Reply to Unhappy With Summer Pre-College Program

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Omg did you ever stop to think that it’s just your daughter? She hosted a game night and two kids showed up with one leaving fairly quickly. Camp hosted something and only two kids showed up. The kids are there, but they just don’t want to be bothered and that is fine! You say yourself that your child is weird and different. Well, what do you expect then? If you see it, others will too and would shy away from her. You need to back off. I can not imagine being this involved that you are calling and emailing that your child has no friends. It sounds like this is all you talk about when you call her. Focus on something else. [/quote]

Wow op please don’t listen to this person. This is how we get mean kids. Ugh. This post makes me truly sad.

What I came here to say is I would be so disappointed too and I am GENUINELY impressed that your daughter is confidently sticking it out, tried the game night (that is huge! Many teens would never be willing to suggest that) and is just trying so hard. I think she will learn a lot from this experience even though it’s not what you hoped she would. She’s learning how to persevere and she’s also showing you that you’ve helped her gain a lot of confidence despite being awkward sometimes because she isn’t calling you begging you to pick her up. I’m sorry it isn’t what you hoped and it really does sound truly bizarre that they wouldn’t have some programming?! I mean WEIRD. I did a fellowship where we stayed in dorms the year after college - I was quite literally 21 years old (and met my husband there!) and they still had a ton of social programming!! Any program where kids are all staying in one space you would expect some programming, let alone young high schoolers. [/quote]

Thank you. OP. As for the person who asked if I’d considered that my kid was just weird…of course I had! Lol! I said that we’d been working to build up her confidence. But I can honestly say that she’s not weird in a “takes up all the oxygen in the room” kind of way. She’s just really quiet and shy until you get to know her, and then is very funny. She’s never had a problem keeping friends…just needs help getting there. She lost her friend group during a school switch in COVID, and it hasn’t recovered. I said point blank that if there were opportunities and my kid didn’t take advantage of them or just didn’t connect, I would never blame the program.

I said that one part of this was figuring out what kinds of colleges she might want to apply to, and this has certainly clarified that. I don’t know if I’d say my kid has a disability or not…I guess very high functioning ASD is a disability of sorts but it’s not one the world accommodates very well. And she shouldn’t expect it to because it won’t. My kid masks it very well, but it probably is getting harder as relationships become more complicated. All of the social opportunities in the world won’t make that 100% easier, although they definitely help. So, that’s really clarified the importance of a college with a strong built in social safety net and one that tends to attract quirky kids.

Thank you for the well wishes! [/quote]

It sounds to me like you and your DD are both doing really well navigating a challenging - though entirely age-appropriate- situation!

Cheers to both of you. I’d see this as a dry run for freshman year in college, and I agree that it’s a fantastic sign that she’s making an effort and is willing to keep trying. Sounds like your girl is resilient - that’s huge!!

My best advice is to just relax and take it day by day. Try not to coach her too much. She needs to find her own social style and being away from home for a month is a great time to try that. (If she ends up spending more time than you’d like by herself, it’s ok. She’s not unhappy and it’s just a month.)

The only coaching I’d offer is to look for ONE person at a time to talk with or try to engage at meals or group events. It can be hard for the quieter, slightly quirky kids to walk up to or join a group. It’s overwhelming for some (too much stimulation) and intimidating to most. So look for the person standing by themselves or walking in solo and approach them. Much easier way to build little social wins!

Finally, please do report back. I’m rooting for your DD!! 🙂[/quote]

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