Boyfriend might go on vacation with his ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance he would allow you to pose as an Uber eats driver, name of Cathy, who delivers a couple of meals and sort of "gets to know" the family in a very friendly, informal way. That way you can get a looksee at what's going on, what the overall dynamic is, etc, etc etc. Thoughts?

NP. I hope this is meant as a joke. It's...a joke, right? Right?

If not, it's a horrible idea. Pure immature game-playing.

And in the event the OP and this boyfriend stay together, well, at some point OP is likely to meet his ex at a kid pickup or whatever, just crossing paths...and if the ex recognizes OP as "Cathy"? That's going to sour a decent relationship between the two exes, who do still have to co-parent. And if OP ever meets the BF's parents later and they also recognize "Cathy"? Hey, son, that was deceptive of you, and your GF seems possessive if she'd pretend like that....

Just, no.

PP, try to think away from the box. We think this idea has a lot of potential. When Cathy/Kathy shows up to deliver the Uber Eats yummies, why couldn't the boyfriend something along the lines of "Well, she was kind of cute... and nice, too" and just leave it at that.

And then when she brings another meals (something "ethnic" and tasty) he says "I know it sounds crazy, but... I think she's remarkable." Or something like that.

As far as the name, OP could use her own name, but Cathy/Kathy may be more believable. k?

So the man is supposed to pretend even after this absurd role-play game that this was their first meeting, and that he then went on to contact her, after this vacation, and start dating her.

This is beyond immature, k?

But your details are cute. "Something 'ethnic' and tasty"! "I know it sounds crazy but...I think she's remarkable." What a great line of dialogue. Go write it as romantic fiction, which is all it is. It's not how grown-ups behave in the real world. But maybe you self-publish it online! You could be the next whoever that Twilight writer is!

[Anonymous]

No way would this fly with me.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a lot of you are insecure and have never had a relationship with a decent person. If it bothers you that a man can spend time with the mother of his kids without you there, you’re the one with the problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t work for me unless bf invited me to join. Keeping such traditions alive so close to their divorce is a bit of a red flag (and he can show her support and compassion on other ways.)

Same.

I do t understand why she would go either. Doesn’t seem healthy, cancer survivor (what kind) or not. Or even if her family or (all?) friends are far far away.

[Anonymous]

I did something kind of like this a few years ago. My ex and our kids were on vacation. I flew out and met all of them and shared a house. We then moved our son into a college that was close to the vacation spot. Absolutely nothing happened between my ex and I because as amicable as we were, our marriage was OVER. Being in the same house with him actually made me realize even more that I did not want to be married to him. At the time, I was dating someone who wasn’t thrilled I was doing this, but in his defense (I guess), he wanted to go on vacation with me and my trip was using up a good chunk of my PTO. The relationship was about six months old and I hadn’t introduced him to my kids so it wasn’t at all appropriate for him to come with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your BF sounds like kind, compassionate and is able to think of the kids bs the crazy ex drama we see from so many. In the situation you describe, I would be 100% fine with it. The only way I would ever date someone who is divorced with minor children is if they had a mature, amiable relationship with their ex and are able to co-parent their kids in a healthy manner. Sounds like that’s the kind your BF has.

This. I think really your options are to go this route and assume the best of him, and see how things go. Perhaps you'll get burned, but you'd find out, but if it is really that he is this kind and compassionate you are incredibly lucky and have found a great partner.

Other options are to say something about it and probably burn the relationship. But if you really can't live with this (or there are other red flags around this situation that change the judgement from what this PP says), then you should just be straight and see what happens. It probably will end, but then again ti was meant to.

Could do.

And consider this Strike 1 / Major Red Flag 1.

Be on alert to a total change of heart on his end after the vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t you recently post about this man? You didn’t know if you should bow out now because he was going to be helping his recently divorced ex-wife through her medical care?

Welcome to dating a divorcee with kids who is a decent person. This is what the rest of your life will look like if you continue the relationship.

Quick question if she has any other disabilities or disorders.

I know I have to sometimes step in with my ex spouse because of the above. To keep my kids not bogged down, not that they’re adults yet. That said I wouldn’t ever vacation with him or his family, whom most have the same disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like his family doesn’t know about the divorce.

This happens too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance he would allow you to pose as an Uber eats driver, name of Cathy, who delivers a couple of meals and sort of "gets to know" the family in a very friendly, informal way. That way you can get a looksee at what's going on, what the overall dynamic is, etc, etc etc. Thoughts?

NP. I hope this is meant as a joke. It's...a joke, right? Right?

If not, it's a horrible idea. Pure immature game-playing.

And in the event the OP and this boyfriend stay together, well, at some point OP is likely to meet his ex at a kid pickup or whatever, just crossing paths...and if the ex recognizes OP as "Cathy"? That's going to sour a decent relationship between the two exes, who do still have to co-parent. And if OP ever meets the BF's parents later and they also recognize "Cathy"? Hey, son, that was deceptive of you, and your GF seems possessive if she'd pretend like that....

Just, no.

PP, try to think away from the box. We think this idea has a lot of potential. When Cathy/Kathy shows up to deliver the Uber Eats yummies, why couldn't the boyfriend something along the lines of "Well, she was kind of cute... and nice, too" and just leave it at that.

And then when she brings another meals (something "ethnic" and tasty) he says "I know it sounds crazy, but... I think she's remarkable." Or something like that.

As far as the name, OP could use her own name, but Cathy/Kathy may be more believable. k?

So the man is supposed to pretend even after this absurd role-play game that this was their first meeting, and that he then went on to contact her, after this vacation, and start dating her.

This is beyond immature, k?

But your details are cute. "Something 'ethnic' and tasty"! "I know it sounds crazy but...I think she's remarkable." What a great line of dialogue. Go write it as romantic fiction, which is all it is. It's not how grown-ups behave in the real world. But maybe you self-publish it online! You could be the next whoever that Twilight writer is!

PP, where is your empathy? The OP is so desperate to make this work. This may be her last chance at love and some of us in the caring/empath community are trying to assist.

There is nothing wrong with OP taking on the identity of an Uber Eats driver, or other delivery service, and insinuating herself into the family situation to get a gander and just what is going on with this ex and her cancer.

By playing along, the boyfriend, can be a silent benign conspirator AND lay the groundwork for introducing OP to his beloved family. There is also noting wrong with him saying he find the Uber Eats driver intriguing, or something like that. Instead of him saying "I know it sounds crazy... but I find her... remarkable." He could say he finds her "charming" or "fascinating," or inspiring, or a breath of fresh air. Take your pick.

Plus she doesn't have to go by the name of Cathy. Other names could possibly work. The point is to get out there and make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance he would allow you to pose as an Uber eats driver, name of Cathy, who delivers a couple of meals and sort of "gets to know" the family in a very friendly, informal way. That way you can get a looksee at what's going on, what the overall dynamic is, etc, etc etc. Thoughts?

NP. I hope this is meant as a joke. It's...a joke, right? Right?

If not, it's a horrible idea. Pure immature game-playing.

And in the event the OP and this boyfriend stay together, well, at some point OP is likely to meet his ex at a kid pickup or whatever, just crossing paths...and if the ex recognizes OP as "Cathy"? That's going to sour a decent relationship between the two exes, who do still have to co-parent. And if OP ever meets the BF's parents later and they also recognize "Cathy"? Hey, son, that was deceptive of you, and your GF seems possessive if she'd pretend like that....

Just, no.

PP, try to think away from the box. We think this idea has a lot of potential. When Cathy/Kathy shows up to deliver the Uber Eats yummies, why couldn't the boyfriend something along the lines of "Well, she was kind of cute... and nice, too" and just leave it at that.

And then when she brings another meals (something "ethnic" and tasty) he says "I know it sounds crazy, but... I think she's remarkable." Or something like that.

As far as the name, OP could use her own name, but Cathy/Kathy may be more believable. k?

Love this for you, OP.

And if you do decide to go along with this plan may I come and disguise myself as a long-lost uncle so I can witness the whole thing? I’ll wear a fake mustache and bring a newspaper so it’s not obvious that I’m there to spy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance he would allow you to pose as an Uber eats driver, name of Cathy, who delivers a couple of meals and sort of "gets to know" the family in a very friendly, informal way. That way you can get a looksee at what's going on, what the overall dynamic is, etc, etc etc. Thoughts?

NP. I hope this is meant as a joke. It's...a joke, right? Right?

If not, it's a horrible idea. Pure immature game-playing.

And in the event the OP and this boyfriend stay together, well, at some point OP is likely to meet his ex at a kid pickup or whatever, just crossing paths...and if the ex recognizes OP as "Cathy"? That's going to sour a decent relationship between the two exes, who do still have to co-parent. And if OP ever meets the BF's parents later and they also recognize "Cathy"? Hey, son, that was deceptive of you, and your GF seems possessive if she'd pretend like that....

Just, no.

PP, try to think away from the box. We think this idea has a lot of potential. When Cathy/Kathy shows up to deliver the Uber Eats yummies, why couldn't the boyfriend something along the lines of "Well, she was kind of cute... and nice, too" and just leave it at that.

And then when she brings another meals (something "ethnic" and tasty) he says "I know it sounds crazy, but... I think she's remarkable." Or something like that.

As far as the name, OP could use her own name, but Cathy/Kathy may be more believable. k?

So the man is supposed to pretend even after this absurd role-play game that this was their first meeting, and that he then went on to contact her, after this vacation, and start dating her.

This is beyond immature, k?

But your details are cute. "Something 'ethnic' and tasty"! "I know it sounds crazy but...I think she's remarkable." What a great line of dialogue. Go write it as romantic fiction, which is all it is. It's not how grown-ups behave in the real world. But maybe you self-publish it online! You could be the next whoever that Twilight writer is!

PP, where is your empathy? The OP is so desperate to make this work. This may be her last chance at love and some of us in the caring/empath community are trying to assist.

There is nothing wrong with OP taking on the identity of an Uber Eats driver, or other delivery service, and insinuating herself into the family situation to get a gander and just what is going on with this ex and her cancer.

By playing along, the boyfriend, can be a silent benign conspirator AND lay the groundwork for introducing OP to his beloved family. There is also noting wrong with him saying he find the Uber Eats driver intriguing, or something like that. Instead of him saying "I know it sounds crazy... but I find her... remarkable." He could say he finds her "charming" or "fascinating," or inspiring, or a breath of fresh air. Take your pick.

Plus she doesn't have to go by the name of Cathy. Other names could possibly work. The point is to get out there and make it happen.

omg why are you so good at this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance he would allow you to pose as an Uber eats driver, name of Cathy, who delivers a couple of meals and sort of "gets to know" the family in a very friendly, informal way. That way you can get a looksee at what's going on, what the overall dynamic is, etc, etc etc. Thoughts?

NP. I hope this is meant as a joke. It's...a joke, right? Right?

If not, it's a horrible idea. Pure immature game-playing.

And in the event the OP and this boyfriend stay together, well, at some point OP is likely to meet his ex at a kid pickup or whatever, just crossing paths...and if the ex recognizes OP as "Cathy"? That's going to sour a decent relationship between the two exes, who do still have to co-parent. And if OP ever meets the BF's parents later and they also recognize "Cathy"? Hey, son, that was deceptive of you, and your GF seems possessive if she'd pretend like that....

Just, no.

PP, try to think away from the box. We think this idea has a lot of potential. When Cathy/Kathy shows up to deliver the Uber Eats yummies, why couldn't the boyfriend something along the lines of "Well, she was kind of cute... and nice, too" and just leave it at that.

And then when she brings another meals (something "ethnic" and tasty) he says "I know it sounds crazy, but... I think she's remarkable." Or something like that.

As far as the name, OP could use her own name, but Cathy/Kathy may be more believable. k?

So the man is supposed to pretend even after this absurd role-play game that this was their first meeting, and that he then went on to contact her, after this vacation, and start dating her.

This is beyond immature, k?

But your details are cute. "Something 'ethnic' and tasty"! "I know it sounds crazy but...I think she's remarkable." What a great line of dialogue. Go write it as romantic fiction, which is all it is. It's not how grown-ups behave in the real world. But maybe you self-publish it online! You could be the next whoever that Twilight writer is!

PP, where is your empathy? The OP is so desperate to make this work. This may be her last chance at love and some of us in the caring/empath community are trying to assist.

There is nothing wrong with OP taking on the identity of an Uber Eats driver, or other delivery service, and insinuating herself into the family situation to get a gander and just what is going on with this ex and her cancer.

By playing along, the boyfriend, can be a silent benign conspirator AND lay the groundwork for introducing OP to his beloved family. There is also noting wrong with him saying he find the Uber Eats driver intriguing, or something like that. Instead of him saying "I know it sounds crazy... but I find her... remarkable." He could say he finds her "charming" or "fascinating," or inspiring, or a breath of fresh air. Take your pick.

Plus she doesn't have to go by the name of Cathy. Other names could possibly work. The point is to get out there and make it happen.

This is utterly stupid and bad trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance he would allow you to pose as an Uber eats driver, name of Cathy, who delivers a couple of meals and sort of "gets to know" the family in a very friendly, informal way. That way you can get a looksee at what's going on, what the overall dynamic is, etc, etc etc. Thoughts?

NP. I hope this is meant as a joke. It's...a joke, right? Right?

If not, it's a horrible idea. Pure immature game-playing.

And in the event the OP and this boyfriend stay together, well, at some point OP is likely to meet his ex at a kid pickup or whatever, just crossing paths...and if the ex recognizes OP as "Cathy"? That's going to sour a decent relationship between the two exes, who do still have to co-parent. And if OP ever meets the BF's parents later and they also recognize "Cathy"? Hey, son, that was deceptive of you, and your GF seems possessive if she'd pretend like that....

Just, no.

PP, try to think away from the box. We think this idea has a lot of potential. When Cathy/Kathy shows up to deliver the Uber Eats yummies, why couldn't the boyfriend something along the lines of "Well, she was kind of cute... and nice, too" and just leave it at that.

And then when she brings another meals (something "ethnic" and tasty) he says "I know it sounds crazy, but... I think she's remarkable." Or something like that.

As far as the name, OP could use her own name, but Cathy/Kathy may be more believable. k?

Love this for you, OP.

And if you do decide to go along with this plan may I come and disguise myself as a long-lost uncle so I can witness the whole thing? I’ll wear a fake mustache and bring a newspaper so it’s not obvious that I’m there to spy.

Am only trying to help. But I see the Peanut Factory disagrees!

[Anonymous]

While in theory it appears that your boyfriend is doing the “right thing” here, most especially for his kids I admit I wouldn’t be too happy if I were in your shoes.

I understand how important it is to amicably co-parent for the sake of the kids plus I get that a health scare such as cancer can be scary to deal with.
My sympathies go out to both his ex-wife + the kids.

However as others have previously stated - there are other ways your BF can support his ex.
It would be disrespectful of him to spend time w/his ex in the same house.

However you say you trust him completely so if that is the case here >> then if it is that important to him, you might just let him go & keep any uncomfortable feelings to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Oh heeeeells to the no