Unhappy With Summer Pre-College Program

[Anonymous]

I have an introvert. He is only 13 but I would totally be interested in sending him to one of these programs.

I also have a super social outgoing kid.

They are both in an academic camp this week. My introvert said he doesn’t talk to anyone. He goes to the class and comes home.

My social kid has made multiple friends at the camp. Some kids are just more social than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be surprised if they are understaffed. I am noticing that a lot this summer. My kid's camp is very leanly staffed this year and they aren't offering as much as in the past.

I did just think about this, considering what happened with CTY. But they have about 8 RAs for about 70 kids. And I think the RAs are really only around in the evenings, when the teens are. So, that seems like you could have 1 RA a night plan SOMETHING. Right? Even if it was just showing a movie or being present for some activity.

Is there a reason your daughter can knock on someone’s door and ask if they want to join her in watching a movie in her room?

She did. They chatted...made tentative plans for lunch. Didn't happen. I said....why not knock on more people's doors to say hi, and she said it would be weird, and I have to admit I thought it might be kind of weird too. Just going down the hall knocking on people's doors to say hello? I'd probably feel pretty awkward about that too.

I don't think it's asking too much for some social opportunities. I agree that this is a chance for my kid to hopefully make something out of it, but I'm also disappointed that it has to be that way. I also actually said, "Well, college is like that. You need to meet people on your own." But then my friends pointed out that that is actually untrue. When you go to college, there are usually tons of activities to get to know other students, especially as an incoming freshman. Of course I wouldn't expect that level of programming....but a few game nights or movie nights or low effort activities...I don't think that's too much to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I taught in a for profit program on a college campus. They planned tons of activities. But I was teaching 12-15 year olds. Maybe they planned less for the high schoolers.

OP, the situation you describe is actually a way more realistic portrait of what it may be like to make friends on college. Might be good practice for your kid.

Try to encourage her to work with the RA to plan activities. The game night is a good idea. What city is it in? Maybe other things could be: trips off campus to local sites (this could be harder if it requires transport), bonfire with marshmallows (may not be allowed), movie night (ok but not as social), etc.

FYI, I did not have to deal with parent complaints, but I overheard them when I was in the main office. These parents can be sooooo entitled and obnoxious. You would not believe the things parents called in with. Stuff like, the lunch line is too long. And the kids were often spoiled and unappreciative of the fun activities they planned. Like, they had a day trip planned to a local amusement park or outings to movie theaters or interesting local sites and the kids were like, shrug.

Whoever you spoke with probably listens to complaints all day. I would be polite and focus on your daughter's emotional well being and just say you'd like them to work with the RAs to plan some social mingling opportunities. Also, ask them what they DO have planned. That will give you an idea of how accurate your daughter's portrayal is and then you can also say, honey, why don't you go to THIS activity.

Yeah. I get that. There was a parent at drop off when they were doing Q/A (where I should have asked more about socializing) who asked how this would affect admission to the college. I am not a totally dummy and know that these programs do not help you get into specific colleges. I fully believe that there are total jerks. I hope I am not being one of them. I have tried not to be. There are some weekend off site activities planned. I would not say they are really that...fun....like not to theme parks or anything like that...more like historical sites. (some of which we have been to before)...but that's something.

I actually did talk to the RA at drop off and explained my kid was introverted, but I guess that didn't really matter. So she is going to do it on her own, and maybe it will work.

[Anonymous]

It does seem surprising that at least at the beginning there aren't more get-to-know-you activities. Does she know kids in her class? That's where it would seem easiest to meet friends.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, but why on earth would you send a kid to a month-long "pre-college" program when they're gonna be in real college before you know it?

[Anonymous]

Most dorms have a little seating area on the floor. If she sits there with a book (or her phone, but a book is better), it's like fishing....someone is going to walk by on their way to/from the bathroom and stop and say hi.

After meeting a couple people maybe she can do a board game with them (although hmm where to get the board game...but if she had one, it could really turn fun)

Mostly, I just want to say, I'm sorry, OP. At that age, (frankly at any age) it takes guts to walk around knocking on people's doors.

If she leaves her dorm room door open, that might help.

FWIW we paid $$$$ to send our teen to Georgetown a few years ago. It was her dream school (we used to live near it but had moved to CA)

It was a great program, but she came back with one big idea--that she would never go to GT because she didn't like their food! OMG!

[Anonymous]

I’m one of the PP. How about sending her a big puzzle? She can sit in a common area and maybe leave it there. That’s something that she can work on and others may join. I can see people being hesitant to approach people who are staring at a phone or reading but it could be easier if they are doing something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP, but why on earth would you send a kid to a month-long "pre-college" program when they're gonna be in real college before you know it?

OP here. It's just a term that's used for academic programs held on college campuses. They sort of give high school students a little "taste" of college. Some people do them thinking they will help with college admissions, which they almost always don't (with a few exceptions). We did it as a way to:

1. Give our kid a little independence. (Force a little independence...)
2. Help her think about what kind of college she'd like to attend. (Did she like a campus experience? Would she rather be in a city? Big? Small? Just thinking about what she liked and didn't like when she starts more seriously considering schools next year...)
3. Meet some nice people.
4. Take an interesting class. There was also a research component that was interesting to her for what she thinks she wants to study.

If you have the money, they may or may not be worth it as an experience. But as some people pointed out, they are far from a necessity. I had very good experiences with then when I was in high school, and I made some cool friends and broadened my horizons--which is what I am hoping for with my kid. I do need to think about that first reason and realize that even if I'm not thrilled with the program so far, this does foster independence, and I should try and let her work through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most dorms have a little seating area on the floor. If she sits there with a book (or her phone, but a book is better), it's like fishing....someone is going to walk by on their way to/from the bathroom and stop and say hi.

After meeting a couple people maybe she can do a board game with them (although hmm where to get the board game...but if she had one, it could really turn fun)

Mostly, I just want to say, I'm sorry, OP. At that age, (frankly at any age) it takes guts to walk around knocking on people's doors.

If she leaves her dorm room door open, that might help.

FWIW we paid $$$$ to send our teen to Georgetown a few years ago. It was her dream school (we used to live near it but had moved to CA)

It was a great program, but she came back with one big idea--that she would never go to GT because she didn't like their food! OMG!

OP here. LOL. Actually, it was similar when I was in high school and went to a program like that. I was convinced I wanted to go to that school, but by the end I realized I didn't. But it did help me think about where I did want to go and why.

There was a funny thread a while back on the college board about "dumb" reasons your kid didn't like a school. One that stood out was, "Too many trees." LOL.

[Anonymous]

Is there an ice cream shop or creamery? Can these kids use the campus gym facilities and swimming pool? I would encourage her to get out of the dorm and be active/walk around/look at cute college boys. (Hey, I consider that a sport). Does she eat alone or with others in the dining hall? If she is with others, maybe she could get a group together.

[Anonymous]

You said she’s been there 5 days. In pre-cell phone days, you probably wouldn’t even have heard anything from her by now. If you want her to learn independence, stop guiding her every moment.

[Anonymous]

My kid is at a different pre-college program. They have lots of social events, but kid has not participated because it’s for credit and the pace is so fast that my kid is studying 24/7. A bit of a bummer. We didn’t think it would be that intense. We just wanted them to get a feel for the school to decide about ED. We thought it would be academic but fun. I don’t think that has been the case, but we will see after pick up. My kid is a bit dramatic so maybe it wasn’t as bad as they are saying.

[Anonymous]

+1 on getting stuff to do- I would go to the gym every day take a walk and invite someone in class for lunch or dinner.

I agree that’s a bummer of a program but that’s how some of them are and she just probably needs to make the best of it or come home.

My guesses there are other kids that are lonely though and she should try to find them if possible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is supposed to be a taste of college life, you need to back off. It's up to your daughter to go knock on someone's door and say "Hi, I'm Gemma; wanna hang out/go for a walk to get ice cream/watch a Netflix show with me?" College is not about being coddled. Your daughter needs to push herself socially. Part of college is learning how to do that.

This comes across as rather insensitive. At least at my college, the RAs made real effort to plan activities for first year students. And it was their job to look out for the more introverted kids and try to get them to come out for some structured activities to help them meet people.

[Anonymous]

I think people saying that your daughter should make more of an effort are being a little unkind. I've never heard of a pre college program that doesn't plan a host of activities. My daughter just came back from a similar program but for music and they did so much (planned by counselors and RAs and the program) - musical concerts, movie nights, ice cream socials, game nights, etc. I'd expect that. These kids are still in high school.