40's woman and dating- I don't like to cook! Is this a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know...she might be onto something with the cultural thing...I'm Indian-American (woman) and I am a decent cook. I cook daily, though I don't enjoy it. My mom (local, retired) often cooks things and brings it over to us...she'd happily do it daily if I let her (I don't, because I want her to relax) - its usually time consuming things that I don't have time/interest to do. But the kids really love her cooking so that's why it happens - not because I can't function in the kitchen. Maybe it's the same thing with this guy - grandmothers often show their love in the kitchen.

It’s Ok though, because they will live with you for the their 10-20 years of life. It all works out, then you will cook for her.

[Anonymous]

I dated a Turk who lived close to his parents and she would make meals for him daily. I say run! That on top of cultural issues will drive you crazy.

[Anonymous]

Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

[Anonymous]

So a parent who probably 1) has a full time job, 2) takes care of his children solo, 3) probably takes care of a household solo, and 4) is dating....accepts food on a WEEKLY basis from a family member and suddenly he's a nightmare misogynist who will chain you to the oven with his antiquated cultural traditions?

That's a stretch.

OP - do you have kids?

I am a woman, married with kids & a full time job and if someone made food for us weekly I would cry tears of joy. And I am not a monster. LOL

[Anonymous]

I think it’s nice that the grandma makes food for her son and kids. A way to share cultural heritage with the grandchildren and spend time together. This wouldn’t be a “run the other way” for me. I’d want to see how it played out in reality. Is this just the grandma taking over dinner on Wednesdays and hanging out with the kids while Dad has a weekly late call?

I guess it doesn’t seem that insidious to me. It sounds like a healthy way to spend time with extended family. I would love it if my in laws cooked. I have fond memories of spending time with my grandmother in her kitchen, although I was too young to learn how to make her recipes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

[Anonymous]

Can you at least put on something cute or sexy and stand in the kitchen?

If so, no issues.

[Anonymous]

Women need to step up their game

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

Whatever cooking is not that hard or time consuming in you know what you are doing. Now if you do not cook it can be a sh#t show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and attractive, in shape, and dating. Lately all of the guys I've gone out with have asked right away if I like to cook. I don't. The guy I'm dating now gets homemade meals delivered from his mom weekly (supposedly for his kids, but he eats it too). Is this going to be a problem?

No why would it? You are looking for someone to dating not interviewing to be a home chef.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

It is lived experience.

[Anonymous]

dating is about finding the right fit. For you, that's a man who either likes to cook, is happy buying take out/meal deliver or has other means of bringing food to the table. I personally would be very happy to have delivered home made lebanese food, as long as it didn't signal a completely overthe top parent/adult child enmeshment and overbearing in law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

It is lived experience.

Then frame it as an anecdote and not an across the board generalization that the way "these families" that make "ethnic home-cooking" "is not a modern way to live."

That's just insane BS. And really xenophobic.