40's woman and dating- I don't like to cook! Is this a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

My mom Vietnamese pho in a big cat every three weeks. Boils the bones for three days. And some of the homemade sausages go outside for weeks to marinate with the spices
Enjoy

[Anonymous]

The guy you are dating is a loser. I don't like to cook, but I can't imagine letting my mother cook for my family instead of taking care of it myself. WTH.

I hate to cook and I'm a woman your age. I do it for my family and if any man at this age would expect me to cook every day for him too, he can find someone else. Feeding yourself is easy when you're an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

Those are facts about cooking the old way /old methods. Try it yourself. No biases at all. And if you come up with a fast way to make stews, kebabs, and layered casseroles that are fried first and need homemade sauces, tell us asap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

It is lived experience.

And common knowledge

[Anonymous]

I dated a women who had “I don’t cook” as part of her identity.

It didn’t bother me at all going into it. But I quickly learned she would make passive aggressive comments if we didn’t go out to dinner or get carryout every single night. And her diet if we didn’t order meals was terrible.

If that’s how someone wants to live, fine, but we just were not a match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

It is lived experience.

Then frame it as an anecdote and not an across the board generalization that the way "these families" that make "ethnic home-cooking" "is not a modern way to live."

That's just insane BS. And really xenophobic.

Sounds like you don’t have many ethnic immigrant friends with parents around. Or you never traveled to visit any. Oh well for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, asking if you like to cook is kind of like asking if you like to read or what hobbies you are interested or what's your favorite color.

You sound a little insecure that you don't like to cook, OP. Just make it clear to your dates that you don't like to cook. I'm guessing most will be fine with that.

How do you feed yourself? Take out all the time?

OP: right now I eat really simple things like tuna on crackers. But when I was married I cooked daily and being responsible for all my exDH's meals (plus all the grocery shopping) was really exhausting.

Omg. Is this budget related?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, asking if you like to cook is kind of like asking if you like to read or what hobbies you are interested or what's your favorite color.

You sound a little insecure that you don't like to cook, OP. Just make it clear to your dates that you don't like to cook. I'm guessing most will be fine with that.

How do you feed yourself? Take out all the time?

OP: right now I eat really simple things like tuna on crackers. But when I was married I cooked daily and being responsible for all my exDH's meals (plus all the grocery shopping) was really exhausting.

Omg. Is this budget related?

OP: No! I'm very busy and just like simple things; I don't like to spend a lot of time preparing food. I also eat really healthy and have lost 15lbs over the past year working out with a trainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

+1 The earlier poster sounds like she’s never made an ethnic dish in her entire life because I have to do it twice a year for my family and it takes days to cook certain dishes (and there are several)
It is lived experience.

Then frame it as an anecdote and not an across the board generalization that the way "these families" that make "ethnic home-cooking" "is not a modern way to live."

That's just insane BS. And really xenophobic.

I'm the PP before that. I don't know about the "modern" part but it is absolutely true and not just in my family. The first time I cooked with my MIL were actively cooking from 10 am to midnight (cleaning up). Not counting going to the many stores to find the right type ingredients. It's labor intensive. Peeling black eyed peas, frying patries, soaking dried plants and fish, boiling unusual animal parts. The upside is that you have food for a week or more, and we also bring it to family members. All the African immigrant families we know function like that. I can imagine lots of people from Asian or other continents would do the same. There's nothing wrong with it, to the contrary. But yes, labor intensive and a woman's work that's often taken for granted.

[Anonymous]

Understand. I hate over eating or bloating up for meals meals meals. You body knows how much food it needs over the years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, asking if you like to cook is kind of like asking if you like to read or what hobbies you are interested or what's your favorite color.

You sound a little insecure that you don't like to cook, OP. Just make it clear to your dates that you don't like to cook. I'm guessing most will be fine with that.

How do you feed yourself? Take out all the time?

OP: right now I eat really simple things like tuna on crackers. But when I was married I cooked daily and being responsible for all my exDH's meals (plus all the grocery shopping) was really exhausting.

Omg. Is this budget related?

OP: No! I'm very busy and just like simple things; I don't like to spend a lot of time preparing food. I also eat really healthy and have lost 15lbs over the past year working out with a trainer.

So OP if you’re in this thread reading all the responses, can you clarify the conversation you had with this guy? Is his mom providing all the meals for him and his kids, and he can’t cook at all, and he expects you to toil over traditional Lebanese dishes? Or is he a decent guy who knows how to cook for his kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

It is lived experience.

Then frame it as an anecdote and not an across the board generalization that the way "these families" that make "ethnic home-cooking" "is not a modern way to live."

That's just insane BS. And really xenophobic.

Sounds like you don’t have many ethnic immigrant friends with parents around. Or you never traveled to visit any. Oh well for you.

On the contrary, I dated someone from the Middle East for 10 years and visited his family there often. I am also from a culture that cooks a lot, but go ahead and make more assumptions about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, asking if you like to cook is kind of like asking if you like to read or what hobbies you are interested or what's your favorite color.

You sound a little insecure that you don't like to cook, OP. Just make it clear to your dates that you don't like to cook. I'm guessing most will be fine with that.

How do you feed yourself? Take out all the time?

OP: right now I eat really simple things like tuna on crackers. But when I was married I cooked daily and being responsible for all my exDH's meals (plus all the grocery shopping) was really exhausting.

Omg. Is this budget related?

OP: No! I'm very busy and just like simple things; I don't like to spend a lot of time preparing food. I also eat really healthy and have lost 15lbs over the past year working out with a trainer.

OP…I am the same as you. I eat very simply. Cheaper and I do not eat as much, so it helps with weight. I just don’t see the point of spending a lot of time also and doing a lot of meal prep and things like that; when I’m alone I eat very basic things it doesn’t take much actual cooking. It is just easier. It’s not finance related but it does help with the finances because I think I do spend less on groceries than other people. I ate this way in my 20s also and I’ve eaten like this very simply when I’m not with my kids since I divorced in my 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

It is lived experience.

Then frame it as an anecdote and not an across the board generalization that the way "these families" that make "ethnic home-cooking" "is not a modern way to live."

That's just insane BS. And really xenophobic.

Sounds like you don’t have many ethnic immigrant friends with parents around. Or you never traveled to visit any. Oh well for you.

On the contrary, I dated someone from the Middle East for 10 years and visited his family there often. I am also from a culture that cooks a lot, but go ahead and make more assumptions about me.

Cool. So did they cook and eat or just order McDonald’s and pizza or do like taco night/ pasta night/ burger night/ fish night?

[Anonymous]

OP didn’t say can’t cook. She cooked daily for her ex-husband for 15 years and burnt out. That’s different. I’d say it’s a deal breaker and you need to make it clear that you do not like cooking and that should not be expected of you, OP.