Unhappy With Summer Pre-College Program
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Anonymous
My child is also going to a pre-college program that I chose after doing way less than my normal research. It was particularly hard this summer because most pre-college programs haven't been in person since 2019. Don't beat yourself up, OP. You couldn't have known. |
Anonymous
| Omg did you ever stop to think that it’s just your daughter? She hosted a game night and two kids showed up with one leaving fairly quickly. Camp hosted something and only two kids showed up. The kids are there, but they just don’t want to be bothered and that is fine! You say yourself that your child is weird and different. Well, what do you expect then? If you see it, others will too and would shy away from her. You need to back off. I can not imagine being this involved that you are calling and emailing that your child has no friends. It sounds like this is all you talk about when you call her. Focus on something else. |
Anonymous
Wow. Is your kid as mean as you are? My child would 100% prefer to hang out with OP's "weird" daughter than someone as hostile as you. |
Anonymous
| Op, I have been reading this thread on and off today during downtime at work. Your daughter is lucky to have a thoughtful and supportive mom like you. As someone who flirts with the spectrum, I get what your daughter is dealing with, but if she is saying she wants to stay that is a good sign. She is likely getting a lot out of the academics and research experience. That is genuinely fun for some kids. Lab-based research experience wouldn’t have been my idea of summer fun, but stuff like language immersion was my jam. You have given her sound advice and I admire her for following it. It is hard to put yourself out there! |
Anonymous
Wow op please don’t listen to this person. This is how we get mean kids. Ugh. This post makes me truly sad. What I came here to say is I would be so disappointed too and I am GENUINELY impressed that your daughter is confidently sticking it out, tried the game night (that is huge! Many teens would never be willing to suggest that) and is just trying so hard. I think she will learn a lot from this experience even though it’s not what you hoped she would. She’s learning how to persevere and she’s also showing you that you’ve helped her gain a lot of confidence despite being awkward sometimes because she isn’t calling you begging you to pick her up. I’m sorry it isn’t what you hoped and it really does sound truly bizarre that they wouldn’t have some programming?! I mean WEIRD. I did a fellowship where we stayed in dorms the year after college - I was quite literally 21 years old (and met my husband there!) and they still had a ton of social programming!! Any program where kids are all staying in one space you would expect some programming, let alone young high schoolers. |
Anonymous
Thank you. OP. As for the person who asked if I’d considered that my kid was just weird…of course I had! Lol! I said that we’d been working to build up her confidence. But I can honestly say that she’s not weird in a “takes up all the oxygen in the room” kind of way. She’s just really quiet and shy until you get to know her, and then is very funny. She’s never had a problem keeping friends…just needs help getting there. She lost her friend group during a school switch in COVID, and it hasn’t recovered. I said point blank that if there were opportunities and my kid didn’t take advantage of them or just didn’t connect, I would never blame the program. I said that one part of this was figuring out what kinds of colleges she might want to apply to, and this has certainly clarified that. I don’t know if I’d say my kid has a disability or not…I guess very high functioning ASD is a disability of sorts but it’s not one the world accommodates very well. And she shouldn’t expect it to because it won’t. My kid masks it very well, but it probably is getting harder as relationships become more complicated. All of the social opportunities in the world won’t make that 100% easier, although they definitely help. So, that’s really clarified the importance of a college with a strong built in social safety net and one that tends to attract quirky kids. Thank you for the well wishes! |
Anonymous
It sounds to me like you and your DD are both doing really well navigating a challenging - though entirely age-appropriate- situation! Cheers to both of you. I’d see this as a dry run for freshman year in college, and I agree that it’s a fantastic sign that she’s making an effort and is willing to keep trying. Sounds like your girl is resilient - that’s huge!! My best advice is to just relax and take it day by day. Try not to coach her too much. She needs to find her own social style and being away from home for a month is a great time to try that. (If she ends up spending more time than you’d like by herself, it’s ok. She’s not unhappy and it’s just a month.) The only coaching I’d offer is to look for ONE person at a time to talk with or try to engage at meals or group events. It can be hard for the quieter, slightly quirky kids to walk up to or join a group. It’s overwhelming for some (too much stimulation) and intimidating to most. So look for the person standing by themselves or walking in solo and approach them. Much easier way to build little social wins! Finally, please do report back. I’m rooting for your DD!! 🙂 |
Anonymous
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Everyone saying the parent shouldn’t have signed up their kid for something academic doesn’t know what they are talking about. Yes, if it’s all parent driven that’s no good but I did an academic type program every year as a tween/teen and it was all me finding out about and asking to be signed up and I loved all the programs I attended. I found “my people” and had a great time each time.
As for the program OP’s kid is doing, that really doesn’t sound great. Is this one of the more prestigious programs OP? Some of those actually do sound like they help with college admissions but they also sound more hard core in terms of research and academics and less focused on the social. I also read about some (I researched these a lot for my kid) that were more academic focused sounding and less fun, like I recall reading about some at CMU that sounded like that, and possibly even the UMD one. My kid just attended a one week program where they did have an activity every night and kept the kids pretty busy. In general, I think one thing I looked for was a sample schedule for that gave an idea of how days would be spent. |
Anonymous
Debate camp was my jam as a teen. Dorktastic fun off the charts. Although, interestingly, in terms of what OP is saying, the debate camps were a lot less structured than other programs. I don’t recall much in the way of organized social or bonding activities but we did have roommates and were working together a lot for the debate classes so got to know people easily. |
Anonymous
| Don’t beat yourself up too much OP. My kid really struggled socially in high school and we had plenty of “misses” with activities and summer programs, but all of these things were learning experiences and he has really come into his own in college and is doing great that he just looks on these as blips in his past. Try not to catastrophize this. You took a swing and a miss; don’t give it the weight of thinking that this portends anything bad for her future. It’s the program and circumstances, not her. Tell your daughter you a proud of her for making the best of a disappointing situation and don’t dwell on it too much when she comes home. |
Anonymous
Well, I'm glad that you can afford the privilege to keep your kid in the upper class. Except it's not working. |
Anonymous
| I hear from university staff that these "pre-college" summer programs are basically a way to get funding during the summer while the college kids are somewhat on hiatus. They are big cash cows. Just because it is a brand name does not mean that it is fantastic. I would do a fun summer camp instead like Camp Calleva. |
Anonymous
Yes. This has been discussed as nauseum on the college forum. Some are run by the school, some by for profit companies, so you have to check. They will generally not give you an admissions boost, but they may be a way to demonstrate interest in the school or a particular subject matter. They also give your child a feel for the school and campus life. They are definitely expensive. Worth it? Depends on the kid and your financial situation. Ok. I think a summarized most of the discussion for you. |
Anonymous
| OP, how did the rest of the program go? |