Boyfriend might go on vacation with his ex

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t be okay with this. It sounds like he was thinking about it but hadn’t actually invited her yet? Was he going to discuss this with you if you hadn’t brought up the trip?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine. My friend reguarly vacations with her BF and his ex. It’s nice that he’s got a cordial ex relationship.

[Anonymous]

Depends - why did they divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance he would allow you to pose as an Uber eats driver, name of Cathy, who delivers a couple of meals and sort of "gets to know" the family in a very friendly, informal way. That way you can get a looksee at what's going on, what the overall dynamic is, etc, etc etc. Thoughts?

NP. I hope this is meant as a joke. It's...a joke, right? Right?

If not, it's a horrible idea. Pure immature game-playing.

And in the event the OP and this boyfriend stay together, well, at some point OP is likely to meet his ex at a kid pickup or whatever, just crossing paths...and if the ex recognizes OP as "Cathy"? That's going to sour a decent relationship between the two exes, who do still have to co-parent. And if OP ever meets the BF's parents later and they also recognize "Cathy"? Hey, son, that was deceptive of you, and your GF seems possessive if she'd pretend like that....

Just, no.

PP, try to think away from the box. We think this idea has a lot of potential. When Cathy/Kathy shows up to deliver the Uber Eats yummies, why couldn't the boyfriend something along the lines of "Well, she was kind of cute... and nice, too" and just leave it at that.

And then when she brings another meals (something "ethnic" and tasty) he says "I know it sounds crazy, but... I think she's remarkable." Or something like that.

As far as the name, OP could use her own name, but Cathy/Kathy may be more believable. k?

[Anonymous]

Eh, I'd be fine with it and I'd take a fun trip myself. Possibly with an ex I was friends with. 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would make me uncomfortable, because in such a situation, everyone present will seek to reconcile them.

This. All the parents. All the kids. They would all be “why not give it another go with mom”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together 7 months, both in our 40s with small kids. We both want to wait to introduce each other to kids until it’s been at least a year together. Bf has been divorced a year, and is amicable with ex, as I am with mine.

His parents take him, his kids, siblings, aunts to a vacation destination every summer and they all stay in a huge house together. I mentioned that this will ge his first year going as a “solo parent” with his two kids and asked how he felt about it. He said that he actually may invite his ex-wife to come along, because she just went through a major health issue (cancer) and he is trying to be compassionate.

I totally want him to do what’s best for the family. I just feel weird about my role in all of this- with him potentially staying in the same house with his whole family and his ex for a week. I totally trust him, has nothing to do with that. What would you do?

So he divorced her and she immediately got and recovered from cancer? Or did he divorce her when she had cancer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together 7 months, both in our 40s with small kids. We both want to wait to introduce each other to kids until it’s been at least a year together. Bf has been divorced a year, and is amicable with ex, as I am with mine.

His parents take him, his kids, siblings, aunts to a vacation destination every summer and they all stay in a huge house together. I mentioned that this will ge his first year going as a “solo parent” with his two kids and asked how he felt about it. He said that he actually may invite his ex-wife to come along, because she just went through a major health issue (cancer) and he is trying to be compassionate.

I totally want him to do what’s best for the family. I just feel weird about my role in all of this- with him potentially staying in the same house with his whole family and his ex for a week. I totally trust him, has nothing to do with that. What would you do?

p

You got together 3 months after his divorce, while his ex had cancer? Honey you are a rebound fling.

[Anonymous]

Agree that the timeline needs to be clarified. Did he divorce yet while she was undergoing treatment?! If so, that’s the bigger issue to mull over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t work for me unless bf invited me to join. Keeping such traditions alive so close to their divorce is a bit of a red flag (and he can show her support and compassion on other ways.)

I agree. While it's great that he can have a good relationship with the mother of his kids, this kind of activity isn't one you do with an ex that doesn't include the current romantic partner. It's too close to their divorce and, as a PP noted, everyone will be looking at it as the first step of a reconciliation. There are other ways for him to show support/compassion that doesn't send the same message.

who cares what some meddling relatives may or may not think? a lot of times, family vacations - especially those that are at traditional locations— are some of the best time of the year with your kids. even if your relationship is completely over, getting to be relaxed and take it slow with your kids, seeing them bond with cousins, is wonderful and nourishing. inviting the ex likley just means that this traditional vacation is a good experience for all - it doesn’t say anything at about the relationship between the exes, except that they are able to put aside their differences for the sake of the kids. yes it’s a bit awkward if OP isn’t included yet, but that was a mutual agreement. I can understand why OP would feel jealous but it would be extremely petty to interfere.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t you recently post about this man? You didn’t know if you should bow out now because he was going to be helping his recently divorced ex-wife through her medical care?

Welcome to dating a divorcee with kids who is a decent person. This is what the rest of your life will look like if you continue the relationship.

[Anonymous]

He sounds nice. Cancer sucks. You can go next year. Don’t over think it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your BF sounds like kind, compassionate and is able to think of the kids bs the crazy ex drama we see from so many. In the situation you describe, I would be 100% fine with it. The only way I would ever date someone who is divorced with minor children is if they had a mature, amiable relationship with their ex and are able to co-parent their kids in a healthy manner. Sounds like that’s the kind your BF has.

This. I think really your options are to go this route and assume the best of him, and see how things go. Perhaps you'll get burned, but you'd find out, but if it is really that he is this kind and compassionate you are incredibly lucky and have found a great partner.

Other options are to say something about it and probably burn the relationship. But if you really can't live with this (or there are other red flags around this situation that change the judgement from what this PP says), then you should just be straight and see what happens. It probably will end, but then again ti was meant to.

[Anonymous]

Let him go knowing he won't be faithful, not after a year

[Anonymous]

Sounds like his family doesn’t know about the divorce.