40's woman and dating- I don't like to cook! Is this a problem?

[Anonymous]

Men like women who can cook -- bottom line. You don't have to be five-star chef quality, but you should be solid. Tell a man you hate to cook and he sees a lot of take out in his future. Most men will move on. You're too high maintenance, too expensive, too spoiled. You are a walking red flag.

This isn't about "hating" cooking, it's about hating to appear submissive to a man, and catering to him in any way. At least be honest about it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and attractive, in shape, and dating. Lately all of the guys I've gone out with have asked right away if I like to cook. I don't. The guy I'm dating now gets homemade meals delivered from his mom weekly (supposedly for his kids, but he eats it too). Is this going to be a problem?

When DH and I started dating , I did not know how to cook. He was 39 at the time. He knew this about me, and he didn't care. He knew how to cook, and actually cooked for me while we were dating. Still does.

The bolded would make me run. The problem is not you not knowing how to cook, but that he's looking for a cook for his kids (and himself).

Eh, I read it as a grandma cooking for her grandkids now that their mom isn’t around. Kinda sweet, assuming she’s local.

Why can't he cook? Why does he need his mommy to cook for him? Don't you think that he will expect his GF/wife to cook for him? Big huge red flag.

The PP specifically said that the grandma makes the food for the kids. And lots of men and women can’t cook, it’s not a character flaw.

+1

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and attractive, in shape, and dating. Lately all of the guys I've gone out with have asked right away if I like to cook. I don't. The guy I'm dating now gets homemade meals delivered from his mom weekly (supposedly for his kids, but he eats it too). Is this going to be a problem?

When DH and I started dating , I did not know how to cook. He was 39 at the time. He knew this about me, and he didn't care. He knew how to cook, and actually cooked for me while we were dating. Still does.

The bolded would make me run. The problem is not you not knowing how to cook, but that he's looking for a cook for his kids (and himself).

Eh, I read it as a grandma cooking for her grandkids now that their mom isn’t around. Kinda sweet, assuming she’s local.

Why can't he cook? Why does he need his mommy to cook for him? Don't you think that he will expect his GF/wife to cook for him? Big huge red flag.

The PP specifically said that the grandma makes the food for the kids. And lots of men and women can’t cook, it’s not a character flaw.

+1

Not a character flaw. No it’s a very easily learned life skill like tying your shoes and in the context presented would be a red flag to me.

[Anonymous]

After 40 a woman’s cooking is her lovemaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and attractive, in shape, and dating. Lately all of the guys I've gone out with have asked right away if I like to cook. I don't. The guy I'm dating now gets homemade meals delivered from his mom weekly (supposedly for his kids, but he eats it too). Is this going to be a problem?

When DH and I started dating , I did not know how to cook. He was 39 at the time. He knew this about me, and he didn't care. He knew how to cook, and actually cooked for me while we were dating. Still does.

The bolded would make me run. The problem is not you not knowing how to cook, but that he's looking for a cook for his kids (and himself).

Eh, I read it as a grandma cooking for her grandkids now that their mom isn’t around. Kinda sweet, assuming she’s local.

Why can't he cook? Why does he need his mommy to cook for him? Don't you think that he will expect his GF/wife to cook for him? Big huge red flag.

The PP specifically said that the grandma makes the food for the kids. And lots of men and women can’t cook, it’s not a character flaw.

+1

Not a character flaw. No it’s a very easily learned life skill like tying your shoes and in the context presented would be a red flag to me.

The context presented is that the grandma brings food over once a week. That is literally the only thing you know about the situation. If you extrapolate that to “man incapable of cooking” that’s a failure of your own critical thinking ability.

[Anonymous]

[b]

Anonymous wrote:After 40 a woman’s cooking is her lovemaking.[b]



Mille Grazie, Nonna/Nonno.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and attractive, in shape, and dating. Lately all of the guys I've gone out with have asked right away if I like to cook. I don't. The guy I'm dating now gets homemade meals delivered from his mom weekly (supposedly for his kids, but he eats it too). Is this going to be a problem?

When DH and I started dating , I did not know how to cook. He was 39 at the time. He knew this about me, and he didn't care. He knew how to cook, and actually cooked for me while we were dating. Still does.

The bolded would make me run. The problem is not you not knowing how to cook, but that he's looking for a cook for his kids (and himself).

Eh, I read it as a grandma cooking for her grandkids now that their mom isn’t around. Kinda sweet, assuming she’s local.

Why can't he cook? Why does he need his mommy to cook for him? Don't you think that he will expect his GF/wife to cook for him? Big huge red flag.

The PP specifically said that the grandma makes the food for the kids. And lots of men and women can’t cook, it’s not a character flaw.

+1

Not a character flaw. No it’s a very easily learned life skill like tying your shoes and in the context presented would be a red flag to me.

The context presented is that the grandma brings food over once a week. That is literally the only thing you know about the situation. If you extrapolate that to “man incapable of cooking” that’s a failure of your own critical thinking ability.

and asking right away while explaining grandma provides the meals is what gives me pause. no capable individual would have that conversation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and attractive, in shape, and dating. Lately all of the guys I've gone out with have asked right away if I like to cook. I don't. The guy I'm dating now gets homemade meals delivered from his mom weekly (supposedly for his kids, but he eats it too). Is this going to be a problem?

When DH and I started dating , I did not know how to cook. He was 39 at the time. He knew this about me, and he didn't care. He knew how to cook, and actually cooked for me while we were dating. Still does.

The bolded would make me run. The problem is not you not knowing how to cook, but that he's looking for a cook for his kids (and himself).

Eh, I read it as a grandma cooking for her grandkids now that their mom isn’t around. Kinda sweet, assuming she’s local.

Why can't he cook? Why does he need his mommy to cook for him? Don't you think that he will expect his GF/wife to cook for him? Big huge red flag.

The PP specifically said that the grandma makes the food for the kids. And lots of men and women can’t cook, it’s not a character flaw.

+1

Not a character flaw. No it’s a very easily learned life skill like tying your shoes and in the context presented would be a red flag to me.

The context presented is that the grandma brings food over once a week. That is literally the only thing you know about the situation. If you extrapolate that to “man incapable of cooking” that’s a failure of your own critical thinking ability.

and asking right away while explaining grandma provides the meals is what gives me pause. no capable individual would have that conversation

DP - OP never said that the dad asked if she could cook - re-read her post.

[Anonymous]

I mean, asking if you like to cook is kind of like asking if you like to read or what hobbies you are interested or what's your favorite color.

You sound a little insecure that you don't like to cook, OP. Just make it clear to your dates that you don't like to cook. I'm guessing most will be fine with that.

How do you feed yourself? Take out all the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, asking if you like to cook is kind of like asking if you like to read or what hobbies you are interested or what's your favorite color.

You sound a little insecure that you don't like to cook, OP. Just make it clear to your dates that you don't like to cook. I'm guessing most will be fine with that.

How do you feed yourself? Take out all the time?

OP: right now I eat really simple things like tuna on crackers. But when I was married I cooked daily and being responsible for all my exDH's meals (plus all the grocery shopping) was really exhausting.

[Anonymous]

OP, ask him if it is going to be a problem and report back. Sounds like you need to have a broader discussion and get to know him a little more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and attractive, in shape, and dating. Lately all of the guys I've gone out with have asked right away if I like to cook. I don't. The guy I'm dating now gets homemade meals delivered from his mom weekly (supposedly for his kids, but he eats it too). Is this going to be a problem?

To me it would be a major red flag and a problem to date someone whose mother cooks his food still, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ask him if it is going to be a problem and report back. Sounds like you need to have a broader discussion and get to know him a little more?

It would be nice if OP could clarify whether this particular guy even asked her whether she likes to cook. And if he did, what was that conversation like?

If someone asked me that, and I didn’t like to cook, I’d just be like “Not really, how about you?” And just go from there. Maybe bond over how much takeout you two will be ordering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, asking if you like to cook is kind of like asking if you like to read or what hobbies you are interested or what's your favorite color.

You sound a little insecure that you don't like to cook, OP. Just make it clear to your dates that you don't like to cook. I'm guessing most will be fine with that.

How do you feed yourself? Take out all the time?

OP: right now I eat really simple things like tuna on crackers. But when I was married I cooked daily and being responsible for all my exDH's meals (plus all the grocery shopping) was really exhausting.

Then it sounds like the convo you raise should be if the man you are dating likes cooking/shopping, too.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Curious what cuisines he eats, if any, besides Lebanese?

That's the thing. The men I know (my husband included) who grew up with mommy's traditional home cooked food that takes all day to make usually have high expectations in a proper meal is. My husband would rather starve than make himself a sandwich. They are used to having a woman spending hours in the kitchen and keeping the fridge full with a variety of dishes. My MIL still gives us dozens of frozen containers of food every time we see her. She also forces me to peel bags of onions and chop veggies for hours when she comes visit. But that's another story...

All of this. I don’t think the average American truly gets how labor intensive and all-consuming some ethnic home-cooking is. Every single holiday and get-together revolves around intricate dishes. These families don’t run a Turkey Trot 5k after Thanksgiving, they don’t go to restaurants for Mother’s Day brunch. Yes, it can be a beautiful and delicious testament to love for family but it is not really a modern way to live.

DP. Wow. Stereotype much? That's a lot of cultural bias.

It is lived experience.

Then frame it as an anecdote and not an across the board generalization that the way "these families" that make "ethnic home-cooking" "is not a modern way to live."

That's just insane BS. And really xenophobic.

I'm the PP before that. I don't know about the "modern" part but it is absolutely true and not just in my family. The first time I cooked with my MIL were actively cooking from 10 am to midnight (cleaning up). Not counting going to the many stores to find the right type ingredients. It's labor intensive. Peeling black eyed peas, frying patries, soaking dried plants and fish, boiling unusual animal parts. The upside is that you have food for a week or more, and we also bring it to family members. All the African immigrant families we know function like that. I can imagine lots of people from Asian or other continents would do the same. There's nothing wrong with it, to the contrary. But yes, labor intensive and a woman's work that's often taken for granted.