Unhappy With Summer Pre-College Program

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why haven't you named the program? At least you can help others avoid it.

I'd understand if she doesn't want to out her kid right now. However, I'd love to see a thread with reviews of pre-college programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why haven't you named the program? At least you can help others avoid it.

I'd understand if she doesn't want to out her kid right now. However, I'd love to see a thread with reviews of pre-college programs.

At least give us the state where it's held.

[Anonymous]

I only have one question: where did you get the helicopter?

[Anonymous]

I would be disappointed with no organized out of class activities. My DD just did a 2 week program at Colby College run by Putney Student travel and they had activities EVERY night and all through the weekends. In fact my DD said they made them non-negotiable and she'd have liked the occasional evening to herself or just to hang out with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why haven't you named the program? At least you can help others avoid it.

I'd understand if she doesn't want to out her kid right now. However, I'd love to see a thread with reviews of pre-college programs.

Great idea to start this new thread at the end of the summer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why haven't you named the program? At least you can help others avoid it.

I'd understand if she doesn't want to out her kid right now. However, I'd love to see a thread with reviews of pre-college programs.

At least give us the state where it's held.

Because PPs have been so understanding and helpful to OP?

[Anonymous]

I did a program like this years ago for 6 weeks. It was on a campus with very old dorms that had no common areas. We were enrolled in college classes with undergraduates so it was hard to find other high schoolers in class. The dorms were just high schoolers but we had very few social events or formal gatherings.

I was socially awkward and I’m dating myself by saying that I almost took up smoking just to have the excuse to talk to random people. But I slowly observed what was going on and made some friends, and more importantly learned a lot about how to socialize at college. Your DD will be getting something out of this program if you do a debrief after it and talk about what went well and what she’ll change when she goes to college for real.

Here are my takeaways from my rocky first campus experience:

1) when a big pack goes out the first night, join them no matter what. No matter how tired you are and even if you really just want to unpack and settle in.
2) keep your door open at all times during the day and set your desk up so it’s visible from the hall
3) no headphones (equivalent of no phone today) when in hallways or in walkways
4) when in doubt, hang out on the front steps of the dorm. Bring a book as a prop. If people are coming, make eye contact and say hi. If they are going, someone will eventually ask you to go somewhere. Do NOT say no. I ended up going to places I had no previous interest in- post offices, random museums, ethnic grocery stores- only because someone said “I’m going to X, does anyone want to come?”. Thank god for welcoming extroverts who can’t handle running errands alone.
5) figure out who is in your classes. Sit near them. Say hi. See someone with the same textbook in the dining hall or on the steps? Say “oh you’re in x’s class! What do you think about it so far?” Keep it open-ended and don’t be the first to vent or complain.

Variations on this strategy and learning the hard way served me well through college, grad school, hostel travel and many first new jobs. $6k well spent, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why haven't you named the program? At least you can help others avoid it.

I'd understand if she doesn't want to out her kid right now. However, I'd love to see a thread with reviews of pre-college programs.

Great idea to start this new thread at the end of the summer!

omg. We should have a forum called "Reviews." Individual threads could be like:

Pre-College Programs
Summer Day Camps
Summer Sleepover Camps

and could even branch out into Best Store-bought Ice Cream and stuff like that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why haven't you named the program? At least you can help others avoid it.

I'd understand if she doesn't want to out her kid right now. However, I'd love to see a thread with reviews of pre-college programs.

Great idea to start this new thread at the end of the summer!

omg. We should have a forum called "Reviews." Individual threads could be like:

Pre-College Programs
Summer Day Camps
Summer Sleepover Camps

and could even branch out into Best Store-bought Ice Cream and stuff like that

There already is a forum for this - camps and classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did a program like this years ago for 6 weeks. It was on a campus with very old dorms that had no common areas. We were enrolled in college classes with undergraduates so it was hard to find other high schoolers in class. The dorms were just high schoolers but we had very few social events or formal gatherings.

I was socially awkward and I’m dating myself by saying that I almost took up smoking just to have the excuse to talk to random people. But I slowly observed what was going on and made some friends, and more importantly learned a lot about how to socialize at college. Your DD will be getting something out of this program if you do a debrief after it and talk about what went well and what she’ll change when she goes to college for real.

Here are my takeaways from my rocky first campus experience:

1) when a big pack goes out the first night, join them no matter what. No matter how tired you are and even if you really just want to unpack and settle in.
2) keep your door open at all times during the day and set your desk up so it’s visible from the hall
3) no headphones (equivalent of no phone today) when in hallways or in walkways
4) when in doubt, hang out on the front steps of the dorm. Bring a book as a prop. If people are coming, make eye contact and say hi. If they are going, someone will eventually ask you to go somewhere. Do NOT say no. I ended up going to places I had no previous interest in- post offices, random museums, ethnic grocery stores- only because someone said “I’m going to X, does anyone want to come?”. Thank god for welcoming extroverts who can’t handle running errands alone.
5) figure out who is in your classes. Sit near them. Say hi. See someone with the same textbook in the dining hall or on the steps? Say “oh you’re in x’s class! What do you think about it so far?” Keep it open-ended and don’t be the first to vent or complain.

Variations on this strategy and learning the hard way served me well through college, grad school, hostel travel and many first new jobs. $6k well spent, OP.

OP here. Thank you. This is actually really helpful, and I did tell her some of these things. Unfortunately, she is at the end of the hall and the freaking doors are so heavy they don't stay open! But I've been telling her to stay outside and visible and not just stay in her room, even if she feels like no one is around.

They hosted something last night. It was a movie night, and 2 kids showed up. They showed kids movies. I don't get it, but I have kind of given up that the program itself is going to do much. And she doesn't know where all the kids are. Maybe because they're hanging out in rooms? Or other places on campus or off? Maybe because she's socially awkward and doesn't understand. So, it's really a question of:

1. Are the academics interesting enough for her to stay?
2. Will she just happen to make some friends on her own?

She wants to stay for now. There are some complicating factors I don't want to discuss that made it really important to me that she have a good experience this summer. I wouldn't normally be SO upset but we worked hard as a family to get her to this place, and I really did think it would be a good experience. And I'm blaming myself because I should have seen that this wasn't the right thing. I'm really sad and blaming myself as a mother. I don't even care about the money. I care about her self-esteem. She already feels like she can't make friends, and I thought this would be a boost because there were all of these kids coming from all over so she was bound to make some friends---and it's not happening. I don't really like to post here because people can be so mean. So thank you to the people who are nice. I think these are really good suggestions, and I have used some of them myself!!! Thank you for your suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why haven't you named the program? At least you can help others avoid it.

I'd understand if she doesn't want to out her kid right now. However, I'd love to see a thread with reviews of pre-college programs.

Great idea to start this new thread at the end of the summer!

omg. We should have a forum called "Reviews." Individual threads could be like:

Pre-College Programs
Summer Day Camps
Summer Sleepover Camps

and could even branch out into Best Store-bought Ice Cream and stuff like that

Actually, I did search here and all over the internet for info about this program, and I couldn't really find any. Info about these programs can be spotty. There are the big ones like Yale Global Scholars that are well known and Stanford and those really high profile programs that have that cache, but there isn't as much info on the other ones. It would have been very helpful for me. I don't want to discuss the name now, but after this is done, I would totally give an anonymous review without all of this personal stuff to help other parents understand the feel of the program. I wish I had been able to find that information before. Instead, I just went with the reputation of the school and because it was sponsored BY the school and not a third party. Looking back, that might have been the mistake. I would never do this again without talking to actual parents who had sent their kids to something.

There already is a forum for this - camps and classes.

[Anonymous]

Oops. Sorry. I accidentally put my response in the quote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did a program like this years ago for 6 weeks. It was on a campus with very old dorms that had no common areas. We were enrolled in college classes with undergraduates so it was hard to find other high schoolers in class. The dorms were just high schoolers but we had very few social events or formal gatherings.

I was socially awkward and I’m dating myself by saying that I almost took up smoking just to have the excuse to talk to random people. But I slowly observed what was going on and made some friends, and more importantly learned a lot about how to socialize at college. Your DD will be getting something out of this program if you do a debrief after it and talk about what went well and what she’ll change when she goes to college for real.

Here are my takeaways from my rocky first campus experience:

1) when a big pack goes out the first night, join them no matter what. No matter how tired you are and even if you really just want to unpack and settle in.
2) keep your door open at all times during the day and set your desk up so it’s visible from the hall
3) no headphones (equivalent of no phone today) when in hallways or in walkways
4) when in doubt, hang out on the front steps of the dorm. Bring a book as a prop. If people are coming, make eye contact and say hi. If they are going, someone will eventually ask you to go somewhere. Do NOT say no. I ended up going to places I had no previous interest in- post offices, random museums, ethnic grocery stores- only because someone said “I’m going to X, does anyone want to come?”. Thank god for welcoming extroverts who can’t handle running errands alone.
5) figure out who is in your classes. Sit near them. Say hi. See someone with the same textbook in the dining hall or on the steps? Say “oh you’re in x’s class! What do you think about it so far?” Keep it open-ended and don’t be the first to vent or complain.

Variations on this strategy and learning the hard way served me well through college, grad school, hostel travel and many first new jobs. $6k well spent, OP.

OP here. Thank you. This is actually really helpful, and I did tell her some of these things. Unfortunately, she is at the end of the hall and the freaking doors are so heavy they don't stay open! But I've been telling her to stay outside and visible and not just stay in her room, even if she feels like no one is around.

They hosted something last night. It was a movie night, and 2 kids showed up. They showed kids movies. I don't get it, but I have kind of given up that the program itself is going to do much. And she doesn't know where all the kids are. Maybe because they're hanging out in rooms? Or other places on campus or off? Maybe because she's socially awkward and doesn't understand. So, it's really a question of:

1. Are the academics interesting enough for her to stay?
2. Will she just happen to make some friends on her own?

She wants to stay for now. There are some complicating factors I don't want to discuss that made it really important to me that she have a good experience this summer. I wouldn't normally be SO upset but we worked hard as a family to get her to this place, and I really did think it would be a good experience. And I'm blaming myself because I should have seen that this wasn't the right thing. I'm really sad and blaming myself as a mother. I don't even care about the money. I care about her self-esteem. She already feels like she can't make friends, and I thought this would be a boost because there were all of these kids coming from all over so she was bound to make some friends---and it's not happening. I don't really like to post here because people can be so mean. So thank you to the people who are nice. I think these are really good suggestions, and I have used some of them myself!!! Thank you for your suggestions.

TBH I think that tells you what you need to know. It was scary and weird and overwhelming to suddenly be at a new place, in a new room, all by herself and all these "weird" i.e. people she doesn't know there. Nothing felt familiar, and it sucked. It took time to warm up to the room, the classes, the situation, the people.

You aren't a bad mom and no matter what you think or others tell you, you can't "give" your DD or 'make" your DD have self esteem. It comes from within. She is her own person and she has to develop it and she will.

Maybe it won't be the most amazing experience ever. But it will be an experience. And believe it or not that matters.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel for you and for you DD!!! Mine is shy and awkward too and never would have been brave enough to do what your DD has already done to try to reach out multiple times. Fingers crossed she finds someone she clicks with. There must be some other kids who have not found their spot yet too!!

And you are not helicoptering to be worried about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been talking with my husband about this but wanted some feedback from other parents. We paid about 6,000 dollars to send our teen to a pre-college program. We didn't do it because we thought there would be any leg up on admissions. It was just a way for our kid (who has only done online summer school for the last two summers because of the pandemic) to have some independence, get a taste of college life, meet people, have some interesting academic experiences. And that's how the program is pitched. It's an academic program, but there's also supposed to be socializing and getting to know other teens.

That is a lot of money. We can afford it, but it's not peanuts.

This is only the 5th day. The program is a month long, so that is a short time but there is time for it to improve. But so far I'm disappointed. The academic aspect hasn't been great so far (some things were not really thought out), but I'm most upset that they aren't providing any fun social interactions for the teens, so my kid is just sitting in her room at night (no roommate). Like not even optional games or a movie or anything to get kids to get to know one another. I'm sure the extroverted kids are finding friends. But mine is an introvert. You've got 70 kids sitting in dorm rooms in one building. And you have nothing for them to do but study?

I called the camp director to ask about this and just got a lot of, "Oh, thank you for your suggestions."

I told my kid to try and be more assertive, since the program isn't providing any of these interactions, and she's going to try and organize a game night. There are like 8 RAs in the dorm they're in. I'm not sure why it's so hard to create one optional activity in the evenings just for fun. My kid isn't miserable, but she isn't learning much and she hasn't made any friends. I'm feeling really disappointed and mad at myself for choosing this program. For a lot of reasons, I really wanted this to be a good experience, and I'm pretty disappointed at the lack of planning for so much money. I could have just put my kid in summer school again for 250 bucks or had her take a class at a community college. I was paying for the experience. I kind of feel scammed. And this is a well known college.

So, this is just me venting. And telling parents to be careful. I didn't know anyone personally who had been to this program before. I just knew the college and because it's sponsored by the college, I assumed it would be well run.

It will get better the first weekend.