Boyfriend might go on vacation with his ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes what a waste of space in this thread. 7 months or 7 years, this woman will always be in your life OP. Your haven’t introduced kids yet. Ex had/has cancer. My lord if you’re this concerned now, just end the relationship. Empathy people! Kids come first and OP should understand. He could have lied and not mentioned his ex at all. You still wouldn’t have been invited.

DP. Great, but it's still wildly inappropriate to invite the ex on the family vacation. Not a difficult concept to grasp, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a role in all this.

This and I wouldn’t do anything, but I would not be comfortable with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be honest - I remember your other thread, you seem very paranoid. He isn’t going to fall back in love with someone he divorced. She clearly is in a bad situation. If she dies in a year that will be a good memory she and her kids had. Large family vacations are stressful and miserable. They won’t be hooking up. You are too early in the complex relationship to attend. I also would have some real conversations with him about what you want long term.

My ex fell in love with his ex again after a family trip or at least fell in love with the idea of the family unit. It happens. Vacations are easy, real life is hard. I would not be cool with this. Was once and it burned me - or maybe I dodged a bullet but regardless, it happens.

If a vacation is all it takes to break you up, it’s going to happen anyway. Maybe his door dash driver will be next.

ha ha nice way to bring it full circle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes what a waste of space in this thread. 7 months or 7 years, this woman will always be in your life OP. Your haven’t introduced kids yet. Ex had/has cancer. My lord if you’re this concerned now, just end the relationship. Empathy people! Kids come first and OP should understand. He could have lied and not mentioned his ex at all. You still wouldn’t have been invited.

DP. Great, but it's still wildly inappropriate to invite the ex on the family vacation. Not a difficult concept to grasp, really.

it’s not “wildly inappropriate.” there are many scenarios where it’s totally fine, healthy even.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance he would allow you to pose as an Uber eats driver, name of Cathy, who delivers a couple of meals and sort of "gets to know" the family in a very friendly, informal way. That way you can get a looksee at what's going on, what the overall dynamic is, etc, etc etc. Thoughts?

NP. I hope this is meant as a joke. It's...a joke, right? Right?

If not, it's a horrible idea. Pure immature game-playing.

And in the event the OP and this boyfriend stay together, well, at some point OP is likely to meet his ex at a kid pickup or whatever, just crossing paths...and if the ex recognizes OP as "Cathy"? That's going to sour a decent relationship between the two exes, who do still have to co-parent. And if OP ever meets the BF's parents later and they also recognize "Cathy"? Hey, son, that was deceptive of you, and your GF seems possessive if she'd pretend like that....

Just, no.

PP, try to think away from the box. We think this idea has a lot of potential. When Cathy/Kathy shows up to deliver the Uber Eats yummies, why couldn't the boyfriend something along the lines of "Well, she was kind of cute... and nice, too" and just leave it at that.

And then when she brings another meals (something "ethnic" and tasty) he says "I know it sounds crazy, but... I think she's remarkable." Or something like that.

As far as the name, OP could use her own name, but Cathy/Kathy may be more believable. k?

Love this for you, OP.

And if you do decide to go along with this plan may I come and disguise myself as a long-lost uncle so I can witness the whole thing? I’ll wear a fake mustache and bring a newspaper so it’s not obvious that I’m there to spy.

[Am only trying to help. But I see the Peanut Factory disagrees!

What?

I think she mean the Peanut Gallery, which I learned on TikTok is not quite polite language. Apparently its original usage was to where Blacks sat in segregated theaters.

That person really struggles with communicating. Their follow up post was bizarre.

NP. I think I don't understand the whole premise. Doesn't an Uber Eats driver bring food to the door and leave? How would she be able to observe the dynamics? And for him to then say, after a few deliveries, that he thinks she's remarkable... based on what? She can drive, and carry food?
I must be missing something.

We don't want to get caught up in this again but the idea was OP could pose as an Uber Eats driver by the name of Cathy or Kathy (but doesnt have to be this name) who delivers a couple of meals to the family. She doesnt just leave the order on the doorstep and waits to make sure they get it which leads to some chatting at the door with boyfriend, who invites her in because he has his hands full.

This would give OP a chance to get a little looksee at the overall feel inside the house with the ex-wife. Maybe she strikes up a conversation or two with the family relations.

When she leaves the boyfriend could say nice things about her. "She's remarkable..." or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance he would allow you to pose as an Uber eats driver, name of Cathy, who delivers a couple of meals and sort of "gets to know" the family in a very friendly, informal way. That way you can get a looksee at what's going on, what the overall dynamic is, etc, etc etc. Thoughts?

NP. I hope this is meant as a joke. It's...a joke, right? Right?

If not, it's a horrible idea. Pure immature game-playing.

And in the event the OP and this boyfriend stay together, well, at some point OP is likely to meet his ex at a kid pickup or whatever, just crossing paths...and if the ex recognizes OP as "Cathy"? That's going to sour a decent relationship between the two exes, who do still have to co-parent. And if OP ever meets the BF's parents later and they also recognize "Cathy"? Hey, son, that was deceptive of you, and your GF seems possessive if she'd pretend like that....

Just, no.

PP, try to think away from the box. We think this idea has a lot of potential. When Cathy/Kathy shows up to deliver the Uber Eats yummies, why couldn't the boyfriend something along the lines of "Well, she was kind of cute... and nice, too" and just leave it at that.

And then when she brings another meals (something "ethnic" and tasty) he says "I know it sounds crazy, but... I think she's remarkable." Or something like that.

As far as the name, OP could use her own name, but Cathy/Kathy may be more believable. k?

Love this for you, OP.

And if you do decide to go along with this plan may I come and disguise myself as a long-lost uncle so I can witness the whole thing? I’ll wear a fake mustache and bring a newspaper so it’s not obvious that I’m there to spy.

[Am only trying to help. But I see the Peanut Factory disagrees!

What?

I think she mean the Peanut Gallery, which I learned on TikTok is not quite polite language. Apparently its original usage was to where Blacks sat in segregated theaters.

That person really struggles with communicating. Their follow up post was bizarre.

NP. I think I don't understand the whole premise. Doesn't an Uber Eats driver bring food to the door and leave? How would she be able to observe the dynamics? And for him to then say, after a few deliveries, that he thinks she's remarkable... based on what? She can drive, and carry food?
I must be missing something.

We don't want to get caught up in this again but the idea was OP could pose as an Uber Eats driver by the name of Cathy or Kathy (but doesnt have to be this name) who delivers a couple of meals to the family. She doesnt just leave the order on the doorstep and waits to make sure they get it which leads to some chatting at the door with boyfriend, who invites her in because he has his hands full.

This would give OP a chance to get a little looksee at the overall feel inside the house with the ex-wife. Maybe she strikes up a conversation or two with the family relations.

When she leaves the boyfriend could say nice things about her. "She's remarkable..." or something like that.

Right. And Jen could also be a good name.

[Anonymous]

This all comes back to the absolutely insane idea that people that are dating single parents should be sequestered from meeting the kids for an obscenely long time. If you have been dating 7 months, you should have met the kids and be going on this vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This all comes back to the absolutely insane idea that people that are dating single parents should be sequestered from meeting the kids for an obscenely long time. If you have been dating 7 months, you should have met the kids and be going on this vacation.

That’s a reasonable point. My friend who has spent 3 summers now with her BF, his ex, and their kids was integrated right away. OTOH, with the cancer diagnosis and recent divorce, I can understand why the dad would have wanted to be more conservative about it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he and ex are doing well co-parenting and have gone to this family gathering for a long time. Leave it alone - not your business unless you are engaged or married to him now. Sounds like a kind man who loves his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be honest - I remember your other thread, you seem very paranoid. He isn’t going to fall back in love with someone he divorced. She clearly is in a bad situation. If she dies in a year that will be a good memory she and her kids had. Large family vacations are stressful and miserable. They won’t be hooking up. You are too early in the complex relationship to attend. I also would have some real conversations with him about what you want long term.

My ex fell in love with his ex again after a family trip or at least fell in love with the idea of the family unit. It happens. Vacations are easy, real life is hard. I would not be cool with this. Was once and it burned me - or maybe I dodged a bullet but regardless, it happens.

If this movie plot happens in real life to the OP the OP and her bf we’re not meant to be. But it won’t happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he and ex are doing well co-parenting and have gone to this family gathering for a long time. Leave it alone - not your business unless you are engaged or married to him now. Sounds like a kind man who loves his kids.

exactly. it’s a traditional family gathering, not a “vacation”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a role in all this.

This.

Unfortunately, you are in limbo until your relationship is formalized.

His ex is the mother of his kids, so they will always be a family. Always.

^^^
That’s important to wrap your head around. If you can’t, then you should only date men who don’t have kids or are widowers.

Tell him you admire his compassion. Then just try to be cool. See how things play out when he returns.

[Anonymous]

I would be offended if I was not vacationing with my serious BF after 7 months of dating and sleeping together. The problem in my view is not him going to this family gathering. But rather him NOT bringing OP to that gathering. Who is she to him?

This is why I think dating recently divorced guys is a no go. They are just not ready to integrate anyone new in their life and commiit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be offended if I was not vacationing with my serious BF after 7 months of dating and sleeping together. The problem in my view is not him going to this family gathering. But rather him NOT bringing OP to that gathering. Who is she to him?

This is why I think dating recently divorced guys is a no go. They are just not ready to integrate anyone new in their life and commiit

Nor should they.

[Anonymous]

I know a divorced couple who still take trips together w/ their kids every year. Sometimes their new significant others also attend, sometimes not. They do it for their kids and I think that's great. Nothing weird about it. Their kids seem happy and well adjusted whereas I know lots of kids of divorced couples who are not happy or well adjusted because their parents' divorce was so rough on them and was acrimonious. If people can divorce/separate and still be kind to each other for the kids' sake, I think that's a much better situation for all involved.