40's woman and dating- I don't like to cook! Is this a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone should know how to cook and have a few meal recipes memorized.

Just say that.

Someone your dating has his elderly mother sending meals daily? He cannot figure out how to feed his own kids or meal plan?

OP: his mom is in her 60's, but yes. It sounds more like a cultural tradition though (Lebanese).

If he is from a food-centric family, yes it is going to be a big deal. It is more than just not cooking it is that food is relatively unimportant to you. You will be judged and found wanting. Find a pasty- faced white boy whose Mother microwaved pot pies after a few gin and tonics, you’ll be happier.

Lol no, this is not going to be a big deal. I am middle eastern, food is important, my parents still send me food despite the fact that I love to cook traditional food and am good at it, but a lot of my friends don’t like cooking and their husbands have not left them over it yet.

People are people and allowed to have preferences.

Also posters are completely glossing over the fact that, assuming the grandma is a good cook, OP will get to eat a bunch of delicious homemade cooking.

A grown man should be able to provide meals for his children without his mommy. Who cares if it is cultural? So what he’s a Lebanese manchild then.

Meh. I cook for my family of four every day of my life, but I still love my mom’s cooking, and she cooks for us frequently. Receiving meals from his mom for his kids does not mean he is incapable of cooking.

Yes it does in this context and in the context of dating and being asked immediately if you can cook and tell your date your mom is providing meals for your kids it is safe to assume he is incapable. There is no reason to believe otherwise.

+1. This guy is clearly incapable of cooking and wants a woman to do it for him. Not worth dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone should know how to cook and have a few meal recipes memorized.

Just say that.

Someone your dating has his elderly mother sending meals daily? He cannot figure out how to feed his own kids or meal plan?

OP: his mom is in her 60's, but yes. It sounds more like a cultural tradition though (Lebanese).

OOH I bet that food is good! Lebanese mama. She'd probably continue to send meals even if you two got married. I see this as a positive.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if all of the PPs would be bad mouthing this situation were revised - -- if it were a single mom & kids receiving weekly meals from the grandmother and a man wrote in and said "Am I going to have to cook for her because clearly she doesn't cook?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if all of the PPs would be bad mouthing this situation were revised - -- if it were a single mom & kids receiving weekly meals from the grandmother and a man wrote in and said "Am I going to have to cook for her because clearly she doesn't cook?"

Sorry: revised = reversed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if all of the PPs would be bad mouthing this situation were revised - -- if it were a single mom & kids receiving weekly meals from the grandmother and a man wrote in and said "Am I going to have to cook for her because clearly she doesn't cook?"

I’d tell you she’s just as pathetic as the labanese manchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if all of the PPs would be bad mouthing this situation were revised - -- if it were a single mom & kids receiving weekly meals from the grandmother and a man wrote in and said "Am I going to have to cook for her because clearly she doesn't cook?"

So, a single mom who does not cook and received weekly meals from her dad and asks OP if he's going to cook for her and her kid because she doesn't?

[Anonymous]

I don't know...she might be onto something with the cultural thing...I'm Indian-American (woman) and I am a decent cook. I cook daily, though I don't enjoy it. My mom (local, retired) often cooks things and brings it over to us...she'd happily do it daily if I let her (I don't, because I want her to relax) - its usually time consuming things that I don't have time/interest to do. But the kids really love her cooking so that's why it happens - not because I can't function in the kitchen. Maybe it's the same thing with this guy - grandmothers often show their love in the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone should know how to cook and have a few meal recipes memorized.

Just say that.

Someone your dating has his elderly mother sending meals daily? He cannot figure out how to feed his own kids or meal plan?

OP: his mom is in her 60's, but yes. It sounds more like a cultural tradition though (Lebanese).

And you don't think he will expect you to continue that tradition?

I'm Asian American and grew up in a traditional household where the women cooked. I would never ever date a man who expects this kind of thing. I'm the PP who stated that I didn't know how to cook when my DH and I started dating.

My advice: run.

+1. No serious relationship potential here unless you’re a doormat about “cultural expectations” or whatever you want to call it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and attractive, in shape, and dating. Lately all of the guys I've gone out with have asked right away if I like to cook. I don't. The guy I'm dating now gets homemade meals delivered from his mom weekly (supposedly for his kids, but he eats it too). Is this going to be a problem?

When DH and I started dating , I did not know how to cook. He was 39 at the time. He knew this about me, and he didn't care. He knew how to cook, and actually cooked for me while we were dating. Still does.

The bolded would make me run. The problem is not you not knowing how to cook, but that he's looking for a cook for his kids (and himself).

Eh, I read it as a grandma cooking for her grandkids now that their mom isn’t around. Kinda sweet, assuming she’s local.

If this is anything like the divorced Turkish side of my family, I’d stop rationalizing right now. Not healthy. Too much enabling and codependency up and down the family tree. Divorced uncle did this and then took his Laundry to his old mothers so her nurse could do that and he could eat 3 meals a day there. After she died he tried to move in to his married sons new house but was told no so moved nearby and stops by for food and laundry all the time. Poor new wife plus has a baby now ( a real baby).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone should know how to cook and have a few meal recipes memorized.

Just say that.

Someone your dating has his elderly mother sending meals daily? He cannot figure out how to feed his own kids or meal plan?

OP: his mom is in her 60's, but yes. It sounds more like a cultural tradition though (Lebanese).

If he is from a food-centric family, yes it is going to be a big deal. It is more than just not cooking it is that food is relatively unimportant to you. You will be judged and found wanting. Find a pasty- faced white boy whose Mother microwaved pot pies after a few gin and tonics, you’ll be happier.

Sounds gray. You don’t have to cook. He’s on a special cultural diet and his mother or a restaurant supplies the food and cooking. Excellent. Just like in the old country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and attractive, in shape, and dating. Lately all of the guys I've gone out with have asked right away if I like to cook. I don't. The guy I'm dating now gets homemade meals delivered from his mom weekly (supposedly for his kids, but he eats it too). Is this going to be a problem?

When DH and I started dating , I did not know how to cook. He was 39 at the time. He knew this about me, and he didn't care. He knew how to cook, and actually cooked for me while we were dating. Still does.

The bolded would make me run. The problem is not you not knowing how to cook, but that he's looking for a cook for his kids (and himself).

Eh, I read it as a grandma cooking for her grandkids now that their mom isn’t around. Kinda sweet, assuming she’s local.

Why can't he cook? Why does he need his mommy to cook for him? Don't you think that he will expect his GF/wife to cook for him? Big huge red flag.

The PP specifically said that the grandma makes the food for the kids. And lots of men and women can’t cook, it’s not a character flaw.

It’s lazy, and potentially misogynistic, narcissist, and self inflated.

It’s also not difficult to do. You can make it as easy or tough as you want. But you still can cook a decent meal.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like grandma can watch the kids all the time too. Easy peasy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if all of the PPs would be bad mouthing this situation were revised - -- if it were a single mom & kids receiving weekly meals from the grandmother and a man wrote in and said "Am I going to have to cook for her because clearly she doesn't cook?"

So, a single mom who does not cook and received weekly meals from her dad and asks OP if he's going to cook for her and her kid because she doesn't?

I guess I missed the part where OP’s boyfriend said this? Has OP said anything other than his mom brings food for the kids once a week, and he asked if she likes to cook? Everything else has just been filled in by PPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if all of the PPs would be bad mouthing this situation were revised - -- if it were a single mom & kids receiving weekly meals from the grandmother and a man wrote in and said "Am I going to have to cook for her because clearly she doesn't cook?"

So, a single mom who does not cook and received weekly meals from her dad and asks OP if he's going to cook for her and her kid because she doesn't?

I didn't see anywhere in OP's post that the dad asked OP to cook for him & his kids. Nor did I see that the dad never cooks for himself or the kids. Nor did I see that the dad asked OP if she liked to cook. She said that the guys she dates have asked her, but maybe not this particular one? It's not clear.

People are flaming this dad for accepting meals once a week from his mother. With no other context. Seems like if it were a mom accepting meals once a week from her parent, then there wouldn't be so much animosity. And I am a woman who cooks a lot (I enjoy it) and I consider myself a feminist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if all of the PPs would be bad mouthing this situation were revised - -- if it were a single mom & kids receiving weekly meals from the grandmother and a man wrote in and said "Am I going to have to cook for her because clearly she doesn't cook?"

I know, so many options for cooking for your family while everyone at work or school:

Pre-make meals
Freezer meals
Instapot meals, prepared night before
Teach kids to cook once a week meal
Ordering food
Hello fresh /blue apron meals / grocery story meal kits
Just memorize 6-8 recipes
Have grandma do it all or your GF