schools or cities might be more laid back. My budget is 300's or low 400's. So I need a combo of something affordable (rent $2k or below or a house to purchase that a mortgage won't cost me over $2k-ish per month). I don't know how single parents make it around here!

Based on your update, I would recommend looking in the Burtonsville area. There are homes in the area that will fit your budget more and you will still have easy access to work. You will have the benefits of the MCPS special needs programs which are quite good, in the event that your child does need IEP/504/special needs support. It is also only slightly further than your current home for your child's father. Burtonsville is a lot more laid back than most of MCPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you ok with moving out of MD? What is your budget?

I would suggest a smaller home near Lake Barcroft, usually 600K-750K. It’s a very safe, family-friendly area and kids actually play OUTSIDE.
Otherwise, a condo or townhome in Burke would fit the bill. Safe and family-friendly, too.

Having a child with ASD, you might want to cross-post in the SN forum.

I’m sorry that I don’t know much about MD. I have one divorced mom friend who bought a nice, smaller townhome close to Glen Echo Park with really good schools but that was a few years back. It was okay for her getting into VA for her job in Rosslyn. Don’t know much about home prices or the state of traffic these days. I wish you the best of luck in your search!

You presume that 600k-750k is within reach to a soon to be single parent...

[Anonymous]

Have you checked out the Montgomery Knolls/Pine Crest area of Silver Spring? Great schools and more affordable housing than much of the area. Kids have very little pressure, little or optional homework and are thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're open to staying in Silver Spring, Flora Singer Elementary has a learning center that serves kids with special needs. I have friends and neighbors who have had kids with autism spectrum diagnoses go there and have reported very good experiences. And it's a nice, friendly, down-to-earth diverse neighborhood school.

Thank you, that's right by my current house. Great to know, though I don't think I can afford anything in this area on my own.

DP with kids at Oakland Terrace, which is very similar to Singer in many ways - OP, I honestly think that much of MoCo will be more of a pressure cooker than you want. For example, Singer and OTES are friendly, diverse, etc., WAY more chill than W-feeders, and still have more academic intensity than many other places. My DD, now in fifth, has told me multiple times that she was the only kid in her class in first and second grades who didn't do the assigned homework. (She may be exaggerating, but not by much, knowing her.) Now, her teachers never asked after it, to her or to us as parents, but it was there and the expectation was that it would be done. Many parents in-bounds for DCC high schools are highly educated if not wealthy, and still have high academic standards of the kind you describe wanting to avoid.

If you haven't already, you might try posting in the "Maryland Schools not MCPS," or whatever forum it's called, to see what the experiences are like in Frederick County, for example. Otherwise, yes, high schools like Sherwood, Magruder, Seneca Valley, are overall going to be less academically intense than even downcounty ones.

How do you know this, PP? I live in upcounty, and I can tell you that there is intense competition here. Do you know how many Asian families are up here? LOL but no kidding. Kid goes to Seneca Valley.

NP. Yep...there are tons of Asians up here. Asians prefer newly built homes such as the ones in Cabin Branch, and CB was recently rezoned to SVHS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you ok with moving out of MD? What is your budget?

I would suggest a smaller home near Lake Barcroft, usually 600K-750K. It’s a very safe, family-friendly area and kids actually play OUTSIDE.
Otherwise, a condo or townhome in Burke would fit the bill. Safe and family-friendly, too.

Having a child with ASD, you might want to cross-post in the SN forum.

I’m sorry that I don’t know much about MD. I have one divorced mom friend who bought a nice, smaller townhome close to Glen Echo Park with really good schools but that was a few years back. It was okay for her getting into VA for her job in Rosslyn. Don’t know much about home prices or the state of traffic these days. I wish you the best of luck in your search!

You presume that 600k-750k is within reach to a soon to be single parent...

Especially when she's said her budget it $300K-400K. So that budget it around double what OP has to spend.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are a psychologist, what is the SES of your patient group? If patients are talking competitive AP loads etc… unfortunately, most middle and lower middle class people around here are not able to access the mental health services they need, so your sample size of the children of parents who can afford the time and expense of pysch visits, which are often not covered by insurance or high co-pays/self pay get reimbursed etc…..

You would likely have the exact same feelings about Arlington Co or FFX Co schools if you were living there right now. So, I think you should pick a neighborhood where you are comfortable, and have the best access to things that you value.

As a single parent, I might choose Virginia, for the college options. I’m a MoCo resident and MD native, but I’ve considered a move across the river for that reason alone. But, I prefer everything else about the MD side of this region.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're open to staying in Silver Spring, Flora Singer Elementary has a learning center that serves kids with special needs. I have friends and neighbors who have had kids with autism spectrum diagnoses go there and have reported very good experiences. And it's a nice, friendly, down-to-earth diverse neighborhood school.

Thank you, that's right by my current house. Great to know, though I don't think I can afford anything in this area on my own.

DP with kids at Oakland Terrace, which is very similar to Singer in many ways - OP, I honestly think that much of MoCo will be more of a pressure cooker than you want. For example, Singer and OTES are friendly, diverse, etc., WAY more chill than W-feeders, and still have more academic intensity than many other places. My DD, now in fifth, has told me multiple times that she was the only kid in her class in first and second grades who didn't do the assigned homework. (She may be exaggerating, but not by much, knowing her.) Now, her teachers never asked after it, to her or to us as parents, but it was there and the expectation was that it would be done. Many parents in-bounds for DCC high schools are highly educated if not wealthy, and still have high academic standards of the kind you describe wanting to avoid.

If you haven't already, you might try posting in the "Maryland Schools not MCPS," or whatever forum it's called, to see what the experiences are like in Frederick County, for example. Otherwise, yes, high schools like Sherwood, Magruder, Seneca Valley, are overall going to be less academically intense than even downcounty ones.

How do you know this, PP? I live in upcounty, and I can tell you that there is intense competition here. Do you know how many Asian families are up here? LOL but no kidding. Kid goes to Seneca Valley.

NP. Yep...there are tons of Asians up here. Asians prefer newly built homes such as the ones in Cabin Branch, and CB was recently rezoned to SVHS.

Where there are Asian-Americans, there is intense academic competition. These parents will make sure that their kids excel even if the school is not that great or the teachers are not so experienced. Mainly because the parents themselves are very educated, even if they are not making too much money because of their visas or other reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m 9:55 and also a psychologist.

With the additional information you provided, you might consider Frederick or upcounty MoCo. My kids are in a Silver Spring elementary (DCC for high school, in-bounds for Einstein) and it can still be more of a pressure cooker than W school parents believe it to be. Not in the same way, but there are TONS of parents here with PhDs who have very high academic expectations for their kids. I wish some of them would take it down a notch.

That said, there are plenty of reasonable parents and some of what you describe comes down to you as a parent. My oldest is in fifth and I’ve already had to be very explicit with her about these kinds of things, e.g., telling her clearly that her zoned middle school does not “suck,” no matter what her peers say. IME, there’s enough diversity, of all kinds, that she doesn’t feel much academic pressure from peers the way she likely would in a W feeder. You’re smart to ask for this feedback now.

I agree. Silver Spring resident here. Literally half the adults on my street have a PhD, with others having law and MD degrees. With “just”’a master’s degree, I am one of the least well-educated adults on my street, degree-wise. That being said, my kids and their friends have attended a wide variety of schools, from community college to Tulane to Stanford. I find people are supportive and make a conscious effort not to brag or make anyone feel less than for their kids’ choices. I hear the kids are like this as well.